This is Why I Hate Online Dating, or At Least One of the Big Reasons

There are lots of things to hate about online dating, and only a few things to like. As I always say, it’s a necessary evil – at least for me. And this right here is one of them.

When you’re talking to more than one person and you’ve only got a limited amount of time to make dates, who do you pick and how do you prioritize?

Here’s my situation: As you all know, I’ve gone out with Wanda and have another date set for Thursday. But I’m still talking to a couple of girls that I’ve been communicating with since before I went out with Wanda. Since I don’t want to assign names to them yet, I’ll just call them Potential 1 (P1) and Potential 2 (P2). I would drop P1 and P2 in a heartbeat if I knew things with Wanda were solid. But we’ve only been out once, and recent history has me leery about abandoning other possibilities because you never know what’s going to happen.

Like I said, I have a date scheduled for Thursday with Wanda, but both P1 and P2 have been pressuring me about wanting to do something this next weekend. I am available this weekend. I already tried to book it with something with Wanda, but she has two charity fundraisers this coming weekend. That’s why we’re going out Thursday. I have been skirting the issue trying to avoid committing either way.

Look, I don’t want to date anyone else but Wanda. Period. The signs are all good …

But again, you never know …

I hate the thought of having to go back on Match and start all over again. So let’s break down options I have, and I’m interested to see what you think.

Wanda

You’ve read about the first date. But since then, we did have a hiccup with having to cancel the original date. However, unlike recent incidents (Violet), she immediately rescheduled and has been completely normal with me ever since. She sends me random pictures just about every day of what she’s doing or something interesting. She sent me a picture of her riding her lawn mower wearing a baseball hat, in her bikini top, all while wearing big blue hearing protection. The hearing protection was not flattering, but it was still cute. She was also out shopping for dresses for her fundraisers (that I mentioned) and was sending me pictures of dresses she was trying on. We talk on the phone pretty much every day. She has this cute – kind of high-pitched – voice that is so sweet to hear. She’s even engaging on my Facebook page, like posts and pictures and even commenting.

From the beginning, I have known she is very much like me, in that she doesn’t like talking with a lot of people at the same time and definitely doesn’t like dating more than one at a time. She likes to focus on one at a time, too. And I don’t get the feeling she’s got other options going on along with me.

Now, my interpretation is that if she wasn’t really interested in me, she wouldn’t share the pictures and other things we talk about. If she was just lukewarm on me and us, I’d hear from her just enough to keep things going until the next date (Thursday). But we are also flirty and have lots of good conversations.

Again, I’d be more than happy to shut everything down to focus on her. And I don’t want to make a date with P1 or P2 for the weekend if things go really well with Wanda Thursday night. But I also don’t want to miss an opportunity with either one of them if something goes wrong with Wanda by or on Thursday night. Because then it would be really too late to make plans with either P1 or P2. Thus my dilemma.

Prospect 1

P1 lives just as far away as Wanda, but not in the same town. So, again I’d be compromising my stance on the long distance thing. She’s very much a country girl with blonde hair, green eyes and two kids (a teen girl and boy about the same age as my son). She’s very much into nature, exercising, and sports. She is also the one who seems to be the most interested in me between her and P2. She’s a dental assistant who happens to work in the same town as Wanda, and is always active with something with her kids, her friends or work.

She seems very sweet and genuine. She’s about 5’7″ and very much in shape. Not like Wanda, but her body looks very good in every picture I’ve seen. Now to be bluntly honest, she’s cute but still a little plain compared to what I’m used to. But at this point, that doesn’t seem to be any sort of detractor. If it wasn’t for Wanda, I’d have already set up some time to meet with her. She’s very interesting, and she is the most attentive out of all three options.

She, too, sends me frequent pictures of her and what she’s doing. She’s very respectful of what I have going on and is not demanding of my time. I don’t have any negatives to speak of with her.

Prospect 2

P2 is the most aggressive of the three options. She’s very flirty and playful and likes staying up late on the phone flirting and getting into deep discussions. She is very much into sports as well, and is also active and exercises frequently. She even does fun 5Ks like I do. However, physically, she isn’t the normal type of woman I look for. She’s much more curvy, but still in shape. She’s very cute and looks exactly like Blair from “The Facts of Life”. Again, it is no way a detractor when it comes to how I feel about her or the potential I think she has.

