Staci Update: Mountain out of a Molehill and She cancelled again

Yesterday sucked! There I said it, and got it out of the way. Yesterday was clearly the low point. I guess it was bound to happen but you never expect it or want it to.

Today starts Staci’s 3-day concert binge. I think I mentioned before it was a 4-day event, but tickets for the Sunday concert fell through. So I was trying to make sure I got to spend time with her since it looked like it was possibly going to be more than a week without seeing each other.

Earlier in the week, I offered to make her dinner at her house and hang out. She was all for it. She had corn on the cob that we needed to make, so I settled on making steak and shrimp kabobs to go with it. She even invited her roommate and her roommate’s fiance to join us. Tuesday night I was shopping for the meat and a few extras.

Staci texted to let her know how much it was going to cost so she could pay me for it. I instantly declined, saying it was my idea and something I wanted to do for her. I suggested she could by the wine or whatever drink she wanted to go with it, jokingly suggesting that way she would know it wasn’t “roofied”. It’s kind of an inside joke between us, it’s nothing serious.

However our back-and-forth about that took a weird turn. She said that was a good point and I responded that I was looking out for her. And she mentioned I was saving her from me “roofying” her drink. I countered that it was rather insulting because I would never consider such a thing. There was a little more to it, but then she texted “Are we having our first fight?” To me that turned the whole situation a little more serious. I was completely joking and figured she was as well, until that comment. I said “I can’t tell.” Then her response led me to believe that she was, in fact, just messing with me.

After that, I went home to prepare the meats in marinades to grill them at her house. We texted back and forth for a while. I did most of the texting. Asking a lot of questions about preparing for the next day. Her responses were short and she did not follow up. I did notice that every time I would ask “what are you doing?”, “what do you have planned tonight?”, “what’s going on?”, etc., she wouldn’t answer that particular question. Not normally a big deal, but once you add it up with other (later) factors, it starts to raise concerns.

Then around midnight, I started to notice I hadn’t heard from Staci, nor had she responded to any of my questions in about 3 hours. So I texted her “Is everything OK?” Again, no response.

I started to wonder if maybe she went out with her friends and wasn’t home yet. So, as I tried to get to sleep, I couldn’t help keep an ear open for the phone waiting to see if she texted that she was home or going to bed. Still nothing. From then on, I was lying awake in bed with my brain on overdrive wondering what was going on. Overall I may have got about an hour or so of sleep before having to get up early for work.

Tired and frustrated, I did not text her like I normally do when I get up. I wanted to see how long it would take to hear from her. About 90 minutes later, she texted “Hi”. That’s it. Not “good morning” or anything, just “Hi.” As we talked, I asked “what was up with last night?” She said she got caught up doing stuff. I should’ve probably left it there. But being overly tired and aggravated, I continued, asking her “Like what?” She got a little defensive, the sent a laundry list of things and then asked if I thought she was on a date.

Shortly thereafter, she suggested we cancel dinner for last night. I asked why and she said she was tired and would probably be better off alone. I insisted on continuing with our plans. I even said that I felt crappy enough, being tired, as well as how things went that morning, that the last thing I wanted to do was miss out on seeing her like we planned.

The rest of the day, we texted basically like normal. Everything seemed to be getting better. But I wouldn’t be convinced until I knew we were still following through with our plans. She said she was going to call me on her way home from work.

After I got home from work, I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come over. A little while later she finally called me. She said she wanted to pass on dinner tonight, again, and that she just had too much to do. She had errands and stuff to do before she got home and was just feeling crabby because she didn’t sleep well – apparently.

So I agreed to pass on dinner, and she recommended rescheduling Sunday, but said I still planned on going over to see her. She said she would let me know once she got home, and then I would go over. A couple of hours later she called me to tell me she was on her way to workout at her brother’s house. I asked if she decided to go there to intentionally avoid me. She denied it (obviously) and said she would call me after she was done.

Before she got to her brother’s, we talked for a while. When i mentioned that the cause for concern was that she always said goodnight before bed, or let me know when she got home from going out, her response was not what I expected. Instead of apologizing or adequately explaining why, she went on to explain that she doesn’t follow patterns or regimens very well. She randomly goes to bed and randomly wakes up. So the fact that she did that every night was just a coincidence and not something she does regularly. When I asked if that would be something she would consider doing, she basically said “No” without actually saying those words.

Then I mentioned how all of this didn’t make me feel very important. I explained that a lot of things she has said (including the times she said I was more important than certain people, and even though I called her out for just trying to flatter me, she insisted it was true) really meant a lot to me and made me feel very important, especially when we are together. But that cancelling on me for a second time and the way things went last night didn’t make me feel very important. On a side note, she didn’t even remember the first time she cancelled on me and I had to remind her – in great detail before she remembered or admitted to remembering. However, looking back on this now, I think bringing this up, as well as calling her out about not cancelling on anyone else, actually seemed to resonate with her and made a difference.

Whether you think that makes me sound needy or not, the fact remains that it is hard to make it through any relationship without knowing you are important or loved.

She had said that she was going to call me after she got back from her brothers. About three hours had passed before I heard from her. Just texts, no phone calls. And the texts were pretty “normal” for us under normal circumstances. We chatted for a while until she said she was crawling into bed.

That’s when she asked if I was still mad. I told her that I wasn’t mad, I was never mad. At that point, I decided to call her because I didn’t want to text about this all night. Honestly I hate texting important, serious stuff.

I might have been a lot of things – disappointed, irritated, hurt, confused – but I was not/never mad or angry. Saying I was confused seemed to spark her interest. She asked what I meant. I explained to her that I was confused how things turn from so incredibly good to … whatever this was, so quickly – in a matter of hours.

That’s when I told her I was totally fine with her being the way she was, and I could handle it, as long as I always knew where I stood and how she felt about me. And if she didn’t communicate like most girls do, then she needed to help me understand how she works and how she “communicates” her feelings when we aren’t physically together. I think that was also another point that clicked with her. And guys, here’s a tip; if you can phrase something in the way of asking for help with something -instead of demanding or ordering them to do something, women are a lot more likely to cooperate. Trust me, it works a lot better that way.

The last part of the conversation was much lighter and more like normal. She repeatedly said she really wanted to see me and was sorry how things worked out. We (tentatively) planned to get together Sunday, but only tentatively because there is still a small chance she still goes to the concert with her friends. But she said she is also really wanting to see me Sunday. We’ll see how this pans out.

Today has pretty much back to normal. Typical conversations and she has even been blatantly flirting. And something tells me she’ll contact me when she gets home from her concert tonight. I just have a hunch on this one.

I think even though she tries to maintain the “indifferent, emotionless, strong, self-controlled, independent woman” facade, she knows that any good relationship requires two-way communication and trust. There are always little compromises to make, and she knows she needs to work with me and not just insist on things being the way she always does them or wants them to be.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how things go. So, please check back again soon.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments. And as always, thanks for reading.

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