Staci Update: Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Let’s just get it out of the way, just like I said in the headline, there was no sex this weekend on our first road trip together.

I know the general consensus was that it was almost a certainty to happen, but the fact that it didn’t doesn’t really bother me very much because the weekend was still exceptionally great.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a minor kick in the Ego that things didn’t get more physical. But it wasn’t from lack of effort, I tried – boy did I try, but I didn’t push the issue or make a big deal about it when my progressive advancements were blocked aside like a hockey goalie.

But again, to emphasize, it was still a great weekend!

Last I left off, Staci mentioned the issue of us staying together in the hotel room. I had arranged for her to be able to bring her dog, who is under medication for some issues for which she just took her to the vet. And we both took our dogs with us.

On the car ride, conversations about my dog, what she was going to do during the day while I spent the day with my son until we needed to leave for the concert, etc., led to me to believe that us staying together was not really an issue any more.

Sleeping arrangements were, as expected, in separate beds. But she did – both nights and both mornings, come lay with me, snuggle and even make out for a while. And like I said, I definitely tried to progress things, but once things seemed to get to a certain point, she would come up with an excuse to do something else (like take a shower) or go back to her bed. I didn’t make a big deal about it, nor did I try to force the issue.

She clearly wants to take things – especially in that department – slow. Though, she was all about kissing and holding hands on the first date, which is actually faster than I would normally have progressed things. I am totally fine with it, as long as the relationship as a whole continues to progress forward.

We had numerous good conversations, including her perspective on some of the “issues” that I claimed I usually have in relationships, and she attributed it to them (other girls) being immature, insecure and generally more needy. She even made the comment that I’ve “been dating girls, when (I) need to date a woman.” She even expounded on how that would make me even better, and she would “expect me to step up my game” and would help with that.

The entire weekend was very intimate and affectionate. She was just as eager to initiate contact, holding, kissing, etc., whether we were alone, at the concert, or even in public.

The concert itself was great. She was latched on to or pressed up against me the entire time. However, at the end she started to feel feel faint and had to leave. The concert was outside and was very hot and humid. As she left to go sit down somewhere to the side, she said she didn’t want me to miss the end of the concert (which was just entering the encore portion). There was no way I was letting her go off somewhere alone while she wasn’t feeling good, so I followed her and stayed by her and watched the rest of the show from the side.

When the show was over, she wanted to head inside the building near the venue to get in the air conditioning while I went to find my friends that I left when going after her. We met up again shortly after by the main entrance and she was feeling a lot better. We had planned to go out for some drinks after the concert, but my friend and his girlfriend – who we rode the concert with – bailed and said they were just going to head back home.

This is where I made my mistake. Probably.

All night, things had seemingly been progressing to the inevitable climax of sex. But it was only a little after 11pm and I know she tends to prefer to hang out later than that. So I suggested going to a bar near the hotel. We went there for another 1-2 hours drinking, playing games, talking … having a good time. But when we got back to the room, she basically crashed. She took her dog outside, came back, got ready for bed and almost immediately went to bed.

Maybe I missed my window, I’m not sure. I can’t say for certain that things would have gone differently if we would’ve just gone straight back to the room instead of going out again. Did she see that as a sign I wasn’t interested? Would things have still worked out the same – ending with no sex – regardless? I don’t know, maybe, but I just have that lingering doubt in my mind that it might have been different.

Heading home was just as good, affectionate, intimate, and productive as the rest of the weekend. Lots of talking and sharing, etc. When I dropped her off at home, I lingered for a while and she seemed to be in no hurry to get rid of me. More “making out” took place, but that was it. We definitely seem to enjoy being intimate with each other. I’ve felt when a girl just tolerates making out, kissing, etc., just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. This is NOT that. Clearly!

I am definitely flirty with her and she responds to it, just as I’d hope, and even reciprocates. I also make sure to tell her how I feel about her and what I’m thinking, so there isn’t any confusion about what my intentions are. Again, she reciprocates right along with me,

I am very much attracted to her. And she seems attracted to me as well. She says she is, but more importantly, her actions definitely show it.

For as good as the weekend was, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t through some negative vibes out there. She is still very hard to read and anticipate. It does make me wonder where this is all going. When we’re together, everything is great! But when we’re apart, I don’t hear from her like I would expect to, she doesn’t say or do things like I would expect her too. It is very hard to read.