She’s an accountant with 3 kids and is working late on accounts or always shuttling kids from one activity to another. But she clearly likes me and definitely makes time to talk to me. She, too, has been very vocal and eager about finding a time to meet. From talking with her, it sounds like chemistry between the two of us would be rather easy. I would have her listed above P1 on the list as far as my top priority after Wanda, if it wasn’t for a little hiccup we had the other night.

We were talking late, per usual, and she was asking questions about what I was looking for in my woman. I was honest about what I expect and what i’m looking for. She took a few things I said about things I wouldn’t compromise on as being “still angry” about things that happened in past relationships. I said I was in no way angry, just explaining why I have the rules and expectations I have. I don’t want to get burned or taken advantage of again. But she still kept going with that. I finally said she was clearly reading something into what I was saying that wasn’t there. Since then, she has clearly backed off from me. We still talk everyday, but she isn’t nearly as flirty and isn’t sending me pictures daily, like she used to. She says it is because she is very tired, which may very well be the case, but I’m waiting for things to return to normal and still haven’t seen it. So we shall see.

Look, I like the potential I see in both P1 and P2. And I would hate to dismiss both of them, only to find myself back on Match full time next weekend because things didn’t work out with Wanda and I didn’t have any plans.

I don’t like stringing people along. I don’t like having other options still available if Wanda is actually focused on me. I know how I feel when I’m on the other side of that coin. Remember my thoughts on the Talia situation.  But I also know things are still early with Wanda and anything could happen in the next few days or by next weekend.

Do I set up something for Saturday with P1 or P2 and cancel if things go well with Wanda Thursday? Do I hold off until Friday to analyze things with Wanda and try to set up something last minute with either P1 or P2? Or do I set up something with P1 or P2 Saturday and keep it regardless of what happens with Wanda Thursday? Or what other suggestions do you have?

So what are your thoughts? Please leave your comments and even questions below, and lets dialogue about what you think I should do. I’m interested to hear your perspectives, especially from the lady readers out there.

Dating Profiles: Up, down, on, off, what do you do?

So, you’re dating someone, it’s early on still – no serious commitment level. Maybe you haven’t even had sex yet.

But once you started dating, you had the conversation about your dating profiles. They tell you that they took hers down or hid it because they wanted to focus on getting to know you. So you do the same thing, maybe because you have no problem doing it and think it’s the right thing, maybe you don’t have anything else going on in the dating world so you have nothing to lose for the moment, or maybe you just do it out of respect for them doing it.

So now you both have your profiles hidden.

But after a while, it comes out that your date has been talking to another person and has another date coming up.

That in itself is not the issue, nor something to get all whacked out and crazy about. The issue is what do you do with your profile?

The premise of turning off or hiding your profile was to “focus on getting to know” each other, their words not yours. But they have other people on the line and other dates scheduled.

So what do you do? Do you keep the profile hidden, because you had the conversation and said you would hide it. Or do you open it back up, because they whole “focus” thing isn’t applicable anymore (you didn’t void it, they did), you don’t know if you’re wasting your time with this person now, plus they are talking with other people – so why can’t you? OR do you have another conversation about the status of your profiles, even though they still have theirs hidden but are talking with other people, to gauge their response and get their opinion.

Now, in that last option, I would expect the “fair” answer to be a dominant response. They are going to probably tell you that “it’s fair for you to open up your profile again because they are talking with other people.” Now, they might actually be OK with that, or – if they like you – they’re probably just trying to say the right thing even though they don’t want you to be “back on the market.”

But, honestly, if it was me and I broached the subject, I would ask the question and say I don’t want to hear the “fair” answer, I want to hear their honest answer. Their true gut feeling answer. It’s kind of test, if you will. If they honestly tell you they think it’s ok to do it, that’s not a good sign. But if they tell you they would prefer if you didn’t open it back up, then that would generally be seen as a sign that they are actually interested in you and in pursuing something with you.

Again, I understand people start dating multiple people at a time, it’s totally normal. That’s not the issue. Once you’ve had the “profiles” conversation, and they are still talking to someone they met at about the same time they me you, what do you do?

Let me hear what you’ve got to say on this.

