Mona: Baseball mom knocks it out of the park

Hello everyone. I’m writing this tonight, even though my attention span is being pulled in lots of directions with homework, my son, and flipping between Monday Night Football and baseball games. But I wanted to get this knocked out while it was all fresh in my mind.

Background: Mona contacted me a while ago on Match, but I really didn’t pursue her until just recently. When she first contacted me, there were lots of other things going on: Justine just ended, things with Krystal just started, I started talking to Lola, and then there was the whole Winky thing.

Even though she was very attractive in her profile pictures, she had very little written in her profile so there wasn’t a lot to go on. But as things unfolded with the other ladies, she always managed to stay on the fringe. If you know anything about Match, there are several ways to indicate your interest without actually writing a message. I guess keeping her female pride in tact, she exhausted all of those options over the course of a few weeks without actually breaking down and messaging me.

So, finally, I dropped her a line to say “Hi”, and I must say it was one of more shorter, yet more clever introductory emails. I hate this part of online dating. The Dreaded First Contact Email, especially when Match makes you use a stupid Subject line. She mentioned being a single mom drowning in an ocean of Barbies. My message played off that, being a single parent with a boy with an army of action figures carpeting my house. That, and the fact that we are big baseball fans, was all it took to getting things rolling quickly.

She is 42 with a 21-year-old son who plays competitive amateur baseball, and she loves baseball and football. She also has two younger daughters, 4 & 6. She’s about 5’8″ with great brown eyes, naturally wavy brown hair, and a terrific, fit but not muscular, body (from what I could tell). I got a good initial hug, and there was no cause for any concern.

She gave me her phone number in her initial response because she isn’t sure how much longer she wants to hang around Match (a very very common sentiment these days). So we started texting and talking within hours of that and things have been rolling very nicely.

The Date: As you know, I’ve been a proponent of the “quickie date” recently after too many questionable experiences. Couple that with my crazy schedule, and spending time with Lola, I really don’t know when my next free “date night” will be. So I suggested a lunch date with Mona near her work. She thought that was a great idea and we met today at a restaurant near her office, which is about an hour from my house.

She showed up in a very lovely form-fitting white blouse with jeans that fit perfectly. She looked just like her pictures, but in person that feels so much better. Like I said, we exchanged a very nice hug and she seemed very excited for the date. She had seemed rather excited for it over the last few days, even while she was out of town celebrating her son’s 21st birthday. So things were off to a very good start.

For the hour we were together, we talked mostly about our kids. I felt like I had a constant smile on my face, and looked the same way. We were so focused on each other we nearly forgot to order lunch. The servers were very understanding and patient with us. We were showing each other pictures of our kids like a couple of grandparents showing off their grandkids, and she even moved over to my side of the booth and sat real close to me showing me videos of her son playing baseball.

As it was happening, her sitting that close to me seemed like a very big deal (a good sign), but then the pessimistic side of my brain started downplaying it like it was no big. What do you think? A good sign or not a big deal?

She even commented how impressed she was that I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time, except when we were sharing pictures, because some guys she had recently been out with had their phones out and were paying attention to them instead of paying attention to her.

Idiots!! Even if I had my phone on the table, I wouldn’t have touched it,  because I was so into her. She’s so beautiful and engaging, any guy paying attention to anything else doesn’t deserve a girl like that.

The hour went by way too fast. She had to go because she had a client to meet with. We could have easily spent another hour there just talking. It was very easy and natural.

I walked her to her car and we just kept talking, both of still with smiles on our faces. We both agreed that we need to find a time very soon to get together again for a “real” date with more time together.

Post Date: Since the date actually took place this afternoon, I don’t have a lot of “post date” information for you. I texted her on my way home thanking her for the date and telling her what a good time I had and that I really wanted to get together again. She concurred and we talked about everything from looking like our profile pictures to watching the football and baseball games on TV tonight.

I know I’ve had a few good dates recently. But since January this has to clearly be the best. Yes, the date was good, but the conversations, the things we talk about, the things we have in common, etc., make it a lot more than just a good date. Plus she even fits what I have been looking for physically.

In regards to potential, she has the most of any of them so far (since Abigail). So much, that I would easily consider deleting all of my dating site profiles in a heartbeat if she asked. Of course that is something that won’t be addressed for a while yet, but I’m just sayin’.

