Uma: Very intriguing vice principal, again making exceptions to the rules

Before my (supposed) date with Violet this Saturday, I met up with Uma.

I originally had Uma scheduled for Saturday night, but a work engagement came up that she didn’t feel she could miss, so we met prior to (both) her function and my (scheduled) date with Violet at Chili’s for a quick drink and appetizers – it was centrally located to both of us.

Uma is a local high school vice principal. She’s in her mid-40s, slightly above average height (not tall), blonde with a very nice body. Even in her baseball-sleeve length t-shirt, shorts and her hair pulled back in a pony tail, she still looked very attractive.

Now before you go bashing her dress code for our “first date”, keep in mind she just came from a function at her school where she was supervising a bicycle safety event being given to young kids. So she was dressed appropriately for that. We had discussed the attire beforehand, and I had no issues with her attire. So, to make her feel better, I was in shorts, t-shirt and a ball cap – dressing down for the occasion. But I still looked pretty good, though.

What makes Uma interesting is that, once again – as with Staci, I’m bending my normal rules to see how this goes. Yes, I hear the collective groan and the cries of “didn’t you learn anything from the last time?” But in fairness to Uma, I can’t blame her for Staci’s issues. However, she is never married, has no kids, and didn’t have a picture on her profile. All three of those things are pretty much instant disqualifiers for me. So why is she different?

She contacted me on Match with a very long, detailed explanation of why she was interested in me and why she thought we should get together and see how it goes (you’ll see this theme again shortly). She acknowledged not being married and not having kids because she was focused on her teaching career for so many years that she didn’t find time for those things. Now, she wants something more substantial. And as far as the picture goes (or lack thereof), she acknowledged that too. Because she’s in the position she’s in, she doesn’t want the possibility of people recognizing her online and having that interfere with her work. She had many pictures, and was more than willing to share them once we started talking. And yes, she looked like her pictures.

Before our date, we chatted and talked several times during the week, but definitely not as frequently as most other women I meet on Match. She definitely seemed more old school and independent, not needing to be attached to her phone and texting all the time. It was kind of refreshing. And for as little as talked, she always still seemed very interested in getting together and meeting. Emphasizing that she was going to make sure we got together before I left for the weekend and it was another two weeks before we could possibly see each other.

She happened to beat me to the restaurant, which never happens. I’m always early. But not this time. I was still early, according to when we said we’d meet, but she was there first. She had ordered appetizers and some drinks. I sat down across from her and we just started chatting away. We were there for a little over an hour, and it seriously flew by. We had great conversation but didn’t really get into anything overly personal. It was good, not awkward at all. I really think we hit it off.

Then when it came time to leave, she tried to pay. I halted that immediately because, well, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. The guy always pays (at least for the like the first 100 dates or so). And I follow the code; opening doors, car doors, paying the check, not walking in front of her, walking between her and the street, stuff like that. Finally, I won the “battle” and she was very appreciative of the gesture, even commenting on it several times later.

I walked her to her car and we hugged as we talked about making plans for after I got back from my trip.

Things seem good. We’ve talked a couple of times since then. Everything still seems to be on track. But we’ll see. Based on recent history, I can’t count on anything (it seems) until it actually happens.

I’ll definitely keep you posted, and stay tuned later this week as something is brewing for Wednesday. And as always, thanks for reading!

Violet: I’m still trying to figure out what happened with this one

Ok, I’m going to stick with posting about these next two dates out of order. I started going out of order because Violet was planned to happen after Uma, but a shift in Uma’s plans flip-flopped them, but I chose to stick with the names already preassigned.

I already told you Violet and I met for a short date Friday before our actual date Saturday.

Saturday came, I told her I was dropping my son off at the sitter’s by 6 p.m. and suggested we meet at about 6:30-7 p.m. at the new fancy driving range in town. On the weekends, that place has a waiting list of about 3-4+ hours. So I figured we could go, sign in, grab dinner and some drinks and just sit and chat while we waited for our tee time.

We had been talking and texting all day, and the last thing I really heard from her was when she was on the way to the gym in the afternoon. She sent me a “very nice” picture of herself on the way to the gym in her workout clothes.

Then right about 6 p.m. she texted me that she took some allergy medicine, fell asleep and just got up. She asked if we could meet at 8 p.m., saying she still really wanted to see me. I said 8 p.m. was fine, but that we would have to change up our plans and skip the driving range because I had to get my son by midnight (meaning we would have to leave the range by about 11) and we would likely not be able to get a time before then.

I didn’t hear anything back. I was already out and about, all dressed and ready to go. I was looking amazing by the way, if I do say so myself. So I decided to kill some time and drove over to the range to see what the situation looked like. Ya, it was jammed. Parking looked like it was a NASCAR event or something with all the people parked in the grass dozens of rows deep. The wait at 6:30 p.m. was already over 3 hours. So I started making my way back toward home trying to come up with alternate ideas while I waited to hear from her. She lives closer to me than the range anyway, so likely picking something close to us was going to be the best option.