My Take: Women show true colors with DadBod debate

I find this new “DadBod” (Dad Body) phenomenon intriguing. It is something that hits close to home and I finally started to feel good about myself because I don’t have the body I did when I was 25. I’m over 40 and my defined 20-something body has faded into a softer version of its former self and I have added 4 inches on my waist since I turned 21. In no way am I fat, or would I consider my self fat or out of shape, but I don’t look as good as I used to.

Then this “DadBod” thing came along.

I have been totally onboard for the media to portray the female body in a more realistic way, and not just the Victoria’s Secret supermodel type. And as an older guy, I totally feel the average woman’s pain when the media says the the male body should have large arms, a six-pack and the pelvic V-shape.

Then this “DadBod” thing came along.

Seeing several stories talking about the new focus on the softer male body, and not the muscle-head look, sparked a fire of hope that my assets would now be more in demand than they were last Summer. Ladies man Leonardo DiCaprio was the poster boy for the “DabBod” movement and I thought this “DadBod” thing could really gain traction.

Then I read the comments.

Wow! Talk about a kick in the nuts! Easily 90-99% of the women commenting were trashing the “DadBod”, saying the only reason guys like Leo and Jason Segal get hot girls is because they are rich, and reinforcing they want the meathead-body look.

So, real women – or at least those who post on social media – want the superficial male body, but condemn men for wanting the supermodels; believe the only way an attractive woman would go for a guy with a “DadBod” is because he has lots of money; and show exactly how shallow they really are. I’d like to think this was only a small sampling of the female population, but there were thousands and thousands of comments against it, and you know they say that for every comment on social media, approximately 1,000 other people share that opinion. So that would translate to millions of women sharing this opinion.

So, if you think the only reason an attractive woman would be interested in a man with a “DadBod” is because he’s rich and famous, then I no longer hold sympathy for you when you complain about guys comparing your average body to Victoria’s Secret models.

But then again, it amazes me how eager and willing women are to body shame each other, so them trying to body shame men is just the next step I guess.

Maybe I’m wrong and reading too much into these comments generated by stories about the “popularity of the DadBod.”

Well, I need to stop writing and get back to doing more pushups, crunches, planks and burpees.

As always, thanks for reading!

Ex-wife thinks she should be able to stay at my house

I’m not sure how many times I’ve mentioned this before, if at all – memories are all melding together, but this has been an issue I’ve been dealing with for quite a while.

My ex-wife seems to think I should let her stay here at my house when she comes into town to visit our son.

I used to let her at the beginning, after we first got divorced. It seemed to be easier for our son. I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously at the time, so I didn’t think much about it. But about the time Olive came along, it all changed.

It wasn’t just because of Olive, though that did play a big factor in it. A while before that, I was almost positive that she was going through my room looking through stuff. What she was looking to find, I have no clue. I don’t have any buried treasure, I don’t have any juicy secrets that I’m hiding, there isn’t any trace of a woman spending a lot of time here, and even if I did have a porn stash I have no idea why she’d be interested in finding that.

So the next time she was set to stay here, I set up a bit of a trap. I locked my bedroom door and set things up in odd ways around important areas I suspected she would rummage through. Then, I took pictures of it all to compare when I got home from work. I didn’t want to let her stay at my house alone, but I didn’t have a lot of choice and wasn’t going to be rude and say they had to leave while I was gone. When I got home, it was clear (even without the photographic evidence) that she had been rummaging through my stuff. When I confronted her about it, she said she only did it on purpose to get me riled up. She claims to not have really gone through anything, just messed stuff up to make it look like it.

Ya, right. Whatever.

Shortly after that, I said it wasn’t a good idea for her to stay here anymore. And after doing some more research, it was probably a better idea for her not to be here. It might confuse our son or give him false hope that we might someday get back together.

Now, she is coming into town this week for Mother’s Day weekend and to see our son’s first baseball game of the year. When asked about where they will be staying, she is very non-committal about whether she it staying at her dad’s house or her friend’s house. I know she would rather stay here, and she seems to be hinting around at wanting to stay here.

Honestly, I have been contemplating it. I’m not sure why. I am 100% certain nothing inappropriate will happen while she is here. I’m not tempted by that thought at all, whatsoever. I have not mentioned any of this to her.

What do you guys think?

