Staci Update: Touching all the bases, but still no home run

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know I read that somewhere once. OK, saying it was the worst of times is likely an exaggeration, but you get the idea; the Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players and Red Hot Chilly Peppers) is in full swing.

OK, last we talked, I mentioned I needed to update you on meeting Staci’s brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Last week, Staci and I decided to just have a quiet night together. We really hadn’t had one since the night we watched Guardians of the Galaxy together. We wanted a night without concerts, movies, bars, sporting events, large crowds, driving all over and spending a lot of money. Just a night to be together.

The plan was to pick up take-out from a local Italian place, bring it back and hang out. Once we started talking about it – while she was still in the bathroom getting ready – she mentioned it was her brother’s favorite place to get food from. So she texted him to see if they wanted anything since we were picking it up. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were on our way over there to have dinner with her brother and SIL. FYI, they only live about 5-10 minutes from Staci’s house.

It didn’t bother me that this was interfering with our alone time, because it meant that meeting family was another positive step in the relationship. So I was all for it. To keep things brief – because I have a lot of other stuff to get to – it went really well. We made easy conversation, Staci even commented afterward how I was making them laugh (which was a big bonus in my favor), and she said they really seemed to like me. Score! Now I just have to meet her sister and father (who both live in our same town).

I mentioned going over to her house a few nights ago and then we were supposed to go to a baseball game Saturday night. Then “IT” happened again. She went out Thursday with Amy to a charity golf gala – staying out much later than she really reasonably should have (but I digress) – then Friday she went out to dinner with Amy and a few of her other girlfriends.

A while back we had this conversation about me being concerned and her at least letting me know when she got home safely. But “IT” happened again. I talked to her about 7:30pm. She was on her way to meet Amy and I told her my friend cancelled plans with me, and she was all bent out of shape that he would cancel at the last minute (to go hang out with his girlfriend). See the irony there?

She said she would call me when she was done. Let’s fast forward 18 hours. Yes, I8 hours. I had sent about a half dozen texts between 8pm-2am. Casual “what’s up?” texts, to something random on my mind, to eventually “what’s going on on?” and “Is everything OK?” So we had another one of THOSE nights. So, I decided to play the waiting game, a game of Chicken, if you will. Didn’t hear from her until after 1pm Saturday.

She still was planning on coming over. She wanted to help me start gutting my basement before I remodel it. She was admittedly hungover. She allegedly didn’t drive home, she was so drunk. So when I asked her how she got home, she said she took and cab and then had her sister drive her to go get her car. She asked me if I was still wanting her to come over. I answered with a question; “Do you want to come over?” Yes, I was being snarky. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t directly answer any questions, just basically said, “whatever you want to do.”

She came over, we didn’t clean my basement. I wasn’t in the mood. So we talked for a while instead. I explained to her how this happened another night before I had big plans for us (making dinner for her and her friends) and her excessive partying interfered. I had a fun day planned, all of which was blown out of the water because she got up so late, wasn’t ready to go anywhere, and we were running out of time before heading to the baseball game. We still had to go to her house for her to get ready before the game.

So I finally cut to the chase. I asked her if I was the only guy in the picture. A reasonable question given recent events and conversations. She quickly said yes and I didn’t get any feelings of suspicion or intentional deceit. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Then she said she was still “feeling us out.” I really don’t think that’s what she meant, because “feeling us out” means she has one foot out the door and isn’t sure about “Us.” I don’t get that feeling from her. I get that she wants to take things slow, but that’s not the same as feeling things out.

So things picked up after that conversation (they always do after our little heart-to-hearts). We went to lunch and continued talking. We started talking about planning our schedules and time to see each other (now that my son is back, he wasn’t then but is now). But the big “bomb” was still to come.

She mentioned that her and Amy were planning a trip to Mexico over the Christmas/New Year’s break. I was thinking to myself, Oh wonderful, this is her way of saying ‘don’t make any plans to see me over the biggest week of the year.’ I was wrong! That’s when she mentioned that her and Amy were talking about Jack (Amy’s boyfriend) and I coming down to join them for a few days in Mexico.

