This looks familiar, have I been down this road before?

So, it’s been two weeks of dating Mona (closer to four weeks if you add all the time talking leading up to the first date). Things have been really good. Seen each other a few times, talk/chat dozens of times every day, all that good stuff.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today before I went out of town for the weekend with my son and brother, as well as some other friends, for our annual boys’ football weekend. The reasoning behind it was that I didn’t want two weeks to pass between seeing each other. She has her girls this weekend and has family plans as well. So I figured a little quick get together would be good.

But for some unknown reason, all morning I had this gut instinct that she was going to cancel. I have no idea why, but I did. I didn’t say anything to hear about it or doing anything to alter my normal Friday plan. I dropped my son off at school, read books to his class this morning, and then came home to clean up the house before getting ready to go to lunch.

She was wrapping up the training seminar at her work today that was introducing new products to their line. She said she would be done about noon, so I planned accordingly. About 11 a.m. I started getting ready.

That gut feeling was still lingering. Then about 11:30 a.m., I get this:

Mona: Hi… u r going to be mad at me. šŸ˜¦

Me: Why?

Mona: But I will make it up to u if u aren’t mad.!
Mona: I won’t make lunch
Mona: But it’s for a good reason!

I told her I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t mad either. I understood and it was fine. Though I didn’t really understand because I still don’t know what the “good reason” was. But anyway … then she said.

Mona: I will make it up to u by going on even more dates with u!!

Playfully I asked for that in a binding contract and asked if those “more dates” are dates she wouldn’t have normally gone on with me. It seems doing saying you will do something you were going to do anyway isn’t really doing anything to “make it up” to someone. Just sayin’.

So after some more back-and-forth, I asked when she wanted to get together again, hoping she would say something like “come over to watch football on Sunday” or ‘how about lunch Monday.” Instead she said “maybe we can shoot for next weekend sometime.”

Duh! I’d already mentioned on our last date that my ex was going to be in town that weekend for his baseball games and she would have him the whole weekend, so I would be free to do whatever she wanted. So again, that’s not anything new, different, or extra.

I know it is different, and it truly does feel different, but there is that part of my psyche that is trying to link this to what happened with Ellen. And to be completely honest, I can’t remember a time ever getting cancelled on ended up well. So maybe I’m lumping all of that baggage on Mona unfairly. But let’s face it, I really don’t want to wait another week to see if she is actually going to follow through with it or not.

I have every indication to think that she will, but there is a part of me that is beginning to question that.

How do you feel when you’ve been cancelled on by someone you’ve been seeing for a little while? Not a first date or someone you are clearly exclusive with, but someone you are just starting out with.

Honestly, I’m a little weirded out. And ladies, here’s how you can tell if you’re guy is interested in just you or has other options out there. If you cancel on him and he doesn’t seem to care, that is generally a pretty good sign he has other girls on stand-by waiting to fill your spot. But if you cancel and he gets upset or seems genuinely wounded, that probably means you’re it on his list and you just torched his plans for the day, evening or whatever.

So why is this bothering me so much?

I’m pretty sure it’s that old self-defense thing kicking in. There is/was a lot of potential with her, more than I can say I’ve had with any others (except maybe Abigail, but I already said that before), and to be frank, I don’t want to have to go back out there and give it another try with someone else again for a while. I’m getting wore out by this dating thing.

And sometimes I am just a pessimist at heart. I have always had a bad knack of being a pessimist when things get questionable, that way, when things work out, they look so much better, or when they fail, then I was kind of expecting it and it doesn’t hurt so bad.

So help me out here. Is there any reason for concern or am I just being overly pessimistic right now? Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks for reading.

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The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too

Ok, this is where my whiny/needy side comes out. Deal with it. Us guys have soft sides too, ya know.

I know the game. I know the protocol. I know the rules. I am a firm believer in the code of chivalry.

But that doesn’t mean I like it. Sometimes, I really hate it.

I know it is the man’s job to woo the woman and take the lead. But here is a realistic fact that doesn’t get much attention, men like a little “wooing” too.

