Talia: Date was great but my son is only 8

By now, everyone should be familiar with my naming game for my dates. I name them alphabetically (so we’re up to “T” since I started this thing) with random, false names to easily keep track and anonymous. And yes, I do have a master list of coinciding real names, but it isn’t stored electronically anywhere in case some Chinese or Iranian hacker wants to try to blackmail me someday.

This update features Talia, a name inspired by the fact that I was watching the Rocky marathon on TV when we were really starting to get to know each other. For those wondering how that ties with Rocky, well, Adrian – Rocky’s wife – is played by Talia Shire. Ok? Moving on.

Talia is about as close to being the opposite of Staci (and many of the other girls I’ve dated recently) as you can get without actually be a dude. She’s a nurse, only 5’4″, dark hair that she has slightly tinted with a redish-purple, busty, very expressive and communicative, and light-hearted. She had been married twice before and has a 24-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter.

She contacted me on Match and we began talking. We really hit it off quickly and spent the first few days sending countless emails and texts, along with numerous phone calls asking all sorts of questions and talking about everything imaginable. We had SO much in common it was scary. We answered just about every basic question the same, with the exception of her liking fish and me hating it, and her favorite color was Orange … and mine isn’t.

We set up a date for Thursday because she was heading out of town Friday to spend the weekend with an old friend of her’s in San Diego as part of birthday celebration. Thursday was Talia’s birthday. She was insistent that we go out Thursday (on her birthday) because her deceased twin (who passed away 2 years ago in an accident) would want her to spend her birthday doing something with someone that would make her happy [1].

Things continued to develop very well up until Thursday. Lots of talking, texting and selfies. This girl had way too many selfies of herself, and she’d send me a few every day. I mean dozens that she sent me. She was gorgeous – don’t get me wrong – but I mean a bit too many selfies of yourself if you ask me. [2]

But in the meantime, I was a bit stressed out. I was struggling to find a babysitter for my son and was on the verge of having to cancel when one of my son’s friends’ parents (who knew of my situation) invited him along to a pool party they were going to. Yay, saved! So the date was on. I didn’t share these issues with Talia, by the way.

We met for dinner and immediately upon meeting she gave me a very intimate hug. I’m all for going for an introductory hug, if the moment feels right, but this was a bit intimate and lingered. [3] Dinner conversation was great! We talked about her interest in getting married again – she definitely wanted to, but I’m just open to the idea, that’s not my goal here. We talked about past relationships, and somehow we even had things in common with our past relationships and ex’s, so we understood where the other was coming from.

After dinner, since it was her birthday, I asked if there was anything particular she wanted to do for her birthday. She didn’t have any preference. So I mentioned we should just go have drinks at this bar I like to go to that has a rooftop bar with nice cozy couches and always has sports on the TV. She’s a big baseball fan, almost as much as I am. She would text me game updates and ask questions even when I didn’t have the game on. She was on top of it more than I was. Not a bad sign.

She thought that sounded perfect, even though I threw some alternate ideas out. At the bar, on the rooftop, we found a perfect sofa lounger with a perfect view of the game. We talked about random things as well as the game. That’s when she started telling me about this guy that strung her along and messed with her, she thought they were dating but he only thought they were just friends (with benefits). [4] She even mentioned that at some point, she is pretty sure she freaked him out [7], but she wouldn’t tell me how she thinks she freaked him out. So, even though I asked this once previously, I made sure she wasn’t still hung up on this guy. You can guess I’m a bit gunshy on the whole “hung up on ex’s” thing after Staci. She insisted she wasn’t and that it wouldn’t be a problem with us. She even clutched my hand (and didn’t let go the rest of the night) and snuggled closer after I brought that up, as a way of trying to ease my concern.

Well, that was until she mentioned “the other guy.” [5]

Right about the time we set up the date, she hid her profile on Match. She mentioned it to me because she said she wanted to “focus on getting to know” me. So after our discussion, I did the same thing. I really liked her and wanted to see where things were going, and I didn’t have any other serious conversations going on at the time.

Things were going so well, I brought up seeing her again and when she was available. Being a nurse, her schedule is very odd and whacked out. The next Thursday was about the only time I could realistically have a chance of seeing her because she was working lots of weekends and I am going to my brother’s over Labor Day weekend. So I said Thursday would have to do, because I wasn’t going to wait three weeks in between dates.

That’s when she brought up “the other guy.” She said that the day she met me on Match, another guy showed interest in her too, and she has been talking to both of us and she had a date set up with him on Monday (after she got back from San Diego). Needless to say that changed the tone of the whole date for the rest of the night (about the next 30-60 minutes). She insisted that she really liked me and wanted to see me again, but she was going out with this guy because she made the plans with him before she made up her mind about me and didn’t want to be rude and cancel.

Things tapered a little after that, and then around 9pm I said I needed to wrap things up because I had to go pick my son up from the sitter because it was a school night. She knew about the timing from the beginning, so this wasn’t a cop-out or anything. As we walked out, she grabbed my hand and we held hands as I walked her to her car. At her car, we said goodnight and kissed. However this wasn’t your typical first-date goodnight kiss. As soon as I went in for the kiss, she was clearly ready for it and it ended up being a long, deep, passionate type of kiss that lasted a while, not your normal easy, gentle, non-tongued kiss.

After we went our own ways, she texted me numerous times the rest of the night, just like everything was cool. But it clearly wasn’t.

Starting the next day, things clearly started falling apart. I hardly heard from her Friday.[6] I texted a few times to see if she was on her way, etc. Her responses were short and non-engaging. She said she would let me know when she landed in San Diego. She never did. I texted her later that night just to say “I hope you’re having a good time.” I’m guessing some of you are wondering why I was being kind of clingy with her about it. Well, she mentioned early on that she likes to know that her guy is thinking about her and likes to hear from him every once in a while. So I was just trying to make sure I didn’t give the impression I wasn’t interested. But I definitely wasn’t overdoing it.