Whoa!! Hold the phone! You’re “feeling us out” but still talking about me going to Mexico with her in December? DECEMBER, that’s 5 months from now! I don’t think you’re “feeling me out” if you’re thinking that far ahead like that. But I’m not complaining, I’m IN!

We finally made it to the game and met up with Amy and Jack, who were also there. We hopped from bar to bar at the stadium, watching the games on the screens and occasionally watching the live action on the field. It was a sold out stadium so lots of people and good people watching. It was fun.

We even had an interesting conversation about having kids as we walked through the parking lot. She totally initiated it. Talking about whether we each wanted (more) kids, starting “the clock” over with a new kid, her age and trying to have a baby. I wasn’t really expecting that, especially not yet, but I went with it just the same and it didn’t freak me out or anything.

An interesting moment that Staci found particularly intriguing was after the game when we stopped by a local restaurant for a quick bite before heading home. I really didn’t eat anything, but Staci did. Amy and Jack were there, as well as another couple. I was ready to go home, not hang out, but anyway. Near the end, they were talking about Staci’s roommate’s upcoming wedding, and how they didn’t even know when it was and Staci was going to find out. Amy – who is very loud, boisterous, and a huge diva – was going on about the open bar and wedding cake and stuff and she looked right at me and said with attitude “Sorry, I’m going to be her Plus One!” My response and reaction was simple and to the point. I cocked my head to the side with a bit of raised eyebrow and just said, “No. No. I don’t think so. That’s definitely not happening.” Staci was impressed because guys usually don’t stand up to Amy very often, enough so that she mentioned as we were driving home. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Knowing Amy and her influence, I’ll probably get the short end of the stick, but don’t think I’ll just go down without a fight. WHO takes a girl friend to a wedding when you actually have a date, boyfriend or husband? Not anyone I know (yet).

After, we came back to my house. She left her car at my house after stopping by. She didn’t want to come inside, in order to avoid any possibility of sex (still). I’m still not exactly sure why she isn’t “ready” because every indication I have is that she IS ready (which you will see in a moment), except for mentally (or maybe emotionally) for some reason. But as has happened numerous times, a simple kissing session escalated into a hot and heavy makeout session.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but we were in my garage, up against my car “going at it” for a very long while. Several times I asked if she’d rather go inside because it was still a rather humid night out. The garage was open, but I live at the end of a cul de sac and it was after midnight, so there was no vehicle traffic passing by. By the end, her top was basically off, she had her hands (yes both) down my my pants and I had my hand in her pants. And that lasted for a while. It’s not like she stopped immediately once I reached in her pants or exposed her breasts – like she would have before. But she did eventually stop before any actual type of sex (regular or oral) happened. And then we just hugged and caressed and kissed each other for a while longer before we finally said goodnight and she went home.

After she got home and was texting me while she was in bed, another significant milestone (if you want to call it that) happened. One our way back to my house, her phone kept blowing up with text messages. She was ignoring them, and I made a comment about it being Amy (since we just left her and Jack), but I had a suspicion it wasn’t Amy. Once home, she told me it was an ex texting her while he’s drunk and she told him to stop and said it was nothing to worry about.

Here’s why it’s significant (to me) and why I believe her. She didn’t have to tell me that. Even if it was 100% nothing, she didn’t have to tell me. She could’ve left it alone and assume I thought it was Amy and never mentioned it again. But she told me. She made sure I knew the truth, and the she handled it. Again, I can’t emphasize enough, she didn’t have to tell me. Ladies, do you tell your man every time some ex or an interested guy texts you randomly? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing you think it wouldn’t be worth the effort to bring it up and have to explain it. But she did. So instead of making a big deal about how inappropriate I think it is for him to be doing that, I just said “Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” I want to foster this sort of thing, not give her reasons to hide it from me, because we all know people don’t need reasons to hide things from their partners.

She’s also forwarding me emails and messages from friends about things, so things are definitely opening up. Again, I really don’t think she’s applying “feeling us out” in the correct way. She wouldn’t be this open and upfront if she was.

OK. That’s enough for today, I think 2000 words is enough. Don’t you? We have another concert on our schedule for tomorrow and then getting together with friend’s son (Max) for karaoke Thursday. So be on the look out for more updates later on in the week.