Before I knew it, it was already 8 p.m. and I hadn’t heard anything from Violet. I just assumed she was trying to get ready and out the door and that’s why I hadn’t heard anything more from her. So I texted her asking what the plan was. No response.

It’s been over 24 hours since the last time I heard from her. I was certain I was going to hear from her this morning, apologizing for last night, saying she was too groggy from the allergy meds and just fell back asleep. Or something along those lines. Nope. Nothing. Not a phone call, not a text. Nothing.

So I just ended up hanging out an Irish pub with one of my neighbors. Not exactly how I planned to spend my Saturday.

I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just out of it with the allergy meds and was too embarrassed to say anything about it afterward. But if that’s the case, she couldn’t have communicated that with me? Or communicated anything with me? While I was sitting in the parking lot of one of my alternate options around 8 p.m., I wanted to see if she was on Match – and sure enough she was. So read into that, what you want. So maybe she was just trying to get out of the date. But nothing leading up to 6 p.m. Saturday night gave me any indication that might be a possibility.

But honestly, if I’m not worth a little effort in the communication department, I’m not going out of my way to see what is going on with her. If it’s that easy to bail on me and not give an explanation or any apology, then fine.

Moving on. I’ve got other options in the works, so no need to dwell on this.

Sorry there wasn’t more to share. I really had high hopes for this girl. Maybe next time.

Thanks for reading!

Doubleheader weekend and more on deck

You know the whole “things happen for a reason” business, and the line about “when one door closes, another opens”? Staci who?

Ya, so true. It has been a crazy week. My Match profile has been blowing up this week. Granted, 75% of that has been your typical Match.com fake profiles, spam and scam accounts, which by the way is about ready to cause me to suspend my profle for a while to get away from all that. But I’ve had lots of prospects.

I had originally planned to see Uma (ok, my only 2 “U” name options were Uma and Ursula, what would you have done?) Saturday night. She’s an assistant principal at a local high school. Never married, no kids and her profile didn’t have a picture. Three strikes, right? But she contact me first with a very long, meaningful message and seems very interested in meeting me. We’ve talked over the past week a little, but she’s not like most girls on Match. I don’t hear from her very much, yet when I do she seems very interested. However, a work function came up for Saturday night so we’re going to meet for an hour or so Saturday for appetizers and drinks before her work function.

That opened the door for Violet on Saturday night. I am so relieved! I have really been wanting ask Violet out but didn’t have a window of opportunity any time soon, with my commitments with my son plus going out of town over Labor Day weekend. Violet and I have had a really good connection. She’s an accountant, mother of  4, fitness buff, blonde and gorgeous. But today, we were chatting and she mentioned she’d really like to see me tonight, even though our date is just tomorrow night. So i suggested we meet for drinks this afternoon before I picked my son up from school. She said she was just in workout clothes and had her hair up in a ponytail wearing a baseball hat. I said, “So?” She agreed and we met for a little over an hour. It was really good and fun. The conversation was great, she was beautiful even in her workout clothes, though I will admit she was a little heavier than I would’ve guessed from her pictures. But that didn’t bother, I thought she still looked great. So now we have the “first date” out of the way and we’ll see each other again tomorrow night.

Now, for those who routinely follow this page, you’re probably noticing that seeing Violet today throws my naming game off. True. But I had already decided on who was Uma and Violet before making plans today, so I’m sticking with it. Deal with it, you’ll get over it.

And ironically, one of these lady’s real name is actually one I used as a pseudonym for one of the girls recently posted on here. I really try to avoid using names I might actually run into.

There are also a few other developing options. One in particular I really hope develops into something, but she is a long-distance situation, which I really try to avoid. But again, she make a serious effort to contact me and sell herself why she was worth me making an exception to my distance “rule.” But we’ll see how that develops.

So please stay tuned for more updates, and as always, thanks for reading!

Talia: Date was great but my son is only 8

By now, everyone should be familiar with my naming game for my dates. I name them alphabetically (so we’re up to “T” since I started this thing) with random, false names to easily keep track and anonymous. And yes, I do have a master list of coinciding real names, but it isn’t stored electronically anywhere in case some Chinese or Iranian hacker wants to try to blackmail me someday.

This update features Talia, a name inspired by the fact that I was watching the Rocky marathon on TV when we were really starting to get to know each other. For those wondering how that ties with Rocky, well, Adrian – Rocky’s wife – is played by Talia Shire. Ok? Moving on.