Saturday was more of the same. I hardly heard from here. And when I did, it was in response to my text and it wasn’t very engaging either. Short, quick responses, then nothing for several hours (meaning like 5-6 hours). I wasn’t sweating it, but I was noting it. I was totally intending to give her her space to enjoy her time with her friend, while also still trying to maintain a level of interest with her.

Sunday was a little better. She communicated a lot more on Sunday, and actually let me know when she got back home. However I did notice she never responded to my question about Thursday. Earlier in the day,I asked her about Thursday again because I needed to make sure I could secure a sitter for Thursday. But I got no answer. After she got home, we chatted for a little bit, and I told her that after she got settled in, and had time later, we should talk about her trip because I wanted to hear how it went. I’m very partial to San Diego after living there for more than 6 years, so I wanted to hear what she did and where they went.

That’s when I got the text message saying she didn’t think we were a match. She thought I was a great guy and everything, but she doesn’t want to date anyone with kids younger than her’s. That may sound a bit odd and selfish, but to her credit, she DID have that written in her Match profile, so it’s not like it was some out of the blue thing. However, remember, SHE contacted me first on Match, and my profile also clearly states that I have an 8-year-old son that lives with me full-time.

And that was that. Just like that, it was over. In retrospect, I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, if you go back and look at the highlighted numbers (i.e. [1] ) you’ll see some of the warning signs that I noticed immediately and let pass, or that caught my attention later.

Moving on.

And I’ve been getting some questions asking if I have heard anything from Staci yet. NO, I have not. It’s only been a week people. I told you, after a month, maybe two, she’ll realize what a bad idea getting back with this guy was. But the more I think about it, the more I think I won’t hear from her again, and the less I think I want to. So again, moving on!

I hope you all have a good week, and as always thanks for reading! Please share this site with your friends and readers on your own blog.

Dating Profiles: Up, down, on, off, what do you do?

So, you’re dating someone, it’s early on still – no serious commitment level. Maybe you haven’t even had sex yet.

But once you started dating, you had the conversation about your dating profiles. They tell you that they took hers down or hid it because they wanted to focus on getting to know you. So you do the same thing, maybe because you have no problem doing it and think it’s the right thing, maybe you don’t have anything else going on in the dating world so you have nothing to lose for the moment, or maybe you just do it out of respect for them doing it.

So now you both have your profiles hidden.

But after a while, it comes out that your date has been talking to another person and has another date coming up.

That in itself is not the issue, nor something to get all whacked out and crazy about. The issue is what do you do with your profile?

The premise of turning off or hiding your profile was to “focus on getting to know” each other, their words not yours. But they have other people on the line and other dates scheduled.

So what do you do? Do you keep the profile hidden, because you had the conversation and said you would hide it. Or do you open it back up, because they whole “focus” thing isn’t applicable anymore (you didn’t void it, they did), you don’t know if you’re wasting your time with this person now, plus they are talking with other people – so why can’t you? OR do you have another conversation about the status of your profiles, even though they still have theirs hidden but are talking with other people, to gauge their response and get their opinion.

Now, in that last option, I would expect the “fair” answer to be a dominant response. They are going to probably tell you that “it’s fair for you to open up your profile again because they are talking with other people.” Now, they might actually be OK with that, or – if they like you – they’re probably just trying to say the right thing even though they don’t want you to be “back on the market.”

But, honestly, if it was me and I broached the subject, I would ask the question and say I don’t want to hear the “fair” answer, I want to hear their honest answer. Their true gut feeling answer. It’s kind of test, if you will. If they honestly tell you they think it’s ok to do it, that’s not a good sign. But if they tell you they would prefer if you didn’t open it back up, then that would generally be seen as a sign that they are actually interested in you and in pursuing something with you.

Again, I understand people start dating multiple people at a time, it’s totally normal. That’s not the issue. Once you’ve had the “profiles” conversation, and they are still talking to someone they met at about the same time they me you, what do you do?

Let me hear what you’ve got to say on this.

Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

I was right. I say that way too often, and it always seems to be regarding things I don’t want to be right about.

And if you don’t get the headline, you can catch up here.

She met with her ex-boyfriend for dinner tonight. I really didn’t expect to hear from hear tonight. But a little after 9pm she called me. I was rather surprised.

She was straight to the point – after a long awkward silence following the initial pleasantries – I give her a little credit for that. She came right out and said, after talking, they decided to try dating again.

She apologized profusely and said it wasn’t anything to do with me, there was nothing wrong with me. She just felt she needed to follow her heart. And when I pointed out that these things never work out, she admitted that she didn’t feel that way otherwise she wouldn’t have considered getting back together with him. All girls who consider getting back with their ex-boyfriends always think this guy is different, even though she would’ve told her friend to stay away from this guy.

And her friend Amy (from the other posts) – is also NOT supportive of this move, to dump me to go back with her ex. And she didn’t listen to her best friend either. Shocking.

Instead of getting upset and badgering her for (what I thought was) a horrible decision, I took the high road. I said I hope – for her sake – I’m not right this time and that things work out for her (even though I don’t see it lasting more than a month or two). I want her to be happy. I told her she deserves to be treated better than she was previously with this guy. And she said he had a lot to live up to because I set the bar pretty high. Then I asked her “then why go back with him if you’re admitting that I was better for (her)?”

She said (again) she needed to follow her heart, and it wasn’t fair to me that her heart wasn’t completely into it with me. She apologized and said she felt bad, I bluntly told her she should and emphasized that I wasn’t joking.

