Ariel: Another relationship supernova

Last I updated you all, Ariel wasn’t feeling well on Super Bowl Sunday. Well, she officially cancelled because she just never got around to feeling well enough and didn’t want me to see her running back and forth to the bathroom all night.

Since then, things have been on a steady, consistent decline. Hearing less and less from her each day. Ultimately leading to this morning, when she said she’s spent a lot of time thinking this week and is going to call me tonight (Thursday) so we can talk.

That’s never good.

We had talked on the phone on Monday. She shut down her Facebook and Match accounts. She said she wanted to unplug and disconnect. She assured me it wasn’t to disconnect or distance herself from me. But over the week, it was clear she was drifting away from me. She would never ask about me, never follow-up about things I told her about, and her answers got shorter and shorter. Finally yesterday, I had only received five texts from her all day. Five. That’s it. All day.

She said the reason was so she could focus on painting this mural she had been wanting to work on. She had apparently found her inspiration and wanted to focus on working on that. I totally understood that and was fully supportive.

She’s a great painter. Everything I’ve seen her paint is just beautiful. So of course I wanted to encourage her and be supportive in any way I could. Even if that meant giving her a little space and understand when I don’t hear from her as much. She sent me a picture updating her progress, and it was looking great. I made every effort to not bother her when I knew she was working on it and never questioned, commented or complained about the lack of communication between us. But I would send occasional text every few hours just asking how things were going and how she was doing.

However, one major piece of the conversation – that she tried to downplay – seems to be at the root of all of this. She mentioned her ex-boyfriend reached out to her and she was removing him from her life because. It was a long distance relationship and he treated her terribly. Sounds eerily similar to Staci and her ex-boyfriend drama. But I tried not to let it bother me too much, and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

I just don’t see how things got her from Friday. Nothing (negative) happened between us. No disagreements. No conflict. No drama. Nothing.

She waited until late in the evening to call so she could have the excuse that she needed to go to bed to serve as her backstop.

Basically, it was all about the ex-boyfriend. She needs to take time to figure out what is going on with him and doesn’t think it would be fair to lead me on and drag things out while she figured things out. So our plans for Saturday are cancelled and I don’t know if I will ever hear from her again.

And don’t think – for a second – I was just accepting about all of this and let her off the hook easy. I got my points across. Like, after all she told me about him and how her friends and family don’t like this guy, why would she go back to him; she knew my profile said not to contact me if you’re not over your ex, because I didn’t want to go through this again like I did with Staci; and how I don’t understand how things could go from so very good to over so quickly. None of it makes any sense. But it is what it is and there’s nothing I can do about it.

She insists that she isn’t trying to get back together with him, just wants to figure things out and needs time to do that. She also says that once things get ironed out, assuming she doesn’t get back together with him, that she would reach out to me to possibly see about getting back together. I’m definitely not holding my breath. As you’ll soon see.

So, I guess it’s time to close another chapter and open a new one.

Please stay tuned. I’ve got a pretty good story brewing for you all that I’ll post after this weekend.

And as always, thanks for reading!

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First Five: First Contact

** As I began formulating these, I wondered from which angle I should approach them; speaking to men, women or both; online, in person or both. So I guess I’ll try to tackle it from both perspectives as best I can. Considering most of my readers are female and my experiences are generally online, that will probably be the focus most of the time. If you have any questions or suggestions, please let me know. **

First Contact is that initial communication you use to reach out and elicit a response from someone you are interested in meeting.

It used to be that opening line (a.k.a. pick-up line) you would use to try to strike up a conversation with someone at a bar, dance club, laundromat, grocery store or wherever you met potential partners.

You’d see someone who physically got your attention, fueling that desire to want to meet them. Experienced pick-up artists would always have a good opening line that would spark a woman’s interest, while so many others would use some cheesy pick-up line, comment on her eyes or smile, only just say “Hi” hoping she would just open up to him, or heaven forbid some would even be crude or just mean (thinking any type of conversation would lead to an opportunity to build rapport with her.

Not much has changed in the online world.

