Staci Update: Second date success but something’s jamming my radar

I wasn’t really sure I was going to have the opportunity to post a second-date follow-up on Staci. I was really hoping to, but things weren’t moving as I had hoped they would, so I wasn’t sure.

One thing’s for sure, this one is perplexing me. I’m normally very good at reading signals, following cues, and figuring out people (especially sooner than they are ready for me to), but this time is different. This time I’m seemingly getting crossed up, apparently missing signals, reading things wrong, and can’t figure her out. It’s like something is jamming my radar. But it makes for a very interesting challenge.

As I mentioned in the previous post, she was going out of town for the weekend with her friends. Even though I hadn’t heard from her in a few days, I texted her saying I hope she has a good time over the weekend. She responded and we had a small back-and-forth. I closed it by saying she needed to hit me up after she got back so we could set up another time to get together. I didn’t ask, I just said this is what needs to happen. She said ‘OK’. Again, about a week passed and didn’t hear anything from her. Nothing about the weekend, nothing about being back, nothing about following up on another date.

So I gave it one last try. I convinced myself this was the last time I tried with her, if I didn’t hear anything back or even if she brushed me off with quick, meaningless answers. Thursday, I asked her how her weekend trip went. She jumped right back into things like they were normal. We caught up pretty quickly that day and continued talking into Friday.

My read on the situation – again, unclear – but seems to be leaning that she IS interested but wants me to initiate all of the contact (at least for right now). I could totally be wrong, and she could be a serial dater looking to go out with anyone who will pay for it, but isn’t into any sort of relationship.

So Friday, I got the news that my son was going to be spending the night at a friend’s house on Saturday. I know had an open window to see if she wanted to do something. I asked her if she wanted to do something, she said she had a pool party with some friends during the day but wanted to do something that night.

I’ll be completely honest, I was about 50% certain she was going to cancel because she had been out late at a concert the night before and then at the pool all day Saturday. Gladly, that thought was wrong.

We went out for a late dinner and drinks. She looked amazing … again. We had a great time and great conversation over dinner. When the restaurant closed, we want to go somewhere for drinks. We ended up driving to bar about 20 minutes away because there were no bars near the restaurant. We took my car, leaving hers at the restaurant.

We went to a nice bar with a rooftop lounge and found a cozy padded bench in the corner. We watched the baseball highlights that we on the tv and talked baseball and sports. We also talked about 101 other things, sharing lots of things and there was also lots of laughing. An excellent sign.

From the time we left the restaurant, we were holding hands; walking to the car, in the car, sitting at the bar, etc. She would caress my hand or forearm, or even grasp my bicep occasionally. Another excellent sign. It was about 2 a.m. and the bar was about to close, so we headed back to the car.

Back at the restaurant, I parked near her car and escorted to her it. There we lingered and had an excellent goodnight kiss. It seemed to last an hour, and this time it was exponentially more intimate than the first time. It was great! At one point, she told me “you aren’t making this (leaving) easy for me.” I answered; “I’m not trying to make it easy for you.” And the “goodnight kiss” continued.

But there was one signal I couldn’t exactly figure out was; she’d occasional grab my hands and interlock our fingers and put her hands behind her back (with mine still interlocked with hers). For being so early on in the dating process, I tried not to read too much into it. But it seemed very submissive, like she was wanting to be dominated a bit. Like she wanted me to hold her hands behind her back, similarly to pinning a girl’s arms down on the bed during sex or making out.

Finally we parted ways. i was already intending to text her once I got home -thanking her for a great night and letting her know I wanted to see her again, but she beat me to it. She actually texted first – another very good sign. So I texted as soon as I got home, and again early in the afternoon the next day.

And we’ve been talking regularly ever since – even more frequently than we were before.

So now the challenge is finding the next time to be with her. My son leaves to spend the next 6 weeks with his mother this coming weekend, and then 4th of July weekend and my oldest son’s birthday the weekend after that. So finding time might be tricky. So goes the life of dating Mr. Mom.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated, and as always, thanks for reading.

Staci: Hoping making exceptions to the rules pays off

Over time, I have established a pretty standard list of criteria/rules to follow when meeting people online. Some things are your standard dating rules, while others are based on my personal experiences or preferences.