She commented on how well I was taking things. I said I had a week to prepare for this, so it wasn’t like some sucker-punch to the heart. Plus, what good comes from getting mad or angry? None. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t make anything any better.

I told her I hope she doesn’t reach a point where she regrets making the wrong decision and passing on Us. Because if she did end up changing her mind, I wasn’t waiting for her and was moving on with my life. I tried to maintain a level of civility, and was rather blunt numerous times pointing out where I think she was wrong in dealing with this like she did.

Again, she tried to tell me that she had no intention or preconception that they would get together after meeting tonight. I don’t buy that for a second, and reiterated to her that I saw this coming for a week now and had plenty of time to prepare myself for this. So even if she is honest about not having any intention of getting back together with him, I apparently know her better than she does because I saw it coming a week ago. Then again, with the way she was acting this past week, it is obvious to see that she was distancing herself from me for a reason. It wasn’t just a coincidence.

It was short and to the point. I finally asked her if there was anything else she needed to say, and she just repeated her apologies. So I ended the conversation by again wishing she finds happiness and that I would never want her to get hurt again, no matter how much I disagreed with it or how much it hurt me.

And that was it. I immediately set her ringtone to the Star Wars Imperial March and her text tone to the Chewbacca roar (as I do with all ex-girlfriends). And yes I keep ex-girlfriend numbers in my phone for a while, so I know exactly who’s calling me. I don’t memorize their phone numbers, so I don’t want to answer a regret-filled call on accident. After a while, like a year or so, I go through and purge my phone of numbers I haven’t used or talked to in a while.

So now onto bigger and better things. This chapter is over. Time to open a new one.

Thanks for following all of this madness, and as always thanks for reading.

It’s Tuesday, someone cue the Lynyrd Skynyrd

It’s Tuesday …

That’s all I’m going to say about it. It’s Tuesday.

It started off fairly normal (well, that’s possibly a total lie, but I’ll get to that later) and I’ve got the Lynyrd Skynyrd cued up ready to roll. Sing it with me …

Tuesday’s gone with the wind, Tuesday’s GOOONE with the wind ...”

If you’re not familiar with the song, check it out, then you’ll understand the full meaning of what I’m talking about.

Have a good Tuesday! See you on the other side.

Quick Update: I may have found just the distraction I was needing

You know the ol’ saying “The best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one,”? Well, this is sort of like that, but not exactly.

I’ve heard from all sorts of people (friends, family, readers, etc.) that I should really just cut my loses with Staci and move on. I totally agree – I should – and I’ve been back on Match and pretty much resigned myself that this thing with Staci is over.

She’s been increasingly distant, but this morning she was texting me right away and even mentioned she missed so. So .. there’s that, whatever That is. And the only reason I’ve lingered this long is because, well frankly, I didn’t have anything else going on. No other options, no other women, no upcoming free time to potentially meet someone. So I really had/have nothing to lose by sticking around to see how this whole thing with her ex-boyfriend goes.

Until now.

I spent a large amount of my recovery time this weekend talking with a very pleasant distraction. That’s all I’m really going to say about it right now. I should have a lot more to talk about on the subject after Thursday (if you’re following me).

So … a lot going on this week. The fallout from whatever happens Tuesday with Staci and the likely end to that chapter, and the anticipated opening of a new chapter Thursday night.

Thanks for your concern and comments! I do appreciate them all. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci: The Writing is on the wall but still playing the waiting game

For all of you frantically wondering, my procedure went just fine – amazing well, actually. I was in and out in less than an hour (that’s what she said) and the recovery time is nothing what I expected it to be. I figured I would be in a lot more pain, but I’ve only been in slight discomfort – at most.

But I did hang out with Staci Thursday night, before my procedure Friday. It went OK, and was pretty much normal. I’ll admit it was a little awkward. But holding hands and kissing was pretty much normal. She initiated contact, holding and kissing just a much as I did, and at her normal pace. But it just wasn’t quite “normal.” The kissing was frequent, but it was nowhere near as intimate and passionate as it has been. Conversation was good – and normal – but we did avoid what is going on next week.

That was until I dropped her off at her house. Then I brought it up. I had been doing a lot of thinking and had two questions for her. Before I get to the questions, the last thing (other than kissing goodnight and goodbye) she did was bring me gifts for my dogs. Again, if she isn’t interested in us being together, why would she see something for my dogs, think about them, much less actually buy it for them if she didn’t see us being together? I mean, I still want to be with her, but if I saw something that I knew she would love, much less something for her dog or cats, I wouldn’t buy it right now until I was sure what was going on. But I digress …

First thing I asked was if she thought I made too much out of nothing by reacting the way I did the other night. I wondered if she would agree that the whole thing wasn’t anything worth getting worked up over and I overreacted. I have been in that position before where I met with an ex. I told you about the one time, but there have been plenty of other times where it was totally innocent and meaningless. And maybe that is all this would be. All she said was that she totally understood my reaction and didn’t blame me for reacting that way.

Then I asked her a more personal, blunt question. I asked her, why – given all the opportunities I have given her recently – didn’t she just walk away, end it or break up with me. I did, I gave her many opportunities to just say it would be better if we just ended it. Whether it was because she wanted to get back with him, she wasn’t sure about me/us, or anything like that. But she hasn’t (yet). She said that was because that’s not what she wanted to do. She liked me and still wanted to be with me.

Now, I’m not idiot. Like I said last time, I take what she says at about 50% face-value right now. She could absolutely mean it, but my money right now is on the fact that she’s just keeping me around waiting to see how things go Tuesday.