Maybe that is just her taking it slow. Maybe that is how a more confident, mature woman does things. Maybe I am used to dealing with clingy, immature “girls” regardless of how old they might be. Then again, maybe I’m not the only one she is seeing or talking to? I don’t think she talks about me to her friends. We haven’t talked about it, but that’s the feeling I get. I definitely haven’t met any of her friends – except the co-workers we met on accident at the baseball game – and have no clue if there is an opportunity coming up or not.

I know that seems like a lot of pessimism, and trust me, I could come up with more if I wanted to. But I’m trying to stay positive. Maybe she just does things differently than I am used to, and that’s the simple answer. Maybe.

But I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my time with this. As you know, I have a short window to really get to know someone when my son is gone.

I have kind of put my chips All-In here with Staci. It’s getting too late to start something new with anyone else.

But I have to be realistic with myself. So, I’m going to give it another month – until right before my son comes back – to see where it is. Two-plus months of dating (longer if you count the Match courtship) is plenty of time to determine potential commitment, right?!? If things are not more clear, and we haven’t even had sex by then, I don’t see the point in trying to prolong it, knowing the hurdles I will have to cross to make it work after he gets back.

I am more than willing to make the effort once he is back to make it work, as long as I know the commitment and mutual feelings are there.

Hopefully things clear up, get more interesting and more solidified in the next few weeks. Stay tuned, and I promise to keep you all updated.

What do you think? What are your thoughts? What do you think about this weekend not culminating in sex, as most of you expected? Where do you think this is going? How do you read into what I’m seeing? Please share!

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20 Years later the Ex is back (sort of)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I can’t believe it is December already. The weather is getting crappy and my dating life is already there.

But I do have an interesting story for ya’ll.

I was visiting my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. They still live in the same town I grew up in, but not the same house. I had been talking with some of my friends (both male and female) about getting together while I was there. So after I did my Black Friday shopping (in the AFTERNOON and still go all the stuff I wanted), I picked up my good friend Dan and we headed downtown to hit all of the “hot spots”. The town I’m from is about 100,000 people in the Midwest near a lot of farm country, so “hot spots” is a term I use lightly.

Dan and I have been friends forever. We grew up playing basketball together, and he was one only three people I knew growing up that were taller than me. And we’re both pretty good-looking guys, so going out together is always fun because ladies like the tall guys, and we’re like the Twin Towers standing out in a crowd sometimes.

We hit a few places that were dead, maybe a dozen people or so. Then we hit this rather new place and it had a pretty good crowd. We ordered some beers and found a table and were just standing there talking waiting for some of our other friends to meet us there. That is when I noticed, across the room, my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school. She was a little younger than me, but I thought I really loved this girl. My whole senior year revolved around her.

Dan and I started talking about her, and he told me that her husband was working at the bar (he was over 6-foot tall and 300+ lbs) and they were swingers and other stuff. He even said he thought she tried hooking up with him at some point a while back. He said he frequently talks with her when they are out. I really didn’t think much of it because I had seen her a couple of times over the years but we had never spoken. And I figured she pretty much hated me.

Well a little while later, she came over to the table to talk to Dan and apparently didn’t know he was there with me. It was a very brief awkward conversation and she left.

About 30 minutes later some of our other friends arrived, including Renee – a cute, little blonde with a sexy raspy voice. I have known Renee since I was about 4 years old and she lived across the street from my grandmother’s house, where I practically lived when I was growing up. So we are very good friends. We never dated – just in case you were asking.

It wasn’t too long before my ex, Sidney, came back to the table and started talking to us more. She was a lot more friendly and much more talkative. We were having fun picking on the “wannabe” boyfriend of Renee’s friend because he was totally jealous of the girls hanging out with me and Dan. He was way older than us and was acting like a stupid insecure teenager.

After a few more beers, Dan and I decided on going to the strip club down the street. Why? Because that was the only way we were going to see naked girls that night, and it sounded like a good place to just hang out and catch up. Well, before we could leave, Sidney had managed to invite herself along somehow. So the three of us headed out. We didn’t even get to the street corner before Sidney grabs my arm and starts walking arm-in-arm with me. I was cool with it. I don’t have any grudges with her and she’s married so I didn’t think it would lead to anything.

