Staci Update: I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

Today was the first time I thought about ending it with Staci.

OK, before I get started here, I’m just telling you I’m writing this in the wee hours of the morning when I have to get up and go into the office tomorrow, because I can’t freaking sleep.

I’m not proud of that. I’ve had doubts, concerns, and questions about what we’re actually doing here, but I have not thought about breaking up with her before – until today.

And before you all pile on me for not following my own dating protocol: If think you should end it, then end it. Don’t drag it out, I haven’t followed my normal dating protocols to this point with Staci. So why start now? And remember, I was in the military for more than 20 years where my daily life was governed by rules, regulations and protocols. I’m good with living my life that way. I’m not some hippie living his life a free willy nilly. So this is kind of difficult for me.

She hasn’t gone out the last two nights and was intent on catching up on her sleep. Last night went well but the night prior was a disaster as storms caused her animals to go all nuts and she was up at 4am calming them down and cleaning up “messes”. And of course last night, she texts me wanting me to come over and watch TV with her. Of course, her timing was horrible. Where were these offers weeks ago? Last night I had a back to school night and other things on my plate getting my son into the swing of going back to school this week. I said I was fine with us getting together (with my son in tow) but I know she’s not ready for that yet. And I understand that, so it’s not an issue.

And tonight we got together for another concert.

But today was just off. I can’t explain it. Other than to say I think a trend is developing. Things seem really great, like yesterday, with good conversations, flirting, the occasional “I miss you” and such. But today was OFF. And it all seemed to start last night after her conversation with her sister. This is a trend I’m not sure how to interpret. Whenever she has a long (heart-to-heart) with someone, whether it is her sister, roommate, a good friend, or whoever, she gets distant. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes a couple of days. But then things return to “normal.” I can speculate all day what I think it might be, but I have no real idea. And I’m not really about to ask.

Wait … I didn’t have to ask.

The concert was great. We were like a power couple out tonight. We had a great time, holding hands, kissing, holding each other … you know … the works. It was great. Until I dropped her off at her car.

Do you hear that? That faint whistling sound that’s getting louder and more high pitched? Ya, that’s the bomb about to drop.

After all that, she tells me her ex-boyfriend (remember the one she said broke her heart) contacted her and said he wants to get together and talk, and she isn’t sure what to do or what that means for us. Oh by the way, this came after about 15 minutes of making out in my car before I was going to let her go home.

I couldn’t believe it. I was incensed. What a sucker I am! What a fool I am!

I told her exactly what is happening. He’s an EX for a reason. He dumped her and broke her heart because he wanted something else. And it wasn’t her. Now, something went wrong, and he’s doing what douchebag guys do – he’s going back to the recent girlfriend as his fallback girl because he knows she’s still got feelings for him. And we ALL know how that is going to work out. Not well. I have NEVER seen a couple get back together and have it work out. On top of that, it usually only lasts a short time before falling apart again. I’ve been through it, I’ve seen it 100 times.

So I explained this to her. That if I was her friend, that is exactly what I’d tell her. Stay Away! And I’ve told dozens of friends that exact thing.

So I laid everything out on the table. What I felt about her. What I felt about us. The potential I saw in us. And more. Then I asked her if she thought there was still a chance for us after she talks with him. She said definitely Yes (with about a 50% confidence level).

This could not have come at a worse time. I needed to get my son and take him home because he starts school tomorrow, and it was midnight.

She held me and apologized profusely. I said I can’t believe I’m about to suggest this, because my normal protocol would have been to leave 15-20 minutes earlier. But since I haven’t followed protocol with her yet, why start now. Right? So I said, “fine, talk to him and see how you feel, then let me know.” Well, they aren’t supposed to talk until next week. And she insists she isn’t going to drink in order to keep her head about her, because we know he’s trying to pry her for rebound sex or whatever. I don’t fully believe that, and told her as much. I’m being 100% honest here.

And she said she was trying to be honest with me about this. Which I kind of scoffed at. She knew this was all going on and yet let the night unfold like it did. She knew this was all going on and let me fork out all the money to take her out and buy drinks all night. You can’t tell me that is being “honest.”

I’ll be honest with you all right now. I love her! And I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t have any say in the matter and I don’t think my chances are very good right now. I can’t see her walking away from him if he wants to get back together. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m hoping I’m wrong. And I told her I hope she doesn’t make a big mistake (leaving me for him), and she hoped she didn’t make a mistake either.

I’m crushed. And I’m sure this isn’t my most coherent post.

