Staci Update: A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

No, I’m not going to break into Bon Jovi. But yes, that was a direct reference to the song.

To say this weekend was a rollercoaster with Staci, is putting it mildly. There’s a lot to cover, but I’ll try to be succinct here.

This past weekend was her big concert weekend, except for Sunday, which fell through leaving Sunday open for me. But the concert portion brought a little more drama than I would have originally expected. First there was the matter of running into both her her ex-husband and ex-boyfriend (most recent). Then culminating in her getting escorted out of the concert for getting into an altercation with a drunk bee-hotch. I’ll spare the details, only to say she didn’t actually hit or fight anyone, but I was very impressed and our new running joke is how aroused I am with my newly discovered badass girlfriend.

Sunday started great. We went shopping, for her this time. I ended up buying her a coat she was dying to have and she spent a good amount on new earrings. We had a nice lunch at my favorite mongolian barbecue place, then went to see the new Mission Impossible movie.

After the movie, we went back to her house and cracked open the strawberry-vodka watermelon I made last week for our get-together that was cancelled. Her roommate joined us and we talked for a few hours. Then finally we started to get hungry so I made us the kabobs I also made for our previous get-together.

Everything was going great. She was kissing me, touching me, holding my hand, and everything else was as normal as could be. She seemed very impressed with my cooking abilities. Well, she actually did say it was impressive having a man who knows his way around the kitchen.

Then she asked me if I wanted to go sit outside with her. Of course I said, yes. But that’s when it all turned on a dime.

She said she had a confession to make. That is NEVER a good way to start a conversation. Long story short; she said she was conflicted. Seeing her ex-boyfriend really stirred things up because apparently he really broke her heart when they broke up, and she still apparently isn’t completely over it – the heartache, not him. She even said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be exclusive with me.

I was stoic for a very long time. Deadpan and silent. But I was still holding and caressing her hand. My silence and expression was really bothering her. She said exactly that. She wanted to know what was going through my mind. I couldn’t break down just one thought, there were millions of things racing through my head.

Finally, I said I wanted to know what this meant “for us.” And I also said I could handle taking things slow. I understood her wanting to make sure “this” was real and that I was for real before jumping to deep into the pool. I told her I was willing to do just about anything to make sure she was comfortable and happy because I thought she was worth it. But I made sure there was one thing I could not, and would not do. That was (me) being in an exclusive relationship with her, if she wasn’t in an exclusive relationship with me and was going to see other guys.

I also explained a few things about how I feel about her, and how I appreciate what she’s done for me so far. Those compliments seemed to be a turning point. But I went back to being stoic. And that really got under her skin. She asked how I was feeling, she wanted to know if I was mad at her. I said I was hurt, confused, irritated, disappointed, and more but I wasn’t mad.

It seems she was clearly conflicted. She was still hurting from before and didn’t want to get hurt again. But she also liked “Us” and where we were. She had to make the decision to stick this out with me, or make a decision to protect herself but possibly miss out on something she really liked. Me pointing this out to her also seemed to ease things for her. I said she can’t live like that. If you’re in a relationship and fearful of getting hurt, you’ll never fully be happy in or enjoy the relationship. Relationship end, that’s what they do. No matter how long you’re together, someone always gets hurt in the end. It’s the risk for the reward of a great relationship.

I also asked again about “us.” That’s when she said she wasn’t going anywhere. Shortly after that, things really started to lighten up. She was back to putting her head on my shoulder, and laughing and kissing me. By the time it was time for me to go (at 1 a.m.) things seemed almost back to normal. But as we were saying our goodbyes, she asked if I was OK. I said, to be honest, I was pretty nervous – about us. She again reassured me that she wasn’t going anywhere, and just asked for me to be patient with her.

All the way through the next day, things seemed back to normal. She called me when she got home from work and we talked for a while. She said she was going to bed early because she was so exhausted from all the concerts and long nights. She called me again around 9 p.m. as she was getting into bed. We made plans to get together tonight, just a casual night of just hanging out together at her house. I said goodnight and told her to turn off her phone to avoid distractions and go to bed.