But once we got to the strip club, things got crazy. She apparently was there regularly because her husband also works at that bar. She was walking behind the bar getting us whatever drinks we wanted, going up to the stage messing around with the dancers, and more. That was nothing compared to her constantly touching me, rubbing up against me, and oh right, grabbing my crotch and butt frequently.

Over the next hour or so, she was texting me (yes, while we were there together) about how attracted to me she still was and more. Once it came time to leave, she asked if we could give her a ride home since her husband was still working at the bar. We agreed, but once we were in the car, she asked if we could drop Dan off first. Uhhh, ok. I see what’s going on here.

Once we got to Dan’s we all went into Dan’s because we had to go to the bathroom – we drank a lot of beer, remember.

We talked for a few minutes and then Dan started to get ready for bed. Sidney grabbed my hand, got real close and said she wanted to me right there. Dan came into the hallway and I just said to him “we’ll be downstairs” in his basement, where he had a couch, bar and big screen tv set up.

Pretty much as soon as we entered the room she started taking off her clothes. Before you knew it, we were both naked and she was orally taking care of business. I’m not gonna give all the rest of the graphic details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.

I talked to Dan the next day and he was cool with everything, so I didn’t offend him or anything. And we’ve talked about it all again since.

To make a long story not as long, Sidney has since added me to Facebook and texted me every day since. There is no expectation for any sort of relationship, but we have been catching up, even straightened out why we ended up breaking up, and much more. One of the most interesting things we talked about was that night at the bar. I asked her what happened to make her change her mood so quickly. She went from ice queen to in my pants in record time. She told me it was Renee, my blonde female friend. She kept watching us talking and having a good time together at the bar, and it made her jealous. After 20 years, three kids and a husband, she was still jealous about me with another woman. Dan even said she kept asking him about Renee, and if she was my girlfriend and stuff.  I always find it so amusing how much women can make each other jealous and competitive. I have a whole theory on that, but that can wait for another post.

It has been fun and interesting. But she is asking about my plans for Christmas because she wants to try to hook up again then. So, we shall see. But even if it doesn’t, that was one pretty crazy weekend and I never saw any of that coming.

I figured since I don’t have any real dating prospects right now, I’d fill you all in on something that’s between going on with me and the ladies.

Stay warm, and as always, thanks for reading!

Premature ejaculation and farting all night

Hey-oo!! Bet that grabbed your attention, didn’t it?? You’ll see where I’m going with that in a bit, but trust me, that has NOTHING to do with me!

First, an update. I had “The Talk” with Krystal about what she was expecting from me in this swinging relationship of hers. After all of the comments and hints of jealousy, I expected a lot more drama. But basically, she saw things my way. She agreed she would have no reason to get upset with me for seeing other women, especially given her situation.

She did ask that if I was going to get into a serious/sexual relationship with a girl, that I let her know and we part ways at that point. That’s totally fair. I mean, if I was going to have a sexual relationship with a legitimate girlfriend prospect, I would definitely end things with Krystal first.

There is no way I would start a potential serious relationship having a side piece in my pocket just for sex. I mean, if that’s all she (Krystal) is there for, and I can get sex from my new girlfriend, then what’s the point of keeping her (Krystal) around? There isn’t any.

And she respected the fact that I brought it up before I did something “wrong” and upset her.

Deep down, I know she doesn’t like the idea of me seeing another girl, but she knows she has no room to say anything about it. Even though this has been interesting and kind of fun, I am really (honestly) on the lookout for a serious girlfriend candidate.

The good news is, I have a date with a new candidate Friday night with Lola – the tall hairdresser. Stay tuned!

Now for the good stuff.

I have a friend that used to be a co-worker with me back in days in the Washington DC area. She still lives there, and we keep in touch every now and then. We are very similar yet total opposites. She writes a dating blog as well and we share stories, swap advice, and all the fun stuff like that.  Recently, we had been talking about her wanting to have “The Talk” with this muscle-head teacher guy she was dating. They went out for a few weeks and she was ready to get exclusive with him, and they finally had sex.

