Staci Update: Hot and Heavy but not quite a Home Run yet

Time is quickly running out on my Summer Vacation. My son returns in just under two weeks, which is going to put a serious halt to my spontaneity, as well as my ability to see Staci on a regular basis. We’ve had several discussions about it, it almost seems like a daily thing, because it is really log-jammed in my brain.

I guess it’s mainly just my insecurity creeping through,  but my concern is that she’ll realize it’s not worth it to try and maintain a relationship with me while having to deal with my ridiculous schedule. She insists it won’t be a problem, and when I look at it logically, I’m sure she’s right. We really only see each other once, maybe twice per week as it is – and that’s with me having my open schedule right now. Between spending time with her family (her father, brother and sister all live in the area) and friends, as well as giving her time to do what she needs to do around the house, it’s not like we’ve been seeing each other every day or anything.

The only problem is that once my son returns, we will have to be more deliberate and schedule time together. But again, that’s not a huge change from what we do already. The big change will be on my end having to find someone to watch my son on our date nights. Especially since it is still going to be a while before we start incorporating Staci into events with my son, we will have to set up specific date nights and I’ll have to set up a regular babysitter for that time.

The issue with that is me getting over my guilt. I have a tendency to feel guilty doing things, buying things or taking time for myself. I know I need to take time for myself – all the post-divorce books say so, my friends and family say so, and even Staci says so. I just need to work on it myself.

On with the update …

Things have been going really good. Since last I updated you (when she tried to get me to hang out with her friend), we went to the concert she really wanted to see, last week. Since it was such a big deal for her, I did a little extra work and spent a little extra money to make sure we had excellent seats (within the first ten rows). It was a great night, and she was all over me all night,

I very much like the fact that she is not hesitant about showing her affection for me in public; holding hands, arms around each other, holding each other, and kissing each other – not just pecks, but serious kisses. She initiates it just as much as I do, which is even better.

The next “small leap for man, one giant leap for me” came this weekend. Staci wanted to take me shopping to refresh my wardrobe. My closet definitely needs an update, but I’m a guy, I hate shopping for clothes. To me, if it fits and is comfortable, I don’t see a reason to change.

She said I “already look hot, but would look super hot” with some newer clothes. So I gave her a few hundred dollars and told her to go nuts. We spent about 4+ hours shopping. Though I hate shopping, it was a fun spending that much time with her, and to say there was a lot of flirting is an understatement. She was always wanting me to turn around so she could see my butt in jeans and shorts. She said she really wanted to see me in some specific clothes, and I said I wanted to try on the clothes that she wanted to see me out of. That’s when she rebutted with “Doesn’t that mean the same thing?” And watching her face when I try certain things on was very rewarding and encouraging.

She even joked (how much was joking and how much might be serious is up for debate) that after this (meaning shopping for new clothes) that I would drop her like a bad habit because I would have more/better options available to me now that I would look better going out. Ya, I don’t see that happening. But it was sweet to say.

The only time we disagreed on a purchase was when she wanted to me to get a pair of rather plain khaki shorts. I thought they looked a little simple, and made me look like an old golfer. She loved them on me and insisted and insisted that I get them. So ultimately I said what mattered most what was what she thought about it, not what I thought. If she liked it that much, and it registered on the “Hot and Bothered” meter (which was referenced numerous times during the day – by her), then I might as well get them and wear them sometime when we’re together. I won’t wear them any other time. But I compromised. Ha!

After a long day of shopping, we went back to her house to get ready to go out to dinner with Jack and Amy. I showered while she picked out clothes for me to wear. No, she didn’t pick out the khaki shorts. Once I was ready, and waiting for her, I crashed on her bed for a while because I was exhausted. When she was ready to go, she came out, and instead of sitting on the bed next to me – as I fully expected – she got on top of me straddling & kissing me. Nothing serious happened, except for a few minutes of kissing, before we had to head to the restaurant.

