The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too

Ok, this is where my whiny/needy side comes out. Deal with it. Us guys have soft sides too, ya know.

I know the game. I know the protocol. I know the rules. I am a firm believer in the code of chivalry.

But that doesn’t mean I like it. Sometimes, I really hate it.

I know it is the man’s job to woo the woman and take the lead. But here is a realistic fact that doesn’t get much attention, men like a little “wooing” too.

I know most of the dating advice sites (and dating mythology) say women shouldn’t initiate contact. I get that, but only at the beginning. Once you’ve established that you talk every day – dozens of times a day – it shouldn’t be the man’s job to initiate contact every time, whether it is talk, text or email.

Girls like to know the guy is interested and want to talk to them, that is the basis for the “rule” of the guy initiating the contact. Girls want to be wooed, pursued, chased, courted, whatever you want to call it. I get it.

But after a while, guys like to get a little attention too, believe it or not. You ladies have no idea how much return on just a little investment of an occasional text out of the blue saying “good morning” or “I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Hi”.

After a certain point, guys start to question whether you’re really interested or just being polite by responding when they text you first. It may just be a festering question at first, but the longer it persists, the more questioning and self-doubt creeps in. Remember my issue with Ellen?

Before I go any further, let me explain that I am not complaining about taking too long to respond or anything like that. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and cannot be held to a timetable. I am busy and can’t always respond quickly, and I don’t expect any different from the girls I date and talk to.

If I haven’t explained this about myself yet, I guess now would be a good time. I tend to be a very “romantic” type of guy. I enjoy doing little special things, like flowers, surprise visits, picking up something you’ve had your eye on for a while at the store, and all sorts of other little surprises to let my girl know I care about her. And the more affection I get from my girl, the more I want to exponentially reciprocate that. But when I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or whatever, I don’t feel like doing those special things.

I will say good morning every morning and goodnight every night – no matter where I am or what I am doing. I try not to expect anything in return.

But those times when my girl beats me to the punch in the morning with a “good morning,” or sends me a text in the middle of her busy day just to say “I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you” mean more than any gift or grand gesture could. Just knowing confidently that she is interested makes things so much easier.

Ladies, it may go against your nature (then again it may not), but doing something small like that for your man may make all the difference in your relationship. Forget about sex, this is much more powerful than that.

Guys may try to act like they are made of steel and super tough, but really, all guys want to know they are appreciated, adored, respected and loved, just like women do.

So try it sometime, ladies. And see what happens.

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5 thoughts on “The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too”

  1. So true! I’m actually quite the opposite. I’m really big on initiating conversations. Online-I’ll be the first to message you. At a bar-I’ll be the first one to talk to you. I actually love being first contact! A lot of girls have this notion that you’re NOT supposed to ever talk to a guy. Like, you HAVE to wait and see if he messages you first. I still fall into this trap sometimes, but I usually knock myself out of it and go in for the kill

    1. Thanks! I might have someone you need to talk to. 😉 But, generally, I am fine with that “first contact” theory right at the beginning. But after a while it just makes it look like you/they are not interested. And I hate playing the game of “conversation chicken”; waiting them out to see if they will say something first. Because I think if you want to say something to someone, then just say it. It doesn’t matter who says something first. Same should apply to women.

      1. That’s SO true. I just don’t think women understand that. A lot of them just don’t want to come off as “crazy” or overbearing. I think men and women are so confused about each other that this is why so many people are single. Half of these people are hangin’ out on the other end of a phone wondering if they should call the person they’re interested in, while the other half already found someone else. I try to convince my girlfriends to reach out to the guys. I’m trying to start a revolution here! TRYING!

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