Thanks for reading and I will see you again soon!

Is it wrong to ask for Christmas ideas?

This time last year, I was entering my dating moratorium for the Holidays. If I’m single, my vow is to not start a new relationship between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. It makes for awkward moments. Like what do you do on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day, do you spend it together or will someone get upset if you don’t spend it together? Do you get them a Christmas gift? Is it OK not to get them a Christmas gift? What on earth do you get them for Christmas? And the same goes for my most dreaded holiday – Valentine’s Day.

But since it has been a year since Olive and I first started talking, and almost a year that we’ve been officially dating, I’m in a similar yet completely different predicament.

I’ve been trying to tell you women readers, and any women I talk to about dating, that men are really simple and not that hard to figure out. We like to keep things simple. Problems need solutions. Emotions only cloud things up. Regular sex and attention will keep a man happy and faithful. Simple stuff like that.

So when it comes time for Christmas, men are very simple. If you need an idea for a Christmas gift for someone, ask them. So that’s what I did. I asked Olive for some ideas for Christmas. She gave me this puzzled look, like I asked her her weight or if it was ‘that time of the month.’

She said she shouldn’t have to tell me what she would like, that I should “know” what she would like. That’s all fine and good, and under normal circumstances, that’s how I would operate. But I already tried that. I went over all the possibilities in my head and struck out. Nothing seemed to fit or work. So, Plan B is to just ask. In my opinion, I would much rather get a good gift, with some help, than guess and get it totally wrong. But, that might just be me.

Then she asked me to name some of her favorite things, and I nailed them. She’s a health and fitness nut, she’s addicted to Netflix, and she loves horses. She agreed that I pretty much hit the top 3. But there’s nothing in my price range this year that would work in the health & fitness department this year (and I’m not getting her a gift card to the Vitamin Shoppe or GNC). She’s already got the Netflix thing covered (obviously) and she doesn’t want anything horse related because she tries to avoid being associated as a cowgirl. So … I just had to ask.

It wasn’t until she talked to her coworkers that she finally came around to the idea. The guys at her work echoed what I had already said. They ask their wives and girlfriends because it’s better to ask and get it right then not ask and get it wrong. She she finally acquiesced and gave me some ideas.

By some, I mean two. Way to keep the element of surprise alive. It was pretty much the same scent products from either The Body Shop or Bath & Body Works. Real original. I really like gifts to be something special and meaningful. Maybe it will really mean something to her and she will love using it every day. Or maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

What are your thoughts? Not just on asking for ideas, but giving gifts in a rather new relationship.

‘Til next time … Have a great weekend and stay warm!

Want to ensure your new relationship fails? Post your new undying love online.

I know it has been way too long since we last talked, but life has been crazy. Finished up my semester at school, now only have one left before graduating in December, been struggling trying to find a job so I can pay the bills over the Summer but the job market sucks, been coaching my son’s baseball team this Spring/Summer, and of course things with Olive have been going well (still) – we’ve been officially together almost 6 months now.

I’m no sociologist. I’m no psychologist. My theory has not been scientifically studied (yet). But I feel I had to put my recent thoughts down for you all (or ya’ll, if you’re from the South) because one of my pet peeves reared its ugly head once again, seriously affecting a friend of mine (and someone you’ve already met).

If I’ve said it at 100 times already, at LEAST 100 times, and I know I’ll say it at least 100 times more:

NEVER POST YOUR NEW “UNDYING” LOVE ONLINE!

I hate when I’m on Twitter or Facebook and see my friends gushing about their new “soulmate” they’ve only been seeing a few days or weeks. It is almost exclusively a woman thing, but it did recently bite a male friend of mine in the butt recently.

They rant and rave, and post gooey sweet musings about love, and destiny, and soulmates, and blah blah blah. Ick!! I get especially uncomfortable when they start invoking “God” into their postings like the divine creator chose this person for them – the one they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the “honeymoon” feeling, and I have similar thoughts and wonder to myself “Could this be the one?” But that is where I differ from them. I keep it TO MYSELF. I don’t go evangelizing it everyone and anyone who will listen (or in this case read it). I am rational about it, because I have seen this script 100 times (at least), and I just keep things inside and limit my information to the public.