We met Jack and Amy at a Mexican restaurant. Not the best I’ve been to, but it was OK. I mainly drank my dinner anyway, having several fruit-infused margaritas. After dinner, we went to a nearby bar for a few drinks before heading back to Staci’s house.

That is when things got serious. Once we started going, it got very hot and heavy. To the point where she said she was very forward, aggressively saying things like she wanted me to stick my tongue in her mouth (not that wasn’t happening already), to use my tongue on her more, and at one point she grabbed the waist of my shorts with both hands like she was about to undo them saying “I want these off of you.” But shortly after that, when I suggested heading upstairs (to her bedroom), she backed away and stopped saying she wasn’t ready for that, yet. That break happened about halfway through the entire session together, and we continued on for quite a while after that, just not pushing it further, though she was still pressing and rubbing her hip or upper thigh up against my crotch so she could “feel me”.

I am not sure what is exactly going on with her “not being ready, yet” but I am also not pressing the issue. Clearly all the major signs are there, but whatever that final obstacle is – I don’t know. I’m not sure if she’s just scared because it’s been so long since her last time, she’s just insecure about her body, she wants to make sure I’m in it for the long haul and just not in it for the sex, or if she’s waiting for some sort of “I love you” moment where she’s certain she feels that way about me and/or I feel that way about her. I don’t know, maybe it’s something else altogether. I don’t want to get pessimistic here, but I’ve seen instances where a cheating woman – married or in a relationship – will back off just short of sex, because to her that would be cheating. Not the seeing, kissing and making out with other men – clearly. I don’t think that’s the case here, but that’s the dark, pessimistic side creeping through.

Honestly, I’m really hoping it gets resolved within the next week or so, because I really don’t want to have this still up in the air and unresolved when my son is here. But again, if it doesn’t, it won’t be a deal-breaker or anything.

Even the time in between seeing each other is getting much better. She’s calling more, texting more without me texting first, opening up a lot more when she talks/texts. Even this morning she called right as I was getting up because she wanted to talk to me as she was driving into work. She’s also interested in a lot of other aspects of my life, offering suggestions and encouragement, and making sure I follow through on things. I can’t say I’ve had someone looking after me like that in any relationship I’ve been in over the last 10-15 years.

But it still has it’s moments where I wonder if she’s really interested or not. But again, that could just be the pessimism of relationships past creeping in. I could probably write a whole post on all the negative, pessimistic thoughts I get every once in a while. If you want to hear the dark side, let me know.

Well, that should be enough for today. Not that I put a cap on length, but we’ve crossed the 1500-word mark. I’ll definitely post more, don’t worry. And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci, Amy wanted me to go out with their friend tonight – alone

I really hope I can adequately describe what happened last night. It was kind of odd, and I have never dealt with something like that before so I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle it.

Staci spent all day (yesterday) at the lake partying with Amy and some other friends. After they got back to their room, I was talking to Staci as they were all getting ready before they went out for dinner.

A little while later, she texted me, mentioning that another one of their friends (Lilly) who was still back here in town was bored and looking for something to do because she was bummed her friends were all out of town this weekend. She asked me if I would be interested in hanging out with her (Lilly). Staci made sure to emphasize that it wasn’t a date, but since we were both back here alone we could hang out together and grab a drink or go to a movie. She even sent me her phone number so I could call or text her.

What? Seriously? Is this a trap? Does this not seem a little odd to anyone else, or was it just me?

I mentioned my reservations about it, and she said both her and Amy discussed it before mentioning it to me and didn’t think it was weird – even though they had to address the question of whether it was weird or not amongst themselves.

I wasn’t opposed to the idea, it was better than staying home all night. But it just sounded weird. So I called Staci to discuss it.

