Want to ensure your new relationship fails? Post your new undying love online.

I know it has been way too long since we last talked, but life has been crazy. Finished up my semester at school, now only have one left before graduating in December, been struggling trying to find a job so I can pay the bills over the Summer but the job market sucks, been coaching my son’s baseball team this Spring/Summer, and of course things with Olive have been going well (still) – we’ve been officially together almost 6 months now.

I’m no sociologist. I’m no psychologist. My theory has not been scientifically studied (yet). But I feel I had to put my recent thoughts down for you all (or ya’ll, if you’re from the South) because one of my pet peeves reared its ugly head once again, seriously affecting a friend of mine (and someone you’ve already met).

If I’ve said it at 100 times already, at LEAST 100 times, and I know I’ll say it at least 100 times more:

NEVER POST YOUR NEW “UNDYING” LOVE ONLINE!

I hate when I’m on Twitter or Facebook and see my friends gushing about their new “soulmate” they’ve only been seeing a few days or weeks. It is almost exclusively a woman thing, but it did recently bite a male friend of mine in the butt recently.

They rant and rave, and post gooey sweet musings about love, and destiny, and soulmates, and blah blah blah. Ick!! I get especially uncomfortable when they start invoking “God” into their postings like the divine creator chose this person for them – the one they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the “honeymoon” feeling, and I have similar thoughts and wonder to myself “Could this be the one?” But that is where I differ from them. I keep it TO MYSELF. I don’t go evangelizing it everyone and anyone who will listen (or in this case read it). I am rational about it, because I have seen this script 100 times (at least), and I just keep things inside and limit my information to the public.

It’s kind of like those people who don’t tell anyone about their pregnancies until after the first trimester, just in case something would go wrong early on. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not fun.

Maybe you believe in jinxes, maybe you don’t. But this is one time I won’t risk the jinx. I have yet to see someone professing their love on Facebook and Twitter very early on in the relationship ever work. It has a FAIL rate of 100%. Of course most dating relationships end and don’t last long, but these ones always seem to have a glorious Hindenburg-type of demise.

The reason this came up, was this just happened to a female friend of mine this week. You may remember Ellen. We’ve stayed in touch and remained acquaintances/friends with most of our contact on Facebook, especially since I’ve been dating Olive.

She went on a trip to Colorado with her son, and her new boyfriend was supposed to join them there. It was a calamity of issues from the beginning. The road trip was a little too interesting for her liking, she spent her first two days there extremely sick, her car died so they (her and her son) had to walk everywhere until it got fixed, and on an on. She is very religious so every post has some sort of god-directed focus. Then the other day she posted a serious rant about what a horrible person this guy was because he ended up not going out there and pretty much left them stranded out there in Colorado and she had to try to find another way home because her car is too jacked to make it home.

I don’t know all the details behind it, but it apparently escalated to the point where HE was threatening to file a police report on her for harassment (and actually did) and more. Then of course she thanked god for pointing out what a tool and loser he was now, before it got too much farther down the road.

That is why I hate mentioning of “God” in these types of posts. Because when it implodes in epic fashion, god always gets the blame for things horribly going wrong. I’m a huge god or churchy person, but I hate when people lay their fortunes and failures solely on his shoulders like they had no responsibility in any of it.

I know relationships end every day, some even in glorious and spectacular fashion, but it is practically guaranteed that if you gush about your new love online (Facebook or Twitter) – blogs are OK, but notice I don’t gush too much just in case – it is guaranteed to fail in short and glorious fashion.

Then I have to hear all the posts about what a douche or bitch the other person was and it just gets hard to watch. However, sometimes, when both sides decide to trash each other with comments on each other’s pages, it can get real interesting real fast. Kind of like sitting on the porch of a double-wide watching the neighbors air their business in the middle of the trailer park. That’s reality TV at its best.

So, please, whatever you do, when you’re dating that new someone, feel free to share bits and pieces. But PLEASE don’t go on and on about how this person (you just met a month ago) is the love of your life, the god-sent answer to all of your prayers, and your soulmate. Save it for when you’re inviting me to your wedding a year or two down the road.

Take care and hopefully I talk to you all sooner, rather than later.

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The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).

This looks familiar, have I been down this road before?

So, it’s been two weeks of dating Mona (closer to four weeks if you add all the time talking leading up to the first date). Things have been really good. Seen each other a few times, talk/chat dozens of times every day, all that good stuff.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today before I went out of town for the weekend with my son and brother, as well as some other friends, for our annual boys’ football weekend. The reasoning behind it was that I didn’t want two weeks to pass between seeing each other. She has her girls this weekend and has family plans as well. So I figured a little quick get together would be good.

But for some unknown reason, all morning I had this gut instinct that she was going to cancel. I have no idea why, but I did. I didn’t say anything to hear about it or doing anything to alter my normal Friday plan. I dropped my son off at school, read books to his class this morning, and then came home to clean up the house before getting ready to go to lunch.

She was wrapping up the training seminar at her work today that was introducing new products to their line. She said she would be done about noon, so I planned accordingly. About 11 a.m. I started getting ready.

That gut feeling was still lingering. Then about 11:30 a.m., I get this:

Mona: Hi… u r going to be mad at me. 😦

Me: Why?

Mona: But I will make it up to u if u aren’t mad.!
Mona: I won’t make lunch
Mona: But it’s for a good reason!

I told her I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t mad either. I understood and it was fine. Though I didn’t really understand because I still don’t know what the “good reason” was. But anyway … then she said.

Mona: I will make it up to u by going on even more dates with u!!