As we left, she said she would let me know when she got home. She should have been home almost an hour ago. Still no word.

I guess I’ll see what tomorrow holds. I’m not playing it like a normal day. No way. No how. I’ll see if she contacts me at all. And I’m pretty sure our plans with Max for Thursday are also cancelled. I can’t possibly see how I could go out with her like nothing is wrong with this hanging over my head.

Not unless she has some epiphany and calls it off with this ex of hers. Not likely going to happen, but a dreamer can dream.

I’ll let you know how it goes. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Touching all the bases, but still no home run

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know I read that somewhere once. OK, saying it was the worst of times is likely an exaggeration, but you get the idea; the Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players and Red Hot Chilly Peppers) is in full swing.

OK, last we talked, I mentioned I needed to update you on meeting Staci’s brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Last week, Staci and I decided to just have a quiet night together. We really hadn’t had one since the night we watched Guardians of the Galaxy together. We wanted a night without concerts, movies, bars, sporting events, large crowds, driving all over and spending a lot of money. Just a night to be together.

The plan was to pick up take-out from a local Italian place, bring it back and hang out. Once we started talking about it – while she was still in the bathroom getting ready – she mentioned it was her brother’s favorite place to get food from. So she texted him to see if they wanted anything since we were picking it up. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were on our way over there to have dinner with her brother and SIL. FYI, they only live about 5-10 minutes from Staci’s house.

It didn’t bother me that this was interfering with our alone time, because it meant that meeting family was another positive step in the relationship. So I was all for it. To keep things brief – because I have a lot of other stuff to get to – it went really well. We made easy conversation, Staci even commented afterward how I was making them laugh (which was a big bonus in my favor), and she said they really seemed to like me. Score! Now I just have to meet her sister and father (who both live in our same town).

I mentioned going over to her house a few nights ago and then we were supposed to go to a baseball game Saturday night. Then “IT” happened again. She went out Thursday with Amy to a charity golf gala – staying out much later than she really reasonably should have (but I digress) – then Friday she went out to dinner with Amy and a few of her other girlfriends.

A while back we had this conversation about me being concerned and her at least letting me know when she got home safely. But “IT” happened again. I talked to her about 7:30pm. She was on her way to meet Amy and I told her my friend cancelled plans with me, and she was all bent out of shape that he would cancel at the last minute (to go hang out with his girlfriend). See the irony there?

She said she would call me when she was done. Let’s fast forward 18 hours. Yes, I8 hours. I had sent about a half dozen texts between 8pm-2am. Casual “what’s up?” texts, to something random on my mind, to eventually “what’s going on on?” and “Is everything OK?” So we had another one of THOSE nights. So, I decided to play the waiting game, a game of Chicken, if you will. Didn’t hear from her until after 1pm Saturday.

She still was planning on coming over. She wanted to help me start gutting my basement before I remodel it. She was admittedly hungover. She allegedly didn’t drive home, she was so drunk. So when I asked her how she got home, she said she took and cab and then had her sister drive her to go get her car. She asked me if I was still wanting her to come over. I answered with a question; “Do you want to come over?” Yes, I was being snarky. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t directly answer any questions, just basically said, “whatever you want to do.”

She came over, we didn’t clean my basement. I wasn’t in the mood. So we talked for a while instead. I explained to her how this happened another night before I had big plans for us (making dinner for her and her friends) and her excessive partying interfered. I had a fun day planned, all of which was blown out of the water because she got up so late, wasn’t ready to go anywhere, and we were running out of time before heading to the baseball game. We still had to go to her house for her to get ready before the game.

So I finally cut to the chase. I asked her if I was the only guy in the picture. A reasonable question given recent events and conversations. She quickly said yes and I didn’t get any feelings of suspicion or intentional deceit. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Then she said she was still “feeling us out.” I really don’t think that’s what she meant, because “feeling us out” means she has one foot out the door and isn’t sure about “Us.” I don’t get that feeling from her. I get that she wants to take things slow, but that’s not the same as feeling things out.

So things picked up after that conversation (they always do after our little heart-to-hearts). We went to lunch and continued talking. We started talking about planning our schedules and time to see each other (now that my son is back, he wasn’t then but is now). But the big “bomb” was still to come.

She mentioned that her and Amy were planning a trip to Mexico over the Christmas/New Year’s break. I was thinking to myself, Oh wonderful, this is her way of saying ‘don’t make any plans to see me over the biggest week of the year.’ I was wrong! That’s when she mentioned that her and Amy were talking about Jack (Amy’s boyfriend) and I coming down to join them for a few days in Mexico.