Basically I just said “Are we good?” I wanted to make sure this wasn’t one of those situations where she wasn’t really that into me, and was talking to Amy about it, and they both thought that I might be a good fit for their friend. She insisted that wasn’t the case at all and was quick to assure me that we were good. Then I mentioned that it would probably work better if she called Lilly first to talk things though, since they apparently hadn’t even talked to her about that yet. I’m not making first contact with a girl I have never met before to be like “hey, we both know the same people, so let’s go hang out tonight.” Talk about setting me up to be a total creeper.

A few minutes later Staci texted me that Lilly wasn’t feeling up to going out. Whew! I was off the hook!

We talked for a little while longer, but it was shortly after that that she went to bed and said she’d talk to me tomorrow/today. She didn’t mention one thing about us getting together today. However I only heard like two words from her all day. Seemed a little odd. Finally she texted me that she had been home for a little while and was getting ready to run errands before the stores closed (early on Sunday).

The upside was that we talked on the phone nearly the entire time she was running her errands. She mentioned that Jack and Amy invited us over to his place next Sunday to barbecue and hang out at his pool. So, I took that opportunity to ask about other possible times to get together, since she cancelled last Thursday and “ignored” today.

She said anytime I want to do something, come up with a plan and shoot it at her and she’ll let me know if she’s available. Then we had a fun little back and forth as I mentioned it works easier for me to know if she’s free and what timetable I’m working with so i can plan our activities accordingly. I’m not sure how it will all work out, but we’re making progress.

And the fact that my son comes back in about three weeks came up again. I am really dreading that, because I am not 100% certain how Staci will handle that.

She mentioned that Wednesday would work, but I mentioned that I was surprised Wednesday was open because one of her favorite bands is in town that day. She said she wanted to go but wasn’t 100% certain, but if it was a date-night thing, then she’d be all for going. Somehow I felt like I got suckered into that one.

So, with the door opened, I’m just going to flood the “reservation desk” with all sorts of requests and see how many I can get in before my son returns. I am also very curious to see if this whole “sex” thing will get resolved before then as well. Wish me luck!

Stayed tuned for more, and as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Let’s just get it out of the way, just like I said in the headline, there was no sex this weekend on our first road trip together.

I know the general consensus was that it was almost a certainty to happen, but the fact that it didn’t doesn’t really bother me very much because the weekend was still exceptionally great.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a minor kick in the Ego that things didn’t get more physical. But it wasn’t from lack of effort, I tried – boy did I try, but I didn’t push the issue or make a big deal about it when my progressive advancements were blocked aside like a hockey goalie.

But again, to emphasize, it was still a great weekend!

Last I left off, Staci mentioned the issue of us staying together in the hotel room. I had arranged for her to be able to bring her dog, who is under medication for some issues for which she just took her to the vet. And we both took our dogs with us.

On the car ride, conversations about my dog, what she was going to do during the day while I spent the day with my son until we needed to leave for the concert, etc., led to me to believe that us staying together was not really an issue any more.

Sleeping arrangements were, as expected, in separate beds. But she did – both nights and both mornings, come lay with me, snuggle and even make out for a while. And like I said, I definitely tried to progress things, but once things seemed to get to a certain point, she would come up with an excuse to do something else (like take a shower) or go back to her bed. I didn’t make a big deal about it, nor did I try to force the issue.

She clearly wants to take things – especially in that department – slow. Though, she was all about kissing and holding hands on the first date, which is actually faster than I would normally have progressed things. I am totally fine with it, as long as the relationship as a whole continues to progress forward.

We had numerous good conversations, including her perspective on some of the “issues” that I claimed I usually have in relationships, and she attributed it to them (other girls) being immature, insecure and generally more needy. She even made the comment that I’ve “been dating girls, when (I) need to date a woman.” She even expounded on how that would make me even better, and she would “expect me to step up my game” and would help with that.

The entire weekend was very intimate and affectionate. She was just as eager to initiate contact, holding, kissing, etc., whether we were alone, at the concert, or even in public.