So many of the same mistakes are being made by guys on Match, eHarmony, PlentyofFish, Tinder, Zoosk, FarmersOnly, you name it. I have lots of women (whether exes, past dates, or just friends) sharing their experiences with me, and guys don’t seem to have changed much. Some think that a simple “Hi” will open the gates to Heaven, while others fall back to the standard comments about eyes or smiles, some still try cheesy lines like “Did it hurt falling from Heaven?”, or worse yet, are perverted, crash or vulgar.

And I have to compete with these idiots on a daily basis! No wonder it is so hard to break through with a woman when she’s bombarded with these kinds of guys every time she opens up her dating site.

Look, let’s be honest here, there are a lot more men online looking for women than the other way around. Dating sites all “report” the ratio is anywhere from 60/40 to 50/50. But once you remove the fake, spam, and illegitimate profiles, the true statistics report that women are outnumbered anywhere from 10-1 to 100-1 depending on the site and metrics (age range, population size, etc).

And yes, dating sites intentionally publish fake female sites in order to even out the numbers to keep the men around. Otherwise the men would see how truly imbalanced it is and just not even bother wasting their money. Hence the fake and spam profiles which pollute the dating pool. It’s something women really don’t have to deal with.

OK, let’s get back on track.

Here are a few DO’s and DON’T’s when reaching out to the potential Mrs. Joe Singleguy.

DON’T:

  • Just say “Hi” or “Hey”. The ladies don’t like that and won’t respond to it. Trust me.
  • Comment on her smile or eyes in the first message. And please, I beg you, don’t use a line like “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” or even worse “Wow! I would love to motorboat those.” These are all verified comments made to women I know. So …
  • Use a cheesy pick-up line like “Someone had better call the cops because you just stole my heart.”
  • Try to infer her real name from her profile name. Even if you think you know it, don’t try. Women find that annoying. Let her tell you on her terms.
  • Comment on her kids if they are in her pictures. Do you want to advertise that you have a Blue Dot over your house? Now, she shouldn’t really have pictures of her kids on there anyway, but stay away from commenting on them just yet.

Now for a few things to actually DO:

  • Actually read her profile! I can’t stress how important this is. You’d be surprised how many guys just peruse the pictures and have no idea what’s in her profile. It’s a dating site not Playboy.
  • Pick something from her profile that really intrigued you and comment or ask her about that.
  • Take it a step further and pick something from near the end of her profile to comment or ask about to show you actually read her profile completely.
  • Be witty (if you can, I understand some guys think they’re funny but really aren’t). Try to work something about her profile into a witty comment that will make her chuckle. Believe it or else, women really do want a guy to make them laugh. That is the biggest hook for most women, and thank goodness I’m funny.
  • Keep it short! Don’t write a book the first time. Pick out one or two things (max) to comment on. You’re just trying to open the door here to get your foot in the door with her, not fit your moving truck with all your baggage in it. Maybe you’ll get that far if you’re lucky. But not this time.
  • Try to avoid saying “If you like my profile maybe we can talk sometime.” Grow some balls, show some confidence and say “I look forward to hearing from you soon.” What do you have to lose? Nothing. This is ground Zero. If you think you’re embarrassing yourself with her, who cares. Better than showing her you’re a sniveling weakling begging for her attention. Act like you deserve her attention.

Following these steps won’t guarantee she’ll respond but it definitely will increase your chances and set you apart from all of the “other guys” out there.

And if all goes well and she does respond, then start peeling back the onion of your life. Take it easy and follow her lead.  Don’t ask too many deeply personal questions right away. Don’t ask for her kids’ names and stuff like that. She’ll share that stuff when she’s ready.

And whatever you do, don’t – and I repeat DO NOT – send her inappropriate pictures of your “junk”, and definitely DO NOT ask her to send you inappropriate pictures of her. Don’t be a classless douche.

There is so much more to cover between here and getting to the First Date. But we can’t cover that all here. But if you have questions, feel free to ask. I’m more than happy to help.

In the next installment, I’ll talk about the First Date. I’ll briefly discuss getting the First Date, but mainly focus on the DO’s and DON’Ts of what to do on the first date (if you really are interested in a relationship).

So please check back for more, or you can click the “Follow” button on the right to subscribe to the blog, or follow me on Twitter to get all of the latest updates and more.

And as always, Thank You for reading!