It’s kind of like those people who don’t tell anyone about their pregnancies until after the first trimester, just in case something would go wrong early on. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not fun.

Maybe you believe in jinxes, maybe you don’t. But this is one time I won’t risk the jinx. I have yet to see someone professing their love on Facebook and Twitter very early on in the relationship ever work. It has a FAIL rate of 100%. Of course most dating relationships end and don’t last long, but these ones always seem to have a glorious Hindenburg-type of demise.

The reason this came up, was this just happened to a female friend of mine this week. You may remember Ellen. We’ve stayed in touch and remained acquaintances/friends with most of our contact on Facebook, especially since I’ve been dating Olive.

She went on a trip to Colorado with her son, and her new boyfriend was supposed to join them there. It was a calamity of issues from the beginning. The road trip was a little too interesting for her liking, she spent her first two days there extremely sick, her car died so they (her and her son) had to walk everywhere until it got fixed, and on an on. She is very religious so every post has some sort of god-directed focus. Then the other day she posted a serious rant about what a horrible person this guy was because he ended up not going out there and pretty much left them stranded out there in Colorado and she had to try to find another way home because her car is too jacked to make it home.

I don’t know all the details behind it, but it apparently escalated to the point where HE was threatening to file a police report on her for harassment (and actually did) and more. Then of course she thanked god for pointing out what a tool and loser he was now, before it got too much farther down the road.

That is why I hate mentioning of “God” in these types of posts. Because when it implodes in epic fashion, god always gets the blame for things horribly going wrong. I’m a huge god or churchy person, but I hate when people lay their fortunes and failures solely on his shoulders like they had no responsibility in any of it.

I know relationships end every day, some even in glorious and spectacular fashion, but it is practically guaranteed that if you gush about your new love online (Facebook or Twitter) – blogs are OK, but notice I don’t gush too much just in case – it is guaranteed to fail in short and glorious fashion.

Then I have to hear all the posts about what a douche or bitch the other person was and it just gets hard to watch. However, sometimes, when both sides decide to trash each other with comments on each other’s pages, it can get real interesting real fast. Kind of like sitting on the porch of a double-wide watching the neighbors air their business in the middle of the trailer park. That’s reality TV at its best.

So, please, whatever you do, when you’re dating that new someone, feel free to share bits and pieces. But PLEASE don’t go on and on about how this person (you just met a month ago) is the love of your life, the god-sent answer to all of your prayers, and your soulmate. Save it for when you’re inviting me to your wedding a year or two down the road.

Take care and hopefully I talk to you all sooner, rather than later.

Fastest Way to a Woman’s Heart: Another Woman

Jealous much?I know I have a lot of women who read this blog, but I’m here to not only share my experiences and entertain, I’m also here to help my fellow men and single fathers through this mess we call dating. So, ladies, if I’m giving away any deep, dark secrets, I hope you understand.

I know this topic seems a little confusing and cryptic, but by the time I’m done explaining, I’m sure it will make sense.

If you’re trying to get a woman, why do you need another woman? If you have one woman, why would you need another woman? Are you trying to pick up women while you’re with your wife or girlfriend? How can another woman help you get a woman?

All good questions, but you’re missing the point. The “second” woman I am referring to is nothing more than a friend. And by that, I mean someone you know, who is female, who has no interest in you sexually and you have no interest in them sexually. You two can hang out and never have to worry about any sexual tension or awkwardness.

Why?

It’s easy; women are very jealous, catty, competitive creatures.

If a woman has ANY feelings for you at all, seeing you having a good time with another woman (regardless of her connection to you) will bring those feelings to the surface and amplify them. And – almost every time – she will end up acting on those feelings – sooner rather than later.

For some reason, women have this automatic “that’s MY man!” defensive reaction when they see a guy they have feelings for with another woman, even if that guy is an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or even just a guy at work who has caught her eye. It triggers that mechanism in them that makes them think “he must have something going for him if she likes being with him.” The next response depends on the relationship status. If you are exes, her next response will be along the lines of a “I saw him first” type of reaction, but if you haven’t dated yet, it is more of a “I want whatever she’s having” type of reaction. Either way, she will start paying a lot more attention to you, and may even get aggressive about it by inserting herself into your conversation with this “other woman”. Regardless, she will be very flirty with you. Enjoy it!

