New 2016, Zoey, 2015 Wrap-up and more updates

Hello everyone.

Sorry it’s been so long since my last update. It was in October or something, right?

Well, things have been just crazy, in both my personal and dating life. So, in December, I shut down my Match profile and haven’t been on looking since. I needed to step away from the whole thing for a while. Plus, as I’ve mentioned before, if I don’t have a girlfriend over the Holidays, then I stop dating until after Valentine’s Day.

But now to the updates …

Last I mentioned, I was looking into seeing Abigail again. Things seemed to be going very well, and I really opened myself up to try to make things work, since it was kind of my fault things ended up they way they did the first time. After a few weeks, she kind of disappeared on me. She said she had a lot going on, things were crazy at work and home and her father was even in the hospital. But everything just stopped. No explanation. No reason. And when I would hear from her, her explanations were cryptic and never explained anything, no matter how many questions I asked. So I finally sent her a message telling her that I was trying to be there for her but just ended up feeling like I was bother her, and that I was stepping away until I heard more from her. To date, I haven’t heard anything. So I guess that chapter is closed (again).

And I finally heard from Staci (everyone’s favorite question and topic) this weekend out of the blue. No, we’re not looking at getting back together or anything. She sent me a message explaining what happened with her ex-boyfriend. And I was right. That’s all that really matters (lol). They barely made it a month before they split again. I’m not one to say “I told you so,” but I told you so. lol

Then there was Zoey. Yes, you may have noticed I skipped a few names, but honestly I went on a number of dates since Wanda and really don’t feel like recapping them, so since Violet was the final girl of 2015 and makes for an easier transition (which I will explain later), I’m sticking with it. Deal with it.

Zoey and I met on Match shortly after Abigail and I ended. Things were hot and heavy for the first few weeks. We clicked and things were falling into place so well. Almost too well.

I had finally met her kids (a young daughter and son in high school) and we were waiting for my son to get back from a visit with his mom before I introduced him to her and her kids. I was out of town for  a few days before I picked him up. During that time, there was lots of conversation about how she missed me, couldn’t wait to see me, and such. I was gone for her birthday so I had flowers sent to her work, and she was telling me I was the best boyfriend, etc.

Then things seemed to change overnight. Literally, overnight. The night of her birthday, to be more precise. I don’t know what happened because I wasn’t there. All I know is she called me on her way home from work and we talked for nearly an hour. Then she said she had to go to have cake with her kids (at about 7 p.m.). Then about 9:30 p.m. she called again, heading home from the bar just down the street from her house. And she was tanked. I didn’t ask who she was with, probably because I didn’t want to know.

I returned home the next day and went over to her house. The whole time I was there, she hardly got close to me at any time, and hardly acted like she even wanted  me to be there. I brushed it off to the hangover she was dealing with following her birthday evening excursion. Then the next evening I went over to her house again, and it was more of the same. She didn’t seem interested in the fact that I was there. We had been apart for more than a week, and then when we were together, she didn’t seem interested at all. Then in a matter of days, things completely unraveled. I saw a whole new side to her that I had never seen before. And she started distancing herself from me more and more.

I remembered a conversation we had early on in the relationship about her mom grilling her about us and commenting how she was amazed she hadn’t “pulled a Zoey” by now. Which according her mom, means she finds some small stupid reason to push guys away and shut them out, then break up with them. She vowed to not do that with me, and said if I ever caught her doing that, to call her out on her so she would stop. Yet, when I did, she didn’t stop and it even drove her further away. And a matter of days later, we were done. Just like that. A complete 180-degree turn on a dime. And when I tried to find out what was going on, she wouldn’t explain and insisted we weren’t breaking up. And she finally took the immature route of ignoring me hoping I would just go away until I finally threw up my hands and send “I get the message, we’re done.”

That’s when I decided to take a break for a while. So my plan is to stay offline and out of the dating game until the beginning of February. It gives me time to regroup, re-evaluate my dating priorities, and take a break to ensure I don’t just rush into something. Plus, it keeps me from meeting someone requiring me to figure out a Valentine’s Day plan for a girl I just started dating.

So, I’m rewriting my profile and re-evaluating my search criteria, because whatever I have been doing hasn’t really been working. And I will officially start dating in 2016 on February 1.

I will also reset the naming process (beginning with A, again). I also plan to change how I talk about and relay dating experiences with all of you. If you have suggestions for what you would like to know about each date, or how you would like me to structure it, please comment below with your ideas. I want to tailor it to what you are more interested in reading.

