Phoebe: Hello tall nurse

If you want to judge that I’m already dating (what you think might be) so soon after breaking up with Olive, go ahead. I’ll sleep just fine knowing I hung onto a dead relationship for months hoping to see signs of life. But now it’s time to move on and live my life.

The first opportunity I had was with a tall blonde nurse, Phoebe. She is one of the few girls I’ve dated who is actually older than me, and she is also one of the more attractive ones. Did I mention she was tall? She’s 5’11 which is the absolute max for any girl I date. Remember, I don’t date girls taller than me and in heels she’ll be right at my height.

We talked for a few days before setting up a time to actually meet. We opted to meet at a Starbucks located between us on a Saturday morning. There was a little corner blocked off by the counter with two really nice padded high-back chairs. It was a cozy little setting to just sit and talk.

The conversation was very easy and natural, and no awkward silences. Before we knew it, it was time to wrap it up because we both had other plans set for the afternoon. As we said goodbye, she initiated the hug – which was a pleasant surprise – and we both went our ways. Less than 30 minutes later she texted me thanking me for getting together, coincidentally as I was typing a similar text to her. I told her I would like to see her again, if she was interested. And we talked every day for a while via text and even a few phone calls.

She doesn’t have a lot of time to talk – as a nurse – due to the fact that she works for a short-staffed state prison hospital. She works lots of 12-hour days and 60-70 hour weeks. She has two adopted boys from her marriage. I don’t know why she didn’t have kids of her own, I didn’t ask.

She went out of town a while ago and we didn’t talk for a few days. Then after she got back talking was very sporadic, and again, it ended up feeling like she was only talking to me in response to messages I sent her. We’ve talked about this before. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from her, so at this point I’m guessing talking to me isn’t on her to-do list, so I’m pretty sure that’s where this one ends.

If something changes, I’ll be sure to let you know. Otherwise, stay tuned for more dating adventures or mis-adventures. There are few blips on the radar, so maybe I’ll have something more interesting to post soon.

Thanks for reading!!

Closing the chapter on Olive

The train that I saw coming a few months ago has finally arrived at the station … and departed. Olive and I broke up.

It was nothing spectacular; no fireworks, no screaming and/or crying, no cheating, nothing noteworthy like that. It just died a slow death.

Not wanting to break up on or right before Mother’s Day or during her work trip, I waited until she got back. We hardly talked during her work trip and hardly spoke once she returned. When she finally called, we both knew things were just not compatible anymore. She started off by asking “Are we still dating?” and my response was “It doesn’t feel like it.”

We discussed how I was feeling about her pulling away and not showing me that she was back into the relationship – and it had been more than three months since things were any sort of “normal” between us. That is also the time when we had the conversation about me being strict and whether that would affect our long-term relationship and she blew up on a tangent.

A month later we went out with her co-workers, and it just never fault right. We really weren’t acting like a couple. She came over that night and argued about things and she stayed the night (without any sex or intimacy). The month leading up to that, I made it a point to let her know that I was still interested and wanted to be with her and spend time with her so there would be no doubt about where I stood.  See the post updating this in more detail here.

Things only got worse from there. When I brought that up, she stated that she was waiting for me to make a move. I restated that it was she that pulled away, and I was waiting for a sign (ANY SIGN) showing that things were back on the mend. But nothing. There were no spikes in the relationship after that point. Our conversations became very basic and friendly. We had morphed into just friends.  There were no more “I love you”s, no more “I miss you”s, nothing.

We both confessed that we had been contemplating this move for a few weeks and just couldn’t get around to actually pulling the plug.

We left it open to still eventually be friends, when she is feeling up to it (if ever). That is not how I normally deal with breakups. Normally, I just cut the anchor loose and never intend to have any further contact with it. Usually when breakups lead to “friendships” someone retains some sort of residual feelings and only maintain the relationship as a potential opportunity to get back together.

It actually went well – as breakups go. We actually civilly talked it through. But we will see how things evolve over the next few days.

And No – there isn’t another girl. At least not yet. But I will be dusting off and updating my Match profile, so there might be something on the horizon.