I know most of the dating advice sites (and dating mythology) say women shouldn’t initiate contact. I get that, but only at the beginning. Once you’ve established that you talk every day – dozens of times a day – it shouldn’t be the man’s job to initiate contact every time, whether it is talk, text or email.

Girls like to know the guy is interested and want to talk to them, that is the basis for the “rule” of the guy initiating the contact. Girls want to be wooed, pursued, chased, courted, whatever you want to call it. I get it.

But after a while, guys like to get a little attention too, believe it or not. You ladies have no idea how much return on just a little investment of an occasional text out of the blue saying “good morning” or “I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Hi”.

After a certain point, guys start to question whether you’re really interested or just being polite by responding when they text you first. It may just be a festering question at first, but the longer it persists, the more questioning and self-doubt creeps in. Remember my issue with Ellen?

Before I go any further, let me explain that I am not complaining about taking too long to respond or anything like that. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and cannot be held to a timetable. I am busy and can’t always respond quickly, and I don’t expect any different from the girls I date and talk to.

If I haven’t explained this about myself yet, I guess now would be a good time. I tend to be a very “romantic” type of guy. I enjoy doing little special things, like flowers, surprise visits, picking up something you’ve had your eye on for a while at the store, and all sorts of other little surprises to let my girl know I care about her. And the more affection I get from my girl, the more I want to exponentially reciprocate that. But when I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or whatever, I don’t feel like doing those special things.

I will say good morning every morning and goodnight every night – no matter where I am or what I am doing. I try not to expect anything in return.

But those times when my girl beats me to the punch in the morning with a “good morning,” or sends me a text in the middle of her busy day just to say “I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you” mean more than any gift or grand gesture could. Just knowing confidently that she is interested makes things so much easier.

Ladies, it may go against your nature (then again it may not), but doing something small like that for your man may make all the difference in your relationship. Forget about sex, this is much more powerful than that.

Guys may try to act like they are made of steel and super tough, but really, all guys want to know they are appreciated, adored, respected and loved, just like women do.

So try it sometime, ladies. And see what happens.

The Justine Conspiracy: Logic says no one is that crazy but my gut says otherwise

Recently, I told you all about Justine, the yoga instructor from New York that had so much potential but flipped out over my profile not being hidden and threatened to basically spy on me online. Well there is potentially another whole new layer to this story. But I need your help in keeping my head straight.

I’m going to try to keep this as succinct as possible. I swear!

If you remember, it was about 1 a.m. the night/morning things began Ā to unravel with Justine because she went on to her Match account (which she had hidden) and noticed mine was still active (but not accessed in about a week) and proceeded to flip out on me. The argument/breakup lasted through most of the weekend. You can catch up on it all here.

Well, a part I left out of the original story was that just a matter of minutes (10-15 minutes) before I got the first salvo from Justine about everything, I received a notification that I had received a Match Wink from a new girl – so I don’t screw up my naming process, I can’t officially name her yet, so I’ll just call her Winky for now. I didn’t check it out, first because it was after midnight and I was almost asleep, and also because I had no intention of checking it out yet because things were very good with Justine and it was just a wink, it didn’t really mean anything.

But after things started getting crazy with Justine, I really started to get leery about that wink from Winky, and I really wondered if it was a trick to see (perpetrated by Justine) to see if I would check it out, even though I said I wouldn’t check my account. For the record, I didn’t look at it until a week after I broke things off with Justine. My thought was either she made the account to spy on me (and probably other guys) or she was using a friend’s account because I had helped her make an account on Match for another one of her friends.

I didn’t think much of it after things ended with Justine, but I couldn’t get the thought of it being a trick out of my head. So I started paying attention to both profiles. Both profiles are favorited on my account so I can easily see them together on the same screen. YES, I am admitting right here and now I was doing a little online dating stalking (a little). I wasn’t actually clicking on their profiles or messaging them or anything.

But one trend became very apparent. When one would be away for 3 or 5 days, the other would be gone for 3 or 5 days (always the same). When one was online, the other had just been active “within 1 hour” or came online shortly. This didn’t just happen once or twice, but numerous times. I’m talking over a period of about 2+ weeks now for sure, and a total of almost a month now.