Talia is about as close to being the opposite of Staci (and many of the other girls I’ve dated recently) as you can get without actually be a dude. She’s a nurse, only 5’4″, dark hair that she has slightly tinted with a redish-purple, busty, very expressive and communicative, and light-hearted. She had been married twice before and has a 24-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter.

She contacted me on Match and we began talking. We really hit it off quickly and spent the first few days sending countless emails and texts, along with numerous phone calls asking all sorts of questions and talking about everything imaginable. We had SO much in common it was scary. We answered just about every basic question the same, with the exception of her liking fish and me hating it, and her favorite color was Orange … and mine isn’t.

We set up a date for Thursday because she was heading out of town Friday to spend the weekend with an old friend of her’s in San Diego as part of birthday celebration. Thursday was Talia’s birthday. She was insistent that we go out Thursday (on her birthday) because her deceased twin (who passed away 2 years ago in an accident) would want her to spend her birthday doing something with someone that would make her happy [1].

Things continued to develop very well up until Thursday. Lots of talking, texting and selfies. This girl had way too many selfies of herself, and she’d send me a few every day. I mean dozens that she sent me. She was gorgeous – don’t get me wrong – but I mean a bit too many selfies of yourself if you ask me. [2]

But in the meantime, I was a bit stressed out. I was struggling to find a babysitter for my son and was on the verge of having to cancel when one of my son’s friends’ parents (who knew of my situation) invited him along to a pool party they were going to. Yay, saved! So the date was on. I didn’t share these issues with Talia, by the way.

We met for dinner and immediately upon meeting she gave me a very intimate hug. I’m all for going for an introductory hug, if the moment feels right, but this was a bit intimate and lingered. [3] Dinner conversation was great! We talked about her interest in getting married again – she definitely wanted to, but I’m just open to the idea, that’s not my goal here. We talked about past relationships, and somehow we even had things in common with our past relationships and ex’s, so we understood where the other was coming from.

After dinner, since it was her birthday, I asked if there was anything particular she wanted to do for her birthday. She didn’t have any preference. So I mentioned we should just go have drinks at this bar I like to go to that has a rooftop bar with nice cozy couches and always has sports on the TV. She’s a big baseball fan, almost as much as I am. She would text me game updates and ask questions even when I didn’t have the game on. She was on top of it more than I was. Not a bad sign.

She thought that sounded perfect, even though I threw some alternate ideas out. At the bar, on the rooftop, we found a perfect sofa lounger with a perfect view of the game. We talked about random things as well as the game. That’s when she started telling me about this guy that strung her along and messed with her, she thought they were dating but he only thought they were just friends (with benefits). [4] She even mentioned that at some point, she is pretty sure she freaked him out [7], but she wouldn’t tell me how she thinks she freaked him out. So, even though I asked this once previously, I made sure she wasn’t still hung up on this guy. You can guess I’m a bit gunshy on the whole “hung up on ex’s” thing after Staci. She insisted she wasn’t and that it wouldn’t be a problem with us. She even clutched my hand (and didn’t let go the rest of the night) and snuggled closer after I brought that up, as a way of trying to ease my concern.

Well, that was until she mentioned “the other guy.” [5]

Right about the time we set up the date, she hid her profile on Match. She mentioned it to me because she said she wanted to “focus on getting to know” me. So after our discussion, I did the same thing. I really liked her and wanted to see where things were going, and I didn’t have any other serious conversations going on at the time.

Things were going so well, I brought up seeing her again and when she was available. Being a nurse, her schedule is very odd and whacked out. The next Thursday was about the only time I could realistically have a chance of seeing her because she was working lots of weekends and I am going to my brother’s over Labor Day weekend. So I said Thursday would have to do, because I wasn’t going to wait three weeks in between dates.

That’s when she brought up “the other guy.” She said that the day she met me on Match, another guy showed interest in her too, and she has been talking to both of us and she had a date set up with him on Monday (after she got back from San Diego). Needless to say that changed the tone of the whole date for the rest of the night (about the next 30-60 minutes). She insisted that she really liked me and wanted to see me again, but she was going out with this guy because she made the plans with him before she made up her mind about me and didn’t want to be rude and cancel.

Things tapered a little after that, and then around 9pm I said I needed to wrap things up because I had to go pick my son up from the sitter because it was a school night. She knew about the timing from the beginning, so this wasn’t a cop-out or anything. As we walked out, she grabbed my hand and we held hands as I walked her to her car. At her car, we said goodnight and kissed. However this wasn’t your typical first-date goodnight kiss. As soon as I went in for the kiss, she was clearly ready for it and it ended up being a long, deep, passionate type of kiss that lasted a while, not your normal easy, gentle, non-tongued kiss.

After we went our own ways, she texted me numerous times the rest of the night, just like everything was cool. But it clearly wasn’t.