 

Ariel: I Made Her BFF Cry

For starters, I was going to wait until tomorrow to post an update on things with Ariel, but changes in circumstances have freed me up to write an update today.

She called a bit ago to tell me she’s sick – “throwing up sick”. However, she has not officially cancelled all of our plans, she just wants to see how she feels and sounds optimistic we’ll still see each other tonight. However, it remains to be seen how much of our plans remain in tact. We were originally going to watch “The Best of Me” (Nicholas Sparks, chick flick), I was going to make chicken flatbread pizzas (she doesn’t like red meat) and then watch the Super Bowl together.

So, on with the update.

This week was full of major dating milestones. I picked her up at her office for lunch earlier in the week. She invited me up to her office to meet her friends/co-workers. We even waited around for her cubemate to get back from lunch so I could especially meet her. That’s a pretty big step. Intentionally introducing me to friends and co-workers isn’t something you do with just some casual date. Sure, it happens when you might run into someone you know while you’re out on a date, but this was intentional. To top it off, the first thing she did once we stepped into her office was kiss me, a serious kiss not just a peck. That surprised me somewhat. After the last time I dropped her off at her office and she was a little concerned about showing too much PDA at the office, I never expected to kiss her there, I figured that would wait until we go to the car. So that was another pleasant surprise.

After we had lunch and she returned to her office, she was texting that all of her co-workers we all raving about me. Several of them even commented on how good I smelled – which was literally the first thing Ariel said when we first met. They asked what I wore because they wished their men smelled that good. I refused to share my secret and told her I didn’t want other guys walking around smelling like me, especially ones she knew. Playfully of course.

Ariel is not a very flirty, or complimentary. She doesn’t use pet names or anything like that, or even say “babe or baby”. That’s totally fine. Which is why when she does say things like she’s excited to see me the next time, or calls me wonderful, or whatever, it really resonates. She’s not like others who jump into things like “I love you” too early.

Things all week were very positive, nothing questionable. Conversations and texts were solid, fun and enjoyable. She even called me one night because she was working on the Match profile for her good friend’s 22-year-old son. OK, ya, I was like why is a 22-year-old on Match? Turns out he’s a little nerdy (plays video games and Magic the Gathering) and has never been kissed (or had sex obviously) at age 22. So he’s trying to find somebody. So she asked me for help and advice on putting his profile together. First thing, this kid’s expectations were out of whack. In his present state, he’s looking for a 20-something supermodel. OK, who isn’t? Dial down the expectations into the realistic zone there, son. I thought that was a positive sign, involving me in this thing she was doing.

Then Friday, we were going out with her best friend in the world, Darma. No pressure at all, right? She had plans for Saturday with all of her sisters and girlfriends coming over to her house, so Friday was my night.

We met up at this quaint little place they both like to frequent. We talked about everything from my son, my military background and even that I am a gun guy. Darma was just so enthralled, continuous saying that her fiance and I would get along so well. They were making plans for us all to go to their favorite winery together, among other plans for all of us – like date nights at the range.

At one point, Ariel dismissed herself to go to the bathroom. You know, the old “I’m leaving for the friend to ask the tough questions” routine. As soon as Ariel was out of ear-shot, Darma started in. They were all pretty tame and straightforward, I didn’t have any problems with answering them. We even discussed how my ex-wife and Ariel’s ex-husband are so similar, and how Darma “hates” her ex. The only question I struggled with was the question about my feelings for Ariel. I didn’t want to say too much, but wanted to definitely convey I was very interested in her. I was in the middle of trying to explain something when Ariel returned, so we stopped in the middle.

You see, the majority of people who know me (friends, family and colleagues) will refer to me frequently using such words as stoic, robot, emotionless, and intimidating because I don’t talk a lot and am very quiet. Now, I have no problem socializing, but I’m generally very quiet. I warned Ariel about this from day one. However, I haven’t shut up from the moment I met her. People also know I never smile. I always hear complaints about pictures because I will smirk, but never smile. But my face hurts after all the smiling I do around her. She just brings that out of me. I can’t explain it any better than that.

So a little while later, Ariel brought up my not talking and not smiling, playfully calling me a liar because she has no idea what I’m talking about because she’s never seen this side of me. I even warned her I’d probably be nervous and quiet around Darma. Again, I wasn’t. So I playfully jabbed back about airing all of my business out to her friend the first time she met me.