I’ve had a few conversations about what I plan to do if she comes back and says she wants to stay together – after Tuesday. Simple. Given what has gone on, the fact that she has been pulling away (which I will get to more in a second), and her lack of commitment leading up to this, I am fully intending to demand more of a formal commitment from her going forward.

Ok, you may be looking at that a little funny. A demand? An ultimatum? Is that really the best way to go?

Yes it is! Why? Because I deserve better than what I’ve been getting – especially recently. I’m not a backup plan, second option, last resort. And that’s exactly what I look like (to many of you) and feel like. As much as I would love to be with her and see where this goes, I believe I’m worth more of a commitment (at this point) than I have received to this point.

And that’s exactly what I’ll tell her. I’ve had lots of time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it over the last few days.

Especially since I haven’t heard from her as much as I would have thought, considering my procedure. But again, it has been very up and down. I pretty much did not hear from her yesterday after about 10am when I was heading home from my procedure. She was babysitting her nephews yesterday, so I heard a few casual things from her, but nothing substantial, and it was clear she was still pulling away. Even then, and as the day went on, there was no “how are you doing?”, “how are you feeling?”, nothing. Nothing! I texted her when I was going to bed and heard nothing from her.

Then this morning around 7am, she said she fell asleep early and that’s why she didn’t respond. We exchanged a few messages but still nothing asking about how I was feeling or doing. I went back to sleep and woke up after 10am and texted her again. Then i didn’t hear from her until about 2pm, when she finally called me. Finally, she asked how I was doing, how I was feeling, asked about how my son was doing with my mother in town looking after him because of my procedure. Then we got into a lot of our normal conversations.

We were talking about her being a part of other procedures I’m planning on having, like one to repair a lingering injury to my hand. Then we talked about me getting some new tattoos, which we had been talking about numerous times. Not only did she talk to me like she was still planning on being a part of the whole process(es), but she even initiated several topics and comments. It was NOT just me bringing stuff up and her just going along with it. She even mentioned something about finally getting to hang out with my mom.

Again, either she really means it, or she is just that damn manipulative where she will act like nothing is wrong to avoid conflict. It would have been very easy to just brush off the conversation without committing to anything or adding to the conversation. But she did both.

And the rest of the night has been pretty much back to normal, including her saying that she misses me. She’s out with her friends tonight and has been in contact with me (more than I would’ve expected) and even said she will contact me when she gets home. Now, I’ve heard that before and she didn’t follow through. I’m not expecting her to actually follow through and I am not going to stress about it tonight. Seems kind of pointless right now.

Even though the writing seems to be on the wall that our time is likely running out, there are still signs to the contrary. They could be false signs just to distract me from the truth, which isn’t working very well, but they could be genuine. I guess we will see next week.

You know I will keep you updated. And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci Update: She meets him on Tuesday and small test may be coming

Every siren, warning signal and exit light are going off in my head right now. And Han Solo is whispering in my ear. But I haven’t jumped ship with Staci, yet.

I know you’re asking yourself, “Why, man? WHY??”

It’s not that easy. I mean, she could have walked away – god knows I’ve given her enough opportunities to the last few days – but she hasn’t yet, either. And I think you all know by now, I’ve definitely fallen hard for this girl.

We talked again yesterday, after I sent her a long email describing my feelings about her, us, the situation, etc.

I am much better at expressing myself when I’m writing. I’m not very good at impromptu burst of emotional dialogue, and I usually end up saying something dumb that makes everything worse. So the other night, after she dropped the bomb and I was trying to handle it the best I could, I was very measured and cautious with my responses. So I wanted to clearly express what I was thinking in an email.

Basically, I said I couldn’t see any good reason for her to meet up with her ex-boyfriend. I told her that if she had any thoughts of getting back together with him, I was out, because I would just be a backup, secondary option. And I’m much more than anyone’s backup plan. I also reminded her that if getting back together is the plan, that she too would be his backup plan – and that we BOTH deserved better than that. We also had a conversation about Karma, and I reminded her that this particular scenario was loaded with bad potential Karma, if she did decide to go back with him. She is very much involved with her friends’ lives and their relationships, so I appealed to that side of her by acknowledging I know she knows what is going on here, and if she was her friend, what would she tell herself. I know she would tell her friends to stay away from something like this because it never works. Never! Lastly, I just reiterated how I felt about her, how great I thought we were together, how much chemistry we had together. And then I said I trusted her to do the right thing and tell me the moment she didn’t see a future for us – that I at least deserved that much.

After a day of communicating pretty much like normal, we talked later on that evening. She said she did not disagree with anything that I said. She said she was going into this with him just to see what he had to say. She had not talked to or heard from him since May (even though she saw him a while back). As I pressed about her feelings about possibly getting back together with him, she did not flat out say No, nor did she say she was openly considering it. She would just say she wanted to hear what he had to say first. I pressed further and asked directly, “what if he said he wants to get back together?” Her answer was she will have to wait to see how to handle it when (and if) the time comes. I asked what she wanted me to do until her decision, and she said she would like a little space. I agreed.

However that didn’t last long. Less than an hour, I had to clarify something she said out of context. From there we kept chatting. I told her, “I know what I said, but I just can’t go without hearing from her.” Not if we’re still together on some level. She said she liked that, and was very sweet the rest of the night as we communicated back and forth. Now maybe that was a deliberate test on her part to see what I would do, and exactly how interested in her I am. But if she really meant it, I know she would’ve scolded me about it, because she scolded me about sending that long email to her work email. I know some of you think it gives her too much power to see me that interested in her, which I calculated before saying anything. But I really don’t think at this point it matters either way (good or bad). So I might as well do what I want. And if she sees that I am really that interested in her and Us, maybe that will have an impact on her thought process next week. I mean, staying away could only hurt my chances. Out of sight, out of mind. This way, I stay in the picture, and at least make it harder to just cut the rope.