So stay tuned for any upcoming dating updates. And as always, thank you for reading!

My Take: Women show true colors with DadBod debate

I find this new “DadBod” (Dad Body) phenomenon intriguing. It is something that hits close to home and I finally started to feel good about myself because I don’t have the body I did when I was 25. I’m over 40 and my defined 20-something body has faded into a softer version of its former self and I have added 4 inches on my waist since I turned 21. In no way am I fat, or would I consider my self fat or out of shape, but I don’t look as good as I used to.

Then this “DadBod” thing came along.

I have been totally onboard for the media to portray the female body in a more realistic way, and not just the Victoria’s Secret supermodel type. And as an older guy, I totally feel the average woman’s pain when the media says the the male body should have large arms, a six-pack and the pelvic V-shape.

Then this “DadBod” thing came along.

Seeing several stories talking about the new focus on the softer male body, and not the muscle-head look, sparked a fire of hope that my assets would now be more in demand than they were last Summer. Ladies man Leonardo DiCaprio was the poster boy for the “DabBod” movement and I thought this “DadBod” thing could really gain traction.

Then I read the comments.

Wow! Talk about a kick in the nuts! Easily 90-99% of the women commenting were trashing the “DadBod”, saying the only reason guys like Leo and Jason Segal get hot girls is because they are rich, and reinforcing they want the meathead-body look.

So, real women – or at least those who post on social media – want the superficial male body, but condemn men for wanting the supermodels; believe the only way an attractive woman would go for a guy with a “DadBod” is because he has lots of money; and show exactly how shallow they really are. I’d like to think this was only a small sampling of the female population, but there were thousands and thousands of comments against it, and you know they say that for every comment on social media, approximately 1,000 other people share that opinion. So that would translate to millions of women sharing this opinion.

So, if you think the only reason an attractive woman would be interested in a man with a “DadBod” is because he’s rich and famous, then I no longer hold sympathy for you when you complain about guys comparing your average body to Victoria’s Secret models.

But then again, it amazes me how eager and willing women are to body shame each other, so them trying to body shame men is just the next step I guess.

Maybe I’m wrong and reading too much into these comments generated by stories about the “popularity of the DadBod.”

Well, I need to stop writing and get back to doing more pushups, crunches, planks and burpees.

As always, thanks for reading!

Ex-wife thinks she should be able to stay at my house

I’m not sure how many times I’ve mentioned this before, if at all – memories are all melding together, but this has been an issue I’ve been dealing with for quite a while.

My ex-wife seems to think I should let her stay here at my house when she comes into town to visit our son.

I used to let her at the beginning, after we first got divorced. It seemed to be easier for our son. I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously at the time, so I didn’t think much about it. But about the time Olive came along, it all changed.

It wasn’t just because of Olive, though that did play a big factor in it. A while before that, I was almost positive that she was going through my room looking through stuff. What she was looking to find, I have no clue. I don’t have any buried treasure, I don’t have any juicy secrets that I’m hiding, there isn’t any trace of a woman spending a lot of time here, and even if I did have a porn stash I have no idea why she’d be interested in finding that.

So the next time she was set to stay here, I set up a bit of a trap. I locked my bedroom door and set things up in odd ways around important areas I suspected she would rummage through. Then, I took pictures of it all to compare when I got home from work. I didn’t want to let her stay at my house alone, but I didn’t have a lot of choice and wasn’t going to be rude and say they had to leave while I was gone. When I got home, it was clear (even without the photographic evidence) that she had been rummaging through my stuff. When I confronted her about it, she said she only did it on purpose to get me riled up. She claims to not have really gone through anything, just messed stuff up to make it look like it.

Ya, right. Whatever.

Shortly after that, I said it wasn’t a good idea for her to stay here anymore. And after doing some more research, it was probably a better idea for her not to be here. It might confuse our son or give him false hope that we might someday get back together.

Now, she is coming into town this week for Mother’s Day weekend and to see our son’s first baseball game of the year. When asked about where they will be staying, she is very non-committal about whether she it staying at her dad’s house or her friend’s house. I know she would rather stay here, and she seems to be hinting around at wanting to stay here.