However, my pessimistic side is creeping up again, leading me to think this is going to go more like Ellen. She seemed to be a complete packaged deal with lots of potential, but just faded away after the first date and nothing ever amounted from it. Call me overly pessimistic, but that’s the way it is sometimes.

Grade: A (could be a +, we’ll see)

Speed Dating: Just my random thoughts hitting all sorts of things

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on things to update you all on, but I didn’t want to write a new post for each individual one. So I figured I would knock them all out here.

First, things with Lola have lots of potential. We’ve hung out a few times and have a great time together every time. We haven’t had what I would call our official second date yet, since we have only hung out together for an hour or two just to spend some time together having lunch together or something. No, we haven’t had sex yet. Is that all you people think about?

Speaking of sex; things with Krystal are fading out, and fast. She recently started a new job so I haven’t had the same exposure to her that I normally had. But she is very clingy and a little intrusive. She’s always telling me she misses me, and has even been asking to come to my son’s baseball games and come over after he goes to bed at night. I’ve had to shut her down more times in the past week than I would ever care to.

We also had to have “The Talk: Deuce” because after the initial version of “The Talk” some things started coming out that I wasn’t really cool with. When this whole thing started, I was under the impression this was just going to be a fun FWB thing, and that her husband was cool with it. Well … apparently he doesn’t know about me as much as I was led to believe. She says he is rather naive and clueless and has no idea of what she is doing. She isn’t happy in her marriage and doesn’t leave because of the kids. She told me earlier that she was “happily married and in love with her husband” several times. So, the tapestry is unraveling. And now I’m not as comfortable with this as I once was. This is definitely a different scenario than what I signed up for in the beginning, and I thought I was pretty blunt and honest with her as to what I was looking for. She wants to get together next week after I get back from my long family weekend trip to Texas. I am not really interested and kind of dreading it. Especially with thing going well with Lola and the possibility of another upcoming date (with Miley). I think it’s about time to end this bad MTV reality show I’m living in. I’m not desperate enough to need sex that bad to need to hold on to this arrangement.

And remember, I told you that my luck would change once I started down this Ashley Madison-inspired trail. First Lola comes along right as things with Krystal and I get started, and then Miley, with whom I’ve had only 2 messages with previously, comes jumping back into the picture, after a few weeks of nothing. So I figured I’d at least have a quickie date with her for lunch or something to see how things look. I don’t juggle girls very well, so I’m not really interested in dating multiple girls at the same time, but I guess I can’t also dismiss one without at least checking it out first. You never know what might happen. All the more reason to get rid of my clingy, married, side piece.

Lastly, I am still looking for any feedback or suggestions on what you guys would like to see from me on here. Any additions, topics, whatever. You name it and I’ll consider it.

Thanks for reading and have a great Labor Day weekend.

Lola: I took a shot and hit the target

Background: Lola is another one of my Match dates. She didn’t send me any messages or winks, but she liked a few of my photos. So I checked out her profile, liked what I read and saw, and decided I’d just send her a note thanking her for admiring my photos and just made some small talk. She responded, and we started talking from there.

She was ending her time on Match after only about 2 months because she was having to block too many guys, hide her profile too often and was even thinking of changing her phone number because of all the creeps she’d been meeting online. This has been a broken record lately, talking with girls who are fed up with sites like Match because the guys are too creepy, inappropriate or over-aggressive.

We’d been emailing back and forth for a few days until her paid account expired, then she gave me her personal email and things were going very well. I took a little extra time before offering up texting and calling each other because I didn’t want to seem like I was just like all the other guys she was talking to. Even though I got a sense that she didn’t think of me that way, I still didn’t want to push my luck.

But I did NOT want to play myself into the FriendZone. So I offered up my phone number and things took off from there. No hesitation on her part to text me, or call me, so things were looking pretty solid.

So after a couple of weeks of talking/chatting, I finally had a free night coming up and we set up a date. She’s a hairdresser and has a unique schedule where she has alternating weekends off, and has Mondays and Tuesdays off. She usually doesn’t have Fridays off, so she took a vacation day so we could go out Friday night.