And that’s when things went sour. He kind of dropped off the radar (I’m over simplifying this) and then eventually stopped returning messages all together. When this situation of him not responding to her first started, we discussed her needing to have “The Talk” with him. So she set a time to have “The Talk” with him the next time she saw him, which was on their regular Thursday date (last week). The date never happened because he never responded to her.

A few days passed, and finally enough was enough. She could not let this disrespectful behavior go unnoticed and unpunished.

Before I get to the juice, know that the worst thing you can do – especially after having sex – is end any sort of relationship by just “ignoring it away.” Have the guts to at least say something as to why you’re done with the relationship. It’s the respectful thing to do. Sure, we’ve all had first dates where you never talk to the person again (I’ve done it and it’s happened to me), but I’m talking about relationships where you’ve started to invest yourselves in each other. Even though it will hurt, it’s the right thing to do. I do it because I would like the same courtesy.

OK, now on with the show.

She told me she’d had enough with this dude and wrote him a serious nastygram. I am sharing this letter with you, in its entirety because I loved it SO much, I asked her if I could please share it with you. She agreed, mainly because she wasn’t sure about posting it on her blog. So for your reading enjoyment, her it is.

“You’re a coward. I was gonna stop by Rhino and ask you what made you pull back so fast. But I didn’t want to scare you. It’s just really inconsiderate to totally stop communication the way you did. It’s immature. Even if you thought my feelings would be hurt, you should have shared your thoughts.

You complain all the time about lack of respect and common courtesy from people, yet you can’t even give it. Maybe that’s why you don’t receive it.
I think I was more than kind to you. I took into consideration that you fight depression and I tried to give you compliments and make you feel good. I didn’t even tell you that I didn’t have an orgasm not even one time. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And I thought that in time I would teach you how to bring me to that point.
Maybe the interracial thing was too much for you, or maybe you met someone else. I even thought you felt I was getting too close to you. Whatever the issue, you really should have told me. I think we built enough rapport for that expectation.
I guess i just wanted some sense if closure. I had been dating others while we dated, and I continue to date, but I was hoping to get closer to you. But I remember when I met you, you told me you’re always a woman’s second or third choice. At the time I thought you meant it as if you didn’t prefer to be in second place. But I understand now that you don’t want to be the first one.
All that is cool. Thanks for a fun summer. I just wish my last memory of you didn’t include you prematurely ejaculating, and farting all night.
Take care,
And I wish you success in life.”
Thanks for reading! And stay tuned this weekend for my update on my date with Lola. I really have high hopes for this one. So much so I’m going a little “outside the box” for this one.

Update: Why do we always have to have “The Talk”?

I told you things would dramatically shift gears once the new school year started. And I haven’t even started my college class schedule yet. Yes, I’m about 40 and I’ll explain how that all works later, but not now. So I figured I owed you guys an update, and today would be as good of a day as any.

Things with Krystal are going well. I can’t say they’re progressing, because this type of relationship isn’t really going anywhere. It’s not like some day in the near future she is going to be someone I’m going to introduce to my family as my girlfriend, or eventually make my fiance or wife. We talk every day (texting or actual phone calls).

Today was about the third time we’ve been together in person. Today was one of those times where it was all about the sex. It went a little quicker than expected, but not because of any shortcomings on my end. She had a little embarrassing condition that she apparently didn’t realize until we had already started. It became such a distraction for her (long before I even realized it) that she started incessantly rambling on about it. It was kind of getting annoying and killing the mood.

She opted to finish things orally so we could bring this “embarrassing” situation to an end. She even nearly snuck out the door while I was cleaning up because she was that embarrassed. We talked about the fact that it was normal, I wasn’t freaked out about it, I would call her and want to see her again.

But something she mentioned after she left has really stuck with me. Basically she’s concerned about me finding and being with someone else while I’m seeing her. As she puts it, she “doesn’t like to share.” This kind of struck me funny. She’s married – happily, as she puts it – and frequents a swingers club, and is looking for friends-with-benefits. All of these indicators point to me being someone who has to be OK with “sharing” and I don’t mind – in this particular situation – because I know what it’s all about. I know what I’ve got myself into, and that’s fine.

However, I don’t understand how that translates to me not being able to see other people. I totally get her feelings that once I start an intimate physical relationship with another girl that she doesn’t want to share. Then again, if I was at the point with a girl where I would be ready to begin an intimate relationship, I would definitely end the relationship with Krystal first. There is no way I would try to start a relationship with a new girlfriend with my swinging side-piece in my back pocket. That’s just not right.