Starting the next day, things clearly started falling apart. I hardly heard from her Friday.[6] I texted a few times to see if she was on her way, etc. Her responses were short and non-engaging. She said she would let me know when she landed in San Diego. She never did. I texted her later that night just to say “I hope you’re having a good time.” I’m guessing some of you are wondering why I was being kind of clingy with her about it. Well, she mentioned early on that she likes to know that her guy is thinking about her and likes to hear from him every once in a while. So I was just trying to make sure I didn’t give the impression I wasn’t interested. But I definitely wasn’t overdoing it.

Saturday was more of the same. I hardly heard from here. And when I did, it was in response to my text and it wasn’t very engaging either. Short, quick responses, then nothing for several hours (meaning like 5-6 hours). I wasn’t sweating it, but I was noting it. I was totally intending to give her her space to enjoy her time with her friend, while also still trying to maintain a level of interest with her.

Sunday was a little better. She communicated a lot more on Sunday, and actually let me know when she got back home. However I did notice she never responded to my question about Thursday. Earlier in the day,I asked her about Thursday again because I needed to make sure I could secure a sitter for Thursday. But I got no answer. After she got home, we chatted for a little bit, and I told her that after she got settled in, and had time later, we should talk about her trip because I wanted to hear how it went. I’m very partial to San Diego after living there for more than 6 years, so I wanted to hear what she did and where they went.

That’s when I got the text message saying she didn’t think we were a match. She thought I was a great guy and everything, but she doesn’t want to date anyone with kids younger than her’s. That may sound a bit odd and selfish, but to her credit, she DID have that written in her Match profile, so it’s not like it was some out of the blue thing. However, remember, SHE contacted me first on Match, and my profile also clearly states that I have an 8-year-old son that lives with me full-time.

And that was that. Just like that, it was over. In retrospect, I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, if you go back and look at the highlighted numbers (i.e. [1] ) you’ll see some of the warning signs that I noticed immediately and let pass, or that caught my attention later.

Moving on.

And I’ve been getting some questions asking if I have heard anything from Staci yet. NO, I have not. It’s only been a week people. I told you, after a month, maybe two, she’ll realize what a bad idea getting back with this guy was. But the more I think about it, the more I think I won’t hear from her again, and the less I think I want to. So again, moving on!

I hope you all have a good week, and as always thanks for reading! Please share this site with your friends and readers on your own blog.

Dating Profiles: Up, down, on, off, what do you do?

So, you’re dating someone, it’s early on still – no serious commitment level. Maybe you haven’t even had sex yet.

But once you started dating, you had the conversation about your dating profiles. They tell you that they took hers down or hid it because they wanted to focus on getting to know you. So you do the same thing, maybe because you have no problem doing it and think it’s the right thing, maybe you don’t have anything else going on in the dating world so you have nothing to lose for the moment, or maybe you just do it out of respect for them doing it.

So now you both have your profiles hidden.

But after a while, it comes out that your date has been talking to another person and has another date coming up.

That in itself is not the issue, nor something to get all whacked out and crazy about. The issue is what do you do with your profile?

The premise of turning off or hiding your profile was to “focus on getting to know” each other, their words not yours. But they have other people on the line and other dates scheduled.

So what do you do? Do you keep the profile hidden, because you had the conversation and said you would hide it. Or do you open it back up, because they whole “focus” thing isn’t applicable anymore (you didn’t void it, they did), you don’t know if you’re wasting your time with this person now, plus they are talking with other people – so why can’t you? OR do you have another conversation about the status of your profiles, even though they still have theirs hidden but are talking with other people, to gauge their response and get their opinion.

Now, in that last option, I would expect the “fair” answer to be a dominant response. They are going to probably tell you that “it’s fair for you to open up your profile again because they are talking with other people.” Now, they might actually be OK with that, or – if they like you – they’re probably just trying to say the right thing even though they don’t want you to be “back on the market.”

But, honestly, if it was me and I broached the subject, I would ask the question and say I don’t want to hear the “fair” answer, I want to hear their honest answer. Their true gut feeling answer. It’s kind of test, if you will. If they honestly tell you they think it’s ok to do it, that’s not a good sign. But if they tell you they would prefer if you didn’t open it back up, then that would generally be seen as a sign that they are actually interested in you and in pursuing something with you.

Again, I understand people start dating multiple people at a time, it’s totally normal. That’s not the issue. Once you’ve had the “profiles” conversation, and they are still talking to someone they met at about the same time they me you, what do you do?

Let me hear what you’ve got to say on this.

Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

I was right. I say that way too often, and it always seems to be regarding things I don’t want to be right about.

And if you don’t get the headline, you can catch up here.

She met with her ex-boyfriend for dinner tonight. I really didn’t expect to hear from hear tonight. But a little after 9pm she called me. I was rather surprised.

