Premature ejaculation and farting all night

Hey-oo!! Bet that grabbed your attention, didn’t it?? You’ll see where I’m going with that in a bit, but trust me, that has NOTHING to do with me!

First, an update. I had “The Talk” with Krystal about what she was expecting from me in this swinging relationship of hers. After all of the comments and hints of jealousy, I expected a lot more drama. But basically, she saw things my way. She agreed she would have no reason to get upset with me for seeing other women, especially given her situation.

She did ask that if I was going to get into a serious/sexual relationship with a girl, that I let her know and we part ways at that point. That’s totally fair. I mean, if I was going to have a sexual relationship with a legitimate girlfriend prospect, I would definitely end things with Krystal first.

There is no way I would start a potential serious relationship having a side piece in my pocket just for sex. I mean, if that’s all she (Krystal) is there for, and I can get sex from my new girlfriend, then what’s the point of keeping her (Krystal) around? There isn’t any.

And she respected the fact that I brought it up before I did something “wrong” and upset her.

Deep down, I know she doesn’t like the idea of me seeing another girl, but she knows she has no room to say anything about it. Even though this has been interesting and kind of fun, I am really (honestly) on the lookout for a serious girlfriend candidate.

The good news is, I have a date with a new candidate Friday night with Lola – the tall hairdresser. Stay tuned!

Now for the good stuff.

I have a friend that used to be a co-worker with me back in days in the Washington DC area. She still lives there, and we keep in touch every now and then. We are very similar yet total opposites. She writes a dating blog as well and we share stories, swap advice, and all the fun stuff like that.  Recently, we had been talking about her wanting to have “The Talk” with this muscle-head teacher guy she was dating. They went out for a few weeks and she was ready to get exclusive with him, and they finally had sex.

And that’s when things went sour. He kind of dropped off the radar (I’m over simplifying this) and then eventually stopped returning messages all together. When this situation of him not responding to her first started, we discussed her needing to have “The Talk” with him. So she set a time to have “The Talk” with him the next time she saw him, which was on their regular Thursday date (last week). The date never happened because he never responded to her.

A few days passed, and finally enough was enough. She could not let this disrespectful behavior go unnoticed and unpunished.

Before I get to the juice, know that the worst thing you can do – especially after having sex – is end any sort of relationship by just “ignoring it away.” Have the guts to at least say something as to why you’re done with the relationship. It’s the respectful thing to do. Sure, we’ve all had first dates where you never talk to the person again (I’ve done it and it’s happened to me), but I’m talking about relationships where you’ve started to invest yourselves in each other. Even though it will hurt, it’s the right thing to do. I do it because I would like the same courtesy.

OK, now on with the show.

She told me she’d had enough with this dude and wrote him a serious nastygram. I am sharing this letter with you, in its entirety because I loved it SO much, I asked her if I could please share it with you. She agreed, mainly because she wasn’t sure about posting it on her blog. So for your reading enjoyment, her it is.

“You’re a coward. I was gonna stop by Rhino and ask you what made you pull back so fast. But I didn’t want to scare you. It’s just really inconsiderate to totally stop communication the way you did. It’s immature. Even if you thought my feelings would be hurt, you should have shared your thoughts.

You complain all the time about lack of respect and common courtesy from people, yet you can’t even give it. Maybe that’s why you don’t receive it.
I think I was more than kind to you. I took into consideration that you fight depression and I tried to give you compliments and make you feel good. I didn’t even tell you that I didn’t have an orgasm not even one time. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And I thought that in time I would teach you how to bring me to that point.
Maybe the interracial thing was too much for you, or maybe you met someone else. I even thought you felt I was getting too close to you. Whatever the issue, you really should have told me. I think we built enough rapport for that expectation.
I guess i just wanted some sense if closure. I had been dating others while we dated, and I continue to date, but I was hoping to get closer to you. But I remember when I met you, you told me you’re always a woman’s second or third choice. At the time I thought you meant it as if you didn’t prefer to be in second place. But I understand now that you don’t want to be the first one.
All that is cool. Thanks for a fun summer. I just wish my last memory of you didn’t include you prematurely ejaculating, and farting all night.
Take care,
And I wish you success in life.”
Thanks for reading! And stay tuned this weekend for my update on my date with Lola. I really have high hopes for this one. So much so I’m going a little “outside the box” for this one.