That’s when Darma asked me about me allegedly being quiet and not smiling. I told her I could provide a laundry list of people who could back up my story, especially my ex-wife (who to this day attacks me for never showing her much affection when we were together, but I didn’t tell her that part) who could easily confirm I’m an emotionless robot, and never smile.

Then she asked me to explain why I’m not that way now. As we discussed it, I basically repeated something to the effect of “I don’t know, I really can’t explain it” while subtly pointing at, or glancing at Ariel while I said, to suggest it has something to do with how I feel when I’m around her. I really wish I could recall exactly how the conversation went in order to properly convey it.

But when the conversation was over, she was in tears – good tears. We wrapped up dinner and went our separate ways. Darma gave me a big hug and said she was glad to meet me and we’ll all have to get together soon. I think I passed the BFF test.

After, we went to see “The Choice” (yes another Nicholas Sparks chick flick) and then back to her house. It had to be an early night because she had a major workout session early Saturday morning at the gym.

I was fully intending to just walk her to her door and head home, I didn’t want to try to push things when she made it clear she needed to go to bed early. But she invited me in for a while. We talked for a while and I checked out her paintings. She’s a painter, a very good one. I was really impressed.

But then we started kissing heavily. After a while, I suggested that I wasn’t going to leave, she was going to have to kick me out if she wanted me to go. We kissed more. Again, I said, look if I don’t leave soon, we’re going to be up very late and she wouldn’t be happy in the morning. We kissed even more. However, I was looking for any sort of sign for something more, but never got it. No suggestive touching, no leaning, angling or moving back toward the bedroom, and definitely no more overt gestures of grabbing my hand and leading me in that direction. As much as I wanted to drag her into the bedroom, I just couldn’t help but think it wasn’t the right time and definitely didn’t want to spoil things by moving too fast for her.

That brings us to today. Last night, she had her friends over and she was up past midnight drinking Crystal Light vodkas (dangerous) and eating pizza (regular pizza, not healthy pizza), which both seem to be the contributing factors to her feeling ill. I know it all too well. Once I started eating healthier, any fast food or junk food (especially KFC) made me feel totally ill.

And I don’t think she’s using it as an excuse not to see me. I know some people do that. But she at least called me to tell me and explain, so I could hear her voice as she told me. Not just texting it. She’s also called a few times to update me. She still talks as though she’s hoping to better so I can come over at some point. If she was just trying to use it as an excuse to cancel, she would’ve cancelled right away.

So hopefully today is not a total loss. I bought all the supplies for dinner tonight and a few other things, and would hate to see all of that go to waste. She definitely sounds like she feels genuinely bad for altering our plans. I’m not too upset, but I am definitely disappointed.

Our next scheduled time together is next Saturday, but I’m sure we’ll see each other at least once before then, probably for lunch during the week. And if she does cancel tonight, I get the feeling she’ll ask to make it up to me tomorrow night.

I’ll keep you posted. I guess it’s a good thing I posted today and didn’t wait until tomorrow. This was long enough.

And, as always, Thanks for reading!!

p.s. please follow along on Twitter as I will post some more causal updates along the way, instead of waiting for a big post update like this.

Introducing Ariel

To say that 2016 has started off poorly, is a grand understatement. January has been pretty much the worst month I can remember in a very long time. Not only the way it started with Zoey, but also many personal issues which you’re not interested in hearing here.

But things are hopefully starting to pick up.

I had been following through with my vow to not get back on Match until February, in order to avoid the Valentine’s Day new-relationship awkwardness. But last weekend I was updating my profile for when I decided to get back into the swing of the online dating game. You’d think I was new to this, because I didn’t realize that editing my profile made it “live” after months of having it hidden. I didn’t realize it until the flood of winks and notifications came in. Most of them completely bogus – thank you Match.

But there were a few “live ones” on there. So I decided to just give it a shot since my profile was public and ladies were checking it out.