Some of those are ones like: no sex on a first date, she can’t be taller than me, I won’t date a woman my age who has not been married before and/or doesn’t have kids, I won’t even entertain talking to a woman who is only “separated”, and a few more.

But with Staci, I saw enough potential with her that I went against my normal practice and made a few exceptions hoping that it would pay off. We shall see.

First, a little about Staci. She’s a tall (5’11”), very skinny, blonde, who is a little older than me (45), and she works as an investment broker. She’s been divorced for about 4 years and doesn’t have any children, though she did have a stepson who visited while she was married.

Our email and text conversations were very fulfilling, fun and even flirty. Some nights we’d be up until midnight chatting away. She would text some during the day, would text when she got home in the evening, and when she would go out with her friends to happy hour or something, she wouldeven text me once she got home. It seemed pretty obvious that she was interested in me more than just a simple curiosity or feeler that I get from some of the other dates I’ve met online. This seemed to be mainly why I was willing to skip some of the normal rules I follow when dating women online.

Now let me break this down by explaining some of the exceptions I made to my normal rules. The first was the rule about Not Going to Movies on the First Date. But that is what she wanted to do. She wanted to see Entourage badly, and I really couldn’t say no to her. I was hesitant about seeing a movie on the first date, and she knew that, because I mentioned it would limit our time to be able to talk and get to know each other. Something told me she knew that, and it wasn’t going to be a problem and maybe she wanted to be “alone in the dark” together. Since we were going to one of the newer, fancier theaters that has the super nice recliners and bar inside the theater, we decided to meet at the theater bar about 90 minutes before the movie.

We had a couple of drinks at the bar, talked about many things, including my previous marriages, my kids, her previous marriage, and even sports since we both like baseball and the Stanley Cups Finals and UFC were on the TVs at the bar. We laughed and even flirted a little. She looked incredible. There wasn’t any question about whether I was physically attracted to her.

Once we got into the theater, we took our reserved seats. They were large leather recliners paired together with a raisable center arm to convert into love seat, if you chose to. We ordered some snacks to eat during the movie. During the show, there was definitely a physical tension between us, like we were like magnets too close to each other. So midway through the movie, I made a move. I had debated it for a while, so I just placed my hand on her leg, palm up, looking to hold her hand. She quickly grabbed my hand. Not only did she hold my hand, but she would occasionally stroke one of my fingers with hers, and eventually grasped my hand with both hands. This is clearly not a sign of someone who was just going along with my move in order to avert an awkward moment, she was clearly ok and accepting of it.

After the movie, she wanted to linger there in the seats for a while, talking for a bit longer while still holding hands. It started to get a little awkward, only because we were the only ones in the theater and the theater staff was cleaning around us. So we headed out to the parking lot. We were parked on opposite ends of the lot, so I walked with her to her car. On the way, she grabbed my arm and we walked arm-in-arm for a while, and then we held hands all the way to her car. There we lingered for a while talking. Finally, I just grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss. Again, there was no sign of awkwardness or resistance. We paused a few times, only to resume again. She even wrapped both of her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. The kissing itself, may not have been the best I’ve ever had, but I chalk that up to the awkwardness of the first kiss.

We said our goodbyes and talked about when we would see each other again. It wouldn’t be the next weekend, because was going out of town for the weekend with her girlfriends. We even talked for a while after we each got home. Everything seemed to go very well. It was seemingly one of the best connections I’ve had in a while.

Now to the second rule I looked past in order to give Staci a chance, and this is the one I’m more concerned about.

As I said earlier, she’s in her mid-forties without kids. Why, exactly, I don’t know. I didn’t ask (yet). But she is always going out with friends, either to happy hour, sporting events, concerts, or whatever else is going on. Since I started talking to her, she’s been home all night, on average, about 1 or 2 times per week. There’s nothing completely wrong with that, she can do whatever she chooses, it is just a matter of compatibility with my schedule. The first time she wanted to hang out was a random weeknight and I had to say ‘no’ because I had my son and no options for someone to watch him on such late notice.