The concert itself was great. She was latched on to or pressed up against me the entire time. However, at the end she started to feel feel faint and had to leave. The concert was outside and was very hot and humid. As she left to go sit down somewhere to the side, she said she didn’t want me to miss the end of the concert (which was just entering the encore portion). There was no way I was letting her go off somewhere alone while she wasn’t feeling good, so I followed her and stayed by her and watched the rest of the show from the side.

When the show was over, she wanted to head inside the building near the venue to get in the air conditioning while I went to find my friends that I left when going after her. We met up again shortly after by the main entrance and she was feeling a lot better. We had planned to go out for some drinks after the concert, but my friend and his girlfriend – who we rode the concert with – bailed and said they were just going to head back home.

This is where I made my mistake. Probably.

All night, things had seemingly been progressing to the inevitable climax of sex. But it was only a little after 11pm and I know she tends to prefer to hang out later than that. So I suggested going to a bar near the hotel. We went there for another 1-2 hours drinking, playing games, talking … having a good time. But when we got back to the room, she basically crashed. She took her dog outside, came back, got ready for bed and almost immediately went to bed.

Maybe I missed my window, I’m not sure. I can’t say for certain that things would have gone differently if we would’ve just gone straight back to the room instead of going out again. Did she see that as a sign I wasn’t interested? Would things have still worked out the same – ending with no sex – regardless? I don’t know, maybe, but I just have that lingering doubt in my mind that it might have been different.

Heading home was just as good, affectionate, intimate, and productive as the rest of the weekend. Lots of talking and sharing, etc. When I dropped her off at home, I lingered for a while and she seemed to be in no hurry to get rid of me. More “making out” took place, but that was it. We definitely seem to enjoy being intimate with each other. I’ve felt when a girl just tolerates making out, kissing, etc., just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. This is NOT that. Clearly!

I am definitely flirty with her and she responds to it, just as I’d hope, and even reciprocates. I also make sure to tell her how I feel about her and what I’m thinking, so there isn’t any confusion about what my intentions are. Again, she reciprocates right along with me,

I am very much attracted to her. And she seems attracted to me as well. She says she is, but more importantly, her actions definitely show it.

For as good as the weekend was, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t through some negative vibes out there. She is still very hard to read and anticipate. It does make me wonder where this is all going. When we’re together, everything is great! But when we’re apart, I don’t hear from her like I would expect to, she doesn’t say or do things like I would expect her too. It is very hard to read.

Maybe that is just her taking it slow. Maybe that is how a more confident, mature woman does things. Maybe I am used to dealing with clingy, immature “girls” regardless of how old they might be. Then again, maybe I’m not the only one she is seeing or talking to? I don’t think she talks about me to her friends. We haven’t talked about it, but that’s the feeling I get. I definitely haven’t met any of her friends – except the co-workers we met on accident at the baseball game – and have no clue if there is an opportunity coming up or not.

I know that seems like a lot of pessimism, and trust me, I could come up with more if I wanted to. But I’m trying to stay positive. Maybe she just does things differently than I am used to, and that’s the simple answer. Maybe.

But I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my time with this. As you know, I have a short window to really get to know someone when my son is gone.

I have kind of put my chips All-In here with Staci. It’s getting too late to start something new with anyone else.

But I have to be realistic with myself. So, I’m going to give it another month – until right before my son comes back – to see where it is. Two-plus months of dating (longer if you count the Match courtship) is plenty of time to determine potential commitment, right?!? If things are not more clear, and we haven’t even had sex by then, I don’t see the point in trying to prolong it, knowing the hurdles I will have to cross to make it work after he gets back.

I am more than willing to make the effort once he is back to make it work, as long as I know the commitment and mutual feelings are there.

Hopefully things clear up, get more interesting and more solidified in the next few weeks. Stay tuned, and I promise to keep you all updated.

What do you think? What are your thoughts? What do you think about this weekend not culminating in sex, as most of you expected? Where do you think this is going? How do you read into what I’m seeing? Please share!