About 20 minutes later, she texts me. We have a lengthy conversation just playing around about her being distracted. I told her I’d have to come over to eliminate all the other distractions so she could go to bed. Then she said I was the main distraction, which is totally a compliment. It went on until I finally said “What am I going to do with you?”

To say I wasn’t being playful, trying to draw her into a flirting conversation, would only be a half-truth. I was hoping she’d take the bait, and she did. She asked what I would do with her? I asked her to be more specific about a situation. She said she wanted to know what I would do with her when I finally got her clothes off. That led to a very good, lengthy sexting conversation, which culminated in both of us saying numerous times that it would be totally worth the wait. There was no vulgarity or specific detailed acts described. It was very generalized but we both knew what the other meant.

She made sure I knew how flushed, and hot and bothered she was. She also wanted to make sure I knew that she was definitely going to make it worth my wait.

Finally, we shut things down and she went to bed. Still early, but not as early as she had planned.

Then at 5 a.m. I got a text from her saying that she wanted to wrap herself around me, and that she was still worked up from the previous night. And then she told me she had the Ariana Grande song “Love Me Harder” stuck in her head.

So, again, it appears that a small, rough, bump in the road, forcing us to get things out in the open, has actually improved the overall status of the relationship. Things seem more secure than they have been, despite that conversation.

Though I am heading over to her place tonight for a nice relaxing evening together, I am in NO way expecting anything sexual to happen tonight, My money is actually on her saying something about our conversations not leading to anything happening, to clarify her position. If something sexual does happen, and tonight is the night, I will be more than pleasantly surprised. But again, I’m not expecting anything to happen tonight – possibly Saturday night when we get together again – but I won’t turn anything down.

If you have any comments or questions, please leave them below. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Hot and Heavy but not quite a Home Run yet

Time is quickly running out on my Summer Vacation. My son returns in just under two weeks, which is going to put a serious halt to my spontaneity, as well as my ability to see Staci on a regular basis. We’ve had several discussions about it, it almost seems like a daily thing, because it is really log-jammed in my brain.

I guess it’s mainly just my insecurity creeping through,  but my concern is that she’ll realize it’s not worth it to try and maintain a relationship with me while having to deal with my ridiculous schedule. She insists it won’t be a problem, and when I look at it logically, I’m sure she’s right. We really only see each other once, maybe twice per week as it is – and that’s with me having my open schedule right now. Between spending time with her family (her father, brother and sister all live in the area) and friends, as well as giving her time to do what she needs to do around the house, it’s not like we’ve been seeing each other every day or anything.

The only problem is that once my son returns, we will have to be more deliberate and schedule time together. But again, that’s not a huge change from what we do already. The big change will be on my end having to find someone to watch my son on our date nights. Especially since it is still going to be a while before we start incorporating Staci into events with my son, we will have to set up specific date nights and I’ll have to set up a regular babysitter for that time.

The issue with that is me getting over my guilt. I have a tendency to feel guilty doing things, buying things or taking time for myself. I know I need to take time for myself – all the post-divorce books say so, my friends and family say so, and even Staci says so. I just need to work on it myself.

On with the update …

Things have been going really good. Since last I updated you (when she tried to get me to hang out with her friend), we went to the concert she really wanted to see, last week. Since it was such a big deal for her, I did a little extra work and spent a little extra money to make sure we had excellent seats (within the first ten rows). It was a great night, and she was all over me all night,

I very much like the fact that she is not hesitant about showing her affection for me in public; holding hands, arms around each other, holding each other, and kissing each other – not just pecks, but serious kisses. She initiates it just as much as I do, which is even better.

The next “small leap for man, one giant leap for me” came this weekend. Staci wanted to take me shopping to refresh my wardrobe. My closet definitely needs an update, but I’m a guy, I hate shopping for clothes. To me, if it fits and is comfortable, I don’t see a reason to change.