And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci Update: Mountain out of a Molehill and She cancelled again

Yesterday sucked! There I said it, and got it out of the way. Yesterday was clearly the low point. I guess it was bound to happen but you never expect it or want it to.

Today starts Staci’s 3-day concert binge. I think I mentioned before it was a 4-day event, but tickets for the Sunday concert fell through. So I was trying to make sure I got to spend time with her since it looked like it was possibly going to be more than a week without seeing each other.

Earlier in the week, I offered to make her dinner at her house and hang out. She was all for it. She had corn on the cob that we needed to make, so I settled on making steak and shrimp kabobs to go with it. She even invited her roommate and her roommate’s fiance to join us. Tuesday night I was shopping for the meat and a few extras.

Staci texted to let her know how much it was going to cost so she could pay me for it. I instantly declined, saying it was my idea and something I wanted to do for her. I suggested she could by the wine or whatever drink she wanted to go with it, jokingly suggesting that way she would know it wasn’t “roofied”. It’s kind of an inside joke between us, it’s nothing serious.

However our back-and-forth about that took a weird turn. She said that was a good point and I responded that I was looking out for her. And she mentioned I was saving her from me “roofying” her drink. I countered that it was rather insulting because I would never consider such a thing. There was a little more to it, but then she texted “Are we having our first fight?” To me that turned the whole situation a little more serious. I was completely joking and figured she was as well, until that comment. I said “I can’t tell.” Then her response led me to believe that she was, in fact, just messing with me.

After that, I went home to prepare the meats in marinades to grill them at her house. We texted back and forth for a while. I did most of the texting. Asking a lot of questions about preparing for the next day. Her responses were short and she did not follow up. I did notice that every time I would ask “what are you doing?”, “what do you have planned tonight?”, “what’s going on?”, etc., she wouldn’t answer that particular question. Not normally a big deal, but once you add it up with other (later) factors, it starts to raise concerns.

Then around midnight, I started to notice I hadn’t heard from Staci, nor had she responded to any of my questions in about 3 hours. So I texted her “Is everything OK?” Again, no response.

I started to wonder if maybe she went out with her friends and wasn’t home yet. So, as I tried to get to sleep, I couldn’t help keep an ear open for the phone waiting to see if she texted that she was home or going to bed. Still nothing. From then on, I was lying awake in bed with my brain on overdrive wondering what was going on. Overall I may have got about an hour or so of sleep before having to get up early for work.

Tired and frustrated, I did not text her like I normally do when I get up. I wanted to see how long it would take to hear from her. About 90 minutes later, she texted “Hi”. That’s it. Not “good morning” or anything, just “Hi.” As we talked, I asked “what was up with last night?” She said she got caught up doing stuff. I should’ve probably left it there. But being overly tired and aggravated, I continued, asking her “Like what?” She got a little defensive, the sent a laundry list of things and then asked if I thought she was on a date.

Shortly thereafter, she suggested we cancel dinner for last night. I asked why and she said she was tired and would probably be better off alone. I insisted on continuing with our plans. I even said that I felt crappy enough, being tired, as well as how things went that morning, that the last thing I wanted to do was miss out on seeing her like we planned.

The rest of the day, we texted basically like normal. Everything seemed to be getting better. But I wouldn’t be convinced until I knew we were still following through with our plans. She said she was going to call me on her way home from work.

After I got home from work, I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come over. A little while later she finally called me. She said she wanted to pass on dinner tonight, again, and that she just had too much to do. She had errands and stuff to do before she got home and was just feeling crabby because she didn’t sleep well – apparently.

So I agreed to pass on dinner, and she recommended rescheduling Sunday, but said I still planned on going over to see her. She said she would let me know once she got home, and then I would go over. A couple of hours later she called me to tell me she was on her way to workout at her brother’s house. I asked if she decided to go there to intentionally avoid me. She denied it (obviously) and said she would call me after she was done.

Before she got to her brother’s, we talked for a while. When i mentioned that the cause for concern was that she always said goodnight before bed, or let me know when she got home from going out, her response was not what I expected. Instead of apologizing or adequately explaining why, she went on to explain that she doesn’t follow patterns or regimens very well. She randomly goes to bed and randomly wakes up. So the fact that she did that every night was just a coincidence and not something she does regularly. When I asked if that would be something she would consider doing, she basically said “No” without actually saying those words.