Rachel: Lunch date with the child psychologist

I’m going to mix things up from my normal format. I’m going to do more posts – as things happen – instead of waiting for a good stopping point to update you all. And I will add links to the updates to the original post, as well as linkbacks to the original post. For example; at the end of this post, I’ll post links to any follow-on updates.

The other day, I had the pleasure of having a lunch date with another lady I met on Match, Rachel. Rachel is 39, with three girls – two 9-year-old twins and a 4-year-old girl. She works at a local hospital as a child psychologist. She’s tall, blonde and has a very big, sexy smile.

We’ve been talking for a little while, and her schedule with her kids is almost as hectic as mine, due to the fact that her ex-husband does not have a lot of involvement with his daughters (by his choice), so we were trying to come up with a time that worked out for both of us to get together. She was heading out to Washington, D.C. this weekend with her daughters as part of a school trip for her oldest daughters, so I wanted to find a time before she left so we didn’t put off meeting each other any further.

So we decided to meet at a nice quaint restaurant inside near my office. She was working only a part day and said meeting for lunch would be great. To be completely honest, I was totally expecting her to cancel. Not because I thought she would flake on me or anything, I was totally expecting something to happen at the hospital that would keep her there a while longer. She did warn me that might be a possibility.

We both arrived at the restaurant at the same time and recognized each other immediately. You know that can get tricky with these online dates. We had a nice lunch, talking about her trip to DC (since I lived there for a short time, I had a few tips and suggestions), and even managed to get on a stretch where we were talking superhero movies.

We even began talking about getting together after she gets back from DC to have “blue drinks” somewhere. The whole “blue drinks” thing has been a running joke between us, because it’s also a running joke between my brother and I and Rachel and I had talked about it. So she has mentioned several times we should have “blue drinks” together sometime. She has also mentioned several times that she wants to get together to play tennis sometime, since we are both avid tennis players.

I know that sounds like a lot of planning ahead, but I’m glad she’s at least comfortable enough with me to talk about things like that. At least she’s not talking about future things like kids, marriage or moving in.

After an hour or so, we had to wrap it up and say our goodbyes. There weren’t any hugs or kisses this time – being in a crowded place kind of led to that, but I wasn’t also feeling the vibe for that yet. But we had tentatively planned to get together the following weekend after she returned from her trip.

We talked that night, and every day until she left for her trip, as usual. Everything seemed normal and still on track. THe day she left, I mentioned that I’d like to hear how things were going on their trip, but have not heard anything from her. I’m not stressing it or taking it as a bad sign (yet). She’s on a trip with her kids and I’m not reaching out while she’s gone trying to respect her space and time with her kids.

However, anyone who has read this page for any amount of time knows, my opinion is if you’re interested in someone and thinking about them, you should let them know and at least say “Hi.” I’m not about playing games, trying to playing hard to get, none of that. And the ONLY reason I haven’t contacted her on her trip is because it’s family time and I don’t need to try to make it about me or anything.

But she gets back today, and we’ll see if I hear from her tonight or not.

Please stay tuned for more updates on Rachel, and as always, thanks for reading!

UPDATES

Coming soon

A whole lotta nothing … for 2 months now

Hello, I know it’s been quite a while since I last posted. But there has been a lot going on – with me – from graduating college to job hunting, finally getting a job and then getting into the swing of things at the new job. But things in the “personal life” department haven’t been so good.

I know my last post was a little pessimistic, but things have not improved since then. We haven’t broken up yet, but things definitely haven’t got any better. And it all really started unraveling in February, when my son was away at his mom’s for nearly a full week.

Here’s the 4-1-1:

Olive was over regularly during that week, but not as often as she usually was when my son would be out of town. Not a big deal, life happens. But the last night, we were in bed talking about things and she made a comment that really stuck with me.

Her son does not like going to spend his weekend’s at his dad’s. His dad is pretty worthless as a dad and not very involved, so the step-mother feels she has to overcompensate for his lack of parenting skills. So obviously her son does not like the step-mother.

