Wanda Update: Days later the “friends” speech, or should I say text

It had been more than a few days since Wanda and I survived the escape room and monsoon. I heard absolutely nothing from her. I didn’t pursue or push the issue. After the feeling I got after the date, I wasn’t surprised I didn’t hear anything.

Then – somewhat out of the blue – I got a lengthy text from her. I had figured she was just like most girls, once there is an extended period of silence and things seem to be on the rocks, she would just fade away and I’d never hear from her again.

To synopsize the text, she basically apologized for not saying anything to me for such a long time, saying how busy she was with all of her events over the weekend and such. She also said she thought about where “We” were over the weekend and decided she just wanted to be friends. She said she still wants to stay in touch and occasional hang out and do stuff together. Lastly she said she’d understand if I just wanted to walk away from it all.

I replied thanking her for at least saying something and not just ignoring me. I also said I wasn’t sure how the friends thing would work since she is so far away and there hasn’t been a lot of ground built between us to where ti would be a common occurrence for us to hang out. So I said I would just wait to hear from her on the subject.

I’m not really expecting any casual conversations, much less any opportunities for us to hang out and do stuff together “as friends.” But I wasn’t a jerk and shut it down all together, knowing full well nothing will likely come of it.

But don’t worry, I’ll definitely keep you updated if something actually does come of it. But please, I beg you, don’t hold your breath.

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Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

I was right. I say that way too often, and it always seems to be regarding things I don’t want to be right about.

And if you don’t get the headline, you can catch up here.

She met with her ex-boyfriend for dinner tonight. I really didn’t expect to hear from hear tonight. But a little after 9pm she called me. I was rather surprised.

She was straight to the point – after a long awkward silence following the initial pleasantries – I give her a little credit for that. She came right out and said, after talking, they decided to try dating again.

She apologized profusely and said it wasn’t anything to do with me, there was nothing wrong with me. She just felt she needed to follow her heart. And when I pointed out that these things never work out, she admitted that she didn’t feel that way otherwise she wouldn’t have considered getting back together with him. All girls who consider getting back with their ex-boyfriends always think this guy is different, even though she would’ve told her friend to stay away from this guy.

And her friend Amy (from the other posts) – is also NOT supportive of this move, to dump me to go back with her ex. And she didn’t listen to her best friend either. Shocking.

Instead of getting upset and badgering her for (what I thought was) a horrible decision, I took the high road. I said I hope – for her sake – I’m not right this time and that things work out for her (even though I don’t see it lasting more than a month or two). I want her to be happy. I told her she deserves to be treated better than she was previously with this guy. And she said he had a lot to live up to because I set the bar pretty high. Then I asked her “then why go back with him if you’re admitting that I was better for (her)?”

She said (again) she needed to follow her heart, and it wasn’t fair to me that her heart wasn’t completely into it with me. She apologized and said she felt bad, I bluntly told her she should and emphasized that I wasn’t joking.

She commented on how well I was taking things. I said I had a week to prepare for this, so it wasn’t like some sucker-punch to the heart. Plus, what good comes from getting mad or angry? None. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t make anything any better.

I told her I hope she doesn’t reach a point where she regrets making the wrong decision and passing on Us. Because if she did end up changing her mind, I wasn’t waiting for her and was moving on with my life. I tried to maintain a level of civility, and was rather blunt numerous times pointing out where I think she was wrong in dealing with this like she did.

Again, she tried to tell me that she had no intention or preconception that they would get together after meeting tonight. I don’t buy that for a second, and reiterated to her that I saw this coming for a week now and had plenty of time to prepare myself for this. So even if she is honest about not having any intention of getting back together with him, I apparently know her better than she does because I saw it coming a week ago. Then again, with the way she was acting this past week, it is obvious to see that she was distancing herself from me for a reason. It wasn’t just a coincidence.

It was short and to the point. I finally asked her if there was anything else she needed to say, and she just repeated her apologies. So I ended the conversation by again wishing she finds happiness and that I would never want her to get hurt again, no matter how much I disagreed with it or how much it hurt me.

And that was it. I immediately set her ringtone to the Star Wars Imperial March and her text tone to the Chewbacca roar (as I do with all ex-girlfriends). And yes I keep ex-girlfriend numbers in my phone for a while, so I know exactly who’s calling me. I don’t memorize their phone numbers, so I don’t want to answer a regret-filled call on accident. After a while, like a year or so, I go through and purge my phone of numbers I haven’t used or talked to in a while.

So now onto bigger and better things. This chapter is over. Time to open a new one.

Thanks for following all of this madness, and as always thanks for reading.

Staci Update: I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

Today was the first time I thought about ending it with Staci.

OK, before I get started here, I’m just telling you I’m writing this in the wee hours of the morning when I have to get up and go into the office tomorrow, because I can’t freaking sleep.

