Ariel: Another relationship supernova

Last I updated you all, Ariel wasn’t feeling well on Super Bowl Sunday. Well, she officially cancelled because she just never got around to feeling well enough and didn’t want me to see her running back and forth to the bathroom all night.

Since then, things have been on a steady, consistent decline. Hearing less and less from her each day. Ultimately leading to this morning, when she said she’s spent a lot of time thinking this week and is going to call me tonight (Thursday) so we can talk.

That’s never good.

We had talked on the phone on Monday. She shut down her Facebook and Match accounts. She said she wanted to unplug and disconnect. She assured me it wasn’t to disconnect or distance herself from me. But over the week, it was clear she was drifting away from me. She would never ask about me, never follow-up about things I told her about, and her answers got shorter and shorter. Finally yesterday, I had only received five texts from her all day. Five. That’s it. All day.

She said the reason was so she could focus on painting this mural she had been wanting to work on. She had apparently found her inspiration and wanted to focus on working on that. I totally understood that and was fully supportive.

She’s a great painter. Everything I’ve seen her paint is just beautiful. So of course I wanted to encourage her and be supportive in any way I could. Even if that meant giving her a little space and understand when I don’t hear from her as much. She sent me a picture updating her progress, and it was looking great. I made every effort to not bother her when I knew she was working on it and never questioned, commented or complained about the lack of communication between us. But I would send occasional text every few hours just asking how things were going and how she was doing.

However, one major piece of the conversation – that she tried to downplay – seems to be at the root of all of this. She mentioned her ex-boyfriend reached out to her and she was removing him from her life because. It was a long distance relationship and he treated her terribly. Sounds eerily similar to Staci and her ex-boyfriend drama. But I tried not to let it bother me too much, and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

I just don’t see how things got her from Friday. Nothing (negative) happened between us. No disagreements. No conflict. No drama. Nothing.

She waited until late in the evening to call so she could have the excuse that she needed to go to bed to serve as her backstop.

Basically, it was all about the ex-boyfriend. She needs to take time to figure out what is going on with him and doesn’t think it would be fair to lead me on and drag things out while she figured things out. So our plans for Saturday are cancelled and I don’t know if I will ever hear from her again.

And don’t think – for a second – I was just accepting about all of this and let her off the hook easy. I got my points across. Like, after all she told me about him and how her friends and family don’t like this guy, why would she go back to him; she knew my profile said not to contact me if you’re not over your ex, because I didn’t want to go through this again like I did with Staci; and how I don’t understand how things could go from so very good to over so quickly. None of it makes any sense. But it is what it is and there’s nothing I can do about it.

She insists that she isn’t trying to get back together with him, just wants to figure things out and needs time to do that. She also says that once things get ironed out, assuming she doesn’t get back together with him, that she would reach out to me to possibly see about getting back together. I’m definitely not holding my breath. As you’ll soon see.

So, I guess it’s time to close another chapter and open a new one.

Please stay tuned. I’ve got a pretty good story brewing for you all that I’ll post after this weekend.

And as always, thanks for reading!

Closing the chapter on Olive

The train that I saw coming a few months ago has finally arrived at the station … and departed. Olive and I broke up.

It was nothing spectacular; no fireworks, no screaming and/or crying, no cheating, nothing noteworthy like that. It just died a slow death.

Not wanting to break up on or right before Mother’s Day or during her work trip, I waited until she got back. We hardly talked during her work trip and hardly spoke once she returned. When she finally called, we both knew things were just not compatible anymore. She started off by asking “Are we still dating?” and my response was “It doesn’t feel like it.”

We discussed how I was feeling about her pulling away and not showing me that she was back into the relationship – and it had been more than three months since things were any sort of “normal” between us. That is also the time when we had the conversation about me being strict and whether that would affect our long-term relationship and she blew up on a tangent.

A month later we went out with her co-workers, and it just never fault right. We really weren’t acting like a couple. She came over that night and argued about things and she stayed the night (without any sex or intimacy). The month leading up to that, I made it a point to let her know that I was still interested and wanted to be with her and spend time with her so there would be no doubt about where I stood.  See the post updating this in more detail here.

Things only got worse from there. When I brought that up, she stated that she was waiting for me to make a move. I restated that it was she that pulled away, and I was waiting for a sign (ANY SIGN) showing that things were back on the mend. But nothing. There were no spikes in the relationship after that point. Our conversations became very basic and friendly. We had morphed into just friends.  There were no more “I love you”s, no more “I miss you”s, nothing.

We both confessed that we had been contemplating this move for a few weeks and just couldn’t get around to actually pulling the plug.

We left it open to still eventually be friends, when she is feeling up to it (if ever). That is not how I normally deal with breakups. Normally, I just cut the anchor loose and never intend to have any further contact with it. Usually when breakups lead to “friendships” someone retains some sort of residual feelings and only maintain the relationship as a potential opportunity to get back together.

It actually went well – as breakups go. We actually civilly talked it through. But we will see how things evolve over the next few days.

And No – there isn’t another girl. At least not yet. But I will be dusting off and updating my Match profile, so there might be something on the horizon.

So stay tuned for any upcoming dating updates. And as always, thank you for reading!