Not only have I had numerous women confirm this to me, it was recently demonstrated with my ex high school girlfriend. Plus I have another very interesting story to share that will clearly demonstrate what I mean.

A few years ago, before I met and married my son’s mother, I was living in the Washington, D.C. area. I met this girl, Jeni, on Yahoo! Personals (still my #1 choice of dating sites of all-time). Jeni was a tall, beautiful blonde girl originally from Finland. Ok, not quite Sweden but still Scandinavian, close enough.

We had been on a few dates when she invited me out to double date with her and her roommate because her (roommate’s) boyfriend, Chad, was in town (he lived in Ohio). I know that description may have seemed obvious to most of you, some of you might have been confused. I met them at their house and we headed to one of the popular college hangout areas near D.C.

In the car, Chad and I sat in the backseat while the girls rode in the front. Things were pretty cool but not real affectionate. It seemed like four friends heading out instead of boyfriends and girlfriends, or any dating type of vibe. When we got to the bar, it was packed but we managed to find a 4-seat high-top table. When we got to the table, as gentlemen do, we waited for the women to take their seats, and the fact that the girls chose to sit on the same side of the table kind of set the tone for the evening. So Chad sat directly across from Chrissy, and I sat directly across from Jeni.

Something just didn’t feel right the whole night. Chad and I talked about it during their trips to the bathroom together (yes, multiple trips). We figured either they were (A) not really interested in us, but that wasn’t really what we thought was going on, or (B) they were playing hard to get or some other game. So I suggested we raise the ante on the night and make things more interesting. Chad agreed.

So, the next time the girls went to the bathroom, I found the closest waitress at the bar. I gave her $40 – money for two drinks and the rest was tip for her if she played along with my plan. She agreed. The plan was when the two girls returned, wait a few minutes, bring two drinks over to the table and say they “are compliments of the girls down there” pointing across the room to the other end of the bar. There were so many people there, it would be impossible to figure out who she was pointing at.

After the girls returned, a few minutes passed before the waitress came to the table. Just as we discussed, she dropped off two drinks and said they were “from the girls over there” pointing to the other end of the bar. Both Jeni and Chrissy raised up out of their seats to see if they could find them. Chrissy then asked her “which girls?” Playing along perfectly, without missing a beat, the waitress said “Two blondes right there … wait … I don’t see them any more,” and walked away.

You could feel the heat coming from the other side of the table. They asked what that was all about. I told them these two girls were walking by and bumped into me almost spilling their drinks. I apologized and the next thing we knew we were just talking. They asked if we were there with anybody and we told them yes. Then they left.

Almost immediately, within a matter of one or two minutes, the entire mood at the table changed. The girls started reaching over and touching our arms and hands. A little while longer, the girls switched things up to where Jeni and I were on the same side together, as were Chad and Chrissy, and holding hands, snuggling and even light kissing was soon to follow. On the way home, I sat in the back with Jeni, as Chad and Chrissy sat in the front.

Once we got back to their house, the girls went upstairs to change while us boys sat downstairs watching SportsCenter. After the girls were completely upstairs out of earshot, Chad turns to me and says “that was the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. I’m gonna tell all the guys at the firehouse this story when I get back home.” Chad and I still keep in touch, to this day, after that.

The girls came back downstairs in short boy shorts and camisoles – like they coordinated it or something – and mixed some drinks for us all. And the next morning they made breakfast for us all – if you follow me.

So again, my advice; always have a girl or two in your group (but not too many) when you go out looking for women. It will stack the deck in your favor, and if you have any game at all, it will usually work very well. More times than not, if there is a girl at the bar who digs you, she will seek out your female companion and ask her questions about you before she makes her move, or she will tell your female friend to have you go over and talk to her.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask. I’m an open book. And as always, thanks for reading.

The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).

The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too

Ok, this is where my whiny/needy side comes out. Deal with it. Us guys have soft sides too, ya know.

I know the game. I know the protocol. I know the rules. I am a firm believer in the code of chivalry.

But that doesn’t mean I like it. Sometimes, I really hate it.

I know it is the man’s job to woo the woman and take the lead. But here is a realistic fact that doesn’t get much attention, men like a little “wooing” too.