I’m not proud of that. I’ve had doubts, concerns, and questions about what we’re actually doing here, but I have not thought about breaking up with her before – until today.

And before you all pile on me for not following my own dating protocol: If think you should end it, then end it. Don’t drag it out, I haven’t followed my normal dating protocols to this point with Staci. So why start now? And remember, I was in the military for more than 20 years where my daily life was governed by rules, regulations and protocols. I’m good with living my life that way. I’m not some hippie living his life a free willy nilly. So this is kind of difficult for me.

She hasn’t gone out the last two nights and was intent on catching up on her sleep. Last night went well but the night prior was a disaster as storms caused her animals to go all nuts and she was up at 4am calming them down and cleaning up “messes”. And of course last night, she texts me wanting me to come over and watch TV with her. Of course, her timing was horrible. Where were these offers weeks ago? Last night I had a back to school night and other things on my plate getting my son into the swing of going back to school this week. I said I was fine with us getting together (with my son in tow) but I know she’s not ready for that yet. And I understand that, so it’s not an issue.

And tonight we got together for another concert.

But today was just off. I can’t explain it. Other than to say I think a trend is developing. Things seem really great, like yesterday, with good conversations, flirting, the occasional “I miss you” and such. But today was OFF. And it all seemed to start last night after her conversation with her sister. This is a trend I’m not sure how to interpret. Whenever she has a long (heart-to-heart) with someone, whether it is her sister, roommate, a good friend, or whoever, she gets distant. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, sometimes a couple of days. But then things return to “normal.” I can speculate all day what I think it might be, but I have no real idea. And I’m not really about to ask.

Wait … I didn’t have to ask.

The concert was great. We were like a power couple out tonight. We had a great time, holding hands, kissing, holding each other … you know … the works. It was great. Until I dropped her off at her car.

Do you hear that? That faint whistling sound that’s getting louder and more high pitched? Ya, that’s the bomb about to drop.

After all that, she tells me her ex-boyfriend (remember the one she said broke her heart) contacted her and said he wants to get together and talk, and she isn’t sure what to do or what that means for us. Oh by the way, this came after about 15 minutes of making out in my car before I was going to let her go home.

I couldn’t believe it. I was incensed. What a sucker I am! What a fool I am!

I told her exactly what is happening. He’s an EX for a reason. He dumped her and broke her heart because he wanted something else. And it wasn’t her. Now, something went wrong, and he’s doing what douchebag guys do – he’s going back to the recent girlfriend as his fallback girl because he knows she’s still got feelings for him. And we ALL know how that is going to work out. Not well. I have NEVER seen a couple get back together and have it work out. On top of that, it usually only lasts a short time before falling apart again. I’ve been through it, I’ve seen it 100 times.

So I explained this to her. That if I was her friend, that is exactly what I’d tell her. Stay Away! And I’ve told dozens of friends that exact thing.

So I laid everything out on the table. What I felt about her. What I felt about us. The potential I saw in us. And more. Then I asked her if she thought there was still a chance for us after she talks with him. She said definitely Yes (with about a 50% confidence level).

This could not have come at a worse time. I needed to get my son and take him home because he starts school tomorrow, and it was midnight.

She held me and apologized profusely. I said I can’t believe I’m about to suggest this, because my normal protocol would have been to leave 15-20 minutes earlier. But since I haven’t followed protocol with her yet, why start now. Right? So I said, “fine, talk to him and see how you feel, then let me know.” Well, they aren’t supposed to talk until next week. And she insists she isn’t going to drink in order to keep her head about her, because we know he’s trying to pry her for rebound sex or whatever. I don’t fully believe that, and told her as much. I’m being 100% honest here.

And she said she was trying to be honest with me about this. Which I kind of scoffed at. She knew this was all going on and yet let the night unfold like it did. She knew this was all going on and let me fork out all the money to take her out and buy drinks all night. You can’t tell me that is being “honest.”

I’ll be honest with you all right now. I love her! And I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t have any say in the matter and I don’t think my chances are very good right now. I can’t see her walking away from him if he wants to get back together. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m hoping I’m wrong. And I told her I hope she doesn’t make a big mistake (leaving me for him), and she hoped she didn’t make a mistake either.

I’m crushed. And I’m sure this isn’t my most coherent post.

As we left, she said she would let me know when she got home. She should have been home almost an hour ago. Still no word.

I guess I’ll see what tomorrow holds. I’m not playing it like a normal day. No way. No how. I’ll see if she contacts me at all. And I’m pretty sure our plans with Max for Thursday are also cancelled. I can’t possibly see how I could go out with her like nothing is wrong with this hanging over my head.

Not unless she has some epiphany and calls it off with this ex of hers. Not likely going to happen, but a dreamer can dream.

I’ll let you know how it goes. And as always, thanks for reading.