That’s where Ariel came in. Her profile was very much what I was looking for. She’s tall enough (my perfect girl is about 5’8″-5’9″ because I’m 6’2″), active enough (she likes to run 5/10Ks and works out almost everyday), likes my kind of music, and even commented on looking good in a ballcap and formal dress. I once had a line almost exactly like that about wanting someone who looks good both in a ballcap and LBD.

So I messaged her. After about two days, we both decided to take the conversation off Match. I originally set up a date for us to get together this weekend (Saturday). But a friend of mine offered to watch my son on my birthday (Thursday) if I wanted to go out and do something for my birthday. So I asked Ariel if she was free and wanted to go out Thursday. She accepted.

A little about Ariel. She has one child, an 18 year old son who is a freshman in college, just like my oldest. She is only six months younger than me and works in the financial department of a very cool non-profit. And has the biggest, most intoxicating smile.

Ariel was mentioned numerous times that she felt very special that I chose to spend my birthday with her, and make that our first date. We met at the restaurant, and she arrived with a gift. I was very surprised she brought me a gift. It wasn’t much, just a gourmet cupcake and a very sweet card. The conversation was great and there was a lot of laughing. Always a good sign.

I walked her to her car, and as you regular readers know, I’m not the best at judging the “first kiss” and often back out instead of face the possible rejection. But tonight was not one of those nights. It seemed very natural and easy. It was just a quick kiss, but there was nothing uncomfortable about it.

As we parted, I reminded her that we were still on for Saturday and she wasn’t getting out of it. She completely agreed.

Friday, we texted a bit in the morning. She told me she was informed that she was just officially offered a job at the non-profit she used to for prior to her current job. She was really looking forward to this opportunity. The weather had been in the 60’s recently and we were discussing how nice it was. So I suggested – half joking – that she skip out on the afternoon at work and we go celebrate the new of her new job. I fully expected her to decline my offer because of work. But she didn’t. She jumped at the invitation.

So, I picked her up at her office and we went to a nearby bar for drinks and appetizers. Again, the conversation was great. No awkward silences or moments, and there was even more laughter. She’s totally tuned into my sense of humor and I don’t have to explain my jokes to her. It is so nice.

As I returned from a bathroom break, I noticed a lounge area with couches and loveseats. When I got back to the table, I mentioned the couches and she said she totally forgot about them and that next time we’ll have to hit the couch area instead. I drove her back to her office, and in the car we kissed goodbye again. This time was a little more intense than the first time.

But before she got out of the car, she commented that Saturday night she promised to be more affectionate. I totally understood because we were saying goodbye in the parking lot of her work. I had not said anything or acted in any adverse way because the thought of something “more” in that situation had never crossed my mind. So I really took that comment as a very good sign.

Saturday night went just as well, if not better. Though I was more nervous Saturday than I was for either of the first two dates, combined. We went to a japanese steakhouse and had wine in the waiting area talking about karaoke because she admitted she was a closet karaoke singer. Then during dinner, we were having a great time “people watching.” There was a younger couple sitting across the hibachi from us who looked like they were having a miserable time. By the end of dinner, we had decided to ask them to join for the rest of the night to get their real story and maybe cheer them up. However, they vanished as soon as the check was paid and we never had the chance.

We went to a nearby big country bar after dinner for drinks. We were talking, laughing, dancing, singing, kissing, holding hands and each other, and lots more “people watching”.

It was probably the best date I’ve been on in a very long time. She parked right next to me in the parking garage because she pulled into the garage right behind me. Normally I would have picked her up, but she lives about 30 minutes North of downtown and I live about 30 minutes South of downtown, so we just met downtown. We walked back hand in hand and when we got to her car, the goodnight kiss was much more intense and lingered for quite a while. Unfortunately, I had to return home to relieve the babysitter even though every ounce of my body wanted to stay there with her all night.

Today, we talked a little this morning and she spends Sundays going to church and spending time with her family (sisters and parents). She was making Mardi Gras King Cakes with her sister. I asked how that was going and jokingly said she needed to make one for me. Again, she enthusiastically agreed to have one for me “the next time she sees me”.

So everything seems to be starting off well. But I am much more cautious this time around, for better or worse. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, given the way recent dating experiences have gone. Though many of my friends are telling me to not worry about it so much. One big change I’ve made is dialing back the texting. I’ve heard more than one source cite too much texting as being a key problem to developing relationships. So I am trying to make sure I space things out and not send every text that comes to mind. Hopefully it all equates to a better result.