[Here’s a little asterisk for ya; Every time I say “she says (something)”, I know full well there’s a Believability Factor of anywhere from 50-100%. She could be telling me the whole truth or just part of the truth. Nothing I gather so far suggests that anything she is saying is a flat-out lie. So don’t think I haven’t thought about this, and that I am fully believing everything that comes out of her mouth.]

I hate it, but I get it. I was in a similar position about 10 years ago. There was this ex-girlfriend I was hung up on for years. No matter how serious of the current relationship I was in at the time, I always thought back to the “what ifs” of that particular girlfriend. I mean it, this went on for YEARS. Then one day, we stumbled across each other on Facebook through mutual friends and began catching up. We decided to get together and talk. I will be completely honest (aren’t I always?), I went into it hoping to rekindle something and see what might happen between us. I was single at the time, so it made having those thoughts a bit easier. But it really didn’t take long, once we were finally together, for all of those thoughts to dissipate. Things just weren’t the way I had thought or hoped. It emphasized why we weren’t together anymore. I walked away from that with a solid amount of closure and really felt better about myself, and subsequently it allowed to focus my attention on my current relationships. I was always keeping one eye looking back, not fully attentive to my current relationships, and that wasn’t fair to them. But not anymore.

So I understand the need for something like this – sometimes. And I guess I’m hoping it works out similarly for Staci – as well as in my favour.

Like I said, she sees him on Tuesday. So I don’t know if I am going to hear from her Tuesday night or Wednesday. She says it is just dinner and that she won’t be drinking alcohol, in order to keep her head on straight. I find that hard to believe, because she can be a heavy drinker sometimes, and always have to have something alcoholic when we go out. I commented that it would probably be a good idea to keep her head clear, especially if he’s trying to talk her into something. So … And after the other night, she said she felt it was only right to talk about these things in person. So I emphasized with her that whatever the outcome, she would need to tell me in person, as well. So we’ll see if it Tuesday or Wednesday.

Right now, my feelings are that hearing from her on Tuesday could be either good or bad. She could have a similar experience to mine, and realize how much she really wants us to work and has to tell me that night. Or the absolute converse, where she realizes she has to get back together with this guy and wants to get it over with quickly. However, to me, Wednesday is the worst. Because, the only way Wednesday is good if she is still conflicted after leaving and needs time to think before deciding what to do with “Us.” But likely, Wednesday means she has to formulate how she wants to tell me that she’s ending things and is reluctant to do it. Or, they’re night lasts so long together that she doesn’t have time to tell me what it going on. Or worse yet, they hit it off so well they jumped right back into bed together, and therefore I’m not hearing from her until Wednesday. Wednesday is not good, really, no matter how you slice it. But we’ll see.

And I know many of you are out there shaking your head. Screaming at your screen “She’s just holding on to you as a fallback in case it doesn’t work with this guy,” or something similar. You think that I will just run to her unconditionally if she snaps her fingers or bats her eyelashes. I get it. I totally do. But I’ve thought about that too. Don’t worry.

No matter the result of this, I realize that even if we remain together (somehow) things cannot stay the same. This has shown that I am not “There” yet, wherever “There” is. Basically, it just means this has proven I’m not important enough to her yet. I would love to be so important to someone, that the thought of meeting up with an ex turns into a simple “No, I’m not going.” Or at least, be sitting there with him and be thinking about me so much that she realizes she wants us to be together. But it has only been a few months. I get it. We are not there yet.

So if she comes back, has the closure she needs or whatever, and says she wants us to still be together. it isn’t just going to continue on as usual. If we are to continue on, I want the commitment. No more of this “feeling us out” stuff.

She hurt me with this, and if she still wants to be with me, she has to prove it. That is only fair, especially at this point.

And don’t think I’m just sitting here, staring at the phone waiting for her to have some sort of epiphany and come running into my arms. I’m packing my bags (figuratively, not literally, we didn’t move in together) getting ready to hit the road. I’m dusting off the Match profile. And I’m realistically thinking that there is only a 25% chance we’re still together by next weekend.

But I’m not in any rush, and don’t have any options open right now. So waiting to see what happens next week isn’t interrupting anything anyway. So I might as well see how it goes. You know, it’s like watching that baseball game when you’re favorite team is down by 4 runs in the bottom of the 9th and the best hitters are coming up. It’s a long shot, but there is still a chance your guys can pull off the comeback. So you stick around, standing by the exit of the sports bar watching the game on the big screen. With every out, you step a little closer to the door, but with every hit and every run scored, you move a little farther into the bar.

Right now, the way she is acting and talking with me, makes me feel like she still wants “Us”. So I’m near the exit, but not too close to the door.

We’re supposed to still see each other tonight. Not the same plans we had previously (with Max), but still just getting together for a little bit. I don’t think I can handle being in public with her trying to act “normal” with her. So we’ll see how it goes tonight, if it happens at all. I’m still more than 50% certain she’ll eventually cancel, but I could be wrong. I am wrong a lot with her.

And a small test will present itself this weekend. I hate games and tests, but I will be paying attention to this one.

She knows I am having a medical procedure tomorrow (Friday) morning. She has the day off babysitting her nephews. I won’t be able to get to my phone for a while, but I will be paying attention to see if and when I hear from her. I’m sure I will, she’s too sweet and plays the game too well to not say something know I just went through minor surgery. But what, how, when and content will be an interesting thing to watch tomorrow while I’m recovering. I won’t initiate anything with her tomorrow. Any reasonable person wouldn’t expect me to, given the situation.

