This looks familiar, have I been down this road before?

So, it’s been two weeks of dating Mona (closer to four weeks if you add all the time talking leading up to the first date). Things have been really good. Seen each other a few times, talk/chat dozens of times every day, all that good stuff.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today before I went out of town for the weekend with my son and brother, as well as some other friends, for our annual boys’ football weekend. The reasoning behind it was that I didn’t want two weeks to pass between seeing each other. She has her girls this weekend and has family plans as well. So I figured a little quick get together would be good.

But for some unknown reason, all morning I had this gut instinct that she was going to cancel. I have no idea why, but I did. I didn’t say anything to hear about it or doing anything to alter my normal Friday plan. I dropped my son off at school, read books to his class this morning, and then came home to clean up the house before getting ready to go to lunch.

She was wrapping up the training seminar at her work today that was introducing new products to their line. She said she would be done about noon, so I planned accordingly. About 11 a.m. I started getting ready.

That gut feeling was still lingering. Then about 11:30 a.m., I get this:

Mona: Hi… u r going to be mad at me. ūüė¶

Me: Why?

Mona: But I will make it up to u if u aren’t mad.!
Mona: I won’t make lunch
Mona: But it’s for a good reason!

I told her I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t mad either. I understood and it was fine. Though I didn’t really understand because I still don’t know what the “good reason” was. But anyway … then she said.

Mona: I will make it up to u by going on even more dates with u!!

Playfully I asked for that in a binding contract and asked if those “more dates” are dates she wouldn’t have normally gone on with me. It seems doing saying you will do something you were going to do anyway isn’t really doing anything to “make it up” to someone. Just sayin’.

So after some more back-and-forth, I asked when she wanted to get together again, hoping she would say something like “come over to watch football on Sunday” or ‘how about lunch Monday.” Instead she said “maybe we can shoot for next weekend sometime.”

Duh! I’d already mentioned on our last date that my ex was going to be in town that weekend for his baseball games and she would have him the whole weekend, so I would be free to do whatever she wanted. So again, that’s not anything new, different, or extra.

I know it is different, and it truly does feel different, but there is that part of my psyche that is trying to link this to what happened with Ellen. And to be completely honest, I can’t remember a time ever getting cancelled on ended up well. So maybe I’m lumping all of that baggage on Mona unfairly. But let’s face it, I really don’t want to wait another week to see if she is actually going to follow through with it or not.

I have every indication to think that she will, but there is a part of me that is beginning to question that.

How do you feel when you’ve been cancelled on by someone you’ve been seeing for a little while? Not a first date or someone you are clearly exclusive with, but someone you are just starting out with.

Honestly, I’m a little weirded out. And ladies, here’s how you can tell if you’re guy is interested in just you or has other options out there. If you cancel on him and he doesn’t seem to care, that is generally a pretty good sign he has other girls on stand-by waiting to fill your spot. But if you cancel and he gets upset or seems genuinely wounded, that probably means you’re it on his list and you just torched his plans for the day, evening or whatever.

So why is this bothering me so much?

I’m pretty sure it’s that old self-defense thing kicking in. There is/was a lot of potential with her, more than I can say I’ve had with any others (except maybe Abigail, but I already said that before), and to be frank, I don’t want to have to go back out there and give it another try with someone else again for a while. I’m getting wore out by this dating thing.

And sometimes I am just a pessimist at heart. I have always had a bad knack of being a pessimist when things get questionable, that way, when things work out, they look so much better, or when they fail, then I was kind of expecting it and it doesn’t hurt so bad.

So help me out here. Is there any reason for concern or am I just being overly pessimistic right now? Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks for reading.

Advertisements

The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too

Ok, this is where my whiny/needy side comes out. Deal with it. Us guys have soft sides too, ya know.

I know the game. I know the protocol. I know the rules. I am a firm believer in the code of chivalry.

But that doesn’t mean I like it. Sometimes, I really hate it.

I know it is the man’s job to woo the woman and take the lead. But here is a realistic fact that doesn’t get much attention, men like a little “wooing” too.

I know most of the dating advice sites (and dating mythology) say women shouldn’t initiate contact. I get that, but only at the beginning. Once you’ve established that you talk every day – dozens of times a day – it shouldn’t be the man’s job to initiate contact every time, whether it is talk, text or email.