Again, thank you for reading. And if you have any further questions or comments, please let me know.

Until next time …

Next Post: Ariel: I Made Her BFF Cry

New 2016, Zoey, 2015 Wrap-up and more updates

Hello everyone.

Sorry it’s been so long since my last update. It was in October or something, right?

Well, things have been just crazy, in both my personal and dating life. So, in December, I shut down my Match profile and haven’t been on looking since. I needed to step away from the whole thing for a while. Plus, as I’ve mentioned before, if I don’t have a girlfriend over the Holidays, then I stop dating until after Valentine’s Day.

But now to the updates …

Last I mentioned, I was looking into seeing Abigail again. Things seemed to be going very well, and I really opened myself up to try to make things work, since it was kind of my fault things ended up they way they did the first time. After a few weeks, she kind of disappeared on me. She said she had a lot going on, things were crazy at work and home and her father was even in the hospital. But everything just stopped. No explanation. No reason. And when I would hear from her, her explanations were cryptic and never explained anything, no matter how many questions I asked. So I finally sent her a message telling her that I was trying to be there for her but just ended up feeling like I was bother her, and that I was stepping away until I heard more from her. To date, I haven’t heard anything. So I guess that chapter is closed (again).

And I finally heard from Staci (everyone’s favorite question and topic) this weekend out of the blue. No, we’re not looking at getting back together or anything. She sent me a message explaining what happened with her ex-boyfriend. And I was right. That’s all that really matters (lol). They barely made it a month before they split again. I’m not one to say “I told you so,” but I told you so. lol

Then there was Zoey. Yes, you may have noticed I skipped a few names, but honestly I went on a number of dates since Wanda and really don’t feel like recapping them, so since Violet was the final girl of 2015 and makes for an easier transition (which I will explain later), I’m sticking with it. Deal with it.

Zoey and I met on Match shortly after Abigail and I ended. Things were hot and heavy for the first few weeks. We clicked and things were falling into place so well. Almost too well.

I had finally met her kids (a young daughter and son in high school) and we were waiting for my son to get back from a visit with his mom before I introduced him to her and her kids. I was out of town for  a few days before I picked him up. During that time, there was lots of conversation about how she missed me, couldn’t wait to see me, and such. I was gone for her birthday so I had flowers sent to her work, and she was telling me I was the best boyfriend, etc.

Then things seemed to change overnight. Literally, overnight. The night of her birthday, to be more precise. I don’t know what happened because I wasn’t there. All I know is she called me on her way home from work and we talked for nearly an hour. Then she said she had to go to have cake with her kids (at about 7 p.m.). Then about 9:30 p.m. she called again, heading home from the bar just down the street from her house. And she was tanked. I didn’t ask who she was with, probably because I didn’t want to know.

I returned home the next day and went over to her house. The whole time I was there, she hardly got close to me at any time, and hardly acted like she even wanted  me to be there. I brushed it off to the hangover she was dealing with following her birthday evening excursion. Then the next evening I went over to her house again, and it was more of the same. She didn’t seem interested in the fact that I was there. We had been apart for more than a week, and then when we were together, she didn’t seem interested at all. Then in a matter of days, things completely unraveled. I saw a whole new side to her that I had never seen before. And she started distancing herself from me more and more.

I remembered a conversation we had early on in the relationship about her mom grilling her about us and commenting how she was amazed she hadn’t “pulled a Zoey” by now. Which according her mom, means she finds some small stupid reason to push guys away and shut them out, then break up with them. She vowed to not do that with me, and said if I ever caught her doing that, to call her out on her so she would stop. Yet, when I did, she didn’t stop and it even drove her further away. And a matter of days later, we were done. Just like that. A complete 180-degree turn on a dime. And when I tried to find out what was going on, she wouldn’t explain and insisted we weren’t breaking up. And she finally took the immature route of ignoring me hoping I would just go away until I finally threw up my hands and send “I get the message, we’re done.”