I hope this catches all of you up on how things are going. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Until then,  thank you all for reading.

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It’s Fall, So Fall Back, Right?

Hello everyone! Sorry it has been so long since my last post, but I’ve kind of been taking a break from things a little bit. I hid the ol’ Match profile, took a step back to do some self-evaluations about where I’m going, what I’m doing, and what I really want out of things. I also did a little research and self-help reading to get my motivated and in the right frame of mind.

So I don’t really have any new, wonderful dating stories to share with you at this point. But some interesting developments have taken place recently, since my last post. Like I said  … Fall back, right?

Well, for some yet-to-be-defined reason, a few boomerangs have returned. No, don’t get your hopes up, Staci was not one of them. If you don’t find that funny, then you just don’t get me. Anyway … I’ve had a few conversations with Olive over the past few months, but I think I already told you that. Nothing serious, just casual conversations about random stuff and we occasionally see each other at 5Ks and stuff. Nothing physical has happened, nor have I even entertained the thought of trying to see if she would be a FWB.

Then Naomi contacted me, right before I shut down my Match profile. I’ll be honest, I knew she looked familiar and I knew we had talked, but I wasn’t sure we had actually dated. After talking with her for a little while, I remembered, yep, it was definitely Naomi. So, we ended up hanging out one night, and then it didn’t take long to remember why things didn’t work out. She goes from 0 to 100 in a flash. After just talking for a little while, it was like we were already in a relationship. And then after hanging out one time – seriously, just one time – she acted like we were boyfriend-girlfriend. I’m not into moving that fast, thank you very much. So once again, I had to put her behind me.

Then, the craziest thing happened. I heard from Abigail. Yes, Abigail, the first, the one who “started” this whole thing. She is also the only one I never got around to writing about. Here’s why …

Abigail was the first girl I dated after my divorce (nearly 3 years ago). My thought process heading back into the dating game was that since I had been out of the scene for 7+ years, it was going to be rough at first. I figured I’d have a handful of bad dates and awkward experiences before I really started to get into finding quality women. It was kind of like kicking the rust off, if you will. I never expected to find something substantial right away.

We dated for a couple of months. We really hit it off. The only negatives I could find about her were that she still lived with her parents while trying to get herself back on her feet after her divorce and she lived more than an hour away. Not major issues, but like I said, those were the only ones I could ever really find.

She was smart, funny, easy to talk to, strong willed, and very passionate about the motorcycle group she was a part of (she would travel to the state capitol to lobby for motorcyclist rights and such), as well as becoming a nurse.

I really started to develop feelings for her. And that was the problem. She was the first girl I dated and I wasn’t comfortable with feeling that way about someone so soon. I freaked out. I panicked. Whatever you want to call it. I don’t blame her for anything that happened (especially now) because the more I look back on things, she was just doing things the way she was supposed to. We were clearly in a relationship, a sexual relationship, as well as exclusive. And she wanted that commitment from me. I remember plain as day, the time we were talking on the phone during one of her trips to the capitol, and she asked me “When are you going to girlfriend this?” It seemed a little corny, but she had every right to want to know where we stood and where things were going.

And that’s pretty much when I shut it down. Again, I panicked. I freaked out. I got scared. Whatever you want to call it.

But things are different now. I’ve evolved. I’ve grown. I’m more comfortable (and confident) with my situation, who I am and what I’m doing.

I don’t know what is going to happen from here on out with Abigail. Clearly we’ve both thought about the other over the past 2-3 years, and maybe we’re trying to see if there really is anything there, I don’t know. The downside to things now, is that she completed nursing school and works at a hospital now. The problem isn’t so much her schedule, it is the fact that the hospital she works at is even farther away and she is considering moving there.

But I’m not letting that be a deciding factor. If things work, they work, if they don’t … well, they don’t. She knows and understood my time restrictions before and was OK with them, and they’re even less now than they were then. We’ll see how it goes.

And if this doesn’t work out, then it’s about time to kick off my Holiday Hiatus again. Those who have been around now that if I don’t have a girlfriend by the time Thanksgiving roles around and kicks off the Holiday Season, I shut down dating all the way until Valentine’s Day. I am NOT looking to add the complications of the Holiday routines to a new relationship. Too much hassle and awkwardness.

Stay tuned, and always, thanks for reading.