But as soon as I started to question what she meant about the whole “sharing” thing, she shut it down, saying she was just being emotional because she recently changed some medication she was taking and was adjusting to it. Red flag??

Inception occurred.  The thought about having “The Talk” began to grow in my brain like a fertilized egg splitting cells until it becomes an embryo. And when that happens, that’s when you need to have “The Talk.” My philosophy has always been; once you have the thought that you should have “The Talk,” that’s when you should have “The Talk.” Don’t wait for some sign from god, or some major event that pushes you over the edge to talk about whatever it is that’s on your mind. It’s the same advice I tell people when they ask me about having “The Talk.” If you have the conversation early, there is always a chance to remedy the situation before it becomes a point of no return.  And the longer you wait, the more you will push it off and procrastinate until you are faced with a situation where you are backed into a corner and have to fight your way out. That leaves only one outcome, blood, guts and a bad breakup.

I need to get this straightened out now before things get any more involved. And this weekend has been interesting. I’ve had a major family function this weekend and not been as readily available to talk and text. So of course, I get the messages asking if I’m mad at her, if she said something or did something to upset me, and all that business.  She wants to meet tomorrow for coffee as a first attempt to “make up” for the other day.

I’m going to meet her, but I’m not as into it as I would’ve been a few days ago. She has been a little clingy this weekend, which is a bit of a turnoff, regardless of the situation and circumstances. And remember when I said that with my luck, the minute I started things off with Krystal, a relationship-worthy girl would present herself. I’m not saying that has exactly happened, but I have been talking with another girl and things are going well.

I definitely want to start dating this new girl, Lola, but we haven’t got to a point where we’ve actually set a time for a first date. It will most likely be this weekend (if at all). So I definitely need to get things straightened out with Krystal beforehand.

In a normal situation, I’m not even talking to other girls once we’ve been on a few dates and especially after having sex. But this isn’t a normal situation. In this particular situation, I’m a side-piece, and not a paid side-piece, so exclusivity is kind of a foggy no-man’s-land. Hence, the reason for “The Talk.”

Even though I despise “The Talk,” I guess it’s inevitable in every relationship. Just as inevitable as that first time you go into the bathroom after your boyfriend/girlfriend and they didn’t use the air freshener. You know it’s coming one day, you just hope it isn’t that bad when it does.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for reading. And have a great week dating out there!

The Experiment continues, we go swinging for the fences (pt. 2)

OK, just remember you all asked for the sequel to my last post. I really hope I can do this story justice.

I left off after we decided to get together this weekend for some fun, dancing, drinking, and other such shenanigans. Then this story took off like my typical driver shot off the tee at the golf course. I thought I crushed it and it looked pretty – straight, strong and true – then at the apex of its flight, you see the turn signal blinking right before it takes a sharp left hand turn into the rough or the water. Something that looked so promising ends up totally different from I expected. So with that…

I told you Krystal’s husband knew about me and was OK with me, because he has his girls on the side. They’re very open about things like that. So open about it, they are members of the local swingers club.

We were kicking around ideas about what we were going to do Saturday night; everything from a movie to going dancing and all sorts of options in between. But she couldn’t decide.

In the meantime, she’s telling me how she’s been talking to this guy who wants to swing with her and her husband (of course his wife is included in the deal). She doesn’t like this guy, doesn’t want to be with him, and he’s trying to convince them to go to the swingers club Saturday. She’s getting mad because apparently this guy is rather dominant over his wife (and rather abusive as well) and she’s really not digging how he’s talking to her or his wife. So she is totally set against going to the club with them this weekend, or anytime.

Finally, it’s Saturday afternoon and we still haven’t decided on what to do. She is planning on meeting me at my house about 7 p.m. and we’ll figure something out from there. Right at 7 p.m. I get the phone call, “How would you like to go with us to the swingers club?”

My first reaction is to freak out a bit. Not because it’s a swingers club, because I’ve been to a couple in my day – not what you think, it’s a whole different story, if you really want to know, I’ll tell you offline – but because it’s our first real date, I haven’t personally met her husband yet and even though she says he’s cool with me, I’m going to show up at the swingers club and all that entails and expect everything to be cool? Not so sure. But I play it cool and say I’d meet them there.