Girls like to know the guy is interested and want to talk to them, that is the basis for the “rule” of the guy initiating the contact. Girls want to be wooed, pursued, chased, courted, whatever you want to call it. I get it.

But after a while, guys like to get a little attention too, believe it or not. You ladies have no idea how much return on just a little investment of an occasional text out of the blue saying “good morning” or “I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Hi”.

After a certain point, guys start to question whether you’re really interested or just being polite by responding when they text you first. It may just be a festering question at first, but the longer it persists, the more questioning and self-doubt creeps in. Remember my issue with Ellen?

Before I go any further, let me explain that I am not complaining about taking too long to respond or anything like that. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and cannot be held to a timetable. I am busy and can’t always respond quickly, and I don’t expect any different from the girls I date and talk to.

If I haven’t explained this about myself yet, I guess now would be a good time. I tend to be a very “romantic” type of guy. I enjoy doing little special things, like flowers, surprise visits, picking up something you’ve had your eye on for a while at the store, and all sorts of other little surprises to let my girl know I care about her. And the more affection I get from my girl, the more I want to exponentially reciprocate that. But when I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or whatever, I don’t feel like doing those special things.

I will say good morning every morning and goodnight every night – no matter where I am or what I am doing. I try not to expect anything in return.

But those times when my girl beats me to the punch in the morning with a “good morning,” or sends me a text in the middle of her busy day just to say “I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you” mean more than any gift or grand gesture could. Just knowing confidently that she is interested makes things so much easier.

Ladies, it may go against your nature (then again it may not), but doing something small like that for your man may make all the difference in your relationship. Forget about sex, this is much more powerful than that.

Guys may try to act like they are made of steel and super tough, but really, all guys want to know they are appreciated, adored, respected and loved, just like women do.

So try it sometime, ladies. And see what happens.

Huge sports night and I miss it to be with Mona

I don’t miss big sporting events for just anything or anyone!

Every woman in my life knows there are certain games and events ¬†that take precedent over everything (except child-birth, weddings, anniversaries and birthdays). I am not going shopping, out to dinner, to a friend’s house or anywhere else.

Saturday night, Alabama was playing Johnny Manziel (that little punk) and Texas A&M, my favorite team was in a crucial baseball series with playoff implications on the line, my alma mater was having its biggest rivalry game of the year, and Floyd Mayweather was fighting on pay-per-view. Normally, I’d be at a Buffalo Wild Wings trying to watch all of them at once.

However, this was the only night this weekend I was going to be able to see Mona again. So a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. If I miss these sporting events, nothing will really change. But if I don’t take advantage of this opportunity with Mona, that could be it, and I’d possible lose out on seeing her ever again.

I’ve had too much fun talking to her, and had such a great time hanging out with her the other day, I wasn’t about to risk something with that much potential.

During our conversations, it came up that she loves horror movies and no one will go with her to see them. So we talked about go to see the new horror movie, Insidious 2, and then we thought about going to the drive in where they were showing Insidious 2 and The Conjuring. I’m not much a horror movie fan, I think most of them are kind of dumb and very predictable. But I wanted to see The Conjuring and never had the chance to go see it. When she heard that, she was all about going to see The Conjuring. Well, since we decided against the drive-in because neither of us would be able to get our kids from the babysitters until after ¬†1 a.m., I found a local theater that was still playing The Conjuring (even though it comes out on DVD in a few weeks).

I was real playful about it. I told her that if we went to see it, she had better be ready for me to latch on to her or jump into her lap when I get scared. She was playful about it in return. A pretty good sign.

We went out to eat and then to the movie. It was the oldest theater I have been in in more than 10 years. No stadium seating. The screen was small. We sat in the 3rd row just to get close enough to see it. I mean, it would have probably looked better on my TV at home. She (forcibly) bought the snacks at the theater. She knew it goes against my principles to let her pay for anything, without at least clearly stating it ahead of time.

Yes, during the early phase of dating, I won’t let a woman pay for anything on a date, unless it has been discussed before the date. I won’t let her get the check, pay for movie tickets, or anything else once we’re on a date. Now, if she wants to pay, then just say something before we go out, like “hey, I’ve got dinner tonight” or “The movie is on me this time.” Stuff like that.