And then, she was planning on coming over to check on me this weekend. That will be a bigger gauge of where I stand with her now. I think there’s a small chance she asks me if I want her to come over, and I think there’s an even smaller chance she just comes over on her own without discussing it first. My hopes are not high for seeing her this weekend. It was a definite certainty before, but now, not so much. But we will see.

I’m not going to be very active this weekend, so in between sleeping, reading “The Martian” by Andy Weir, and managing pain, I will probably have plenty of time to catch you up on anything that goes on.

But we are nearly at 2000 words, so it’s time to go. I appreciate you for making it this far! I’ll have to buy you a drink for sticking with me through it (especially if you’re a single lady 😉 ). And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci Update: I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

Today was the first time I thought about ending it with Staci.

OK, before I get started here, I’m just telling you I’m writing this in the wee hours of the morning when I have to get up and go into the office tomorrow, because I can’t freaking sleep.

I’m not proud of that. I’ve had doubts, concerns, and questions about what we’re actually doing here, but I have not thought about breaking up with her before – until today.

And before you all pile on me for not following my own dating protocol: If think you should end it, then end it. Don’t drag it out, I haven’t followed my normal dating protocols to this point with Staci. So why start now? And remember, I was in the military for more than 20 years where my daily life was governed by rules, regulations and protocols. I’m good with living my life that way. I’m not some hippie living his life a free willy nilly. So this is kind of difficult for me.

She hasn’t gone out the last two nights and was intent on catching up on her sleep. Last night went well but the night prior was a disaster as storms caused her animals to go all nuts and she was up at 4am calming them down and cleaning up “messes”. And of course last night, she texts me wanting me to come over and watch TV with her. Of course, her timing was horrible. Where were these offers weeks ago? Last night I had a back to school night and other things on my plate getting my son into the swing of going back to school this week. I said I was fine with us getting together (with my son in tow) but I know she’s not ready for that yet. And I understand that, so it’s not an issue.

And tonight we got together for another concert.

But today was just off. I can’t explain it. Other than to say I think a trend is developing. Things seem really great, like yesterday, with good conversations, flirting, the occasional “I miss you” and such. But today was OFF. And it all seemed to start last night after her conversation with her sister. This is a trend I’m not sure how to interpret. Whenever she has a long (heart-to-heart) with someone, whether it is her sister, roommate, a good friend, or whoever, she gets distant. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes a couple of days. But then things return to “normal.” I can speculate all day what I think it might be, but I have no real idea. And I’m not really about to ask.

Wait … I didn’t have to ask.

The concert was great. We were like a power couple out tonight. We had a great time, holding hands, kissing, holding each other … you know … the works. It was great. Until I dropped her off at her car.

Do you hear that? That faint whistling sound that’s getting louder and more high pitched? Ya, that’s the bomb about to drop.

After all that, she tells me her ex-boyfriend (remember the one she said broke her heart) contacted her and said he wants to get together and talk, and she isn’t sure what to do or what that means for us. Oh by the way, this came after about 15 minutes of making out in my car before I was going to let her go home.

I couldn’t believe it. I was incensed. What a sucker I am! What a fool I am!

I told her exactly what is happening. He’s an EX for a reason. He dumped her and broke her heart because he wanted something else. And it wasn’t her. Now, something went wrong, and he’s doing what douchebag guys do – he’s going back to the recent girlfriend as his fallback girl because he knows she’s still got feelings for him. And we ALL know how that is going to work out. Not well. I have NEVER seen a couple get back together and have it work out. On top of that, it usually only lasts a short time before falling apart again. I’ve been through it, I’ve seen it 100 times.

So I explained this to her. That if I was her friend, that is exactly what I’d tell her. Stay Away! And I’ve told dozens of friends that exact thing.

So I laid everything out on the table. What I felt about her. What I felt about us. The potential I saw in us. And more. Then I asked her if she thought there was still a chance for us after she talks with him. She said definitely Yes (with about a 50% confidence level).

This could not have come at a worse time. I needed to get my son and take him home because he starts school tomorrow, and it was midnight.

She held me and apologized profusely. I said I can’t believe I’m about to suggest this, because my normal protocol would have been to leave 15-20 minutes earlier. But since I haven’t followed protocol with her yet, why start now. Right? So I said, “fine, talk to him and see how you feel, then let me know.” Well, they aren’t supposed to talk until next week. And she insists she isn’t going to drink in order to keep her head about her, because we know he’s trying to pry her for rebound sex or whatever. I don’t fully believe that, and told her as much. I’m being 100% honest here.

And she said she was trying to be honest with me about this. Which I kind of scoffed at. She knew this was all going on and yet let the night unfold like it did. She knew this was all going on and let me fork out all the money to take her out and buy drinks all night. You can’t tell me that is being “honest.”

I’ll be honest with you all right now. I love her! And I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t have any say in the matter and I don’t think my chances are very good right now. I can’t see her walking away from him if he wants to get back together. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m hoping I’m wrong. And I told her I hope she doesn’t make a big mistake (leaving me for him), and she hoped she didn’t make a mistake either.

I’m crushed. And I’m sure this isn’t my most coherent post.

As we left, she said she would let me know when she got home. She should have been home almost an hour ago. Still no word.

I guess I’ll see what tomorrow holds. I’m not playing it like a normal day. No way. No how. I’ll see if she contacts me at all. And I’m pretty sure our plans with Max for Thursday are also cancelled. I can’t possibly see how I could go out with her like nothing is wrong with this hanging over my head.

Not unless she has some epiphany and calls it off with this ex of hers. Not likely going to happen, but a dreamer can dream.