She said I “already look hot, but would look super hot” with some newer clothes. So I gave her a few hundred dollars and told her to go nuts. We spent about 4+ hours shopping. Though I hate shopping, it was a fun spending that much time with her, and to say there was a lot of flirting is an understatement. She was always wanting me to turn around so she could see my butt in jeans and shorts. She said she really wanted to see me in some specific clothes, and I said I wanted to try on the clothes that she wanted to see me out of. That’s when she rebutted with “Doesn’t that mean the same thing?” And watching her face when I try certain things on was very rewarding and encouraging.

She even joked (how much was joking and how much might be serious is up for debate) that after this (meaning shopping for new clothes) that I would drop her like a bad habit because I would have more/better options available to me now that I would look better going out. Ya, I don’t see that happening. But it was sweet to say.

The only time we disagreed on a purchase was when she wanted to me to get a pair of rather plain khaki shorts. I thought they looked a little simple, and made me look like an old golfer. She loved them on me and insisted and insisted that I get them. So ultimately I said what mattered most what was what she thought about it, not what I thought. If she liked it that much, and it registered on the “Hot and Bothered” meter (which was referenced numerous times during the day – by her), then I might as well get them and wear them sometime when we’re together. I won’t wear them any other time. But I compromised. Ha!

After a long day of shopping, we went back to her house to get ready to go out to dinner with Jack and Amy. I showered while she picked out clothes for me to wear. No, she didn’t pick out the khaki shorts. Once I was ready, and waiting for her, I crashed on her bed for a while because I was exhausted. When she was ready to go, she came out, and instead of sitting on the bed next to me – as I fully expected – she got on top of me straddling & kissing me. Nothing serious happened, except for a few minutes of kissing, before we had to head to the restaurant.

We met Jack and Amy at a Mexican restaurant. Not the best I’ve been to, but it was OK. I mainly drank my dinner anyway, having several fruit-infused margaritas. After dinner, we went to a nearby bar for a few drinks before heading back to Staci’s house.

That is when things got serious. Once we started going, it got very hot and heavy. To the point where she said she was very forward, aggressively saying things like she wanted me to stick my tongue in her mouth (not that wasn’t happening already), to use my tongue on her more, and at one point she grabbed the waist of my shorts with both hands like she was about to undo them saying “I want these off of you.” But shortly after that, when I suggested heading upstairs (to her bedroom), she backed away and stopped saying she wasn’t ready for that, yet. That break happened about halfway through the entire session together, and we continued on for quite a while after that, just not pushing it further, though she was still pressing and rubbing her hip or upper thigh up against my crotch so she could “feel me”.

I am not sure what is exactly going on with her “not being ready, yet” but I am also not pressing the issue. Clearly all the major signs are there, but whatever that final obstacle is – I don’t know. I’m not sure if she’s just scared because it’s been so long since her last time, she’s just insecure about her body, she wants to make sure I’m in it for the long haul and just not in it for the sex, or if she’s waiting for some sort of “I love you” moment where she’s certain she feels that way about me and/or I feel that way about her. I don’t know, maybe it’s something else altogether. I don’t want to get pessimistic here, but I’ve seen instances where a cheating woman – married or in a relationship – will back off just short of sex, because to her that would be cheating. Not the seeing, kissing and making out with other men – clearly. I don’t think that’s the case here, but that’s the dark, pessimistic side creeping through.

Honestly, I’m really hoping it gets resolved within the next week or so, because I really don’t want to have this still up in the air and unresolved when my son is here. But again, if it doesn’t, it won’t be a deal-breaker or anything.

Even the time in between seeing each other is getting much better. She’s calling more, texting more without me texting first, opening up a lot more when she talks/texts. Even this morning she called right as I was getting up because she wanted to talk to me as she was driving into work. She’s also interested in a lot of other aspects of my life, offering suggestions and encouragement, and making sure I follow through on things. I can’t say I’ve had someone looking after me like that in any relationship I’ve been in over the last 10-15 years.

But it still has it’s moments where I wonder if she’s really interested or not. But again, that could just be the pessimism of relationships past creeping in. I could probably write a whole post on all the negative, pessimistic thoughts I get every once in a while. If you want to hear the dark side, let me know.

Well, that should be enough for today. Not that I put a cap on length, but we’ve crossed the 1500-word mark. I’ll definitely post more, don’t worry. And as always, thanks for reading!