First Five: First Date (Pt.1)

Now we’ve made it past First Contact and you’ve been chatting and talking with someone you’re interested in, let’s discuss (for some) possibly the most nerve-racking part of dating – the First Date.

First, I’ll discuss a little about getting, setting up and leading up to that First Date. Then we’ll talk about what and what not to do on that First Date, as well as a few pointers for following up after the date.

—-[ Let’s PAUSE here for a second]—-

OK, I wanted to put this up front, instead of burying it at the end because I think it’s something you all need to understand (since this is a women-heavy readership).

Men KNOW pretty much after the first date. No, they don’t exactly know you are “The One”,  but they do know whether or not you have the potential to be “The One” and whether they want to pursue it further or not. If he keeps pursuing you and asking you out, that means he still sees you filled with potential. He’s not asking you out to just see how it goes or to “feel things out”, as most women like to say. Now, here’s the asterisk to that: this only applies to good men who are looking for actual relationships, not hookups.

—-[Back to your regularly scheduled programming]—-

Before you get the First Date, you have to set up the First Date. Now, the first thing you have to do is gauge your partner, because some people like to chit chat online, email or text for a long time before deciding to go out with someone, while others want to just cut through the nonsense and get right to the physical meeting to see if there is any chemistry, as well as to avoid wasting valuable time with someone they end up not feeling compatible with. If you aren’t good at “reading the room”, then just ask. It’s that easy.

Now to some important tips I’ve put together about setting up the first date. This applies to the men, not women.

  • Be the man! Ask her out before she has to ask you. Even if she is head-over-heels interested in you and anxious to go out with you, you’re the man – You Ask Her!
  • Give her plenty of time to prepare for the date. If I want to go out with a girl that weekend, I generally ask early in the week. You don’t know if they already have plans for the weekend, but you want to get your foot in the door before other offers come along. Tuesday is generally my target day for asking a girl out.
  • If she says No, at first. Don’t just give up. Give her more time instead. Maybe she just wants to “feel things out” a little more. Don’t get discouraged. If she is still talking to you, she is still interested in you – remember that. And whatever you do, don’t be an insecure jerk about it and pout or get pissy with her. You’re shutting the door on yourself with that kind of behavior.
  • When she says Yes, then Man Up again and set up the date. Don’t her ask her what she wants to do, or where she would like go. Take the initiative and plan something. If she has a problem with it, like you want sushi and she’s allergic, or something like that, then adjust with a little input. But the initial plan should be All You.
  • Now, going back to my first bullet point, if you’re really good and on your game, you can make it much easier by combining the asking and planning in one simple step. It also makes it harder for her to say No. You don’t really even ask her out, you kind of backdoor it. Just say something like “Why don’t we do sushi and go see (whatever good date RomCom is out) Friday night?” She can’t just say No, she has to come up with a bonafide reason why not and explain it to you. You will cut rejections down significantly approaching it that way. Simply saying “Do you want to go out Friday?” leaves the door wide open for her to give you a simple No answer.
  • Lastly. NEVER plan a Night In for the first date. Make the effort to take her out somewhere nice, in a public setting where she will feel more comfortable. Suggesting a night in watching movies and drinking, etc., just says “I want to just hook-up with you, that’s it.” Don’t be that guy. Date Nights In will come soon enough, and you’ll have plenty of time for that. But start things off on the right foot.

With the First Date set, let’s talk about what should happen on the date. But we will talk about that next time. Otherwise, this post would be so long no one would read it all.  So, logically this is a good breaking point.

Stay tuned for Part 2 to follow shortly. Are you following on Twitter to get updates? Or click the “Follow” button on the right to get updates from the latest posts.

And as always, thanks for reading!

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4 thoughts on “First Five: First Date (Pt.1)”

  1. It’s always interesting hearing about dating from a man’s perspective. I agree with many of your points, although I can’t quite get behind the idea of continuing to try and get a woman to go out with you after she says no. That’s just disrespectful in my book. Also, the idea of combining the asking and the planning because it’s harder for her to say no….? Do you really want to date a woman that you need to convince or trap into it??

    1. Ok. I didn’t mean a hard “No”. I meant a no, as in there is a reason asking out the first time doesn’t work and she’s still talking to the guy. If there’s a hard “No!” And it’s clear she’s not interested then I’m all for moving on, not something creepy or intrusive. I can edit and clarify.

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