Has it come to this? A drastic shift in the gameplan

As I already stated, the dating game landscape is going to change this weekend with the return of my son from his Summer vacation. So I started game-planning how dating was going to work once the school year started.

Well, after much consideration and debate, along with the help of some additional advice, I have made a rather drastic change in my dating approach. Look for the upcoming post this weekend with the initial results. This new approach seems to fit my schedule, dating and personal needs much better than the traditional way.

HOWEVER, my bet is as soon as I venture down this road, the girl of my dreams will make her presence known. That’s just the way my luck works. Once I give up on something or commit to an alternate option, that’s when my first choice becomes available. My luck is horrible sometimes. But the good news is, if that does happen, I will have the option to change courses again back to the traditional track.

I guess we will find out shortly. Stay tuned, it should be interesting.

Beatrice: Cute Southern drawl, but wasn’t what I ordered (Rewind)

Background: Beatrice was one of my first real communications on eHarmony. There had been Smiles (eHarmony’s version of the Wink) exchanged with other members and I had managed to make it through some levels of the 5-step gauntlet eHarmony uses before you get to actually emailing each other. But Beatrice was the first (I think) that managed to make it through the gauntlet and we actually started exchanging emails. From there we followed the script of exchanging numbers, texting and then started talking on the phone.

We found lots of things to talk about and the connection developing (via email, text and phone calls) was getting better with each passing day. And once we started talking on the phone, that’s all I wanted to do because she had the sexiest Southern drawl that I just ate up.

She was also absolutely adorable (from what I saw from her pictures). Cute as a button would have been a term I would’ve used. She had amazing blue eyes, full lips and the most gorgeous head of naturally curly bright blonde hair. She was a professional chef who worked from home quite a bit, which was interesting. We were always talking about food and cooking. Things were definitely looking up!

We tried for a few days to get together for a date before finally settling for an evening date on a night when I just got back into town from a work trip.

The Date: We decided to do the classic dinner and movie thing, except this time we were going to one of the theaters which serves food at the movies. Since she was coming from another town just to the South of me, and would pass right by my house on the way to the theater anyway, we decided she would just stop at my house and park her car and we would drive together. But on the way she texted me, with what seemed like an innocent enough message, but should have been something I really needed to take to heart. She texted me that she “felt bloated, and like a whale.”

That all became too clear when she showed up at my door. She was clearly at least, at LEAST, 25 pounds heavier than any of the pictures in her profile. Sorry, but that’s not bloated. “Bloated” does not affect your legs, face or arms. As I’ve stated before, one thing I really can’t stand is when people “lie” by posting inaccurate pictures of themselves on their profiles. After the date, I looked back at her profile and there was nothing to even remotely indicate she was heavy. Nothing! 

But, given how good our connection and conversations had been to this point, I was willing to overlook her size because she was still rather cute – but not what was I was expecting. I hadn’t totally shut down the date mentally yet. I was going to give it a chance.

On the way to the theater, and when we first arrived at the theater, the conversation was good and we were both laughing and having a good time. We even had a good chuckle when I pointed out to her that one picture she had posted on her profile showed a little bit of areola around her nipple. She didn’t believe me, so I had to show her. It was pretty funny. We got to the theater early enough that we decided to eat dinner out in the bar area outside the theaters. But that’s where things really turned south.

For some unknown reason, she kept giving our server a hard time. She would make rude comments if the server didn’t answer her questions as she was expecting, or if she thought she was taking too long, or for any number of reasons. I finally got to the point where I asked if she was OK and what that was all about. She tried to explain that she thought the service was bad, but there was nothing worth commenting on, as far as I was concerned. I thought everything was just fine.

That is what stuck under my skin for the rest of the night – how rude she was to people. She made a few other comments to other people that I thought were very unjustified, unnecessary and rude.