During the movie, we got very close, without me actually putting my arm around her or holding hands.  She leaned into me quite a few times and then eventually just stayed that close to me.

After the movie we headed back to the restaurant where we ate, which was near the theater, because she left her car there and rode with me to the theater.  Back at the restaurant, we decided to go back in for a few drinks and talk for a while before we each had to get our kids.

She is so easy and fun to talk to. We talked about everything from our bad online dating experiences to catching up on the sports scores from the day. If I didn’t mention it before, she is a big baseball and football fan but loves all sports. So lots of our regular conversations have to do with sports, which is so cool.

On a side note, one thing we talked about was her perfume. She always smells so amazing, it’s almost distracting. In case you were wondering, she said it was Victoria’s Secret Bombshell.

When it was time to leave, we lingered in the parking lot for a while longer talking. We hugged once goodbye, and then talked some more. I am not talking a friendly hug you give to someone after an average date. I’m talking a deep hug like something you exchange after a passionate kiss (minus the actually kiss).

We started talking about when we would see each other again. She has her kids this weekend and I will be out of town. She mentioned that eventually, likely after another date or two, we might start doing things with the kids sometimes. We kicked around a few ideas, and then I said, a minimum I will go visit her for lunch sometime this week before I go out of town. Basically, we tried to figure out how to see each other this week, and next weekend we would be able to plan something because my ex will be in town visiting my son, giving me free time to spend more time with her. We hugged again (just like the first), but managed to talk for a little while longer.

This time she brought up how much she appreciated how respectful I was. She mentioned how she has only been with three lovers before and wants to take things slow. She was very put off by a guy who tried to aggressively kiss her on their first date, which she had told me previously, so I knew to kind of take it slow with her. And she said she wants to make sure the person she is with wants to be with her for her, not for the sex or whatever.

I told her that I was good with that because I saw a lot of potential with her and I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to make things work. She was very appreciative of that, and we hugged one last time. But this time seemed even more meaningful and longer than the others. It was real nice, though I do admit I really wanted to kiss her. But she said that would come – sooner than later, she promised.

We finally both departed to get our kids. Once we got home, we still chatted for a while before going to bed. Today was a great day of chatting all day through all of the football games and our team’s baseball game today. She was hanging out at her parent’s house all day with her family and kids, so it was nice to know she was making that much time for me.

Something I never discussed her was our Match online profiles because I didn’t know exactly what she thought about where we were, since it was still a little early to expect that conversation. But I had received an exceptional number of notifications from Match this weekend, so I logged onto Match to clear them out, plus a few other reasons. That’s when I noticed she had hidden or removed her profile. Normally, when someone hides their profile, it still shows up in certain areas. But her profile no longer shows up anywhere that I can find. Since I seriously doubt she blocked me, it looks like she may have completely removed her profile. I’m not exactly sure what to make of it, but it seems like a pretty good sign. But I have been wrong before.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

What the hell just happened? Lola just self-destructed

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much weirder, they do.

Things have been going well with Lola and we were even making anytime we could just to hang out together casually.

But then last night everything literally self-destructed – for no apparent reason.

The downside to spending so much time with Lola, has been my schoolwork has been suffering a little bit and I haven’t been keeping up with it as well as I probably should have. Well this week I have already had a test, and have two papers due. So needless to say, my free time has been a little scarce this week.

But I still managed to chat/talk with her as often as I could; during my breaks before/after my son’s baseball games, etc. I wasn’t talking to her as much as I had in the past, but I definitely wasn’t ignoring her either.

Then last night, after I got home after class and picking up my son, I got a series of three emails from her in real quick succession. It was apparently one big email she must have written on her old Blackberry phone and it broke it up into three parts, because the breaks weren’t what you would expect if she did them on purpose.

It started off talking about how she was going through her emails and enjoyed reading them from when we first started to get to know each other exactly a month ago. Then she started talking about she thinks I’ve changed somehow recently and she wanted to know if I thought if there was any potential in our relationship. She confessed to not knowing how to handle dating a single dad, but she was sure something was different between us. Of course there’s more to it, but I’m not trying to make this super long. You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t immediately respond. First, I was kind of caught off guard by it. Plus, I was busy with getting my schoolwork done, helping my son with his schoolwork, making dinner … all that sort of parental stuff. And I was also trying to think about exactly how to respond. I wanted to make sure to convey that nothing was wrong, I was still interested in her, and that maybe I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle being a single dad who is actively dating, since it’s all still relatively new to me.