Honestly, I have been contemplating it. I’m not sure why. I am 100% certain nothing inappropriate will happen while she is here. I’m not tempted by that thought at all, whatsoever. I have not mentioned any of this to her.

What do you guys think?

Thanks for reading and I will see you again soon!

The Ex-husband makes things extremely difficult

I know dealing with Ex-anythings in a relationship can be difficult. But this is just freaking ridiculous.

I already discussed the stepmother (his wife) a bit in my last post, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to be a part of this situation with them involved.

From day one, it has been a struggle. Early on, it was not my place to get involved, but now that we are almost a year-and-a-half into this, my position on keeping my mouth shut has changed.

Olive’s ex-husband is very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive to her. On top of that, his new wife (the stepmonster, as I will refer to her henceforth) piles on and will actually lead the abusive attacks most of the time.

The one minor silver lining in her (the stepmonster) defense, is that she is the only parent in that household. The ex-husband is a deadbeat. He “claims” to only make $8/hr (when he actually has a lucrative consulting business) in order to pay the minimum amount of child support possible. Since he works from home and does not maintain proper business accounting, Olive has no real way to prove he is cheating the child support system. Yet, they live a very lavish lifestyle. She actually stays involved in Olive’s son’s health and school issues – almost too much – in the place of her husband, who really could care less. Plus, they routinely find ways to cancel or cut short their visitation times in order to do personal things. I could go on and on with stories, but I hope you get the point.

One other note about the ex-husband and the stepmonster: he was cheating on Olive, having an affair with the stepmonster and married her in Las Vegas less than a week after the divorce was official.

Moving on … Over the years (long before I came along), the established order of things was set. The ex-husband does something, Olive complains, the ex-husband and stepmonster gang up on Olive until she gives in and is left sitting in a pool of tears. Olive is not a very strong person when it comes to standing up for herself, nor is she well-skilled at debate or verbal confrontations. She is very unsure of herself, always second-guessing, and assuming the worst. She was this way before them, and all of the arguments don’t help.

So the routine is simple, berate Olive until she just gives in. This fosters an attitude of them thinking they can get away with whatever they want. Whether it is nickel and diming Olive over prescriptions, medical costs, school supplies and clothes. The owe her hundreds of dollars in costs they said they would (or are supposed to) reimburse her for. But they never do. She continues to pay for these things because she thinks they will try to use that as ammunition against her for not taking care of her child. Yet when she confronts them about the money, they just berate and bully her. She is afraid to take them to court for the money, afraid her ex-husband will try to take custody away from her. I have seen enough out of him to know (1) he really doesn’t want custody because it would interfere with their social and personal lives and (2) it would take an average lawyer 5 minutes to prove how unfit he is as a parent. Plus, during their divorce, the stepmonster actually took care of all the details and paperwork for him. He’s way too lazy to be able to do what it takes to fight for custody.

I’ve tried to be supportive. But I can only stand by and watch so much. I’ve tried giving advice, recommendations, tactics, etc. But that just backfires with her getting mad at me because, according to her, I’m just trying to get her put in a position to get bullied again. So she does nothing … except cry, bitch and complain.

My personal opinion is if you aren’t willing to do something about it, then accept it and stop complaining about it. And I find it very hard to stand by while continues to be a punching bag. But when I say something, it only makes things worse.

Like I mentioned in my last post, how would it be if we were married or living together? There is no way I’m sitting there watching that like a spectator ringside at a UFC fight. I’m stepping in. I’m putting an end to it.

I need a strong woman who isn’t afraid to stand up for herself, who can take care of herself. And the aggravation with this constant issue is almost to the point of boiling over.

Now, she is to the point of sharing very little of what is going on with her and them because she knows how I feel about it. We’ve had numerous discussions about it. So that only adds to the continuing gap of things between us and the further distancing of our relationship.

I would really hate for the ex-husband to be a reason why this doesn’t work out, but it is really beginning to look that way. It’s a good thing I don’t see him very often, because I swear the next time I see him, it will be all I can do to not punch him in his fat face.

Enough ranting for one day.

Thanks for reading, and I will see you all again back here soon!