Then I mentioned how all of this didn’t make me feel very important. I explained that a lot of things she has said (including the times she said I was more important than certain people, and even though I called her out for just trying to flatter me, she insisted it was true) really meant a lot to me and made me feel very important, especially when we are together. But that cancelling on me for a second time and the way things went last night didn’t make me feel very important. On a side note, she didn’t even remember the first time she cancelled on me and I had to remind her – in great detail before she remembered or admitted to remembering. However, looking back on this now, I think bringing this up, as well as calling her out about not cancelling on anyone else, actually seemed to resonate with her and made a difference.

Whether you think that makes me sound needy or not, the fact remains that it is hard to make it through any relationship without knowing you are important or loved.

She had said that she was going to call me after she got back from her brothers. About three hours had passed before I heard from her. Just texts, no phone calls. And the texts were pretty “normal” for us under normal circumstances. We chatted for a while until she said she was crawling into bed.

That’s when she asked if I was still mad. I told her that I wasn’t mad, I was never mad. At that point, I decided to call her because I didn’t want to text about this all night. Honestly I hate texting important, serious stuff.

I might have been a lot of things – disappointed, irritated, hurt, confused – but I was not/never mad or angry. Saying I was confused seemed to spark her interest. She asked what I meant. I explained to her that I was confused how things turn from so incredibly good to … whatever this was, so quickly – in a matter of hours.

That’s when I told her I was totally fine with her being the way she was, and I could handle it, as long as I always knew where I stood and how she felt about me. And if she didn’t communicate like most girls do, then she needed to help me understand how she works and how she “communicates” her feelings when we aren’t physically together. I think that was also another point that clicked with her. And guys, here’s a tip; if you can phrase something in the way of asking for help with something -instead of demanding or ordering them to do something, women are a lot more likely to cooperate. Trust me, it works a lot better that way.

The last part of the conversation was much lighter and more like normal. She repeatedly said she really wanted to see me and was sorry how things worked out. We (tentatively) planned to get together Sunday, but only tentatively because there is still a small chance she still goes to the concert with her friends. But she said she is also really wanting to see me Sunday. We’ll see how this pans out.

Today has pretty much back to normal. Typical conversations and she has even been blatantly flirting. And something tells me she’ll contact me when she gets home from her concert tonight. I just have a hunch on this one.

I think even though she tries to maintain the “indifferent, emotionless, strong, self-controlled, independent woman” facade, she knows that any good relationship requires two-way communication and trust. There are always little compromises to make, and she knows she needs to work with me and not just insist on things being the way she always does them or wants them to be.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how things go. So, please check back again soon.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Hot and Heavy but not quite a Home Run yet

Time is quickly running out on my Summer Vacation. My son returns in just under two weeks, which is going to put a serious halt to my spontaneity, as well as my ability to see Staci on a regular basis. We’ve had several discussions about it, it almost seems like a daily thing, because it is really log-jammed in my brain.

I guess it’s mainly just my insecurity creeping through,  but my concern is that she’ll realize it’s not worth it to try and maintain a relationship with me while having to deal with my ridiculous schedule. She insists it won’t be a problem, and when I look at it logically, I’m sure she’s right. We really only see each other once, maybe twice per week as it is – and that’s with me having my open schedule right now. Between spending time with her family (her father, brother and sister all live in the area) and friends, as well as giving her time to do what she needs to do around the house, it’s not like we’ve been seeing each other every day or anything.

The only problem is that once my son returns, we will have to be more deliberate and schedule time together. But again, that’s not a huge change from what we do already. The big change will be on my end having to find someone to watch my son on our date nights. Especially since it is still going to be a while before we start incorporating Staci into events with my son, we will have to set up specific date nights and I’ll have to set up a regular babysitter for that time.

The issue with that is me getting over my guilt. I have a tendency to feel guilty doing things, buying things or taking time for myself. I know I need to take time for myself – all the post-divorce books say so, my friends and family say so, and even Staci says so. I just need to work on it myself.