And that is why I have the rule about Not Dating Women Who Don’t Have Children. They don’t fully understand the issues parents empathize with each other. They usually don’t understand the difficulties with having to plan dates, instead of being able to up and go out on a whim. From personal experience, I’ve had many instances where childless women get jealous, impatient, and frustrated having to work around a single father’s schedule. Especially one as sporadic as mine.

We haven’t talked about it yet, but I can see it has the potential to be an issue. And then there’s the issue of the following night.

The next day, things seemed different. Almost like they do when you have a one-night stand – and one of you regrets it the next day. But based on her actions, there was no sign of any hesitation, so I am not sure what it could be exactly. Except for one thing.

She mentioned she was going to a concert that night, and was very vague about her plans that day and evening. We talked much, much, less than normal, but she did still ask about my son’s baseball game. However, unlike other nights out, I didn’t hear from her during the evening or after. I sent a couple quick messages, saying I hope she had fun, etc. I also sent a quick “good morning” text the next morning. Only got a quick “Thank you” response and nothing more after that. So my guess is she was on another date.

Not that it bothers me, I totally get it, I do the same thing – at least the overlapping multiple first dates until you establish a connection with someone. Then I cut off things with the others, or it fizzles out on its own.

And I’ll be completely honest, to me, if I’m overlapping dates, I try to keep things as “normal” with each one as I can – if I am interested in keeping each option open. But if I’m not, I will cut it off and not drag it out knowing it is not going to work. I would just ask the same from them. At least “act normal” until you make up your mind. Because now, I’m more likely to keep my eyes open looking for other options, which could make for very awkward times if she ever decided to actually see where this goes.

But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. Keep checking back for updates. And as always, thanks for reading!

p.s. Oh by the way, even though she really hasn’t been talking with me lately, she’s been checking out my Match profile every day or even several times a day. So, there’s that.

UPDATES

Second date success, but something’s jamming my radar.

Making Strides But The Big Test Could Be Right Around the Corner

She said Yes to the weekend getaway

Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Dinner at her place, I’m meeting her best friend

Dinner, meeting her best friend not what I was expecting

Staci, Amy wanted me to go out with their friend tonight – alone

Hot and Heavy but not quite a Homerun yet

Mountain out of Molehill and She cancelled again

A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

Touching all the bases, but still no home run

I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

She meets him on Tuesday and small test may be coming

The Writing is on the Wall but still playing the waiting game

Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

Rachel: Lunch date with the child psychologist

I’m going to mix things up from my normal format. I’m going to do more posts – as things happen – instead of waiting for a good stopping point to update you all. And I will add links to the updates to the original post, as well as linkbacks to the original post. For example; at the end of this post, I’ll post links to any follow-on updates.

The other day, I had the pleasure of having a lunch date with another lady I met on Match, Rachel. Rachel is 39, with three girls – two 9-year-old twins and a 4-year-old girl. She works at a local hospital as a child psychologist. She’s tall, blonde and has a very big, sexy smile.

We’ve been talking for a little while, and her schedule with her kids is almost as hectic as mine, due to the fact that her ex-husband does not have a lot of involvement with his daughters (by his choice), so we were trying to come up with a time that worked out for both of us to get together. She was heading out to Washington, D.C. this weekend with her daughters as part of a school trip for her oldest daughters, so I wanted to find a time before she left so we didn’t put off meeting each other any further.

So we decided to meet at a nice quaint restaurant inside near my office. She was working only a part day and said meeting for lunch would be great. To be completely honest, I was totally expecting her to cancel. Not because I thought she would flake on me or anything, I was totally expecting something to happen at the hospital that would keep her there a while longer. She did warn me that might be a possibility.

We both arrived at the restaurant at the same time and recognized each other immediately. You know that can get tricky with these online dates. We had a nice lunch, talking about her trip to DC (since I lived there for a short time, I had a few tips and suggestions), and even managed to get on a stretch where we were talking superhero movies.

We even began talking about getting together after she gets back from DC to have “blue drinks” somewhere. The whole “blue drinks” thing has been a running joke between us, because it’s also a running joke between my brother and I and Rachel and I had talked about it. So she has mentioned several times we should have “blue drinks” together sometime. She has also mentioned several times that she wants to get together to play tennis sometime, since we are both avid tennis players.