I know most of the dating advice sites (and dating mythology) say women shouldn’t initiate contact. I get that, but only at the beginning. Once you’ve established that you talk every day – dozens of times a day – it shouldn’t be the man’s job to initiate contact every time, whether it is talk, text or email.

Girls like to know the guy is interested and want to talk to them, that is the basis for the “rule” of the guy initiating the contact. Girls want to be wooed, pursued, chased, courted, whatever you want to call it. I get it.

But after a while, guys like to get a little attention too, believe it or not. You ladies have no idea how much return on just a little investment of an occasional text out of the blue saying “good morning” or “I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Hi”.

After a certain point, guys start to question whether you’re really interested or just being polite by responding when they text you first. It may just be a festering question at first, but the longer it persists, the more questioning and self-doubt creeps in. Remember my issue with Ellen?

Before I go any further, let me explain that I am not complaining about taking too long to respond or anything like that. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and cannot be held to a timetable. I am busy and can’t always respond quickly, and I don’t expect any different from the girls I date and talk to.

If I haven’t explained this about myself yet, I guess now would be a good time. I tend to be a very “romantic” type of guy. I enjoy doing little special things, like flowers, surprise visits, picking up something you’ve had your eye on for a while at the store, and all sorts of other little surprises to let my girl know I care about her. And the more affection I get from my girl, the more I want to exponentially reciprocate that. But when I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or whatever, I don’t feel like doing those special things.

I will say good morning every morning and goodnight every night – no matter where I am or what I am doing. I try not to expect anything in return.

But those times when my girl beats me to the punch in the morning with a “good morning,” or sends me a text in the middle of her busy day just to say “I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you” mean more than any gift or grand gesture could. Just knowing confidently that she is interested makes things so much easier.

Ladies, it may go against your nature (then again it may not), but doing something small like that for your man may make all the difference in your relationship. Forget about sex, this is much more powerful than that.

Guys may try to act like they are made of steel and super tough, but really, all guys want to know they are appreciated, adored, respected and loved, just like women do.

So try it sometime, ladies. And see what happens.

What the hell just happened? Lola just self-destructed

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much weirder, they do.

Things have been going well with Lola and we were even making anytime we could just to hang out together casually.

But then last night everything literally self-destructed – for no apparent reason.

The downside to spending so much time with Lola, has been my schoolwork has been suffering a little bit and I haven’t been keeping up with it as well as I probably should have. Well this week I have already had a test, and have two papers due. So needless to say, my free time has been a little scarce this week.

But I still managed to chat/talk with her as often as I could; during my breaks before/after my son’s baseball games, etc. I wasn’t talking to her as much as I had in the past, but I definitely wasn’t ignoring her either.

Then last night, after I got home after class and picking up my son, I got a series of three emails from her in real quick succession. It was apparently one big email she must have written on her old Blackberry phone and it broke it up into three parts, because the breaks weren’t what you would expect if she did them on purpose.

It started off talking about how she was going through her emails and enjoyed reading them from when we first started to get to know each other exactly a month ago. Then she started talking about she thinks I’ve changed somehow recently and she wanted to know if I thought if there was any potential in our relationship. She confessed to not knowing how to handle dating a single dad, but she was sure something was different between us. Of course there’s more to it, but I’m not trying to make this super long. You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t immediately respond. First, I was kind of caught off guard by it. Plus, I was busy with getting my schoolwork done, helping my son with his schoolwork, making dinner … all that sort of parental stuff. And I was also trying to think about exactly how to respond. I wanted to make sure to convey that nothing was wrong, I was still interested in her, and that maybe I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle being a single dad who is actively dating, since it’s all still relatively new to me.

But before I could get to formulating my response, I got another email from her.

This one basically said that she was sure she wasn’t going to hear from me again for some reason, she wished things could’ve been different, she enjoyed being together, and stuff like that. Basically, it was a goodbye letter.

I still haven’t responded to her yet. I am not sure what exactly to say at this point. I mean, clearly there are some issues coming out now and maybe I don’t want to try to resolve it. She’s been great and all, but this is just plain weird.

I might still just send her something because I don’t like just leaving things without saying something. And I want to clear the air a bit so she understands better where I am at and what is going on. Then again, maybe that will just be pointless.

Maybe it is just selective memory, but I don’t remember dating being this difficult and crazy before.