She sends me the instructions on how to get there. And trust me when I say this place is a nondescript old warehouse out on the edge of town practically in the middle of nowhere. It’s at the end of a long dirt road that winds through the trees with no lights until you round the corner and see the yellow lights of the parking lot. I seriously was waiting to hear dueling banjos playing on the wind.

Krystal said it was a t-shirt and jeans type of place. I was a little more dressed up than that because the other similar clubs I’ve been to were more fancy types of places – suit or sport coat. When I got there, she was right. Jeans everywhere, and coolers. I had not idea this was a BYOB establishment. OK, my expectations were being shattered left and right.

I met them at the front door. It was Krystal and her husband Ken, and Ken’s co-worker Aaron and his wife Jennifer. This was Aaron and Jennifer’s first time at a club like this. Ken is a bit taller than me and a little bigger. He’s an amateur MMA fighter when he’s not working construction. Aaron is kind of  an average looking Joe – not fat, but not fit either, but his wife Jennifer was hot – way hotter than you would expect to be with him.

I hit it off with everybody right away. I’m just easy like that. Ken was really cool about it all and showed us around the club. We took a booth right off the dance floor, and then he showed us the lounges and the private rooms (do I need to explain what these are for?). So we sat down in the main room at our booth and broke out the drinks. I stuck to the rum & cokes, the other guys had beer, the girls started off with grapefruit & vodka (oh my, talk about gross), but they soon switched to the rum & cokes.

Let me paint a picture for you. It is corset night. Most of the women are wearing some sort of corset or bustier. The average age in this room is easily 40 if not higher. It is definitely an older crowd, most of them in their 50s to 60s. Some women were classy about their attire, while others sported the more risqué “convertible corset” which let the boobs hang out exposed to the world. Others were wearing nearly nothing, and what was there was hanging on for dear life with fishing line, tape or magic. While the guys were in jeans, and regular shirts, nothing fancy or dressy. I might have been the best dressed guy there.

We had a great time. Ken and I were talking like two guys hanging out at a football game together. Aaron was included too, but he was a little distracted worrying about the other guys “vulturing” his wife. His wife was hot, did I mention that? She was clearly in the top 5% of women there. Then again she was only 28, quite possibly the youngest one there.

Most of the night, Ken was the 5th wheel. Krystal was all over me, which became easier to handle as the night went on, and Aaron and Jennifer were hanging onto each other for dear life. Finally Ken’s girl showed up. This isn’t his normal, regular girlfriend. This is another girl he’s been hanging around with recently. Krystal is not a big fan of hers – because she’s cute with a small body and she sees her as competition. It was apparent. So much so, that Krystal hooked him up with the wife I mentioned earlier who was married to the real dominating guy (but he didn’t show up at the club that night). And when I say hooked up, yes I mean they went to one of the rooms and got it on. This girl was NOT attractive at all. By my standards, maybe a 4. I won’t get into details, but I would never hook up with her.

So Krystal thinks things are good, girl # 2 (Sarah) is apparently out of the picture, or so she thought. The night is winding down, the girls have been dancing together, and us guys were just sitting around talking about girls (other ones that were there, too) and drinking and having a merry old time. A little while later, we’re all sitting in the booth, and Krystal slides a condom into my pocket and says for me to follow her.

We make our way to a back room and she puts me down on the couch before shutting and locking the door. Things progress pretty quickly – as you can imagine they have to with other people waiting. But you really don’t want to get completely naked in a place like that because you have no idea what went on in that room right before you. Things were going real good – I mean real good. But then she heard some people talking loudly outside the door and we both heard someone mention Krystal’s name and saying something about hurrying it up. So we decided to wrap things up at that point, but by no means were either of us “finished” but we had been in there a while.

Once we got dressed and opened the door, there standing right in the doorway was Ken and Sarah (girl #2). Let’s just say that didn’t go over very well with Krystal. I tried to defuse the situation, with a light “you two kids have fun” comment. We went back to our booth and waited for a while. We danced and talked. But then she pulled Jennifer aside and they talked for a while, then she finally decided to go stop Ken and Sarah in the room. But they were done by the time she got back there. Cutting to the end, it was a source of contention between them (Ken and Krystal) for the rest of the night that he still ended up hooking up with Sarah. I spent most of the night hanging out with Aaron and Jennifer, even coaxing Jennifer out the dance floor a few times. You thought I was going to say I coaxed her into a back room, didn’t you? I thought about it. Ha!