A little about Lola: She’s tall (5’11”) – which is a weakness of mine, attractive, in her low-40s (just a bit older than me), never been married and doesn’t have any kids of her own. But she’s very much a family person, loves kids and is very involved with her nieces and nephews. I haven’t asked about the “no kids” thing yet because that is kind of a sensitive issue. Maybe she can’t for some reason and I don’t want to broach that subject too soon, especially since having kids is not any sort of priority for either of us (her profile listed that she didn’t want kids but it was ok if her partner had kids).

I kicked around some new and different ideas for our first date. I thought about taking her to a baseball game just to do something a little non-traditional, otherwise we’d just do the typical dinner and dancing idea (since she mentioned she likes to dress up and guys don’t take her anywhere which requires her to dress up). So I came up with a very non-traditional choice, but wouldn’t tell her what it was, trying to keep things interesting. I let her know what she should wear (casual clothes), but that’s really all I would let on.

The Date: Based on where we were going and our time constraints because I had to drop my son off at his friend’s house, she agreed to drive to me because it would take about 2 hours for me to drive out to get her and come all the way back. Thanks to rush-hour traffic, it took quite a bit longer for her to get to my house than originally planned, but it wasn’t a big deal.

I was so relieved when she finally got out of her car that she looked like her pictures and like she described herself. She was tall, slender and very cute. We were already leaving many of my previous dates in the dust at this point, and we’d barely said “Hello” yet.

We chatted as I drove to our initial date location, but I still didn’t tell her where we were going. As I turned down the street to our destination, I asked her if she had ever fired a gun before. She replied with much more excitement than I expected, “Is that where we’re going?” When I responded affirmatively, she was so excited.

At this point, I figured the rest of the night would go smooth, because I thought this was the “make or break” moment. Either she would hate the idea and the date would suck, or she would love it and the date would go great. Thank goodness it was the latter. I had also read in numerous places that taking a date to a gun range can really get the endorphins flowing.

It worked like a charm. I gave her some instructions on how to hold, aim and fire a handgun. Of course this meant plenty of opportunities to get close and touch her. That really seemed to break the ice so much faster. And we had to get real close to talk to each either, too, since it was so loud inside the range.

I could see the surge rushing through her after she fired off her first shot. I let her fire about 75% of the shots, since I’ve fired countless numbers of rounds in all of my years in the military. I would step in every once in a while to fire a few rounds when she needed a break because her hands and arms were getting tired. I helped with more instruction, gave her advice, and helped spot her shots so she knew where she was hitting the target. For a beginner, she was doing outstanding. She would generally hit the target within a 3-inch radius of where she was aiming and was keeping her shots in tight groups. That is something military and law enforcement practice hard at being able to achieve. She was a natural.

I expected to only be there about an hour, but almost 2 hours later, we decided to head to dinner even though she would’ve stayed longer to fire more since she was having so much fun. We even kept the targets so she could have them as souvenirs and take them home. I even took pictures and video of her so she could have them all to show her friends and family. She really appreciated that and couldn’t wait to show the girls at her salon.

The next stop was a live music spot in my part of town that I had been wanting to check out for a while. It is supposed to be a jazz/blues club, but also has bands that play some rock as well. It is also billed as one of the top local barbecue joints in the area.

We got there after 9 p.m. and found a nice spot up near the front. The place was almost at capacity but there were a few open tables. We ordered a few beers and the barbecue sample combo. The food was outstanding, but still took second place to Lola.

We had such good, easy conversation while we ate and listened to a local 3-piece blues/rock band. We had lots of laughs and never ran out of anything to talk about. I found ways to talk mainly about her and her career, and stuff like that. I am not much about talking about myself. Time flew by. We even managed to find ways to continue to casually touch each other – always a very good sign on a date. The next thing we realized, it was about 11:30 p.m.

As we were getting ready to leave, I apologized for making our first date so loud so we basically had to yell at each other all night just to have a conversation. She laughed it off and we decided to go somewhere much more quiet to talk for a little bit longer. So we headed to my place for another beer or two and talk.

At my place, we cracked open a couple of beers and talked for a little while longer. I had a been a fairly good boy to this point in the night, and decided I need to make my intentions known and made my move for the kiss. After that, everything was glorious. It was great. We made out for a little while – kept our clothes on the whole time (in case you were wondering) – and then sometime after 1 a.m. I suggested it would probably be a good idea if she went home before things got into some dangerous area.