But before I could get to formulating my response, I got another email from her.

This one basically said that she was sure she wasn’t going to hear from me again for some reason, she wished things could’ve been different, she enjoyed being together, and stuff like that. Basically, it was a goodbye letter.

I still haven’t responded to her yet. I am not sure what exactly to say at this point. I mean, clearly there are some issues coming out now and maybe I don’t want to try to resolve it. She’s been great and all, but this is just plain weird.

I might still just send her something because I don’t like just leaving things without saying something. And I want to clear the air a bit so she understands better where I am at and what is going on. Then again, maybe that will just be pointless.

Maybe it is just selective memory, but I don’t remember dating being this difficult and crazy before.

Mona: Baseball mom knocks it out of the park

Hello everyone. I’m writing this tonight, even though my attention span is being pulled in lots of directions with homework, my son, and flipping between Monday Night Football and baseball games. But I wanted to get this knocked out while it was all fresh in my mind.

Background: Mona contacted me a while ago on Match, but I really didn’t pursue her until just recently. When she first contacted me, there were lots of other things going on: Justine just ended, things with Krystal just started, I started talking to Lola, and then there was the whole Winky thing.

Even though she was very attractive in her profile pictures, she had very little written in her profile so there wasn’t a lot to go on. But as things unfolded with the other ladies, she always managed to stay on the fringe. If you know anything about Match, there are several ways to indicate your interest without actually writing a message. I guess keeping her female pride in tact, she exhausted all of those options over the course of a few weeks without actually breaking down and messaging me.

So, finally, I dropped her a line to say “Hi”, and I must say it was one of more shorter, yet more clever introductory emails. I hate this part of online dating. The Dreaded First Contact Email, especially when Match makes you use a stupid Subject line. She mentioned being a single mom drowning in an ocean of Barbies. My message played off that, being a single parent with a boy with an army of action figures carpeting my house. That, and the fact that we are big baseball fans, was all it took to getting things rolling quickly.

She is 42 with a 21-year-old son who plays competitive amateur baseball, and she loves baseball and football. She also has two younger daughters, 4 & 6. She’s about 5’8″ with great brown eyes, naturally wavy brown hair, and a terrific, fit but not muscular, body (from what I could tell). I got a good initial hug, and there was no cause for any concern.

She gave me her phone number in her initial response because she isn’t sure how much longer she wants to hang around Match (a very very common sentiment these days). So we started texting and talking within hours of that and things have been rolling very nicely.

The Date: As you know, I’ve been a proponent of the “quickie date” recently after too many questionable experiences. Couple that with my crazy schedule, and spending time with Lola, I really don’t know when my next free “date night” will be. So I suggested a lunch date with Mona near her work. She thought that was a great idea and we met today at a restaurant near her office, which is about an hour from my house.

She showed up in a very lovely form-fitting white blouse with jeans that fit perfectly. She looked just like her pictures, but in person that feels so much better. Like I said, we exchanged a very nice hug and she seemed very excited for the date. She had seemed rather excited for it over the last few days, even while she was out of town celebrating her son’s 21st birthday. So things were off to a very good start.

For the hour we were together, we talked mostly about our kids. I felt like I had a constant smile on my face, and looked the same way. We were so focused on each other we nearly forgot to order lunch. The servers were very understanding and patient with us. We were showing each other pictures of our kids like a couple of grandparents showing off their grandkids, and she even moved over to my side of the booth and sat real close to me showing me videos of her son playing baseball.

As it was happening, her sitting that close to me seemed like a very big deal (a good sign), but then the pessimistic side of my brain started downplaying it like it was no big. What do you think? A good sign or not a big deal?

She even commented how impressed she was that I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time, except when we were sharing pictures, because some guys she had recently been out with had their phones out and were paying attention to them instead of paying attention to her.

Idiots!! Even if I had my phone on the table, I wouldn’t have touched it, ¬†because I was so into her. She’s so beautiful and engaging, any guy paying attention to anything else doesn’t deserve a girl like that.