She was straight to the point – after a long awkward silence following the initial pleasantries – I give her a little credit for that. She came right out and said, after talking, they decided to try dating again.

She apologized profusely and said it wasn’t anything to do with me, there was nothing wrong with me. She just felt she needed to follow her heart. And when I pointed out that these things never work out, she admitted that she didn’t feel that way otherwise she wouldn’t have considered getting back together with him. All girls who consider getting back with their ex-boyfriends always think this guy is different, even though she would’ve told her friend to stay away from this guy.

And her friend Amy (from the other posts) – is also NOT supportive of this move, to dump me to go back with her ex. And she didn’t listen to her best friend either. Shocking.

Instead of getting upset and badgering her for (what I thought was) a horrible decision, I took the high road. I said I hope – for her sake – I’m not right this time and that things work out for her (even though I don’t see it lasting more than a month or two). I want her to be happy. I told her she deserves to be treated better than she was previously with this guy. And she said he had a lot to live up to because I set the bar pretty high. Then I asked her “then why go back with him if you’re admitting that I was better for (her)?”

She said (again) she needed to follow her heart, and it wasn’t fair to me that her heart wasn’t completely into it with me. She apologized and said she felt bad, I bluntly told her she should and emphasized that I wasn’t joking.

She commented on how well I was taking things. I said I had a week to prepare for this, so it wasn’t like some sucker-punch to the heart. Plus, what good comes from getting mad or angry? None. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t make anything any better.

I told her I hope she doesn’t reach a point where she regrets making the wrong decision and passing on Us. Because if she did end up changing her mind, I wasn’t waiting for her and was moving on with my life. I tried to maintain a level of civility, and was rather blunt numerous times pointing out where I think she was wrong in dealing with this like she did.

Again, she tried to tell me that she had no intention or preconception that they would get together after meeting tonight. I don’t buy that for a second, and reiterated to her that I saw this coming for a week now and had plenty of time to prepare myself for this. So even if she is honest about not having any intention of getting back together with him, I apparently know her better than she does because I saw it coming a week ago. Then again, with the way she was acting this past week, it is obvious to see that she was distancing herself from me for a reason. It wasn’t just a coincidence.

It was short and to the point. I finally asked her if there was anything else she needed to say, and she just repeated her apologies. So I ended the conversation by again wishing she finds happiness and that I would never want her to get hurt again, no matter how much I disagreed with it or how much it hurt me.

And that was it. I immediately set her ringtone to the Star Wars Imperial March and her text tone to the Chewbacca roar (as I do with all ex-girlfriends). And yes I keep ex-girlfriend numbers in my phone for a while, so I know exactly who’s calling me. I don’t memorize their phone numbers, so I don’t want to answer a regret-filled call on accident. After a while, like a year or so, I go through and purge my phone of numbers I haven’t used or talked to in a while.

So now onto bigger and better things. This chapter is over. Time to open a new one.

Thanks for following all of this madness, and as always thanks for reading.

It’s Tuesday, someone cue the Lynyrd Skynyrd

It’s Tuesday …

That’s all I’m going to say about it. It’s Tuesday.

It started off fairly normal (well, that’s possibly a total lie, but I’ll get to that later) and I’ve got the Lynyrd Skynyrd cued up ready to roll. Sing it with me …

Tuesday’s gone with the wind, Tuesday’s GOOONE with the wind ...”

If you’re not familiar with the song, check it out, then you’ll understand the full meaning of what I’m talking about.

Have a good Tuesday! See you on the other side.

Quick Update: I may have found just the distraction I was needing

You know the ol’ saying “The best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one,”? Well, this is sort of like that, but not exactly.

I’ve heard from all sorts of people (friends, family, readers, etc.) that I should really just cut my loses with Staci and move on. I totally agree – I should – and I’ve been back on Match and pretty much resigned myself that this thing with Staci is over.

She’s been increasingly distant, but this morning she was texting me right away and even mentioned she missed so. So .. there’s that, whatever That is. And the only reason I’ve lingered this long is because, well frankly, I didn’t have anything else going on. No other options, no other women, no upcoming free time to potentially meet someone. So I really had/have nothing to lose by sticking around to see how this whole thing with her ex-boyfriend goes.

Until now.

I spent a large amount of my recovery time this weekend talking with a very pleasant distraction. That’s all I’m really going to say about it right now. I should have a lot more to talk about on the subject after Thursday (if you’re following me).

So … a lot going on this week. The fallout from whatever happens Tuesday with Staci and the likely end to that chapter, and the anticipated opening of a new chapter Thursday night.

