Over time, I have established a pretty standard list of criteria/rules to follow when meeting people online. Some things are your standard dating rules, while others are based on my personal experiences or preferences.
Some of those are ones like: no sex on a first date, she can’t be taller than me, I won’t date a woman my age who has not been married before and/or doesn’t have kids, I won’t even entertain talking to a woman who is only “separated”, and a few more.
But with Staci, I saw enough potential with her that I went against my normal practice and made a few exceptions hoping that it would pay off. We shall see.
First, a little about Staci. She’s a tall (5’11”), very skinny, blonde, who is a little older than me (45), and she works as an investment broker. She’s been divorced for about 4 years and doesn’t have any children, though she did have a stepson who visited while she was married.
Our email and text conversations were very fulfilling, fun and even flirty. Some nights we’d be up until midnight chatting away. She would text some during the day, would text when she got home in the evening, and when she would go out with her friends to happy hour or something, she wouldeven text me once she got home. It seemed pretty obvious that she was interested in me more than just a simple curiosity or feeler that I get from some of the other dates I’ve met online. This seemed to be mainly why I was willing to skip some of the normal rules I follow when dating women online.
Now let me break this down by explaining some of the exceptions I made to my normal rules. The first was the rule about Not Going to Movies on the First Date. But that is what she wanted to do. She wanted to see Entourage badly, and I really couldn’t say no to her. I was hesitant about seeing a movie on the first date, and she knew that, because I mentioned it would limit our time to be able to talk and get to know each other. Something told me she knew that, and it wasn’t going to be a problem and maybe she wanted to be “alone in the dark” together. Since we were going to one of the newer, fancier theaters that has the super nice recliners and bar inside the theater, we decided to meet at the theater bar about 90 minutes before the movie.
We had a couple of drinks at the bar, talked about many things, including my previous marriages, my kids, her previous marriage, and even sports since we both like baseball and the Stanley Cups Finals and UFC were on the TVs at the bar. We laughed and even flirted a little. She looked incredible. There wasn’t any question about whether I was physically attracted to her.
Once we got into the theater, we took our reserved seats. They were large leather recliners paired together with a raisable center arm to convert into love seat, if you chose to. We ordered some snacks to eat during the movie. During the show, there was definitely a physical tension between us, like we were like magnets too close to each other. So midway through the movie, I made a move. I had debated it for a while, so I just placed my hand on her leg, palm up, looking to hold her hand. She quickly grabbed my hand. Not only did she hold my hand, but she would occasionally stroke one of my fingers with hers, and eventually grasped my hand with both hands. This is clearly not a sign of someone who was just going along with my move in order to avert an awkward moment, she was clearly ok and accepting of it.
After the movie, she wanted to linger there in the seats for a while, talking for a bit longer while still holding hands. It started to get a little awkward, only because we were the only ones in the theater and the theater staff was cleaning around us. So we headed out to the parking lot. We were parked on opposite ends of the lot, so I walked with her to her car. On the way, she grabbed my arm and we walked arm-in-arm for a while, and then we held hands all the way to her car. There we lingered for a while talking. Finally, I just grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss. Again, there was no sign of awkwardness or resistance. We paused a few times, only to resume again. She even wrapped both of her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. The kissing itself, may not have been the best I’ve ever had, but I chalk that up to the awkwardness of the first kiss.
We said our goodbyes and talked about when we would see each other again. It wouldn’t be the next weekend, because was going out of town for the weekend with her girlfriends. We even talked for a while after we each got home. Everything seemed to go very well. It was seemingly one of the best connections I’ve had in a while.
Now to the second rule I looked past in order to give Staci a chance, and this is the one I’m more concerned about.
As I said earlier, she’s in her mid-forties without kids. Why, exactly, I don’t know. I didn’t ask (yet). But she is always going out with friends, either to happy hour, sporting events, concerts, or whatever else is going on. Since I started talking to her, she’s been home all night, on average, about 1 or 2 times per week. There’s nothing completely wrong with that, she can do whatever she chooses, it is just a matter of compatibility with my schedule. The first time she wanted to hang out was a random weeknight and I had to say ‘no’ because I had my son and no options for someone to watch him on such late notice.
And that is why I have the rule about Not Dating Women Who Don’t Have Children. They don’t fully understand the issues parents empathize with each other. They usually don’t understand the difficulties with having to plan dates, instead of being able to up and go out on a whim. From personal experience, I’ve had many instances where childless women get jealous, impatient, and frustrated having to work around a single father’s schedule. Especially one as sporadic as mine.
We haven’t talked about it yet, but I can see it has the potential to be an issue. And then there’s the issue of the following night.
The next day, things seemed different. Almost like they do when you have a one-night stand – and one of you regrets it the next day. But based on her actions, there was no sign of any hesitation, so I am not sure what it could be exactly. Except for one thing.
She mentioned she was going to a concert that night, and was very vague about her plans that day and evening. We talked much, much, less than normal, but she did still ask about my son’s baseball game. However, unlike other nights out, I didn’t hear from her during the evening or after. I sent a couple quick messages, saying I hope she had fun, etc. I also sent a quick “good morning” text the next morning. Only got a quick “Thank you” response and nothing more after that. So my guess is she was on another date.
Not that it bothers me, I totally get it, I do the same thing – at least the overlapping multiple first dates until you establish a connection with someone. Then I cut off things with the others, or it fizzles out on its own.
And I’ll be completely honest, to me, if I’m overlapping dates, I try to keep things as “normal” with each one as I can – if I am interested in keeping each option open. But if I’m not, I will cut it off and not drag it out knowing it is not going to work. I would just ask the same from them. At least “act normal” until you make up your mind. Because now, I’m more likely to keep my eyes open looking for other options, which could make for very awkward times if she ever decided to actually see where this goes.
But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. Keep checking back for updates. And as always, thanks for reading!
p.s. Oh by the way, even though she really hasn’t been talking with me lately, she’s been checking out my Match profile every day or even several times a day. So, there’s that.