The hour went by way too fast. She had to go because she had a client to meet with. We could have easily spent another hour there just talking. It was very easy and natural.

I walked her to her car and we just kept talking, both of still with smiles on our faces. We both agreed that we need to find a time very soon to get together again for a “real” date with more time together.

Post Date: Since the date actually took place this afternoon, I don’t have a lot of “post date” information for you. I texted her on my way home thanking her for the date and telling her what a good time I had and that I really wanted to get together again. She concurred and we talked about everything from looking like our profile pictures to watching the football and baseball games on TV tonight.

I know I’ve had a few good dates recently. But since January this has to clearly be the best. Yes, the date was good, but the conversations, the things we talk about, the things we have in common, etc., make it a lot more than just a good date. Plus she even fits what I have been looking for physically.

In regards to potential, she has the most of any of them so far (since Abigail). So much, that I would easily consider deleting all of my dating site profiles in a heartbeat if she asked. Of course that is something that won’t be addressed for a while yet, but I’m just sayin’.

However, my pessimistic side is creeping up again, leading me to think this is going to go more like Ellen. She seemed to be a complete packaged deal with lots of potential, but just faded away after the first date and nothing ever amounted from it. Call me overly pessimistic, but that’s the way it is sometimes.

Grade: A (could be a +, we’ll see)

Called it quits with Krystal, the swinging has stopped

Dodging bullets like Neo.
Dodging bullets like Neo.

Well, that’s that.

Enough is enough.

The last week or so I’ve felt like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix, as Krystal has been bombarding me with messages about finding time to get together sometime.

After our last talk, I have not really been interested in seeing her again because things were just getting too weird. ¬†First, I found out she wasn’t honest about the situation when we first agreed to get together, and instead of just wanting a friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship – like she said initially – she wanted more of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Well, some guys may be ok with that, but if I’m going to have a “girlfriend” I want a REAL girlfriend, not a married one. I want to be able to introduce her to my parents, friends and go all sorts of places in public without having to make up lies or be afraid of getting caught. ¬†Then she wanted to start coming to my son’s baseball games and come over to the house after he’s asleep. I’m not comfortable with either one of those things and had to do my best to deflect or say “No” without being too rude about it. We’ve been exchanging a few texts the past few days because she wanted to come over Saturday night after my son was asleep. I hadn’t responded to it yet, because I was really planning out my exit strategy. Then finally tonight, I had the perfect opportunity to execute that plan. The conversation went like this: Krystal: Are you not interested anymore? Me: It’s not that I’m not interested anymore. Me: To be honest, it’s because when we started this, I was under the impression things were different than they are. You told me you wanted a FWB and that you were “happily married” and he knew most of everything. Maybe not all. Now, we talk, and it’s apparent you want more of boyfriend, you’re not happily married, and he knows almost nothing about what’s going on. Krystal: OK Me: You’re married, so we can’t be boyfriend/girlfriend. And I’m not going to “play” in those parameters of boyfriend/girlfriend when you can’t really be my girlfriend. If I’m going to have a girlfriend, I want a legitimate one. It’s just a lot to take in and I’m not sure how comfortable with it all I am. I’m sorry about that. Krystal: That’s OK. I understand. However, it seems to easy. So either I will hear from her again tomorrow or this weekend, trying to explain herself and get a second chance, or she’s already found another “player” and really isn’t that broken up about it. Either way, as long as it’s over, that’s all that matters to me now. Especially with two – maybe three – more potential dates looming in the next week or so, on top of things currently going on with Lola. I also heard from “Winky” again today and we’re still feeling things out trying to find a time to get together. Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Update on the Justine Conspiracy

Sorry to disappoint you, but lunch today came and went and I had not heard a word from Winky, so there was no lunch date. I suggested some options for lunch to Winky the other day and heard no response. And this afternoon when I checked Match again, both Winky and Justine were showing they were both “Active within 3 days.” The conspiracy continues.

About 9:30 p.m. tonight I finally got a message from her, saying she didn’t get the message in time but wanted to meet for lunch tomorrow. Well, I’m not free tomorrow, but maybe Friday. So we will see what happens.

And after checking Justine’s status, she has apparently logged into her profile sometime this evening (sometime after 5 p.m.). Just coincidence or pure conspiracy?? We shall see.