That’s when I decided to take a break for a while. So my plan is to stay offline and out of the dating game until the beginning of February. It gives me time to regroup, re-evaluate my dating priorities, and take a break to ensure I don’t just rush into something. Plus, it keeps me from meeting someone requiring me to figure out a Valentine’s Day plan for a girl I just started dating.

So, I’m rewriting my profile and re-evaluating my search criteria, because whatever I have been doing hasn’t really been working. And I will officially start dating in 2016 on February 1.

I will also reset the naming process (beginning with A, again). I also plan to change how I talk about and relay dating experiences with all of you. If you have suggestions for what you would like to know about each date, or how you would like me to structure it, please comment below with your ideas. I want to tailor it to what you are more interested in reading.

I hope this catches all of you up on how things are going. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Until then,  thank you all for reading.

This is Why I Hate Online Dating, or At Least One of the Big Reasons

There are lots of things to hate about online dating, and only a few things to like. As I always say, it’s a necessary evil – at least for me. And this right here is one of them.

When you’re talking to more than one person and you’ve only got a limited amount of time to make dates, who do you pick and how do you prioritize?

Here’s my situation: As you all know, I’ve gone out with Wanda and have another date set for Thursday. But I’m still talking to a couple of girls that I’ve been communicating with since before I went out with Wanda. Since I don’t want to assign names to them yet, I’ll just call them Potential 1 (P1) and Potential 2 (P2). I would drop P1 and P2 in a heartbeat if I knew things with Wanda were solid. But we’ve only been out once, and recent history has me leery about abandoning other possibilities because you never know what’s going to happen.

Like I said, I have a date scheduled for Thursday with Wanda, but both P1 and P2 have been pressuring me about wanting to do something this next weekend. I am available this weekend. I already tried to book it with something with Wanda, but she has two charity fundraisers this coming weekend. That’s why we’re going out Thursday. I have been skirting the issue trying to avoid committing either way.

Look, I don’t want to date anyone else but Wanda. Period. The signs are all good …

But again, you never know …

I hate the thought of having to go back on Match and start all over again. So let’s break down options I have, and I’m interested to see what you think.

Wanda

You’ve read about the first date. But since then, we did have a hiccup with having to cancel the original date. However, unlike recent incidents (Violet), she immediately rescheduled and has been completely normal with me ever since. She sends me random pictures just about every day of what she’s doing or something interesting. She sent me a picture of her riding her lawn mower wearing a baseball hat, in her bikini top, all while wearing big blue hearing protection. The hearing protection was not flattering, but it was still cute. She was also out shopping for dresses for her fundraisers (that I mentioned) and was sending me pictures of dresses she was trying on. We talk on the phone pretty much every day. She has this cute – kind of high-pitched – voice that is so sweet to hear. She’s even engaging on my Facebook page, like posts and pictures and even commenting.

From the beginning, I have known she is very much like me, in that she doesn’t like talking with a lot of people at the same time and definitely doesn’t like dating more than one at a time. She likes to focus on one at a time, too. And I don’t get the feeling she’s got other options going on along with me.

Now, my interpretation is that if she wasn’t really interested in me, she wouldn’t share the pictures and other things we talk about. If she was just lukewarm on me and us, I’d hear from her just enough to keep things going until the next date (Thursday). But we are also flirty and have lots of good conversations.

Again, I’d be more than happy to shut everything down to focus on her. And I don’t want to make a date with P1 or P2 for the weekend if things go really well with Wanda Thursday night. But I also don’t want to miss an opportunity with either one of them if something goes wrong with Wanda by or on Thursday night. Because then it would be really too late to make plans with either P1 or P2. Thus my dilemma.

Prospect 1

P1 lives just as far away as Wanda, but not in the same town. So, again I’d be compromising my stance on the long distance thing. She’s very much a country girl with blonde hair, green eyes and two kids (a teen girl and boy about the same age as my son). She’s very much into nature, exercising, and sports. She is also the one who seems to be the most interested in me between her and P2. She’s a dental assistant who happens to work in the same town as Wanda, and is always active with something with her kids, her friends or work.

She seems very sweet and genuine. She’s about 5’7″ and very much in shape. Not like Wanda, but her body looks very good in every picture I’ve seen. Now to be bluntly honest, she’s cute but still a little plain compared to what I’m used to. But at this point, that doesn’t seem to be any sort of detractor. If it wasn’t for Wanda, I’d have already set up some time to meet with her. She’s very interesting, and she is the most attentive out of all three options.