I walked her to her car, gave her directions how to get back to the highway (since I had to walk her in to my place earlier), and we kissed a bit more. As always, I made sure she let me know when she got home. About 2 a.m. she texted me she was home and we exchanged a few more messages before going to bed. Things were looking very promising.

Post date: Like I said, things are looking very promising. We’ve been talking all day and have even planned another “date” for Monday afternoon, since she doesn’t work and I don’t have class.  I want to make sure I see her again this week because next weekend I will be out of town for Labor Day weekend and won’t be able to see her for almost 2 weeks.

Now, I have to figure out what this means with the whole Krystal situation. She was constantly texting me last night during the date, but I was ignoring them because I think it’s rude to keep checking your phone on a date. I have to check to see who it is, in case it is an emergency or something with my son, but if it is someone else, I ignore it and don’t respond. And all that did was make it worse because I was ignoring her. Ugh.

Grade: A

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more!

The Experiment continues, we go swinging for the fences (pt. 2)

OK, just remember you all asked for the sequel to my last post. I really hope I can do this story justice.

I left off after we decided to get together this weekend for some fun, dancing, drinking, and other such shenanigans. Then this story took off like my typical driver shot off the tee at the golf course. I thought I crushed it and it looked pretty – straight, strong and true – then at the apex of its flight, you see the turn signal blinking right before it takes a sharp left hand turn into the rough or the water. Something that looked so promising ends up totally different from I expected. So with that…

I told you Krystal’s husband knew about me and was OK with me, because he has his girls on the side. They’re very open about things like that. So open about it, they are members of the local swingers club.

We were kicking around ideas about what we were going to do Saturday night; everything from a movie to going dancing and all sorts of options in between. But she couldn’t decide.

In the meantime, she’s telling me how she’s been talking to this guy who wants to swing with her and her husband (of course his wife is included in the deal). She doesn’t like this guy, doesn’t want to be with him, and he’s trying to convince them to go to the swingers club Saturday. She’s getting mad because apparently this guy is rather dominant over his wife (and rather abusive as well) and she’s really not digging how he’s talking to her or his wife. So she is totally set against going to the club with them this weekend, or anytime.

Finally, it’s Saturday afternoon and we still haven’t decided on what to do. She is planning on meeting me at my house about 7 p.m. and we’ll figure something out from there. Right at 7 p.m. I get the phone call, “How would you like to go with us to the swingers club?”

My first reaction is to freak out a bit. Not because it’s a swingers club, because I’ve been to a couple in my day – not what you think, it’s a whole different story, if you really want to know, I’ll tell you offline – but because it’s our first real date, I haven’t personally met her husband yet and even though she says he’s cool with me, I’m going to show up at the swingers club and all that entails and expect everything to be cool? Not so sure. But I play it cool and say I’d meet them there.

She sends me the instructions on how to get there. And trust me when I say this place is a nondescript old warehouse out on the edge of town practically in the middle of nowhere. It’s at the end of a long dirt road that winds through the trees with no lights until you round the corner and see the yellow lights of the parking lot. I seriously was waiting to hear dueling banjos playing on the wind.

Krystal said it was a t-shirt and jeans type of place. I was a little more dressed up than that because the other similar clubs I’ve been to were more fancy types of places – suit or sport coat. When I got there, she was right. Jeans everywhere, and coolers. I had not idea this was a BYOB establishment. OK, my expectations were being shattered left and right.

I met them at the front door. It was Krystal and her husband Ken, and Ken’s co-worker Aaron and his wife Jennifer. This was Aaron and Jennifer’s first time at a club like this. Ken is a bit taller than me and a little bigger. He’s an amateur MMA fighter when he’s not working construction. Aaron is kind of  an average looking Joe – not fat, but not fit either, but his wife Jennifer was hot – way hotter than you would expect to be with him.

I hit it off with everybody right away. I’m just easy like that. Ken was really cool about it all and showed us around the club. We took a booth right off the dance floor, and then he showed us the lounges and the private rooms (do I need to explain what these are for?). So we sat down in the main room at our booth and broke out the drinks. I stuck to the rum & cokes, the other guys had beer, the girls started off with grapefruit & vodka (oh my, talk about gross), but they soon switched to the rum & cokes.

