Staci Update: A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

No, I’m not going to break into Bon Jovi. But yes, that was a direct reference to the song.

To say this weekend was a rollercoaster with Staci, is putting it mildly. There’s a lot to cover, but I’ll try to be succinct here.

This past weekend was her big concert weekend, except for Sunday, which fell through leaving Sunday open for me. But the concert portion brought a little more drama than I would have originally expected. First there was the matter of running into both her her ex-husband and ex-boyfriend (most recent). Then culminating in her getting escorted out of the concert for getting into an altercation with a drunk bee-hotch. I’ll spare the details, only to say she didn’t actually hit or fight anyone, but I was very impressed and our new running joke is how aroused I am with my newly discovered badass girlfriend.

Sunday started great. We went shopping, for her this time. I ended up buying her a coat she was dying to have and she spent a good amount on new earrings. We had a nice lunch at my favorite mongolian barbecue place, then went to see the new Mission Impossible movie.

After the movie, we went back to her house and cracked open the strawberry-vodka watermelon I made last week for our get-together that was cancelled. Her roommate joined us and we talked for a few hours. Then finally we started to get hungry so I made us the kabobs I also made for our previous get-together.

Everything was going great. She was kissing me, touching me, holding my hand, and everything else was as normal as could be. She seemed very impressed with my cooking abilities. Well, she actually did say it was impressive having a man who knows his way around the kitchen.

Then she asked me if I wanted to go sit outside with her. Of course I said, yes. But that’s when it all turned on a dime.

She said she had a confession to make. That is NEVER a good way to start a conversation. Long story short; she said she was conflicted. Seeing her ex-boyfriend really stirred things up because apparently he really broke her heart when they broke up, and she still apparently isn’t completely over it – the heartache, not him. She even said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be exclusive with me.

I was stoic for a very long time. Deadpan and silent. But I was still holding and caressing her hand. My silence and expression was really bothering her. She said exactly that. She wanted to know what was going through my mind. I couldn’t break down just one thought, there were millions of things racing through my head.

Finally, I said I wanted to know what this meant “for us.” And I also said I could handle taking things slow. I understood her wanting to make sure “this” was real and that I was for real before jumping to deep into the pool. I told her I was willing to do just about anything to make sure she was comfortable and happy because I thought she was worth it. But I made sure there was one thing I could not, and would not do. That was (me) being in an exclusive relationship with her, if she wasn’t in an exclusive relationship with me and was going to see other guys.

I also explained a few things about how I feel about her, and how I appreciate what she’s done for me so far. Those compliments seemed to be a turning point. But I went back to being stoic. And that really got under her skin. She asked how I was feeling, she wanted to know if I was mad at her. I said I was hurt, confused, irritated, disappointed, and more but I wasn’t mad.

It seems she was clearly conflicted. She was still hurting from before and didn’t want to get hurt again. But she also liked “Us” and where we were. She had to make the decision to stick this out with me, or make a decision to protect herself but possibly miss out on something she really liked. Me pointing this out to her also seemed to ease things for her. I said she can’t live like that. If you’re in a relationship and fearful of getting hurt, you’ll never fully be happy in or enjoy the relationship. Relationship end, that’s what they do. No matter how long you’re together, someone always gets hurt in the end. It’s the risk for the reward of a great relationship.

I also asked again about “us.” That’s when she said she wasn’t going anywhere. Shortly after that, things really started to lighten up. She was back to putting her head on my shoulder, and laughing and kissing me. By the time it was time for me to go (at 1 a.m.) things seemed almost back to normal. But as we were saying our goodbyes, she asked if I was OK. I said, to be honest, I was pretty nervous – about us. She again reassured me that she wasn’t going anywhere, and just asked for me to be patient with her.

All the way through the next day, things seemed back to normal. She called me when she got home from work and we talked for a while. She said she was going to bed early because she was so exhausted from all the concerts and long nights. She called me again around 9 p.m. as she was getting into bed. We made plans to get together tonight, just a casual night of just hanging out together at her house. I said goodnight and told her to turn off her phone to avoid distractions and go to bed.

About 20 minutes later, she texts me. We have a lengthy conversation just playing around about her being distracted. I told her I’d have to come over to eliminate all the other distractions so she could go to bed. Then she said I was the main distraction, which is totally a compliment. It went on until I finally said “What am I going to do with you?”

To say I wasn’t being playful, trying to draw her into a flirting conversation, would only be a half-truth. I was hoping she’d take the bait, and she did. She asked what I would do with her? I asked her to be more specific about a situation. She said she wanted to know what I would do with her when I finally got her clothes off. That led to a very good, lengthy sexting conversation, which culminated in both of us saying numerous times that it would be totally worth the wait. There was no vulgarity or specific detailed acts described. It was very generalized but we both knew what the other meant.