Playfully I asked for that in a binding contract and asked if those “more dates” are dates she wouldn’t have normally gone on with me. It seems doing saying you will do something you were going to do anyway isn’t really doing anything to “make it up” to someone. Just sayin’.

So after some more back-and-forth, I asked when she wanted to get together again, hoping she would say something like “come over to watch football on Sunday” or ‘how about lunch Monday.” Instead she said “maybe we can shoot for next weekend sometime.”

Duh! I’d already mentioned on our last date that my ex was going to be in town that weekend for his baseball games and she would have him the whole weekend, so I would be free to do whatever she wanted. So again, that’s not anything new, different, or extra.

I know it is different, and it truly does feel different, but there is that part of my psyche that is trying to link this to what happened with Ellen. And to be completely honest, I can’t remember a time ever getting cancelled on ended up well. So maybe I’m lumping all of that baggage on Mona unfairly. But let’s face it, I really don’t want to wait another week to see if she is actually going to follow through with it or not.

I have every indication to think that she will, but there is a part of me that is beginning to question that.

How do you feel when you’ve been cancelled on by someone you’ve been seeing for a little while? Not a first date or someone you are clearly exclusive with, but someone you are just starting out with.

Honestly, I’m a little weirded out. And ladies, here’s how you can tell if you’re guy is interested in just you or has other options out there. If you cancel on him and he doesn’t seem to care, that is generally a pretty good sign he has other girls on stand-by waiting to fill your spot. But if you cancel and he gets upset or seems genuinely wounded, that probably means you’re it on his list and you just torched his plans for the day, evening or whatever.

So why is this bothering me so much?

I’m pretty sure it’s that old self-defense thing kicking in. There is/was a lot of potential with her, more than I can say I’ve had with any others (except maybe Abigail, but I already said that before), and to be frank, I don’t want to have to go back out there and give it another try with someone else again for a while. I’m getting wore out by this dating thing.

And sometimes I am just a pessimist at heart. I have always had a bad knack of being a pessimist when things get questionable, that way, when things work out, they look so much better, or when they fail, then I was kind of expecting it and it doesn’t hurt so bad.

So help me out here. Is there any reason for concern or am I just being overly pessimistic right now? Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks for reading.

The Justine Conspiracy: Logic says no one is that crazy but my gut says otherwise

Recently, I told you all about Justine, the yoga instructor from New York that had so much potential but flipped out over my profile not being hidden and threatened to basically spy on me online. Well there is potentially another whole new layer to this story. But I need your help in keeping my head straight.

I’m going to try to keep this as succinct as possible. I swear!

If you remember, it was about 1 a.m. the night/morning things began  to unravel with Justine because she went on to her Match account (which she had hidden) and noticed mine was still active (but not accessed in about a week) and proceeded to flip out on me. The argument/breakup lasted through most of the weekend. You can catch up on it all here.

Well, a part I left out of the original story was that just a matter of minutes (10-15 minutes) before I got the first salvo from Justine about everything, I received a notification that I had received a Match Wink from a new girl – so I don’t screw up my naming process, I can’t officially name her yet, so I’ll just call her Winky for now. I didn’t check it out, first because it was after midnight and I was almost asleep, and also because I had no intention of checking it out yet because things were very good with Justine and it was just a wink, it didn’t really mean anything.

But after things started getting crazy with Justine, I really started to get leery about that wink from Winky, and I really wondered if it was a trick to see (perpetrated by Justine) to see if I would check it out, even though I said I wouldn’t check my account. For the record, I didn’t look at it until a week after I broke things off with Justine. My thought was either she made the account to spy on me (and probably other guys) or she was using a friend’s account because I had helped her make an account on Match for another one of her friends.

I didn’t think much of it after things ended with Justine, but I couldn’t get the thought of it being a trick out of my head. So I started paying attention to both profiles. Both profiles are favorited on my account so I can easily see them together on the same screen. YES, I am admitting right here and now I was doing a little online dating stalking (a little). I wasn’t actually clicking on their profiles or messaging them or anything.

But one trend became very apparent. When one would be away for 3 or 5 days, the other would be gone for 3 or 5 days (always the same). When one was online, the other had just been active “within 1 hour” or came online shortly. This didn’t just happen once or twice, but numerous times. I’m talking over a period of about 2+ weeks now for sure, and a total of almost a month now.

The thing is, I had exchanged an email or two with Winky early on. Nothing deep or anything, and then she faded out and I did not hear from her again. But a little over a week ago, I heard from her again and she went straight into serious flirting and asking to get together sometime. I responded that it would be good to get together, but kept paying serious attention to the two profiles. And again, they seem to be online at about the same time. And when one was away for 3 days this past week, the other one was gone for 3 days and they both checked their profiles within about an hour of each other the other day.

I just got a message from Winky wanting to get together Wednesday afternoon for lunch. She has a very specific window that we can meet in this certain area of town so she can get to her appointments easily. I cannot accurately remember Justine’s yoga schedule but I do know she had classes in that same part of time with classes often bracketing lunch in this same way.

Aside from the obvious question of “What do you guys think?”, my main question I pose to you all is, “How do I find out for sure before showing up and getting duped into some trick, if it is all a setup?”

If it is all just a major coincidence, Winky seems like someone I would definitely like to date and see what happens. So I never want to blow it with someone with potential, so I don’t want to do something to blow it with her before even meeting her.

Maybe it’s just me, but my gut keeps telling me something just isn’t right here. And my gut is not wrong very often.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all had a good Labor Day weekend.