Thanks for your concern and comments! I do appreciate them all. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci: The Writing is on the wall but still playing the waiting game

For all of you frantically wondering, my procedure went just fine – amazing well, actually. I was in and out in less than an hour (that’s what she said) and the recovery time is nothing what I expected it to be. I figured I would be in a lot more pain, but I’ve only been in slight discomfort – at most.

But I did hang out with Staci Thursday night, before my procedure Friday. It went OK, and was pretty much normal. I’ll admit it was a little awkward. But holding hands and kissing was pretty much normal. She initiated contact, holding and kissing just a much as I did, and at her normal pace. But it just wasn’t quite “normal.” The kissing was frequent, but it was nowhere near as intimate and passionate as it has been. Conversation was good – and normal – but we did avoid what is going on next week.

That was until I dropped her off at her house. Then I brought it up. I had been doing a lot of thinking and had two questions for her. Before I get to the questions, the last thing (other than kissing goodnight and goodbye) she did was bring me gifts for my dogs. Again, if she isn’t interested in us being together, why would she see something for my dogs, think about them, much less actually buy it for them if she didn’t see us being together? I mean, I still want to be with her, but if I saw something that I knew she would love, much less something for her dog or cats, I wouldn’t buy it right now until I was sure what was going on. But I digress …

First thing I asked was if she thought I made too much out of nothing by reacting the way I did the other night. I wondered if she would agree that the whole thing wasn’t anything worth getting worked up over and I overreacted. I have been in that position before where I met with an ex. I told you about the one time, but there have been plenty of other times where it was totally innocent and meaningless. And maybe that is all this would be. All she said was that she totally understood my reaction and didn’t blame me for reacting that way.

Then I asked her a more personal, blunt question. I asked her, why – given all the opportunities I have given her recently – didn’t she just walk away, end it or break up with me. I did, I gave her many opportunities to just say it would be better if we just ended it. Whether it was because she wanted to get back with him, she wasn’t sure about me/us, or anything like that. But she hasn’t (yet). She said that was because that’s not what she wanted to do. She liked me and still wanted to be with me.

Now, I’m not idiot. Like I said last time, I take what she says at about 50% face-value right now. She could absolutely mean it, but my money right now is on the fact that she’s just keeping me around waiting to see how things go Tuesday.

I’ve had a few conversations about what I plan to do if she comes back and says she wants to stay together – after Tuesday. Simple. Given what has gone on, the fact that she has been pulling away (which I will get to more in a second), and her lack of commitment leading up to this, I am fully intending to demand more of a formal commitment from her going forward.

Ok, you may be looking at that a little funny. A demand? An ultimatum? Is that really the best way to go?

Yes it is! Why? Because I deserve better than what I’ve been getting – especially recently. I’m not a backup plan, second option, last resort. And that’s exactly what I look like (to many of you) and feel like. As much as I would love to be with her and see where this goes, I believe I’m worth more of a commitment (at this point) than I have received to this point.

And that’s exactly what I’ll tell her. I’ve had lots of time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it over the last few days.

Especially since I haven’t heard from her as much as I would have thought, considering my procedure. But again, it has been very up and down. I pretty much did not hear from her yesterday after about 10am when I was heading home from my procedure. She was babysitting her nephews yesterday, so I heard a few casual things from her, but nothing substantial, and it was clear she was still pulling away. Even then, and as the day went on, there was no “how are you doing?”, “how are you feeling?”, nothing. Nothing! I texted her when I was going to bed and heard nothing from her.

Then this morning around 7am, she said she fell asleep early and that’s why she didn’t respond. We exchanged a few messages but still nothing asking about how I was feeling or doing. I went back to sleep and woke up after 10am and texted her again. Then i didn’t hear from her until about 2pm, when she finally called me. Finally, she asked how I was doing, how I was feeling, asked about how my son was doing with my mother in town looking after him because of my procedure. Then we got into a lot of our normal conversations.

We were talking about her being a part of other procedures I’m planning on having, like one to repair a lingering injury to my hand. Then we talked about me getting some new tattoos, which we had been talking about numerous times. Not only did she talk to me like she was still planning on being a part of the whole process(es), but she even initiated several topics and comments. It was NOT just me bringing stuff up and her just going along with it. She even mentioned something about finally getting to hang out with my mom.

Again, either she really means it, or she is just that damn manipulative where she will act like nothing is wrong to avoid conflict. It would have been very easy to just brush off the conversation without committing to anything or adding to the conversation. But she did both.

And the rest of the night has been pretty much back to normal, including her saying that she misses me. She’s out with her friends tonight and has been in contact with me (more than I would’ve expected) and even said she will contact me when she gets home. Now, I’ve heard that before and she didn’t follow through. I’m not expecting her to actually follow through and I am not going to stress about it tonight. Seems kind of pointless right now.