She made sure I knew how flushed, and hot and bothered she was. She also wanted to make sure I knew that she was definitely going to make it worth my wait.

Finally, we shut things down and she went to bed. Still early, but not as early as she had planned.

Then at 5 a.m. I got a text from her saying that she wanted to wrap herself around me, and that she was still worked up from the previous night. And then she told me she had the Ariana Grande song “Love Me Harder” stuck in her head.

So, again, it appears that a small, rough, bump in the road, forcing us to get things out in the open, has actually improved the overall status of the relationship. Things seem more secure than they have been, despite that conversation.

Though I am heading over to her place tonight for a nice relaxing evening together, I am in NO way expecting anything sexual to happen tonight, My money is actually on her saying something about our conversations not leading to anything happening, to clarify her position. If something sexual does happen, and tonight is the night, I will be more than pleasantly surprised. But again, I’m not expecting anything to happen tonight – possibly Saturday night when we get together again – but I won’t turn anything down.

If you have any comments or questions, please leave them below. And as always, thanks for reading.

The Ex-husband makes things extremely difficult

I know dealing with Ex-anythings in a relationship can be difficult. But this is just freaking ridiculous.

I already discussed the stepmother (his wife) a bit in my last post, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to be a part of this situation with them involved.

From day one, it has been a struggle. Early on, it was not my place to get involved, but now that we are almost a year-and-a-half into this, my position on keeping my mouth shut has changed.

Olive’s ex-husband is very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive to her. On top of that, his new wife (the stepmonster, as I will refer to her henceforth) piles on and will actually lead the abusive attacks most of the time.

The one minor silver lining in her (the stepmonster) defense, is that she is the only parent in that household. The ex-husband is a deadbeat. He “claims” to only make $8/hr (when he actually has a lucrative consulting business) in order to pay the minimum amount of child support possible. Since he works from home and does not maintain proper business accounting, Olive has no real way to prove he is cheating the child support system. Yet, they live a very lavish lifestyle. She actually stays involved in Olive’s son’s health and school issues – almost too much – in the place of her husband, who really could care less. Plus, they routinely find ways to cancel or cut short their visitation times in order to do personal things. I could go on and on with stories, but I hope you get the point.

One other note about the ex-husband and the stepmonster: he was cheating on Olive, having an affair with the stepmonster and married her in Las Vegas less than a week after the divorce was official.

Moving on … Over the years (long before I came along), the established order of things was set. The ex-husband does something, Olive complains, the ex-husband and stepmonster gang up on Olive until she gives in and is left sitting in a pool of tears. Olive is not a very strong person when it comes to standing up for herself, nor is she well-skilled at debate or verbal confrontations. She is very unsure of herself, always second-guessing, and assuming the worst. She was this way before them, and all of the arguments don’t help.

So the routine is simple, berate Olive until she just gives in. This fosters an attitude of them thinking they can get away with whatever they want. Whether it is nickel and diming Olive over prescriptions, medical costs, school supplies and clothes. The owe her hundreds of dollars in costs they said they would (or are supposed to) reimburse her for. But they never do. She continues to pay for these things because she thinks they will try to use that as ammunition against her for not taking care of her child. Yet when she confronts them about the money, they just berate and bully her. She is afraid to take them to court for the money, afraid her ex-husband will try to take custody away from her. I have seen enough out of him to know (1) he really doesn’t want custody because it would interfere with their social and personal lives and (2) it would take an average lawyer 5 minutes to prove how unfit he is as a parent. Plus, during their divorce, the stepmonster actually took care of all the details and paperwork for him. He’s way too lazy to be able to do what it takes to fight for custody.

I’ve tried to be supportive. But I can only stand by and watch so much. I’ve tried giving advice, recommendations, tactics, etc. But that just backfires with her getting mad at me because, according to her, I’m just trying to get her put in a position to get bullied again. So she does nothing … except cry, bitch and complain.

My personal opinion is if you aren’t willing to do something about it, then accept it and stop complaining about it. And I find it very hard to stand by while continues to be a punching bag. But when I say something, it only makes things worse.

Like I mentioned in my last post, how would it be if we were married or living together? There is no way I’m sitting there watching that like a spectator ringside at a UFC fight. I’m stepping in. I’m putting an end to it.

I need a strong woman who isn’t afraid to stand up for herself, who can take care of herself. And the aggravation with this constant issue is almost to the point of boiling over.

Now, she is to the point of sharing very little of what is going on with her and them because she knows how I feel about it. We’ve had numerous discussions about it. So that only adds to the continuing gap of things between us and the further distancing of our relationship.

I would really hate for the ex-husband to be a reason why this doesn’t work out, but it is really beginning to look that way. It’s a good thing I don’t see him very often, because I swear the next time I see him, it will be all I can do to not punch him in his fat face.

Enough ranting for one day.

Thanks for reading, and I will see you all again back here soon!