So she was talking about the recent round of incidents and how her son hates going there, and said that he doesn’t like the step-mother “because she it too strict.” And that really got me to thinking.

I didn’t say anything right away. But it ate at me for a couple of days. I mean, I’ve been “accused” of being a strict parent many times. I believe kids should be respectful, do what they’re told, and I believe in instilling some discipline, structure and responsibility in their lives. I don’t hit my kids, I’ve never had to. I just have to look at them sideways and they know things are about to get serious quickly. So I really don’t have problems with disrespect, attitudes, etc. I’m not saying I never have to deal with it, but it’s not very often. My boys are very well behaved, and I’m very thankful they’re so polite.

Finally, one night while we were on the phone, I brought it up. Because numerous times – I think I’ve shared this with you – she has thrown things in my face saying whatever was going on meant we didn’t have a future together or something along those lines. She has been very much about wanting to get married again, and I’m not as sure about that as she is. Nothing about her, just my opinion. But it’s almost like a hobby of hers to find things to use against me like I’m not serious enough her or finding reasons why we won’t ever be together every day.

And all I did was ask a very simple question about me and how her son feels about his step-mother: “If he doesn’t like her because she is too strict, have you thought about how that might affect us? I’m strict and know it, and am not ashamed about it. So what happens if we were married or living together? I’m not the type of person to let things slide when something happens in my house. Me ex-wife knows all about that.”

Instead of just thinking about, saying “no, I haven’t thought about that before,” or discussing it, she went immediately off the deep end. Literally, almost immediately. It went to a whole new level, with her accusing me of not liking her son, and saying I think she’s a bad parent, and on and on and on.

Without giving a play by play, let’s just say things got heated and it didn’t go well. No names were called or anything like that, but tempers were flared. However, one key item did happen. I mention this because it has been mentioned numerous times.

After nearly 2 hours on the phone, my blood pressure was rising with all of the accusations, compounded by the fact that every time I tried to say something, she would cut me off or talk over me. I offered several warnings about not talking over me so I could talk. After one such calmly stated warning, I started to explain something and she immediately began talking over me again. I lost it. I said “Shut the f— up! If you don’t want to let me talk, I’m done with this and hanging up!”

After that, things settled down and we talked for a while longer.

Since then, I have seen her about 5 times. FIVE! That was in mid February. We’re almost to May. We still talk about every day, and it’s very friendly and civil. But all of the “lovey dovey” stuff is gone. All of the “babes” and “I love yous” are gone.

While my son was at his mom’s over Spring Break last month, I went out with her to the bar after work one night to attend a function with her workmates. It just didn’t feel right. It was definitely odd and off. Since we drove separately, and nothing had been discussed, I asked if she was coming over. She begrudgingly said yes, even though she had packed bags in preparation to come over.

At my house, we spent most of the night arguing with the sequel to the original conversation we had in February. I was ready for it to be done at that point. And I told her exactly that. Once things calmed down, she ended up spending the night. But nothing happened. Nothing even remotely romantic or sexual happened.

That might be a first for me.

I have seen her once maybe twice since then. And I’m not really sure why I’m staying in this. Every time something ever remotely comes up, and we get to possibly arguing again, she likes to say “I don’t want to talk about it. because you’re just gonna tell me to ‘shut the f— up’ again.” She brings that up regularly.

I’m so frustrated with this. I’m getting nothing out it. Nothing emotionally, nothing sexually, nothing in the form of companionship. Nothing. And I’m not really bothered by it. Life goes on. I don’t stress about it. But I do wonder why I am continuing to go through the motions like this. It’s something I swore I wasn’t going to do again. I mean, I really do care about her, but no matter how much I try to talk to her about it or clarify things, it doesn’t help. She has been holding on to this grudge for 2 months now. And I’m ready to move on, one way or another, right now. EIther this gets better soon, or I’m cutting it loose.

