Trinity: She said Yes, then said Goodbye*

Hello everyone,

I know it has been quite a while since you last heard from me. I’ve been rather busy; still trying to find a job, recovering from hand surgery, and spending a lot of quality time with an amazing woman, Trinity, whom I asked to share my life with.

I haven’t been posting about her because I felt like I might jinx things if I share them here online. But I guess that doesn’t seem to be much of an issue now. I’ll try to keep this as short as I can and update your more on her and our time together later.

Things with Trinity, as I’ll call her for numerous reasons, were going great up until about a week ago. I asked her to marry me in July and we were planning a wedding for early Spring next year. We had our wedding and reception venues reserved, and were going to book our hotel guest room contract. We had sent out the “Save the Date” notices to our friends and family. I was on cloud nine with her.

Then a week ago Thursday (10 days ago) she called me before going to bed (as she did every night) after her regular Thursday night dinner with her best friend. Out of the blue, she told me she was feeling very stressed about all of the wedding plans, to include our finances because of my lack of a job currently and her lack of income from a rental property she hasn’t had filled for months, along with other personal concerns. She said she felt rushed a little and wanted to postpone the wedding date for a while until we had things established a little better. I was totally supportive and had even told her that I had considered that us getting married next Summer right after school restarted would probably be a much better time to get married.

You see, she wanted to incorporate all of our children in the ceremony and my son gets back from visiting his mother for the summer in mid August right before school stats.

Everything had been OK since then, but she was still acting a little weird. And I was still adjusting to the news. You can’t expect her to drop news like that on me without it bothering me a little bit. Though I was supportive and understanding, the fact that the change was bothering me didn’t set well with her. And then my normal joking, flirty ways – that she originally fell madly in love with – began to annoy her. It seemed I couldn’t say much of anything substantial (especially something related to my feelings) without her getting upset or irritated.

Then Friday (2 days ago) we met for lunch and discussed things further. I started feeling much better after our talk, because she was reassuring me that she still loved me, I still made her happy, and her goal of marrying me and spending our lives together has not changed. We spent the rest of the day texting like normal. Then after her kids went to bed, she called me and dropped the bomb on me.

None of it really makes sense. Yes, we had bumps in the road just like everybody else. Yes, she likes to shut down when she gets stressed and isn’t the best communicator. But none of the issues were remotely close to “relationship killers”, hell, not even the sum total of the issues were enough to terminate a serious relationship like this.

This issues definitely seemed to be the stress of combining our households and her maintaining her free time, and a few smaller issues which we had dealt with early on that seemed to linger. But again, nothing that couldn’t be resolved or worked out.

I tried reassuring her that the wedding plans were not the priority – that her happiness was – but she insisted I was just saying that, but wouldn’t give me the chance to prove it. And several of her “issues” were easily explained away or remedied, but she made sure to say that it wasn’t going to change her mind. She finally ended it by saying she was going to return the ring to me. I reiterated that it didn’t have to be this way and we deserved more of a shot than this.

Since Friday, I have not heard from her (as I’ve mentioned). I’ve desperately wanted to hear her voice or just tell her the usual nonsensical things that transpired in my day. I’ve had to fight from texting her good morning or calling her before bed every day.

Everyone I’ve talked to says I just need to give her some time and space. If I try to reach out too soon, it will just make things worse and push her farther away. I definitely don’t want that. I hope they’re right. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

How much time? How long do I have to wait before I can reach out to her?

She still hasn’t removed me or my family and friends from her Facebook. If you knew her, you would know how serious keeping her Facebook private is to her. She only has about 35 friends and family on Facebook. She’s been on Facebook numerous times since Friday night, so if she was going to do that I figure she would’ve done it by now. I can’t help but hold onto that as a small glimmer of hope that she isn’t fully committed to terminating our relationship.

And though everyone is telling me that I will hear from her and she might come back, because they all saw how great we were together and can’t imagine someone throwing it away so hastily. I sure hope they’re right, but I’m not getting my hopes up and am doubtful I will hear from her anytime soon. That’s why I have the asterisk (*) in the headline.

I’ll definitely keep you all updated on things as they transpire – if anything does happen. In the meantime, if you have any specific questions you want me to address about in my next posts, or if you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to drop me a line. I’m especially curious to know if any of you have taken “a break” like this and how long it lasted.

And as always, thank you all for reading!

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