On with the update …

Things have been going really good. Since last I updated you (when she tried to get me to hang out with her friend), we went to the concert she really wanted to see, last week. Since it was such a big deal for her, I did a little extra work and spent a little extra money to make sure we had excellent seats (within the first ten rows). It was a great night, and she was all over me all night,

I very much like the fact that she is not hesitant about showing her affection for me in public; holding hands, arms around each other, holding each other, and kissing each other – not just pecks, but serious kisses. She initiates it just as much as I do, which is even better.

The next “small leap for man, one giant leap for me” came this weekend. Staci wanted to take me shopping to refresh my wardrobe. My closet definitely needs an update, but I’m a guy, I hate shopping for clothes. To me, if it fits and is comfortable, I don’t see a reason to change.

She said I “already look hot, but would look super hot” with some newer clothes. So I gave her a few hundred dollars and told her to go nuts. We spent about 4+ hours shopping. Though I hate shopping, it was a fun spending that much time with her, and to say there was a lot of flirting is an understatement. She was always wanting me to turn around so she could see my butt in jeans and shorts. She said she really wanted to see me in some specific clothes, and I said I wanted to try on the clothes that she wanted to see me out of. That’s when she rebutted with “Doesn’t that mean the same thing?” And watching her face when I try certain things on was very rewarding and encouraging.

She even joked (how much was joking and how much might be serious is up for debate) that after this (meaning shopping for new clothes) that I would drop her like a bad habit because I would have more/better options available to me now that I would look better going out. Ya, I don’t see that happening. But it was sweet to say.

The only time we disagreed on a purchase was when she wanted to me to get a pair of rather plain khaki shorts. I thought they looked a little simple, and made me look like an old golfer. She loved them on me and insisted and insisted that I get them. So ultimately I said what mattered most what was what she thought about it, not what I thought. If she liked it that much, and it registered on the “Hot and Bothered” meter (which was referenced numerous times during the day – by her), then I might as well get them and wear them sometime when we’re together. I won’t wear them any other time. But I compromised. Ha!

After a long day of shopping, we went back to her house to get ready to go out to dinner with Jack and Amy. I showered while she picked out clothes for me to wear. No, she didn’t pick out the khaki shorts. Once I was ready, and waiting for her, I crashed on her bed for a while because I was exhausted. When she was ready to go, she came out, and instead of sitting on the bed next to me – as I fully expected – she got on top of me straddling & kissing me. Nothing serious happened, except for a few minutes of kissing, before we had to head to the restaurant.

We met Jack and Amy at a Mexican restaurant. Not the best I’ve been to, but it was OK. I mainly drank my dinner anyway, having several fruit-infused margaritas. After dinner, we went to a nearby bar for a few drinks before heading back to Staci’s house.

That is when things got serious. Once we started going, it got very hot and heavy. To the point where she said she was very forward, aggressively saying things like she wanted me to stick my tongue in her mouth (not that wasn’t happening already), to use my tongue on her more, and at one point she grabbed the waist of my shorts with both hands like she was about to undo them saying “I want these off of you.” But shortly after that, when I suggested heading upstairs (to her bedroom), she backed away and stopped saying she wasn’t ready for that, yet. That break happened about halfway through the entire session together, and we continued on for quite a while after that, just not pushing it further, though she was still pressing and rubbing her hip or upper thigh up against my crotch so she could “feel me”.

I am not sure what is exactly going on with her “not being ready, yet” but I am also not pressing the issue. Clearly all the major signs are there, but whatever that final obstacle is – I don’t know. I’m not sure if she’s just scared because it’s been so long since her last time, she’s just insecure about her body, she wants to make sure I’m in it for the long haul and just not in it for the sex, or if she’s waiting for some sort of “I love you” moment where she’s certain she feels that way about me and/or I feel that way about her. I don’t know, maybe it’s something else altogether. I don’t want to get pessimistic here, but I’ve seen instances where a cheating woman – married or in a relationship – will back off just short of sex, because to her that would be cheating. Not the seeing, kissing and making out with other men – clearly. I don’t think that’s the case here, but that’s the dark, pessimistic side creeping through.