Whoa!! Hold the phone! You’re “feeling us out” but still talking about me going to Mexico with her in December? DECEMBER, that’s 5 months from now! I don’t think you’re “feeling me out” if you’re thinking that far ahead like that. But I’m not complaining, I’m IN!

We finally made it to the game and met up with Amy and Jack, who were also there. We hopped from bar to bar at the stadium, watching the games on the screens and occasionally watching the live action on the field. It was a sold out stadium so lots of people and good people watching. It was fun.

We even had an interesting conversation about having kids as we walked through the parking lot. She totally initiated it. Talking about whether we each wanted (more) kids, starting “the clock” over with a new kid, her age and trying to have a baby. I wasn’t really expecting that, especially not yet, but I went with it just the same and it didn’t freak me out or anything.

An interesting moment that Staci found particularly intriguing was after the game when we stopped by a local restaurant for a quick bite before heading home. I really didn’t eat anything, but Staci did. Amy and Jack were there, as well as another couple. I was ready to go home, not hang out, but anyway. Near the end, they were talking about Staci’s roommate’s upcoming wedding, and how they didn’t even know when it was and Staci was going to find out. Amy – who is very loud, boisterous, and a huge diva – was going on about the open bar and wedding cake and stuff and she looked right at me and said with attitude “Sorry, I’m going to be her Plus One!” My response and reaction was simple and to the point. I cocked my head to the side with a bit of raised eyebrow and just said, “No. No. I don’t think so. That’s definitely not happening.” Staci was impressed because guys usually don’t stand up to Amy very often, enough so that she mentioned as we were driving home. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Knowing Amy and her influence, I’ll probably get the short end of the stick, but don’t think I’ll just go down without a fight. WHO takes a girl friend to a wedding when you actually have a date, boyfriend or husband? Not anyone I know (yet).

After, we came back to my house. She left her car at my house after stopping by. She didn’t want to come inside, in order to avoid any possibility of sex (still). I’m still not exactly sure why she isn’t “ready” because every indication I have is that she IS ready (which you will see in a moment), except for mentally (or maybe emotionally) for some reason. But as has happened numerous times, a simple kissing session escalated into a hot and heavy makeout session.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but we were in my garage, up against my car “going at it” for a very long while. Several times I asked if she’d rather go inside because it was still a rather humid night out. The garage was open, but I live at the end of a cul de sac and it was after midnight, so there was no vehicle traffic passing by. By the end, her top was basically off, she had her hands (yes both) down my my pants and I had my hand in her pants. And that lasted for a while. It’s not like she stopped immediately once I reached in her pants or exposed her breasts – like she would have before. But she did eventually stop before any actual type of sex (regular or oral) happened. And then we just hugged and caressed and kissed each other for a while longer before we finally said goodnight and she went home.

After she got home and was texting me while she was in bed, another significant milestone (if you want to call it that) happened. One our way back to my house, her phone kept blowing up with text messages. She was ignoring them, and I made a comment about it being Amy (since we just left her and Jack), but I had a suspicion it wasn’t Amy. Once home, she told me it was an ex texting her while he’s drunk and she told him to stop and said it was nothing to worry about.

Here’s why it’s significant (to me) and why I believe her. She didn’t have to tell me that. Even if it was 100% nothing, she didn’t have to tell me. She could’ve left it alone and assume I thought it was Amy and never mentioned it again. But she told me. She made sure I knew the truth, and the she handled it. Again, I can’t emphasize enough, she didn’t have to tell me. Ladies, do you tell your man every time some ex or an interested guy texts you randomly? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing you think it wouldn’t be worth the effort to bring it up and have to explain it. But she did. So instead of making a big deal about how inappropriate I think it is for him to be doing that, I just said “Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” I want to foster this sort of thing, not give her reasons to hide it from me, because we all know people don’t need reasons to hide things from their partners.

She’s also forwarding me emails and messages from friends about things, so things are definitely opening up. Again, I really don’t think she’s applying “feeling us out” in the correct way. She wouldn’t be this open and upfront if she was.

OK. That’s enough for today, I think 2000 words is enough. Don’t you? We have another concert on our schedule for tomorrow and then getting together with friend’s son (Max) for karaoke Thursday. So be on the look out for more updates later on in the week.

And as always, thanks for reading!

She wore that out? Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. 