Closing the chapter on Olive

The train that I saw coming a few months ago has finally arrived at the station … and departed. Olive and I broke up.

It was nothing spectacular; no fireworks, no screaming and/or crying, no cheating, nothing noteworthy like that. It just died a slow death.

Not wanting to break up on or right before Mother’s Day or during her work trip, I waited until she got back. We hardly talked during her work trip and hardly spoke once she returned. When she finally called, we both knew things were just not compatible anymore. She started off by asking “Are we still dating?” and my response was “It doesn’t feel like it.”

We discussed how I was feeling about her pulling away and not showing me that she was back into the relationship – and it had been more than three months since things were any sort of “normal” between us. That is also the time when we had the conversation about me being strict and whether that would affect our long-term relationship and she blew up on a tangent.

A month later we went out with her co-workers, and it just never fault right. We really weren’t acting like a couple. She came over that night and argued about things and she stayed the night (without any sex or intimacy). The month leading up to that, I made it a point to let her know that I was still interested and wanted to be with her and spend time with her so there would be no doubt about where I stood.  See the post updating this in more detail here.

Things only got worse from there. When I brought that up, she stated that she was waiting for me to make a move. I restated that it was she that pulled away, and I was waiting for a sign (ANY SIGN) showing that things were back on the mend. But nothing. There were no spikes in the relationship after that point. Our conversations became very basic and friendly. We had morphed into just friends.  There were no more “I love you”s, no more “I miss you”s, nothing.

We both confessed that we had been contemplating this move for a few weeks and just couldn’t get around to actually pulling the plug.

We left it open to still eventually be friends, when she is feeling up to it (if ever). That is not how I normally deal with breakups. Normally, I just cut the anchor loose and never intend to have any further contact with it. Usually when breakups lead to “friendships” someone retains some sort of residual feelings and only maintain the relationship as a potential opportunity to get back together.

It actually went well – as breakups go. We actually civilly talked it through. But we will see how things evolve over the next few days.

And No – there isn’t another girl. At least not yet. But I will be dusting off and updating my Match profile, so there might be something on the horizon.

So stay tuned for any upcoming dating updates. And as always, thank you for reading!

The End might be near, contemplating pulling the plug

Olive and I have been together over a year now. But things have been really odd over the last month or so.

Because of her work schedule, she wasn’t able to travel with me for Christmas with my family and I was gone over week. We had a good stretch of days (and nights) together in between Christmas and New Year’s. But then illness struck.

My son returned home from his mother’s with the flu, so we kept our distance to ensure she or her son didn’t get sick. But once that cleared up, her son had strep throat, keeping us apart a bit longer. Things looked to clear up and she was supposed to travel with me to go spend the extended MLK weekend at my parents’ while I visited my oldest son.

Well, days before our trip, her son came down with a bad stomach virus which altered his plans to spend his normal weekend with his father, thus interfering with Olive’s ability to go with us for the weekend.

I tell you all of that boring background information to show that we’ve been missing a lot of time we would normally spend together over the past month or so. She was finally able to come over on Wednesday night, per usual, and I had been mentioning it all week that I was looking forward to seeing her Wednesday because it had been over two weeks since I last saw her.

But all week, she didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm. And then when she got to my house Wednesday, I was being more affectionate than usual because I hadn’t seen her in over 2 weeks. But she didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm and seemed almost bored or annoyed to be there.

On top of that, her attitude over the last couple of weeks has also been that of annoyance and disinterest. That worries me.

She has explained to me several times that when she is in a relationship and doesn’t feel things are progressing the way she thinks it should, she starts to pull away. I’m concerned that might be the case here.

The final straw was her reaction to me seeing the American Sniper movie today. I saw it this afternoon while my son was in school. She has expressed interest in seeing and every time I tried to find a way for us to see it together, she poo-poo’s it and says “you might as well just go see it without me, since we’ll never find a way to see it together. I’ll just have to see it when it comes out on RedBox or something.” There were possible options available, but she didn’t really ever want to hear them.

When I told her I was at the movie, she said she didn’t want to talk about it because “it was another reminder of another thing we can’t do together.”

We have had discussions numerous times about not being able to do things together because of her schedule with her ex, and his knack for bailing on his weekends, on top of my schedule with my ex. So there are few windows of opportunity for us to do things alone without involving sitters and such.

The Rub is; when we do have time together and i offer to do stuff, she says “we don’t always have to do something.” Even after I explain that she complains about not having chances to do stuff together.

And you women wonder why men have the opinion of women: “Damned if you do. Damned if you don’t.”

So I think it’s time to have a heart-to-heart about this. I’m tired of getting the “bad boyfriend” vibe from her all the time. And if she’s starting to have those feelings of wanting out, then it’s time to just pull the plug and move on. I’m not staying in a relationship just to be in a relationship. Especially when the sex is this infrequent.

What do you think? And again, thanks for reading!