Even though the writing seems to be on the wall that our time is likely running out, there are still signs to the contrary. They could be false signs just to distract me from the truth, which isn’t working very well, but they could be genuine. I guess we will see next week.

You know I will keep you updated. And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci Update: She meets him on Tuesday and small test may be coming

Every siren, warning signal and exit light are going off in my head right now. And Han Solo is whispering in my ear. But I haven’t jumped ship with Staci, yet.

I know you’re asking yourself, “Why, man? WHY??”

It’s not that easy. I mean, she could have walked away – god knows I’ve given her enough opportunities to the last few days – but she hasn’t yet, either. And I think you all know by now, I’ve definitely fallen hard for this girl.

We talked again yesterday, after I sent her a long email describing my feelings about her, us, the situation, etc.

I am much better at expressing myself when I’m writing. I’m not very good at impromptu burst of emotional dialogue, and I usually end up saying something dumb that makes everything worse. So the other night, after she dropped the bomb and I was trying to handle it the best I could, I was very measured and cautious with my responses. So I wanted to clearly express what I was thinking in an email.

Basically, I said I couldn’t see any good reason for her to meet up with her ex-boyfriend. I told her that if she had any thoughts of getting back together with him, I was out, because I would just be a backup, secondary option. And I’m much more than anyone’s backup plan. I also reminded her that if getting back together is the plan, that she too would be his backup plan – and that we BOTH deserved better than that. We also had a conversation about Karma, and I reminded her that this particular scenario was loaded with bad potential Karma, if she did decide to go back with him. She is very much involved with her friends’ lives and their relationships, so I appealed to that side of her by acknowledging I know she knows what is going on here, and if she was her friend, what would she tell herself. I know she would tell her friends to stay away from something like this because it never works. Never! Lastly, I just reiterated how I felt about her, how great I thought we were together, how much chemistry we had together. And then I said I trusted her to do the right thing and tell me the moment she didn’t see a future for us – that I at least deserved that much.

After a day of communicating pretty much like normal, we talked later on that evening. She said she did not disagree with anything that I said. She said she was going into this with him just to see what he had to say. She had not talked to or heard from him since May (even though she saw him a while back). As I pressed about her feelings about possibly getting back together with him, she did not flat out say No, nor did she say she was openly considering it. She would just say she wanted to hear what he had to say first. I pressed further and asked directly, “what if he said he wants to get back together?” Her answer was she will have to wait to see how to handle it when (and if) the time comes. I asked what she wanted me to do until her decision, and she said she would like a little space. I agreed.

However that didn’t last long. Less than an hour, I had to clarify something she said out of context. From there we kept chatting. I told her, “I know what I said, but I just can’t go without hearing from her.” Not if we’re still together on some level. She said she liked that, and was very sweet the rest of the night as we communicated back and forth. Now maybe that was a deliberate test on her part to see what I would do, and exactly how interested in her I am. But if she really meant it, I know she would’ve scolded me about it, because she scolded me about sending that long email to her work email. I know some of you think it gives her too much power to see me that interested in her, which I calculated before saying anything. But I really don’t think at this point it matters either way (good or bad). So I might as well do what I want. And if she sees that I am really that interested in her and Us, maybe that will have an impact on her thought process next week. I mean, staying away could only hurt my chances. Out of sight, out of mind. This way, I stay in the picture, and at least make it harder to just cut the rope.

[Here’s a little asterisk for ya; Every time I say “she says (something)”, I know full well there’s a Believability Factor of anywhere from 50-100%. She could be telling me the whole truth or just part of the truth. Nothing I gather so far suggests that anything she is saying is a flat-out lie. So don’t think I haven’t thought about this, and that I am fully believing everything that comes out of her mouth.]

I hate it, but I get it. I was in a similar position about 10 years ago. There was this ex-girlfriend I was hung up on for years. No matter how serious of the current relationship I was in at the time, I always thought back to the “what ifs” of that particular girlfriend. I mean it, this went on for YEARS. Then one day, we stumbled across each other on Facebook through mutual friends and began catching up. We decided to get together and talk. I will be completely honest (aren’t I always?), I went into it hoping to rekindle something and see what might happen between us. I was single at the time, so it made having those thoughts a bit easier. But it really didn’t take long, once we were finally together, for all of those thoughts to dissipate. Things just weren’t the way I had thought or hoped. It emphasized why we weren’t together anymore. I walked away from that with a solid amount of closure and really felt better about myself, and subsequently it allowed to focus my attention on my current relationships. I was always keeping one eye looking back, not fully attentive to my current relationships, and that wasn’t fair to them. But not anymore.

So I understand the need for something like this – sometimes. And I guess I’m hoping it works out similarly for Staci – as well as in my favour.