Ok, it’s late, I just got back from Staci’s and I have to get up early for work tomorrow. So I’m jotting this down on my iPad quickly so I can get it off my mind/chest. 

Seeing Staci tonight was kind of an impromptu thing. I had a meeting tonight that was going to be near her and was going to get over around 8pm. She had a meeting with her pet-sitter and was going to meet her friend’s son (Max, who’s 25) for drinks to discuss her ideas about finding a possible new house to move into. He’s apparently been helping her with her search, even though she isn’t 100% positive about moving. But she’s looking into it. 

The whole thing started when Staci told me her roommate mentioned that she wished I was coming over to cook for them again tonight. She forwarded me the text. It was really sweet and a nice ego boost.

But a little bit on the Max guy; he knows about me and I’ve been around when she’s been on the phone with him. She tells him she’s with me, and will talk about his mom who’s going through a lot of drama and possibly getting a divorce. Staci even told me tonight that she was talking to him about us going out next week to a karaoke bar that has live band karaoke. If you haven’t tried it, it’s way better than regular karaoke. It’s the total rock star experience. But he suggested this regular karaoke bar, and he’s apparently joining us. Not sure if he’s bringing a date (he better) or what. But it looks like we’re going to the place he suggested. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about this guy. Staci is 46, old enough to be his mom, so I hope there aren’t any ideas going on there. 

Well, I was on my way to her house around 8pm, when she told me she was still out and would be home by 9pm. I said OK, and I’d see her then. I didn’t get a cancellation response, which kind of shocked me. So, I make my way to her house about 9pm and she still isn’t home yet. Said she needed to stop by WalMart real quick to pick up stuff for her cats. But she gave me the code to her garage door so I could let myself in. 

About 15 minutes later she arrived home. As I kissed her, it was obvious she had seriously drinking. And she looked hot. Wearing a sleeveless black top that was sheer around the waist so I could see through it. Again, she looked really good.  I didn’t think anything about it until I was in my car heading home. To that in a minute.  

We sat around and talked for about an hour. We kissed some, but not as intense as usual. Not a big deal.  She was still initiating. But you could tell her intoxication was affecting her. 

An interesting note happened when we were talking about her watching my dog this weekend while I go get my son. Yes, it’s this weekend. Since I have to leave so early in the moringing to get him Sunday, I offered to just leave my dog there overnight Saturday. Her first response was asking if I was using her as an excuse to stay the not Saturday. I immediately said No, because I honestly had not thought of it that way. She said we’ll see how it goes. Not sure what that exactly means, but ok. 

I left by 10:30pm, not even 2 hours later. She mentioned it would be 3 days before we saw each other again. I playfully said she could change that anytime she wanted. But I’m not holding my breath. 

Then on my way home, the whole outfit things crossed my mind. That was definitely a “going out” top. Not what I would expect for casually meeting a friend, or a friend’s son. Maybe she just wanted to look nice going out, maybe there was more to it. I didn’t say a word to her about it. And I won’t. But it did totally preoccupy my drove home. 

Thoughts? And be sure to catch the next update about meeting her brother – coming soon, and as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

No, I’m not going to break into Bon Jovi. But yes, that was a direct reference to the song.

To say this weekend was a rollercoaster with Staci, is putting it mildly. There’s a lot to cover, but I’ll try to be succinct here.

This past weekend was her big concert weekend, except for Sunday, which fell through leaving Sunday open for me. But the concert portion brought a little more drama than I would have originally expected. First there was the matter of running into both her her ex-husband and ex-boyfriend (most recent). Then culminating in her getting escorted out of the concert for getting into an altercation with a drunk bee-hotch. I’ll spare the details, only to say she didn’t actually hit or fight anyone, but I was very impressed and our new running joke is how aroused I am with my newly discovered badass girlfriend.

Sunday started great. We went shopping, for her this time. I ended up buying her a coat she was dying to have and she spent a good amount on new earrings. We had a nice lunch at my favorite mongolian barbecue place, then went to see the new Mission Impossible movie.

After the movie, we went back to her house and cracked open the strawberry-vodka watermelon I made last week for our get-together that was cancelled. Her roommate joined us and we talked for a few hours. Then finally we started to get hungry so I made us the kabobs I also made for our previous get-together.

Everything was going great. She was kissing me, touching me, holding my hand, and everything else was as normal as could be. She seemed very impressed with my cooking abilities. Well, she actually did say it was impressive having a man who knows his way around the kitchen.