Overall, the night ended well. Ken was still real cool with me, we all went our separate ways, and the next day I talked to her like everything was cool. She still wants to see me more. Can you blame her? I’m irresistible. And Ken is still cool with me. Apparently I get brought up in conversations at home and he asks when I’m hanging out them next. That part is still real hard for me to get used to. I’ve been the “other guy” before, but the main guy never knew about me, and sometimes I didn’t even know about him. This is way different.

There is so much more I could tell here, but this is already my longest post by far. If you want to know more, just ask me, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know (except real life names and places). And as my luck would have it, no sooner do I go out with her, and my Match and other profiles started blowing up on Sunday. Go figure. It’s just my luck.

Stay tuned for more. Thanks for reading.

The Dilemma: Back to School means major changes

We are only a matter of days away from the beginning of new school year. A new school year means lots of changes for everyone. The kids have new grades, teachers and classes to adjust to, as well as get used to getting up in the morning to go to school again. Parents have to adjust to the school routine of getting the kids ready and making sure they get to school.

It also means a major change in my dating life.

Starting next week, my son will be home from his Summer visit to his mother’s and he will be going back to school. That means a monumental shift in my dating game. My availability goes from “any time” to “rarely”. You see, I don’t have a big support network of family and/or friends who can watch my son while I go out on dates or to just have grown-up time. And with his mother living 8+ hours away, I don’t have every other weekend available like most divorced parents. My son sees his mother on average about once per month, sometimes longer. Her visits are scheduled around his long breaks from school (anything 4+ days long).

This creates some major obstacles in the dating game.

No longer can I go out any night of the week, or spend the night somewhere. Having girls over or spend the night is also out. I want to make sure a woman has serious potential before I introduce her into my children’s daily life. So this seriously limits my window of opportunity to about one or two chances per month, maybe more depending on the month.

This has already been a serious obstacle with girls I dated before my son left for the Summer. Most girls say they understand and don’t have a problem with it. Many will even say they think there is something extremely attractive about a guy who has custody of his kids and devotes so much of himself to them. But the truth soon rears its ugly head.

If I am dating a girl and we cross that certain threshold, whether it’s a certain amount of time together or physical intimacy, I do not talk to, flirt with, or entertain other women in any way. I’m talking about potential female dates, not true female friends. I am not interested in looking around once I have established myself with someone, and regardless of how much I say it or even try to demonstrate it, that usually doesn’t seem to be enough. So far, only one woman has been willing to play the waiting game for me, and that was Abigail (you will read more about her later). Things ended with her not because of my limited availability, but because it was too early in my return to dating for me to be comfortable with the boyfriend/girlfriend labels and other intimate attachments. But she wanted them and I wasn’t willing to give them to her. But (again) we will cover that later.

I had a lot more hopes for what would happen this Summer once I was free to focus all of my free time on dating and women. But alas, the Summer is nearing an end and still do not have what most would consider a real girlfriend. Justine is on the verge of that status, but since we talked about the change in my schedule once school starts, things have a been a little different with her. So I am not sure what that exactly means yet. But she is also very leery about meeting and involving the children too soon, which is something we would have to consider doing to see each other as much as we would like to.

Like I said, I don’t have a large support network her to provide me with opportunities to go out. Sure, my son will occasional have a sleepover at a friend’s house, but those are usually determined within a 48-24 hour time frame. And I am not the most comfortable about hiring a strange babysitter to watch him just so I can go out. I get pangs of guilt and selfishness when I think about doing that.

What do you think? Are my expectations too high? Or should I make more efforts to be available?

Honestly, sometimes I really think I should just drop the whole dating game all together and spend my time and money on places like Adult FriendFinder, Ashley Madison, or even something like Eros and the strip clubs. That way, I’m spending my money on attachment-free fun and not having to hassle with the constraints the dating game places on me. Otherwise it takes months worth of work just to get my basic urges met, when I already know my relationship needs will most likely not be met due to the limitations of my schedule. And no, I’m not going out to the bars looking for random bar skanks to hook up with, because the quality is not as good and it’s usually a futile effort anyway. So let’s just stick with something a little more proven. My free time is rare, and I don’t want to frivolously waste it.