During the movie, we didn’t cuddle or hold hands or anything like I had originally hoped. And after the movie we had some basic conversation about the movie on the way back to my place. Once back to my place, we talked for a few minutes and even exchanged a goodnight kiss. The bittersweet part, was that the kiss was actually pretty good, but I was just too turned off at that point to let it be any sort of deciding factor as to whether I wanted to pursue anything with her.

Post date: We continued to talk for a few days after that, but I just couldn’t get the rudeness out of my head, on top of the fact that I was still a bit irked that she misled me about her photos. She knew she was doing it, otherwise why would she make the “bloated” comment right before I was to see her for the first time in person. So we never did get to a second date. But I learned a harsh reality about online dating – some people are dishonest on their profiles because they don’t think people might be interested in them otherwise. I can’t say whether or not I would’ve gone out with her if she would have posted honest pictures of herself, but being dishonest about it doesn’t make me the bad person because she was a little heavier than she let on.

In part because of this date, and a few others (including Daphne), I have come up with a little online dating theory; find the worst picture someone has posted on their profile, and that will most likely be the best representation of what they look like in person. I work with Photoshop every day at work, so I can tell when pictures are touched up, and I’ve seen a whole bunch of altered pictures on dating sites. It’s kind of disheartening.

Grade: C

Side bar: This was the only date I managed to get from eHarmony in the six months I was a paying member. I had maybe a handful of serious conversations, a couple dozen solid interactions. I am not counting every smile I received, only the ones that were reciprocated. So I wasn’t that impressed with it, especially considering the price versus Match, which is probably still my favorite and Chemistry.

Daphne: Ruh roh, Raggy! Get the Mystery Machine (Rewind)

Background: Daphne contact me via Match and after checking out her profile, I figured it couldn’t hurt to talk to her and see what happened. We seemed to have a lot of common interests and the email conversations went very well. But I would have to admit the clincher was her height. She was 5’11” and I’m a sucker for tall women. She was fairly attractive, but her height intrigued me enough to allow me to let something like that not influence me as much.

She was a huge baseball fan, which is always bonus points for me, and a hockey fan. We would chat and text through baseball games and the hockey playoffs talking about the games, as well as other miscellaneous things. The connection was good, but not overwhelming like some others have been. She was a nurse and worked out with a personal trainer three times a week. So, maybe my expectations were a little high. We decided to get to drinks one night at a local bar in our area.

The Date: I got to the bar about 5-10 minutes before she did and grabbed a table with a clear view of the front door, so I could see her when she came in and she would be able to find me easily. We were playfully texting as she was pulling in, and I said I had to confess that I wasn’t a tall guy, that I was actually short and balding. She didn’t buy it.

But my jaw dropped when she entered the bar. I recognized her face, barely, but she was not what her pictures led me to believe. I understood she was not a petite girl, especially since she was almost 6-feet tall. That was OK with me. But the girl who walked in was twice the size of any picture she had posted on her profile. She noticed me almost as soon as I noticed her. If she wouldn’t have, I might have considered sneaking out. I have never run out on a date before, but I really thought about it this time.

I had already ordered drinks, and they arrived just as she arrived at the table. We exchanged hellos, but no hugs or anything. I don’t know if she ever caught the look on my face when I first noticed her, and I really hope she didn’t. Apparently the thought of wondering how to deal with the situation made me rather nervous.

When I get nervous on a bad date, I talk and talk and talk. Maybe it is because I am hoping something bad comes out of my mouth that turns her off, maybe it is because I was to try to rush through all of the possible topics as fast as I can in the hope that the date might end sooner, or maybe I just would rather dominate the conversation and hope nothing meaningful is exchanged.  We, or I should say I, talked about all sorts of random things and did a lot of people-watching and commenting on other people in the bar.

Her size never came up. I wanted to ask about her seeing a trainer three times a week because I wasn’t exactly sure what they accomplished, other than making her bigger. And overall I felt rather deceived. She looked nothing like her pictures, they were likely a few years old. And when that happens, I automatically feel a level of distrust because I feel like I have been lied to and manipulated just for a date.

When it finally came time for me to leave, because I had to go pick up my son, we exchanged a friendly hug goodbye after I walked her to her car. There was no kiss or any other physical contact. I am not sure if she sensed my lack of a connection with her, but I am pretty sure she figured out things didn’t go well.