Then she asked me if I wanted to go sit outside with her. Of course I said, yes. But that’s when it all turned on a dime.

She said she had a confession to make. That is NEVER a good way to start a conversation. Long story short; she said she was conflicted. Seeing her ex-boyfriend really stirred things up because apparently he really broke her heart when they broke up, and she still apparently isn’t completely over it – the heartache, not him. She even said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be exclusive with me.

I was stoic for a very long time. Deadpan and silent. But I was still holding and caressing her hand. My silence and expression was really bothering her. She said exactly that. She wanted to know what was going through my mind. I couldn’t break down just one thought, there were millions of things racing through my head.

Finally, I said I wanted to know what this meant “for us.” And I also said I could handle taking things slow. I understood her wanting to make sure “this” was real and that I was for real before jumping to deep into the pool. I told her I was willing to do just about anything to make sure she was comfortable and happy because I thought she was worth it. But I made sure there was one thing I could not, and would not do. That was (me) being in an exclusive relationship with her, if she wasn’t in an exclusive relationship with me and was going to see other guys.

I also explained a few things about how I feel about her, and how I appreciate what she’s done for me so far. Those compliments seemed to be a turning point. But I went back to being stoic. And that really got under her skin. She asked how I was feeling, she wanted to know if I was mad at her. I said I was hurt, confused, irritated, disappointed, and more but I wasn’t mad.

It seems she was clearly conflicted. She was still hurting from before and didn’t want to get hurt again. But she also liked “Us” and where we were. She had to make the decision to stick this out with me, or make a decision to protect herself but possibly miss out on something she really liked. Me pointing this out to her also seemed to ease things for her. I said she can’t live like that. If you’re in a relationship and fearful of getting hurt, you’ll never fully be happy in or enjoy the relationship. Relationship end, that’s what they do. No matter how long you’re together, someone always gets hurt in the end. It’s the risk for the reward of a great relationship.

I also asked again about “us.” That’s when she said she wasn’t going anywhere. Shortly after that, things really started to lighten up. She was back to putting her head on my shoulder, and laughing and kissing me. By the time it was time for me to go (at 1 a.m.) things seemed almost back to normal. But as we were saying our goodbyes, she asked if I was OK. I said, to be honest, I was pretty nervous – about us. She again reassured me that she wasn’t going anywhere, and just asked for me to be patient with her.

All the way through the next day, things seemed back to normal. She called me when she got home from work and we talked for a while. She said she was going to bed early because she was so exhausted from all the concerts and long nights. She called me again around 9 p.m. as she was getting into bed. We made plans to get together tonight, just a casual night of just hanging out together at her house. I said goodnight and told her to turn off her phone to avoid distractions and go to bed.

About 20 minutes later, she texts me. We have a lengthy conversation just playing around about her being distracted. I told her I’d have to come over to eliminate all the other distractions so she could go to bed. Then she said I was the main distraction, which is totally a compliment. It went on until I finally said “What am I going to do with you?”

To say I wasn’t being playful, trying to draw her into a flirting conversation, would only be a half-truth. I was hoping she’d take the bait, and she did. She asked what I would do with her? I asked her to be more specific about a situation. She said she wanted to know what I would do with her when I finally got her clothes off. That led to a very good, lengthy sexting conversation, which culminated in both of us saying numerous times that it would be totally worth the wait. There was no vulgarity or specific detailed acts described. It was very generalized but we both knew what the other meant.

She made sure I knew how flushed, and hot and bothered she was. She also wanted to make sure I knew that she was definitely going to make it worth my wait.

Finally, we shut things down and she went to bed. Still early, but not as early as she had planned.

Then at 5 a.m. I got a text from her saying that she wanted to wrap herself around me, and that she was still worked up from the previous night. And then she told me she had the Ariana Grande song “Love Me Harder” stuck in her head.

So, again, it appears that a small, rough, bump in the road, forcing us to get things out in the open, has actually improved the overall status of the relationship. Things seem more secure than they have been, despite that conversation.

Though I am heading over to her place tonight for a nice relaxing evening together, I am in NO way expecting anything sexual to happen tonight, My money is actually on her saying something about our conversations not leading to anything happening, to clarify her position. If something sexual does happen, and tonight is the night, I will be more than pleasantly surprised. But again, I’m not expecting anything to happen tonight – possibly Saturday night when we get together again – but I won’t turn anything down.

If you have any comments or questions, please leave them below. And as always, thanks for reading.