Let me know what you think. And thanks for listening.

Make the first time about her, you will be rewarded over & over again

This is for all the guys out there who happen to read this – Listen up!!

It is very apparent women are very dissatisfied with the effort they are getting from the men they date. How do I know this? I listen to them.

That’s Tip #1. Listen! It’s so stinking simple, yet so many guys think they are witty enough, good-looking enough, or rich enough (gag!) to skate by without really listening to what their date has to say. We all know the “cliché” that women want a guy who actually listens to them. But it’s more than that. They want a guy who listens to them, but who will also take what they have heard and use that information to treat them the way they want their men to treat them. Because generally they are complaining about past relationships and what went wrong. Take that information, use it and don’t make the same stupid mistakes. Some guys aren’t getting the memo.

I’m getting a little sidetracked here, but the point is, if you listen, what I am about to tell you will be so much easier.

Tip #2 (it’s almost tip #1, but without #1 there is no #2): When presented with the rare and precious opportunity of that first sexual experience – make it ALL about her!!

Most guys, when presented with the opportunity, regardless of how long it took them to get there – 2 dates or 2 months – get so excited at the sight of boobs and a naked woman, they give into their animal urges and turn it into a Discovery Channel episode. News flash: she wants the love scene from The Notebook, not Mating Practices of African Wildebeests.

Now if you have been paying attention to what she has been telling you, I’m pretty sure she has hinted at what she disliked during past physical relationships. For example, I had a girl tell me all she wanted from her man was for him to just take control and just have his way with her sometimes (memo noted), and some other simple things that I could NOT believe her past boyfriends did not do for her, that were basic practice for me. It seemed too easy.

But when that moment comes, bury every selfish urge you have to dominate her and finish the race first. This is the one time when finishing first will cost you the race. Make it all about her!!

Caress her, lightly running your fingertips all over her body. Don’t just start groping at her breasts, gently tickle them around the nipples almost teasing her. Everything needs to be gentle and sensuous. Hit all the sensual erogenous zones (nape of the neck, ear lobes, soft sides of the breasts, a few inches below the bellybutton, the insides of her thighs, etc.). Work your way from the ear lobes down.

If she gives you a distinct sign she really enjoys something, like sucking on or play-biting her nipples, linger there for a while before moving on. And make sure you are paying attention to her body language so you know what she likes, what she REALLY likes, and what she doesn’t like. It will make things so much easier. Don’t ruin it all by missing the cue she doesn’t like something. End, obviously, with the oral sex. Make sure it is soft and gentle. It’s not like licking a bunch of stamps. Think of it more like kissing. Keep it soft, sensual, know when and how to use the tongue, and most importantly, vary the speed and intensity. Sometimes you want to go fast and light, other times you want slow with more pressure. There are some good resources to help teach you the best ways to please a woman “down there”, but my best advice is to watch some lesbian pornos. Watch and learn. Or just ask your woman what she wants.

Do NOT let her start “working” on you until she has at least one orgasm. If you can manage it, try to keep as much of your clothing on as possible and maximize her number of orgasms before getting your turn. It is almost my personal guarantee, that if you can do this, she will undress you faster than you have ever seen before in your life. She will take care of you with a passion and vigor you never would have seen otherwise.

But best of all, she will REMEMBER it and think about it – and think about it some more. And the next time she has the chance to have sex with you, you will receive carryover from the first time and it will be another vigorous round of love-making. But don’t stop pleasing her! I can’t stress that enough. Just because you took care of her the first time, doesn’t mean your work is done. You have to keep taking care of her needs.

My first rule of sex is to make sure she gets off first. There are very few exceptions to this rule, but some do exist and most of them hinge on her controlling the situation. If you can do that, AND listen to what she tells you before, during and after sex, you will never lose her because your sex life is bad. She may leave you for other reasons, but the bedroom game won’t be one of them.

But so many men are so selfish they screw it all up. If you don’t believe there’s any truth to what I’m saying, have your woman read this. But be careful, I am not responsible for what she does after that. And I have no idea how she got my phone number.

Good luck!