Let me paint a picture for you. It is corset night. Most of the women are wearing some sort of corset or bustier. The average age in this room is easily 40 if not higher. It is definitely an older crowd, most of them in their 50s to 60s. Some women were classy about their attire, while others sported the more risqué “convertible corset” which let the boobs hang out exposed to the world. Others were wearing nearly nothing, and what was there was hanging on for dear life with fishing line, tape or magic. While the guys were in jeans, and regular shirts, nothing fancy or dressy. I might have been the best dressed guy there.

We had a great time. Ken and I were talking like two guys hanging out at a football game together. Aaron was included too, but he was a little distracted worrying about the other guys “vulturing” his wife. His wife was hot, did I mention that? She was clearly in the top 5% of women there. Then again she was only 28, quite possibly the youngest one there.

Most of the night, Ken was the 5th wheel. Krystal was all over me, which became easier to handle as the night went on, and Aaron and Jennifer were hanging onto each other for dear life. Finally Ken’s girl showed up. This isn’t his normal, regular girlfriend. This is another girl he’s been hanging around with recently. Krystal is not a big fan of hers – because she’s cute with a small body and she sees her as competition. It was apparent. So much so, that Krystal hooked him up with the wife I mentioned earlier who was married to the real dominating guy (but he didn’t show up at the club that night). And when I say hooked up, yes I mean they went to one of the rooms and got it on. This girl was NOT attractive at all. By my standards, maybe a 4. I won’t get into details, but I would never hook up with her.

So Krystal thinks things are good, girl # 2 (Sarah) is apparently out of the picture, or so she thought. The night is winding down, the girls have been dancing together, and us guys were just sitting around talking about girls (other ones that were there, too) and drinking and having a merry old time. A little while later, we’re all sitting in the booth, and Krystal slides a condom into my pocket and says for me to follow her.

We make our way to a back room and she puts me down on the couch before shutting and locking the door. Things progress pretty quickly – as you can imagine they have to with other people waiting. But you really don’t want to get completely naked in a place like that because you have no idea what went on in that room right before you. Things were going real good – I mean real good. But then she heard some people talking loudly outside the door and we both heard someone mention Krystal’s name and saying something about hurrying it up. So we decided to wrap things up at that point, but by no means were either of us “finished” but we had been in there a while.

Once we got dressed and opened the door, there standing right in the doorway was Ken and Sarah (girl #2). Let’s just say that didn’t go over very well with Krystal. I tried to defuse the situation, with a light “you two kids have fun” comment. We went back to our booth and waited for a while. We danced and talked. But then she pulled Jennifer aside and they talked for a while, then she finally decided to go stop Ken and Sarah in the room. But they were done by the time she got back there. Cutting to the end, it was a source of contention between them (Ken and Krystal) for the rest of the night that he still ended up hooking up with Sarah. I spent most of the night hanging out with Aaron and Jennifer, even coaxing Jennifer out the dance floor a few times. You thought I was going to say I coaxed her into a back room, didn’t you? I thought about it. Ha!

Overall, the night ended well. Ken was still real cool with me, we all went our separate ways, and the next day I talked to her like everything was cool. She still wants to see me more. Can you blame her? I’m irresistible. And Ken is still cool with me. Apparently I get brought up in conversations at home and he asks when I’m hanging out them next. That part is still real hard for me to get used to. I’ve been the “other guy” before, but the main guy never knew about me, and sometimes I didn’t even know about him. This is way different.

There is so much more I could tell here, but this is already my longest post by far. If you want to know more, just ask me, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know (except real life names and places). And as my luck would have it, no sooner do I go out with her, and my Match and other profiles started blowing up on Sunday. Go figure. It’s just my luck.

Stay tuned for more. Thanks for reading.

NSA, FWB, NSFW, This is gonna be interesting (pt 1)

OK, just remember, you asked!

I told you earlier this week that we were taking this dating thing in a whole new different direction. Well, it doesn’t get much “different” than this. OK, I’m sure it could, but I like to keep things reasonable.

