Ex-wife thinks she should be able to stay at my house

I’m not sure how many times I’ve mentioned this before, if at all – memories are all melding together, but this has been an issue I’ve been dealing with for quite a while.

My ex-wife seems to think I should let her stay here at my house when she comes into town to visit our son.

I used to let her at the beginning, after we first got divorced. It seemed to be easier for our son. I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously at the time, so I didn’t think much about it. But about the time Olive came along, it all changed.

It wasn’t just because of Olive, though that did play a big factor in it. A while before that, I was almost positive that she was going through my room looking through stuff. What she was looking to find, I have no clue. I don’t have any buried treasure, I don’t have any juicy secrets that I’m hiding, there isn’t any trace of a woman spending a lot of time here, and even if I did have a porn stash I have no idea why she’d be interested in finding that.

So the next time she was set to stay here, I set up a bit of a trap. I locked my bedroom door and set things up in odd ways around important areas I suspected she would rummage through. Then, I took pictures of it all to compare when I got home from work. I didn’t want to let her stay at my house alone, but I didn’t have a lot of choice and wasn’t going to be rude and say they had to leave while I was gone. When I got home, it was clear (even without the photographic evidence) that she had been rummaging through my stuff. When I confronted her about it, she said she only did it on purpose to get me riled up. She claims to not have really gone through anything, just messed stuff up to make it look like it.

Ya, right. Whatever.

Shortly after that, I said it wasn’t a good idea for her to stay here anymore. And after doing some more research, it was probably a better idea for her not to be here. It might confuse our son or give him false hope that we might someday get back together.

Now, she is coming into town this week for Mother’s Day weekend and to see our son’s first baseball game of the year. When asked about where they will be staying, she is very non-committal about whether she it staying at her dad’s house or her friend’s house. I know she would rather stay here, and she seems to be hinting around at wanting to stay here.

Honestly, I have been contemplating it. I’m not sure why. I am 100% certain nothing inappropriate will happen while she is here. I’m not tempted by that thought at all, whatsoever. I have not mentioned any of this to her.

What do you guys think?

Thanks for reading and I will see you again soon!

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.

Small World: I’m not interested in dating all of his ex’s

Hi everyone, did you miss me?

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. You haven’t been missing anything, trust me. I’ve pretty much just been focusing on school, my son and my new english bulldog puppy. So having one new bitch in my life right now is enough (yes, my puppy is a female).

I’ve kept an eye on the dating sites, seeing if anything catches my eye, thrown out a few lines, but I haven’t caught anything worthwhile. And no, my cold doesn’t count. I haven’t been on any dates, and honestly have barely talked to girls enough to even get to the point of thinking about going on a date.

It’s nice not worrying about dating drama right now. However, we are approaching the DMZ – the time of year when I really don’t advise starting a new relationship. Since I don’t have a solid girlfriend, I don’t look to add any new women over the Holidays so I don’t have to be in that awkward gift-giving conundrum. It’s nice to have a date for New Year’s but only if it is casual because I also don’t like adding new women shortly before Valentine’s Day. Nothing is more awkward than having a brand new girlfriend at the end of January or beginning of February trying to figure out how to handle Valentine’s Day. There’s a reason I refer to it as VD, I try to avoid it like a disease.

But on to something newsworthy … Scanning the dating sites, I stumbled across someone on Match that looked semi-interesting. Nothing earth-shaking. There were no fireworks or rapid heart-rates from reading her profile. Her pictures looked good she seemed interesting (but there are a few things I skipped over, but i will get to them in a second).

About 30 minutes after I “liked” one of her photos on Match, I got a text from my ex-wife telling me that I was interested in someone she knew who was on Match. This girl that I just looked at and liked her picture, was the ex-girlfriend of my ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend who she was with before we got married. I can’t stand this guy. He caused so many headaches for my marriage early on I hate him without ever meeting him face-to-face.

She also informed me that this girl is still married but going through a divorce, and is the girl who takes in all sorts of cats, sometimes finding them homes and sometimes she keeps them. She found a new home for my wife’s old cat when we decided to get rid of her. I am NOT a cat person. Not even close. As she filled me in, I started remembering more about this girl.

Apparently, as soon as I liked her photo and she checked out my profile, she recognized me because she is friends with my ex-wife and remembers seeing pictures of me and thought it was me. So she contacted my ex-wife to tell her (or rub it in, as my ex puts it). I find it hard to believe that she was that petty to tell my ex-wife to rub it in like, “Look, another one of your ex’s is interested in me.” But then again, cattiness amongst women does not surprise me. Guys don’t do that stuff. Or at least mature guys don’t.

Needless to say I did not contact her, and she did not contact me after that. I have not viewed her profile and she has not viewed my profile again since that night. However, the next night, she was out on a date with a guy she met on Match (not me, obviously) and was giving a play-by-play on her Facebook. My ex was telling me about this.

First, when on a date, I would be livid if I found out the girl was posting a play-by-play on Facebook as the date was going on. After the date … fine, but not during. That’s just rude. Second, I had noticed on Match that she was also logged into her Match account while she was also on the date. So not only is she posting about the date during the date, she is still checking Match while on her date. Either the date was going horrible (but according to my ex, she was saying it was going well) or she’s just a piece of work. Again, after the date, you can do whatever you want, post whatever you want, I don’t care. But when we are out on a date, it is just courtesy to expect her to “in the date” focused on the date (and me) at least for the time we are together. Classy lady.

Dodged a bullet with that one. And sorry, even if everything else was cool about her, the minute I would have found out she was this other guy’s ex-girlfriend, it would have been over. I am not making a habit of picking up some other guy’s leftovers. It didn’t work the first time I did it, and I don’t need confirmation that the second time would end bad too. No thanks.

Well, it was great seeing you all again. I hope to be writing more soon. Finals are right around the corner, so I should have a lot more free time. And as always, updates will come as they develop.

Thanks for reading.