I wish I had better news for you all, but I don’t. But maybe I’ll have more time to update you guys on what is going on in my life better than I have been recently.

As always, thank you for reading!

Another Dating First: Running into a past date

Hello all! I know my posts have been rare lately, but I promise things will pick up a bit more. Not because I’m expecting a lot of action or anything, because things with Olive are going very well. I’ll just be updating you on all sorts of things going on with me, Olive and everything else. But on with the show …

Saturday night, Olive and I were out on one of our rare “adult-only” dates. Her son was spending the night at a friend’s house and mine was out of town visiting his mother. We went to a Japanese steakhouse we’ve been wanting to go to for a while. We sat down around the hibachi with the other people waiting for the “dinner show” to start. While waiting, Olive noticed that directly on the other side of the table from us was someone she went to high school with. This is a lot more common than you’d think. She runs into people she knows all over the place. The guy was with his wife and kids and they never actually said anything to each other.

After our drinks arrived (sake and beers) and they took our order, Olive departed to the restroom. As I watched her walk away, I noticed someone I thought looked very familiar sitting at the table. After I did a double-take, I notice it was Constance and her kids sitting right next me. Actually, her daughter was sitting right next to me and Constance was next to her.

I don’t know if she recognized me, but neither one of us said anything to the other. It was just odd, because it has been like a year since I dated her and this is the first time I have run into any of the other girls I have dated here.

As you have probably noticed, I just posted the update of when Constance and I first dated. That’s because I’ve had it written and sitting in the draft folder for a while and since I wanted to share this story, I figured I’d better post it to give you all a little background on her.

I hope you’re all staying warm (preferably with someone special).

Come back again, and see me sometime.

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.

Fastest Way to a Woman’s Heart: Another Woman

Jealous much?I know I have a lot of women who read this blog, but I’m here to not only share my experiences and entertain, I’m also here to help my fellow men and single fathers through this mess we call dating. So, ladies, if I’m giving away any deep, dark secrets, I hope you understand.

I know this topic seems a little confusing and cryptic, but by the time I’m done explaining, I’m sure it will make sense.

If you’re trying to get a woman, why do you need another woman? If you have one woman, why would you need another woman? Are you trying to pick up women while you’re with your wife or girlfriend? How can another woman help you get a woman?

All good questions, but you’re missing the point. The “second” woman I am referring to is nothing more than a friend. And by that, I mean someone you know, who is female, who has no interest in you sexually and you have no interest in them sexually. You two can hang out and never have to worry about any sexual tension or awkwardness.

Why?

It’s easy; women are very jealous, catty, competitive creatures.

If a woman has ANY feelings for you at all, seeing you having a good time with another woman (regardless of her connection to you) will bring those feelings to the surface and amplify them. And – almost every time – she will end up acting on those feelings – sooner rather than later.

For some reason, women have this automatic “that’s MY man!” defensive reaction when they see a guy they have feelings for with another woman, even if that guy is an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or even just a guy at work who has caught her eye. It triggers that mechanism in them that makes them think “he must have something going for him if she likes being with him.” The next response depends on the relationship status. If you are exes, her next response will be along the lines of a “I saw him first” type of reaction, but if you haven’t dated yet, it is more of a “I want whatever she’s having” type of reaction. Either way, she will start paying a lot more attention to you, and may even get aggressive about it by inserting herself into your conversation with this “other woman”. Regardless, she will be very flirty with you. Enjoy it!

Not only have I had numerous women confirm this to me, it was recently demonstrated with my ex high school girlfriend. Plus I have another very interesting story to share that will clearly demonstrate what I mean.

A few years ago, before I met and married my son’s mother, I was living in the Washington, D.C. area. I met this girl, Jeni, on Yahoo! Personals (still my #1 choice of dating sites of all-time). Jeni was a tall, beautiful blonde girl originally from Finland. Ok, not quite Sweden but still Scandinavian, close enough.