As I was debating how dating would change once my son returned home and school started, I kind of did a mental checklist of what my options were. I don’t have the standard every-other-weekend visitation schedule with my ex-wife, my son is with me about 90% of the time, I don’t have ready babysitting options (i.e. family or friends) nearby who could watch him, I have an unpredictable schedule of availability, and I don’t like mixing my children and dates too soon, especially not having them spend the night with my son here. That has made traditional dating pretty tough so far. My largest chunk of free time is during the weekdays when my son is at school because I have a few days free when I am not taking classes myself.

Kicking these things around, an ex of mine joked around that I should “whore (my)self out to the older housewives” in our area, which is rather affluent, as a way to meet my “needs”, make some money and please some local housewives. As interesting as that sounds, I don’t feel like going to jail – ever. So that’s out. Sorry to disappoint all of you that thought that was my big news.

Although my inner Deuce Bigelow was disappointed, it got me to thinking. Maybe there was something, more legal, I could do to address my “dating” needs that would fit my criteria. And let’s be honest, the chances of me meeting, dating and nurturing that special kind of woman on my schedule is about as likely as a teenager working at McDonalds affording the payments on a 2013 Chevy Corvette convertible.

So accepting that, yet not resigning myself to a life of solitude and abstinence, I thought, “where can you find older women, who have time during the day, that are just looking to have fun and not get serious?” Hello, Ashley Madison!

I’m not going to give a full-fledged review of Ashley Madison, yet. I can do that at another time. But it is a little expensive to get access to paid member services. It is pointless to really try any sort of “dating” site for free. So I did the minimum just to give it a try. And so far, in one week I’ve had as much, if not more, success than I did with eHarmony in 6 months.

A girl contacted me early on – OK, lots of girls contacted me initially, but this was the only real, legitimate girl – and we started talking. Things started off real well. She’s a stay-at-home mom that works as an in-home nurse during the week, which means she makes her own hours and schedule. She has an open relationship with her husband who has a regular girlfriend, plus others on the side, and she just wants somebody to have fun with. A FWB (friends with benefits) relationship where she can have fun, but isn’t looking for a man to replace her husband. It’s also a NSA (no, not THAT NSA, a no strings attached) arrangement, which means I would be open to explore other options with other women if the opportunities arise. Like I said earlier, knowing my luck, this is when that Real Special Lady will show herself. Go figure. So stay tuned for that mess.

So Krystal decided to meet me for coffee this afternoon. When we got together, she was cute dressed up in her scrubs, as she was in between seeing patients, and very nervous. It took a while to get her comfortable, normally I’m the shy, nervous one. We talked about her relationship with her husband, his girlfriends, how bored she is at home, and that she had already told him about me. That was a little awkward, but I took it in stride. She generally has a constant “boyfriend” on the side, just as her husband has his steady girlfriend.  So it’s not like this is anything new to them.

Things went really well. It was so much more fun without all the normal pressures you feel during a regular date. OK, that’s just coming from a guy’s perspective. I can only imagine what pressures girls deal with on first dates, so I can only guess. We also agreed to see each other again and go out tomorrow night.

Let’s just say things get a lot more weird and interesting from there. But we will include that when I update you all on that date later. I have to save something interesting to keep coming back for more.

Until then … Thank you for reading and stay tuned for all of the fun (or at least I hope it’s fun).

Has it come to this? A drastic shift in the gameplan

As I already stated, the dating game landscape is going to change this weekend with the return of my son from his Summer vacation. So I started game-planning how dating was going to work once the school year started.

Well, after much consideration and debate, along with the help of some additional advice, I have made a rather drastic change in my dating approach. Look for the upcoming post this weekend with the initial results. This new approach seems to fit my schedule, dating and personal needs much better than the traditional way.

HOWEVER, my bet is as soon as I venture down this road, the girl of my dreams will make her presence known. That’s just the way my luck works. Once I give up on something or commit to an alternate option, that’s when my first choice becomes available. My luck is horrible sometimes. But the good news is, if that does happen, I will have the option to change courses again back to the traditional track.

I guess we will find out shortly. Stay tuned, it should be interesting.

Beatrice: Cute Southern drawl, but wasn’t what I ordered (Rewind)

Background: Beatrice was one of my first real communications on eHarmony. There had been Smiles (eHarmony’s version of the Wink) exchanged with other members and I had managed to make it through some levels of the 5-step gauntlet eHarmony uses before you get to actually emailing each other. But Beatrice was the first (I think) that managed to make it through the gauntlet and we actually started exchanging emails. From there we followed the script of exchanging numbers, texting and then started talking on the phone.