Like I said, she sees him on Tuesday. So I don’t know if I am going to hear from her Tuesday night or Wednesday. She says it is just dinner and that she won’t be drinking alcohol, in order to keep her head on straight. I find that hard to believe, because she can be a heavy drinker sometimes, and always have to have something alcoholic when we go out. I commented that it would probably be a good idea to keep her head clear, especially if he’s trying to talk her into something. So … And after the other night, she said she felt it was only right to talk about these things in person. So I emphasized with her that whatever the outcome, she would need to tell me in person, as well. So we’ll see if it Tuesday or Wednesday.

Right now, my feelings are that hearing from her on Tuesday could be either good or bad. She could have a similar experience to mine, and realize how much she really wants us to work and has to tell me that night. Or the absolute converse, where she realizes she has to get back together with this guy and wants to get it over with quickly. However, to me, Wednesday is the worst. Because, the only way Wednesday is good if she is still conflicted after leaving and needs time to think before deciding what to do with “Us.” But likely, Wednesday means she has to formulate how she wants to tell me that she’s ending things and is reluctant to do it. Or, they’re night lasts so long together that she doesn’t have time to tell me what it going on. Or worse yet, they hit it off so well they jumped right back into bed together, and therefore I’m not hearing from her until Wednesday. Wednesday is not good, really, no matter how you slice it. But we’ll see.

And I know many of you are out there shaking your head. Screaming at your screen “She’s just holding on to you as a fallback in case it doesn’t work with this guy,” or something similar. You think that I will just run to her unconditionally if she snaps her fingers or bats her eyelashes. I get it. I totally do. But I’ve thought about that too. Don’t worry.

No matter the result of this, I realize that even if we remain together (somehow) things cannot stay the same. This has shown that I am not “There” yet, wherever “There” is. Basically, it just means this has proven I’m not important enough to her yet. I would love to be so important to someone, that the thought of meeting up with an ex turns into a simple “No, I’m not going.” Or at least, be sitting there with him and be thinking about me so much that she realizes she wants us to be together. But it has only been a few months. I get it. We are not there yet.

So if she comes back, has the closure she needs or whatever, and says she wants us to still be together. it isn’t just going to continue on as usual. If we are to continue on, I want the commitment. No more of this “feeling us out” stuff.

She hurt me with this, and if she still wants to be with me, she has to prove it. That is only fair, especially at this point.

And don’t think I’m just sitting here, staring at the phone waiting for her to have some sort of epiphany and come running into my arms. I’m packing my bags (figuratively, not literally, we didn’t move in together) getting ready to hit the road. I’m dusting off the Match profile. And I’m realistically thinking that there is only a 25% chance we’re still together by next weekend.

But I’m not in any rush, and don’t have any options open right now. So waiting to see what happens next week isn’t interrupting anything anyway. So I might as well see how it goes. You know, it’s like watching that baseball game when you’re favorite team is down by 4 runs in the bottom of the 9th and the best hitters are coming up. It’s a long shot, but there is still a chance your guys can pull off the comeback. So you stick around, standing by the exit of the sports bar watching the game on the big screen. With every out, you step a little closer to the door, but with every hit and every run scored, you move a little farther into the bar.

Right now, the way she is acting and talking with me, makes me feel like she still wants “Us”. So I’m near the exit, but not too close to the door.

We’re supposed to still see each other tonight. Not the same plans we had previously (with Max), but still just getting together for a little bit. I don’t think I can handle being in public with her trying to act “normal” with her. So we’ll see how it goes tonight, if it happens at all. I’m still more than 50% certain she’ll eventually cancel, but I could be wrong. I am wrong a lot with her.

And a small test will present itself this weekend. I hate games and tests, but I will be paying attention to this one.

She knows I am having a medical procedure tomorrow (Friday) morning. She has the day off babysitting her nephews. I won’t be able to get to my phone for a while, but I will be paying attention to see if and when I hear from her. I’m sure I will, she’s too sweet and plays the game too well to not say something know I just went through minor surgery. But what, how, when and content will be an interesting thing to watch tomorrow while I’m recovering. I won’t initiate anything with her tomorrow. Any reasonable person wouldn’t expect me to, given the situation.

And then, she was planning on coming over to check on me this weekend. That will be a bigger gauge of where I stand with her now. I think there’s a small chance she asks me if I want her to come over, and I think there’s an even smaller chance she just comes over on her own without discussing it first. My hopes are not high for seeing her this weekend. It was a definite certainty before, but now, not so much. But we will see.

I’m not going to be very active this weekend, so in between sleeping, reading “The Martian” by Andy Weir, and managing pain, I will probably have plenty of time to catch you up on anything that goes on.

But we are nearly at 2000 words, so it’s time to go. I appreciate you for making it this far! I’ll have to buy you a drink for sticking with me through it (especially if you’re a single lady 😉 ). And as always, thanks for reading!