Honestly, I’m really hoping it gets resolved within the next week or so, because I really don’t want to have this still up in the air and unresolved when my son is here. But again, if it doesn’t, it won’t be a deal-breaker or anything.

Even the time in between seeing each other is getting much better. She’s calling more, texting more without me texting first, opening up a lot more when she talks/texts. Even this morning she called right as I was getting up because she wanted to talk to me as she was driving into work. She’s also interested in a lot of other aspects of my life, offering suggestions and encouragement, and making sure I follow through on things. I can’t say I’ve had someone looking after me like that in any relationship I’ve been in over the last 10-15 years.

But it still has it’s moments where I wonder if she’s really interested or not. But again, that could just be the pessimism of relationships past creeping in. I could probably write a whole post on all the negative, pessimistic thoughts I get every once in a while. If you want to hear the dark side, let me know.

Well, that should be enough for today. Not that I put a cap on length, but we’ve crossed the 1500-word mark. I’ll definitely post more, don’t worry. And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci, Amy wanted me to go out with their friend tonight – alone

I really hope I can adequately describe what happened last night. It was kind of odd, and I have never dealt with something like that before so I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it.

Staci spent all day (yesterday) at the lake partying with Amy and some other friends. After they got back to their room, I was talking to Staci as they were all getting ready before they went out for dinner.

A little while later, she texted me, mentioning that another one of their friends (Lilly) who was still back here in town was bored and looking for something to do because she was bummed her friends were all out of town this weekend. She asked me if I would be interested in hanging out with her (Lilly). Staci made sure to emphasize that it wasn’t a date, but since we were both back here alone we could hang out together and grab a drink or go to a movie. She even sent me her phone number so I could call or text her.

What? Seriously? Is this a trap? Does this not seem a little odd to anyone else, or was it just me?

I mentioned my reservations about it, and she said both her and Amy discussed it before mentioning it to me and didn’t think it was weird – even though they had to address the question of whether it was weird or not amongst themselves.

I wasn’t opposed to the idea, it was better than staying home all night. But it just sounded weird. So I called Staci to discuss it.

Basically I just said “Are we good?” I wanted to make sure this wasn’t one of those situations where she wasn’t really that into me, and was talking to Amy about it, and they both thought that I might be a good fit for their friend. She insisted that wasn’t the case at all and was quick to assure me that we were good. Then I mentioned that it would probably work better if she called Lilly first to talk things though, since they apparently hadn’t even talked to her about that yet. I’m not making first contact with a girl I have never met before to be like “hey, we both know the same people, so let’s go hang out tonight.” Talk about setting me up to be a total creeper.

A few minutes later Staci texted me that Lilly wasn’t feeling up to going out. Whew! I was off the hook!

We talked for a little while longer, but it was shortly after that that she went to bed and said she’d talk to me tomorrow/today. She didn’t mention one thing about us getting together today. However I only heard like two words from her all day. Seemed a little odd. Finally she texted me that she had been home for a little while and was getting ready to run errands before the stores closed (early on Sunday).

The upside was that we talked on the phone nearly the entire time she was running her errands. She mentioned that Jack and Amy invited us over to his place next Sunday to barbecue and hang out at his pool. So, I took that opportunity to ask about other possible times to get together, since she cancelled last Thursday and “ignored” today.

She said anytime I want to do something, come up with a plan and shoot it at her and she’ll let me know if she’s available. Then we had a fun little back and forth as I mentioned it works easier for me to know if she’s free and what timetable I’m working with so i can plan our activities accordingly. I’m not sure how it will all work out, but we’re making progress.

And the fact that my son comes back in about three weeks came up again. I am really dreading that, because I am not 100% certain how Staci will handle that.

She mentioned that Wednesday would work, but I mentioned that I was surprised Wednesday was open because one of her favorite bands is in town that day. She said she wanted to go but wasn’t 100% certain, but if it was a date-night thing, then she’d be all for going. Somehow I felt like I got suckered into that one.

So, with the door opened, I’m just going to flood the “reservation desk” with all sorts of requests and see how many I can get in before my son returns. I am also very curious to see if this whole “sex” thing will get resolved before then as well. Wish me luck!

Stayed tuned for more, and as always, thanks for reading.