I’ll let you know how it goes. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Touching all the bases, but still no home run

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know I read that somewhere once. OK, saying it was the worst of times is likely an exaggeration, but you get the idea; the Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players and Red Hot Chilly Peppers) is in full swing.

OK, last we talked, I mentioned I needed to update you on meeting Staci’s brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Last week, Staci and I decided to just have a quiet night together. We really hadn’t had one since the night we watched Guardians of the Galaxy together. We wanted a night without concerts, movies, bars, sporting events, large crowds, driving all over and spending a lot of money. Just a night to be together.

The plan was to pick up take-out from a local Italian place, bring it back and hang out. Once we started talking about it – while she was still in the bathroom getting ready – she mentioned it was her brother’s favorite place to get food from. So she texted him to see if they wanted anything since we were picking it up. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were on our way over there to have dinner with her brother and SIL. FYI, they only live about 5-10 minutes from Staci’s house.

It didn’t bother me that this was interfering with our alone time, because it meant that meeting family was another positive step in the relationship. So I was all for it. To keep things brief – because I have a lot of other stuff to get to – it went really well. We made easy conversation, Staci even commented afterward how I was making them laugh (which was a big bonus in my favor), and she said they really seemed to like me. Score! Now I just have to meet her sister and father (who both live in our same town).

I mentioned going over to her house a few nights ago and then we were supposed to go to a baseball game Saturday night. Then “IT” happened again. She went out Thursday with Amy to a charity golf gala – staying out much later than she really reasonably should have (but I digress) – then Friday she went out to dinner with Amy and a few of her other girlfriends.

A while back we had this conversation about me being concerned and her at least letting me know when she got home safely. But “IT” happened again. I talked to her about 7:30pm. She was on her way to meet Amy and I told her my friend cancelled plans with me, and she was all bent out of shape that he would cancel at the last minute (to go hang out with his girlfriend). See the irony there?

She said she would call me when she was done. Let’s fast forward 18 hours. Yes, I8 hours. I had sent about a half dozen texts between 8pm-2am. Casual “what’s up?” texts, to something random on my mind, to eventually “what’s going on on?” and “Is everything OK?” So we had another one of THOSE nights. So, I decided to play the waiting game, a game of Chicken, if you will. Didn’t hear from her until after 1pm Saturday.

She still was planning on coming over. She wanted to help me start gutting my basement before I remodel it. She was admittedly hungover. She allegedly didn’t drive home, she was so drunk. So when I asked her how she got home, she said she took and cab and then had her sister drive her to go get her car. She asked me if I was still wanting her to come over. I answered with a question; “Do you want to come over?” Yes, I was being snarky. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t directly answer any questions, just basically said, “whatever you want to do.”

She came over, we didn’t clean my basement. I wasn’t in the mood. So we talked for a while instead. I explained to her how this happened another night before I had big plans for us (making dinner for her and her friends) and her excessive partying interfered. I had a fun day planned, all of which was blown out of the water because she got up so late, wasn’t ready to go anywhere, and we were running out of time before heading to the baseball game. We still had to go to her house for her to get ready before the game.

So I finally cut to the chase. I asked her if I was the only guy in the picture. A reasonable question given recent events and conversations. She quickly said yes and I didn’t get any feelings of suspicion or intentional deceit. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Then she said she was still “feeling us out.” I really don’t think that’s what she meant, because “feeling us out” means she has one foot out the door and isn’t sure about “Us.” I don’t get that feeling from her. I get that she wants to take things slow, but that’s not the same as feeling things out.

So things picked up after that conversation (they always do after our little heart-to-hearts). We went to lunch and continued talking. We started talking about planning our schedules and time to see each other (now that my son is back, he wasn’t then but is now). But the big “bomb” was still to come.

She mentioned that her and Amy were planning a trip to Mexico over the Christmas/New Year’s break. I was thinking to myself, Oh wonderful, this is her way of saying ‘don’t make any plans to see me over the biggest week of the year.’ I was wrong! That’s when she mentioned that her and Amy were talking about Jack (Amy’s boyfriend) and I coming down to join them for a few days in Mexico.

Whoa!! Hold the phone! You’re “feeling us out” but still talking about me going to Mexico with her in December? DECEMBER, that’s 5 months from now! I don’t think you’re “feeling me out” if you’re thinking that far ahead like that. But I’m not complaining, I’m IN!

We finally made it to the game and met up with Amy and Jack, who were also there. We hopped from bar to bar at the stadium, watching the games on the screens and occasionally watching the live action on the field. It was a sold out stadium so lots of people and good people watching. It was fun.

We even had an interesting conversation about having kids as we walked through the parking lot. She totally initiated it. Talking about whether we each wanted (more) kids, starting “the clock” over with a new kid, her age and trying to have a baby. I wasn’t really expecting that, especially not yet, but I went with it just the same and it didn’t freak me out or anything.

An interesting moment that Staci found particularly intriguing was after the game when we stopped by a local restaurant for a quick bite before heading home. I really didn’t eat anything, but Staci did. Amy and Jack were there, as well as another couple. I was ready to go home, not hang out, but anyway. Near the end, they were talking about Staci’s roommate’s upcoming wedding, and how they didn’t even know when it was and Staci was going to find out. Amy – who is very loud, boisterous, and a huge diva – was going on about the open bar and wedding cake and stuff and she looked right at me and said with attitude “Sorry, I’m going to be her Plus One!” My response and reaction was simple and to the point. I cocked my head to the side with a bit of raised eyebrow and just said, “No. No. I don’t think so. That’s definitely not happening.” Staci was impressed because guys usually don’t stand up to Amy very often, enough so that she mentioned as we were driving home. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Knowing Amy and her influence, I’ll probably get the short end of the stick, but don’t think I’ll just go down without a fight. WHO takes a girl friend to a wedding when you actually have a date, boyfriend or husband? Not anyone I know (yet).