The thing is, I had exchanged an email or two with Winky early on. Nothing deep or anything, and then she faded out and I did not hear from her again. But a little over a week ago, I heard from her again and she went straight into serious flirting and asking to get together sometime. I responded that it would be good to get together, but kept paying serious attention to the two profiles. And again, they seem to be online at about the same time. And when one was away for 3 days this past week, the other one was gone for 3 days and they both checked their profiles within about an hour of each other the other day.

I just got a message from Winky wanting to get together Wednesday afternoon for lunch. She has a very specific window that we can meet in this certain area of town so she can get to her appointments easily. I cannot accurately remember Justine’s yoga schedule but I do know she had classes in that same part of time with classes often bracketing lunch in this same way.

Aside from the obvious question of “What do you guys think?”, my main question I pose to you all is, “How do I find out for sure before showing up and getting duped into some trick, if it is all a setup?”

If it is all just a major coincidence, Winky seems like someone I would definitely like to date and see what happens. So I never want to blow it with someone with potential, so I don’t want to do something to blow it with her before even meeting her.

Maybe it’s just me, but my gut keeps telling me something just isn’t right here. And my gut is not wrong very often.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all had a good Labor Day weekend.

Speed Dating: Just my random thoughts hitting all sorts of things

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on things to update you all on, but I didn’t want to write a new post for each individual one. So I figured I would knock them all out here.

First, things with Lola have lots of potential. We’ve hung out a few times and have a great time together every time. We haven’t had what I would call our official second date yet, since we have only hung out together for an hour or two just to spend some time together having lunch together or something. No, we haven’t had sex yet. Is that all you people think about?

Speaking of sex; things with Krystal are fading out, and fast. She recently started a new job so I haven’t had the same exposure to her that I normally had. But she is very clingy and a little intrusive. She’s always telling me she misses me, and has even been asking to come to my son’s baseball games and come over after he goes to bed at night. I’ve had to shut her down more times in the past week than I would ever care to.

We also had to have “The Talk: Deuce” because after the initial version of “The Talk” some things started coming out that I wasn’t really cool with. When this whole thing started, I was under the impression this was just going to be a fun FWB thing, and that her husband was cool with it. Well … apparently he doesn’t know about me as much as I was led to believe. She says he is rather naive and clueless and has no idea of what she is doing. She isn’t happy in her marriage and doesn’t leave because of the kids. She told me earlier that she was “happily married and in love with her husband” several times. So, the tapestry is unraveling. And now I’m not as comfortable with this as I once was. This is definitely a different scenario than what I signed up for in the beginning, and I thought I was pretty blunt and honest with her as to what I was looking for. She wants to get together next week after I get back from my long family weekend trip to Texas. I am not really interested and kind of dreading it. Especially with thing going well with Lola and the possibility of another upcoming date (with Miley). I think it’s about time to end this bad MTV reality show I’m living in. I’m not desperate enough to need sex that bad to need to hold on to this arrangement.

And remember, I told you that my luck would change once I started down this Ashley Madison-inspired trail. First Lola comes along right as things with Krystal and I get started, and then Miley, with whom I’ve had only 2 messages with previously, comes jumping back into the picture, after a few weeks of nothing. So I figured I’d at least have a quickie date with her for lunch or something to see how things look. I don’t juggle girls very well, so I’m not really interested in dating multiple girls at the same time, but I guess I can’t also dismiss one without at least checking it out first. You never know what might happen. All the more reason to get rid of my clingy, married, side piece.

Lastly, I am still looking for any feedback or suggestions on what you guys would like to see from me on here. Any additions, topics, whatever. You name it and I’ll consider it.

Thanks for reading and have a great Labor Day weekend.

Keeping it fresh: What do you want to see?

Wow, this has been going a lot better than I thought it would when I started. But it can always be better. I’ve got some great regular followers and lots of random passers-by.

I’ll still keep doing what I am doing and filling you guys in on all my dating antics. But what I want to know from you is; how can I make this better for you? What do you want to see me talk about? What features do you want me to add?

I’m just looking for a little feedback from you, my readers, to see what would keep bringing you back and help spread the word.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to your suggestions!