As Summer begins to wind down, so does the majority of dating activity – or at least I hope not. I tried to pack as much as I could into the short time I had while my son was on his Summer vacation. I met some real interesting girls. Some I wished could’ve worked out, some I’m glad didn’t, and others that are at least good for a good story.
Well, just as I started to think things with Justine were headed to a more serious/committed status, I get blindsided by the trust monster. She hid her Match profile because some guys were getting a little creepy (nothing new) and left it hidden while we were dating. Several times I had mentioned that I hadn’t even checked my profile since our second date, when I decided to focus on her. And my intention was not to check it – period – as long as I was still dating her, regardless of any emails, winks or other contacts I received.
This weekend, that apparently wasn’t good enough and caused a serious rift. The other night, we had said our “goodnights” and a while later I got a message after I had been asleep for a while. It was about 1 a.m. and she texted that she couldn’t sleep and was just messing around on the computer. I didn’t think much of it. Then a little bit later, I got a message going on about how foolish she felt that she had her profile hidden while I did not. It evolved (or devolved, as it may be) into a situation where I was leaving it up because I was still looking for someone better.
First, anyone who knows anything about how Match works know that you just have to look at my profile and it will tell you how long it has been since I last logged into the site, for whatever reason. So anyone could tell it had been over a week since I had last logged in. But that wasn’t good enough, nor the issue – apparently. Now comes the rub. How would she know whether or not my profile was hidden or not? Answer: she was on the site.
The glaring double-standard here was enough to cause good bit of turbulence. As I could feel my blood pressure rise as she tried to make her point as to why this was something I was doing wrong, I opted to let things rest and not address them while I was at my peak of emotion and tired. I said I would talk more about it the next day, but that wasn’t satisfactory. By the time I woke up the next day, I had about 10 more text messages and a voicemail all in variety of tones ranging from apologetic to angry and all shades in between.
So when we finally got a chance to talk about it, the common sense approach didn’t go as well as I thought it might. My opinion was, the only way she knew my profile wasn’t hidden was because she was on the site when she said she wasn’t going to be and had her profile hidden. Her excuse was that she was still receiving messages and communications from the site even though she had her profile hidden and she wanted to find out why. She did mention a few days ago that she was going to check it out, so I figured she did it then. I was also curious that she was on the site after 1 a.m. and what she actually did on the site. When she told me that she also read the messages and spent more time on the site perusing around, that was kind of the tipping point for me.
I could not, for the life of me, figure out why all of this was my fault. I even addressed the fact that we had never discussed me hiding my profile. So, for me, from my point of view, me not visiting the site was a clear and obvious commitment to her and not anyone else. And for her to accuse me of other motives while she was checking out messages on the site from other men she had been in previous contact with, seemed rather hypocritical to me.
But that wasn’t the end. As the conversation went on and I tried to state my case, she made the threat/warning/comment that if I was on the site, she would find out because women have their ways. She went on to say that she had other ways to find out if I was checking out the site and that she has friends who might check in on my profile to see what I was doing. What?? She basically just said she was going to spy on me. We’ve only been dating a couple of weeks and we are already at the spying stage? I didn’t get to that stage until the very end of my marriage.
And that wasn’t the first sign of trust issues with her. So, we had to have a little chat. I cancelled our plans for the weekend because I wanted time to process things. My plan wasn’t to call everything off and break up. But my request for space – with the promise that things would be better after a little time – wasn’t respected. Instead, I kept getting pestered, including overnight as I slept. That was when she went overboard and said she thought we were broken up. More texts and voicemails followed the next day, and it just got to obsessive. So now, we have to have another “big talk” and it is really getting to the point where I am finding it hard to see staying together.
I just can’t handle distrust so early. I understand some people are different than I am, and have an initial distrust or caution, which is understandable. But don’t automatically throw you distrust issues on me when I haven’t done anything to deserve that kind of scrutiny yet. I am the type of person where I will automatically trust you (to a certain level) from the beginning until you do something to prove otherwise.
So it doesn’t look like things will go as well as I thought they might. Then again, her reaction to our discussion about how things will be once school starts also led me to believe we might not last long after school started. But I was still willing to wait it out and see if we couldn’t work it out.
Well, with all that out there and things apparently on the outs and her still checking Match, what should I do? Yep, that’s right, I checked out Match again. And what do you think I found? Georgia was back on Match.
It was rather disheartening, mainly for the reason that I truly believed her when she told me that she thought she wasn’t ready to date again after her last major relationship. It made sense and didn’t totally catch me off guard. My response to her was that I understood and that if she changed her mind to let me know because I would really like to see her again. Before she told me that, her profile was hidden (since before our first date) because she was avoiding some creepy guys. And when I checked Match again, it showed that her profile was available again and active within the last hour (which means she was just on). I was also a little bummed because I really would have preferred things worked out with her, and not have to move onto other girls. But, what’s a guy to do?
Lastly, since I need to wrap this up, the last two date reviews I have yet to post are of Abigail and Constance. I have waited to do those until the end because both of those are not just first date reviews, they are more of a relationship review since both lasted longer than just a few dates. So I will synopsis them to encapsulate the whole relationship.
Thank you for following along, and stay tuned for more.