I know that sounds like a lot of planning ahead, but I’m glad she’s at least comfortable enough with me to talk about things like that. At least she’s not talking about future things like kids, marriage or moving in.

After an hour or so, we had to wrap it up and say our goodbyes. There weren’t any hugs or kisses this time – being in a crowded place kind of led to that, but I wasn’t also feeling the vibe for that yet. But we had tentatively planned to get together the following weekend after she returned from her trip.

We talked that night, and every day until she left for her trip, as usual. Everything seemed normal and still on track. THe day she left, I mentioned that I’d like to hear how things were going on their trip, but have not heard anything from her. I’m not stressing it or taking it as a bad sign (yet). She’s on a trip with her kids and I’m not reaching out while she’s gone trying to respect her space and time with her kids.

However, anyone who has read this page for any amount of time knows, my opinion is if you’re interested in someone and thinking about them, you should let them know and at least say “Hi.” I’m not about playing games, trying to playing hard to get, none of that. And the ONLY reason I haven’t contacted her on her trip is because it’s family time and I don’t need to try to make it about me or anything.

But she gets back today, and we’ll see if I hear from her tonight or not.

Please stay tuned for more updates on Rachel, and as always, thanks for reading!

UPDATES

Coming soon

Quinn: Real Estate agent with an abrupt closing

I’m beginning to sense a trend with the women I’ve recently dated and the ones with potential in the near future. Let me know when you start to see the pattern (other than how the dates end).

I dusted off my Match profile and soon found Quinn. I had sent a wink and then the next day she showed up in my Daily Matches (Match is a little sneaky and predictable that way), so I clicked that I was interested. (Side note: normally on dating sites I don’t just send an email right away. I usually wait to gauge any potential interest. So I will usually wink and wait to see if I get any type of response back, then I’ll email). About an hour after that, she sent me an email, just saying “You’ve already ‘liked’ me twice, so why haven’t you said anything?”

Playful and forward, I like that! So I responded and we followed up with a few playful email exchanges. We ended up talking for a few days before setting up our first date, a quick just-dinner date at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Quinn is a real estate agent, a very successful one, who has young twin girls. She does well enough to have a live-in nanny and a personal trainer. I don’t have those things, do you? But she only lives a few blocks from me and knows many of the same people I do – though I had never met her before. She’s a tall (5’11”) blonde. So in heels, she doesn’t violate my No. 2 Rule (Can’t be taller than me). What’s Rule No. 1? She can’t weigh more than me. I weigh 190 lbs. Hey, it is what it is.

The date went very well and very fast. We talked and laughed and had a good time. We parted with a hug and talked several times a day for the next few days. But, as we’ve talked about many (many) times, she only seemed to respond if I initiated contact. But it didn’t seem to be a problem.

Less than a week after our first date, we met again for lunch in between her appointments. It also went very well and we had a very good time and time just seemed to fly by. Again, we parted with a hug and communicated the rest of the day and several days after that. She even found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (I was easy to find because we both have several mutual friends).

But I never – ever – heard from her if I didn’t initiate it. And the frequency we talked and the fact we’d been on two dates seemed to suggest we should be past the stage where I have to always initiate contact. As I’ve said numerous times, “ladies, if you’re interested, you are more than welcome to show it by initiating contact.” So that started to bother me a bit.

So, I let a weekend pass without initiating contact. Nothing.

So, on Monday I waited for a while to see if I would hear anything from her, but didn’t. Then I texted her asking about her weekend. She responded and we talked for a couple days. She was asking me about how I felt about my son leaving for the Summer to go to his mom’s. I told her it was hard, but this time (3rd time) probably wouldn’t be as hard as the first time.

That’s when I mentioned that does mean I’m much more flexible with my schedule over the Summer so I would be more available to do things without having to worry about babysitters or stuff like that. And her response was not what I was expecting.

Her response was “I trust you, because I don’t want to find out.” Wow! What?? Huh?!?!

After that, I didn’t respond. And I haven’t heard from her since.

So that’s that. Moving on.

And as always, thanks for reading!