We found lots of things to talk about and the connection developing (via email, text and phone calls) was getting better with each passing day. And once we started talking on the phone, that’s all I wanted to do because she had the sexiest Southern drawl that I just ate up.

She was also absolutely adorable (from what I saw from her pictures). Cute as a button would have been a term I would’ve used. She had amazing blue eyes, full lips and the most gorgeous head of naturally curly bright blonde hair. She was a professional chef who worked from home quite a bit, which was interesting. We were always talking about food and cooking. Things were definitely looking up!

We tried for a few days to get together for a date before finally settling for an evening date on a night when I just got back into town from a work trip.

The Date: We decided to do the classic dinner and movie thing, except this time we were going to one of the theaters which serves food at the movies. Since she was coming from another town just to the South of me, and would pass right by my house on the way to the theater anyway, we decided she would just stop at my house and park her car and we would drive together. But on the way she texted me, with what seemed like an innocent enough message, but should have been something I really needed to take to heart. She texted me that she “felt bloated, and like a whale.”

That all became too clear when she showed up at my door. She was clearly at least, at LEAST, 25 pounds heavier than any of the pictures in her profile. Sorry, but that’s not bloated. “Bloated” does not affect your legs, face or arms. As I’ve stated before, one thing I really can’t stand is when people “lie” by posting inaccurate pictures of themselves on their profiles. After the date, I looked back at her profile and there was nothing to even remotely indicate she was heavy. Nothing! 

But, given how good our connection and conversations had been to this point, I was willing to overlook her size because she was still rather cute – but not what was I was expecting. I hadn’t totally shut down the date mentally yet. I was going to give it a chance.

On the way to the theater, and when we first arrived at the theater, the conversation was good and we were both laughing and having a good time. We even had a good chuckle when I pointed out to her that one picture she had posted on her profile showed a little bit of areola around her nipple. She didn’t believe me, so I had to show her. It was pretty funny. We got to the theater early enough that we decided to eat dinner out in the bar area outside the theaters. But that’s where things really turned south.

For some unknown reason, she kept giving our server a hard time. She would make rude comments if the server didn’t answer her questions as she was expecting, or if she thought she was taking too long, or for any number of reasons. I finally got to the point where I asked if she was OK and what that was all about. She tried to explain that she thought the service was bad, but there was nothing worth commenting on, as far as I was concerned. I thought everything was just fine.

That is what stuck under my skin for the rest of the night – how rude she was to people. She made a few other comments to other people that I thought were very unjustified, unnecessary and rude.

During the movie, we didn’t cuddle or hold hands or anything like I had originally hoped. And after the movie we had some basic conversation about the movie on the way back to my place. Once back to my place, we talked for a few minutes and even exchanged a goodnight kiss. The bittersweet part, was that the kiss was actually pretty good, but I was just too turned off at that point to let it be any sort of deciding factor as to whether I wanted to pursue anything with her.

Post date: We continued to talk for a few days after that, but I just couldn’t get the rudeness out of my head, on top of the fact that I was still a bit irked that she misled me about her photos. She knew she was doing it, otherwise why would she make the “bloated” comment right before I was to see her for the first time in person. So we never did get to a second date. But I learned a harsh reality about online dating – some people are dishonest on their profiles because they don’t think people might be interested in them otherwise. I can’t say whether or not I would’ve gone out with her if she would have posted honest pictures of herself, but being dishonest about it doesn’t make me the bad person because she was a little heavier than she let on.

In part because of this date, and a few others (including Daphne), I have come up with a little online dating theory; find the worst picture someone has posted on their profile, and that will most likely be the best representation of what they look like in person. I work with Photoshop every day at work, so I can tell when pictures are touched up, and I’ve seen a whole bunch of altered pictures on dating sites. It’s kind of disheartening.

Grade: C

Side bar: This was the only date I managed to get from eHarmony in the six months I was a paying member. I had maybe a handful of serious conversations, a couple dozen solid interactions. I am not counting every smile I received, only the ones that were reciprocated. So I wasn’t that impressed with it, especially considering the price versus Match, which is probably still my favorite and Chemistry.