Post date: After the date, I never heard from her again, nor did I try to contact her either. There was no connection, and I am usually more lenient about physical appearances, but this was just way too far outside my comfort zone.  I know it may sound shallow and superficial, but we all know there must be a physical attraction and connection as well as the other connections. Plus, like I said, it really felt a bit dishonest that she represented herself with pictures that were obviously older, and stated she was tall and athletic and toned. I have a hard time getting over initial deceptions like that.

Grade: D

UPDATE: Georgia, Fiona, Irene and introducing Justine

What a busy week. We’ve all heard the saying “when it rains it pours.” It’s no different in dating. Dating has its droughts, but it also has its floods. This is one of those times when there is almost too much going on at one time to keep it all straight, and enjoy it. We’re looking in the face of five first dates in the last couple of weeks, not to mention follow-up dates with several of them. So let’s get to the updates.

GEORGIA: She had lots of potential. We started talking like a couple and had a great time together. I was just on the verge of turning off all of the other candidates because it looked like things were going to get exclusive. But after a great night out, which ended with her proposing watching a movie at her house, things changed. We cuddled on the couch watching the movie, with intermittent kissing sessions, until about 2am. There was no sex, and I didn’t broach the subject. She had some recent issues with men forcing themselves on her, so I was taking it real slow with her. I texted her when I got home and her response was that she was looking forward to spending a lot more time together.

Then things flipped 180 degrees. I hardly heard from her the next day and she ignored most of my messages. I wrote it off that she was busy spending time with her kids, but I was starting to get nervous. Then on Monday, the same thing, she ignored most of my messages and I hardly heard from her and when I would ask it everything was OK she would say everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about.

You can never fully trust that, because women will tell you everything is perfectly fine and you have nothing to worry about right up until the moment when they drop the big bomb on you.

I tried calling that night and she said she wasn’t able to talk because she had a lot of work to do that night, but that everything was OK. Then the next day, I decided to stop texting until she texted me first. Then oddly enough, I got advice – from a woman you will meet later (Justine) – saying I should just text her to say HI and see what’s up. So I did. That’s when the bomb dropped. She said she wanted to be honest and let me know she really wasn’t ready to be dating again yet, and that she felt sorry for leading me on. Sometimes, I really hate being right. My gut was telling me the whole time that she was getting scared. I just responded that I was sorry to hear that. So … moving on …

FIONA: Then the craziest thing happened. I heard from Fiona again. It had been a couple of weeks since I last heard from her when she told me she was going to focus on her new relationship with this cop she met. So out of the blue I get a message asking how I was doing. I said fine, but I was a little confused because I didn’t think I was going to hear from her again. She had the nerve to ask me “Why?” Why?? Because you said so, that’s why.

We talked briefly about her being happier than she has been in a long time with this guy and she wanted to still be friends. I was OK with it, though it sounded kind of odd because we had a good time together but didn’t thing we were that close otherwise she probably would have been focusing on me and not seeing other guys. And I already replayed the entire conversation to make sure I didn’t miss any hints that she was looking to see if I was still interested in her. Well, considering the fact I flat out asked her if she was still seeing this guy (perfect opportunity to say “no” and see my reaction), she responded that she was and was very happy. So if it was a gauge to try to get me back, it wasn’t a very good one. But then, just as fast as she came back into the scene, she was gone again and I haven’t heard from her since. Go figure.

IRENE: I’ve seen Irene a couple more times and things are trending to possibility of making a bonafide relationship. She even invited me over and made me dinner. The chemistry is good all around. We’ve even talked about going out again this weekend.

But the problem is Justine. We’ve been talking for a while now and have a crazy cool connection. Texting all day, talking all night – sometimes for up to 3 hours until 2am. There is definitely chemistry there. So we’ve been trying to find time to get together for a real date and want to spend time together this weekend.

The problem comes with what to do with Irene. You never truly really knows what is going to happen with two people who have great chemistry emailing and texting that meet for the first time. Many times there is no physical chemistry and it falls flat. So in the event that happens, I want to keep options open with Irene.

Thanks for reading and expect to see the post from time with Justine sometime by the end of the weekend. Thanks for reading.