We had been on a few dates when she invited me out to double date with her and her roommate because her (roommate’s) boyfriend, Chad, was in town (he lived in Ohio). I know that description may have seemed obvious to most of you, some of you might have been confused. I met them at their house and we headed to one of the popular college hangout areas near D.C.

In the car, Chad and I sat in the backseat while the girls rode in the front. Things were pretty cool but not real affectionate. It seemed like four friends heading out instead of boyfriends and girlfriends, or any dating type of vibe. When we got to the bar, it was packed but we managed to find a 4-seat high-top table. When we got to the table, as gentlemen do, we waited for the women to take their seats, and the fact that the girls chose to sit on the same side of the table kind of set the tone for the evening. So Chad sat directly across from Chrissy, and I sat directly across from Jeni.

Something just didn’t feel right the whole night. Chad and I talked about it during their trips to the bathroom together (yes, multiple trips). We figured either they were (A) not really interested in us, but that wasn’t really what we thought was going on, or (B) they were playing hard to get or some other game. So I suggested we raise the ante on the night and make things more interesting. Chad agreed.

So, the next time the girls went to the bathroom, I found the closest waitress at the bar. I gave her $40 – money for two drinks and the rest was tip for her if she played along with my plan. She agreed. The plan was when the two girls returned, wait a few minutes, bring two drinks over to the table and say they “are compliments of the girls down there” pointing across the room to the other end of the bar. There were so many people there, it would be impossible to figure out who she was pointing at.

After the girls returned, a few minutes passed before the waitress came to the table. Just as we discussed, she dropped off two drinks and said they were “from the girls over there” pointing to the other end of the bar. Both Jeni and Chrissy raised up out of their seats to see if they could find them. Chrissy then asked her “which girls?” Playing along perfectly, without missing a beat, the waitress said “Two blondes right there … wait … I don’t see them any more,” and walked away.

You could feel the heat coming from the other side of the table. They asked what that was all about. I told them these two girls were walking by and bumped into me almost spilling their drinks. I apologized and the next thing we knew we were just talking. They asked if we were there with anybody and we told them yes. Then they left.

Almost immediately, within a matter of one or two minutes, the entire mood at the table changed. The girls started reaching over and touching our arms and hands. A little while longer, the girls switched things up to where Jeni and I were on the same side together, as were Chad and Chrissy, and holding hands, snuggling and even light kissing was soon to follow. On the way home, I sat in the back with Jeni, as Chad and Chrissy sat in the front.

Once we got back to their house, the girls went upstairs to change while us boys sat downstairs watching SportsCenter. After the girls were completely upstairs out of earshot, Chad turns to me and says “that was the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. I’m gonna tell all the guys at the firehouse this story when I get back home.” Chad and I still keep in touch, to this day, after that.

The girls came back downstairs in short boy shorts and camisoles – like they coordinated it or something – and mixed some drinks for us all. And the next morning they made breakfast for us all – if you follow me.

So again, my advice; always have a girl or two in your group (but not too many) when you go out looking for women. It will stack the deck in your favor, and if you have any game at all, it will usually work very well. More times than not, if there is a girl at the bar who digs you, she will seek out your female companion and ask her questions about you before she makes her move, or she will tell your female friend to have you go over and talk to her.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask. I’m an open book. And as always, thanks for reading.

At least I feel better … right?

Well, after a little deliberation, I decided to send Mona one last message. Since I don’t have her actual email and didn’t want to text the whole thing, I logged on to Match and sent it through their email system. I’ve been debating including the contents of the post here, but so far opted against it. Maybe I’ll amend it with the text later,

That was Saturday. Since then, she has not logged on to Match or read the message yet. So either she is absolutely afraid (paranoid) to log in to to see what I had to say, or my suspicions of another guy(s) is correct.

My money is on the latter.

But I got it off my chest and really could care less if she responds or even reads it. I got enough closure. I’m good.

At least I feel better … right?

The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).