After, we came back to my house. She left her car at my house after stopping by. She didn’t want to come inside, in order to avoid any possibility of sex (still). I’m still not exactly sure why she isn’t “ready” because every indication I have is that she IS ready (which you will see in a moment), except for mentally (or maybe emotionally) for some reason. But as has happened numerous times, a simple kissing session escalated into a hot and heavy makeout session.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but we were in my garage, up against my car “going at it” for a very long while. Several times I asked if she’d rather go inside because it was still a rather humid night out. The garage was open, but I live at the end of a cul de sac and it was after midnight, so there was no vehicle traffic passing by. By the end, her top was basically off, she had her hands (yes both) down my my pants and I had my hand in her pants. And that lasted for a while. It’s not like she stopped immediately once I reached in her pants or exposed her breasts – like she would have before. But she did eventually stop before any actual type of sex (regular or oral) happened. And then we just hugged and caressed and kissed each other for a while longer before we finally said goodnight and she went home.

After she got home and was texting me while she was in bed, another significant milestone (if you want to call it that) happened. One our way back to my house, her phone kept blowing up with text messages. She was ignoring them, and I made a comment about it being Amy (since we just left her and Jack), but I had a suspicion it wasn’t Amy. Once home, she told me it was an ex texting her while he’s drunk and she told him to stop and said it was nothing to worry about.

Here’s why it’s significant (to me) and why I believe her. She didn’t have to tell me that. Even if it was 100% nothing, she didn’t have to tell me. She could’ve left it alone and assume I thought it was Amy and never mentioned it again. But she told me. She made sure I knew the truth, and the she handled it. Again, I can’t emphasize enough, she didn’t have to tell me. Ladies, do you tell your man every time some ex or an interested guy texts you randomly? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing you think it wouldn’t be worth the effort to bring it up and have to explain it. But she did. So instead of making a big deal about how inappropriate I think it is for him to be doing that, I just said “Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” I want to foster this sort of thing, not give her reasons to hide it from me, because we all know people don’t need reasons to hide things from their partners.

She’s also forwarding me emails and messages from friends about things, so things are definitely opening up. Again, I really don’t think she’s applying “feeling us out” in the correct way. She wouldn’t be this open and upfront if she was.

OK. That’s enough for today, I think 2000 words is enough. Don’t you? We have another concert on our schedule for tomorrow and then getting together with friend’s son (Max) for karaoke Thursday. So be on the look out for more updates later on in the week.

And as always, thanks for reading!

She wore that out? Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. 

Ok, it’s late, I just got back from Staci’s and I have to get up early for work tomorrow. So I’m jotting this down on my iPad quickly so I can get it off my mind/chest. 

Seeing Staci tonight was kind of an impromptu thing. I had a meeting tonight that was going to be near her and was going to get over around 8pm. She had a meeting with her pet-sitter and was going to meet her friend’s son (Max, who’s 25) for drinks to discuss her ideas about finding a possible new house to move into. He’s apparently been helping her with her search, even though she isn’t 100% positive about moving. But she’s looking into it. 

The whole thing started when Staci told me her roommate mentioned that she wished I was coming over to cook for them again tonight. She forwarded me the text. It was really sweet and a nice ego boost.

But a little bit on the Max guy; he knows about me and I’ve been around when she’s been on the phone with him. She tells him she’s with me, and will talk about his mom who’s going through a lot of drama and possibly getting a divorce. Staci even told me tonight that she was talking to him about us going out next week to a karaoke bar that has live band karaoke. If you haven’t tried it, it’s way better than regular karaoke. It’s the total rock star experience. But he suggested this regular karaoke bar, and he’s apparently joining us. Not sure if he’s bringing a date (he better) or what. But it looks like we’re going to the place he suggested. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about this guy. Staci is 46, old enough to be his mom, so I hope there aren’t any ideas going on there. 

Well, I was on my way to her house around 8pm, when she told me she was still out and would be home by 9pm. I said OK, and I’d see her then. I didn’t get a cancellation response, which kind of shocked me. So, I make my way to her house about 9pm and she still isn’t home yet. Said she needed to stop by WalMart real quick to pick up stuff for her cats. But she gave me the code to her garage door so I could let myself in. 

About 15 minutes later she arrived home. As I kissed her, it was obvious she had seriously drinking. And she looked hot. Wearing a sleeveless black top that was sheer around the waist so I could see through it. Again, she looked really good.  I didn’t think anything about it until I was in my car heading home. To that in a minute.  

We sat around and talked for about an hour. We kissed some, but not as intense as usual. Not a big deal.  She was still initiating. But you could tell her intoxication was affecting her. 

An interesting note happened when we were talking about her watching my dog this weekend while I go get my son. Yes, it’s this weekend. Since I have to leave so early in the moringing to get him Sunday, I offered to just leave my dog there overnight Saturday. Her first response was asking if I was using her as an excuse to stay the not Saturday. I immediately said No, because I honestly had not thought of it that way. She said we’ll see how it goes. Not sure what that exactly means, but ok. 

I left by 10:30pm, not even 2 hours later. She mentioned it would be 3 days before we saw each other again. I playfully said she could change that anytime she wanted. But I’m not holding my breath. 

Then on my way home, the whole outfit things crossed my mind. That was definitely a “going out” top. Not what I would expect for casually meeting a friend, or a friend’s son. Maybe she just wanted to look nice going out, maybe there was more to it. I didn’t say a word to her about it. And I won’t. But it did totally preoccupy my drove home. 

Thoughts? And be sure to catch the next update about meeting her brother – coming soon, and as always, thanks for reading.