She, too, sends me frequent pictures of her and what she’s doing. She’s very respectful of what I have going on and is not demanding of my time. I don’t have any negatives to speak of with her.

Prospect 2

P2 is the most aggressive of the three options. She’s very flirty and playful and likes staying up late on the phone flirting and getting into deep discussions. She is very much into sports as well, and is also active and exercises frequently. She even does fun 5Ks like I do. However, physically, she isn’t the normal type of woman I look for. She’s much more curvy, but still in shape. She’s very cute and looks exactly like Blair from “The Facts of Life”. Again, it is no way a detractor when it comes to how I feel about her or the potential I think she has.

She’s an accountant with 3 kids and is working late on accounts or always shuttling kids from one activity to another. But she clearly likes me and definitely makes time to talk to me. She, too, has been very vocal and eager about finding a time to meet. From talking with her, it sounds like chemistry between the two of us would be rather easy. I would have her listed above P1 on the list as far as my top priority after Wanda, if it wasn’t for a little hiccup we had the other night.

We were talking late, per usual, and she was asking questions about what I was looking for in my woman. I was honest about what I expect and what i’m looking for. She took a few things I said about things I wouldn’t compromise on as being “still angry” about things that happened in past relationships. I said I was in no way angry, just explaining why I have the rules and expectations I have. I don’t want to get burned or taken advantage of again. But she still kept going with that. I finally said she was clearly reading something into what I was saying that wasn’t there. Since then, she has clearly backed off from me. We still talk everyday, but she isn’t nearly as flirty and isn’t sending me pictures daily, like she used to. She says it is because she is very tired, which may very well be the case, but I’m waiting for things to return to normal and still haven’t seen it. So we shall see.

Look, I like the potential I see in both P1 and P2. And I would hate to dismiss both of them, only to find myself back on Match full time next weekend because things didn’t work out with Wanda and I didn’t have any plans.

I don’t like stringing people along. I don’t like having other options still available if Wanda is actually focused on me. I know how I feel when I’m on the other side of that coin. Remember my thoughts on the Talia situation.  But I also know things are still early with Wanda and anything could happen in the next few days or by next weekend.

Do I set up something for Saturday with P1 or P2 and cancel if things go well with Wanda Thursday? Do I hold off until Friday to analyze things with Wanda and try to set up something last minute with either P1 or P2? Or do I set up something with P1 or P2 Saturday and keep it regardless of what happens with Wanda Thursday? Or what other suggestions do you have?

So what are your thoughts? Please leave your comments and even questions below, and lets dialogue about what you think I should do. I’m interested to hear your perspectives, especially from the lady readers out there.

Uma: Very intriguing vice principal, again making exceptions to the rules

Before my (supposed) date with Violet this Saturday, I met up with Uma.

I originally had Uma scheduled for Saturday night, but a work engagement came up that she didn’t feel she could miss, so we met prior to (both) her function and my (scheduled) date with Violet at Chili’s for a quick drink and appetizers – it was centrally located to both of us.

Uma is a local high school vice principal. She’s in her mid-40s, slightly above average height (not tall), blonde with a very nice body. Even in her baseball-sleeve length t-shirt, shorts and her hair pulled back in a pony tail, she still looked very attractive.

Now before you go bashing her dress code for our “first date”, keep in mind she just came from a function at her school where she was supervising a bicycle safety event being given to young kids. So she was dressed appropriately for that. We had discussed the attire beforehand, and I had no issues with her attire. So, to make her feel better, I was in shorts, t-shirt and a ball cap – dressing down for the occasion. But I still looked pretty good, though.

What makes Uma interesting is that, once again – as with Staci, I’m bending my normal rules to see how this goes. Yes, I hear the collective groan and the cries of “didn’t you learn anything from the last time?” But in fairness to Uma, I can’t blame her for Staci’s issues. However, she is never married, has no kids, and didn’t have a picture on her profile. All three of those things are pretty much instant disqualifiers for me. So why is she different?

She contacted me on Match with a very long, detailed explanation of why she was interested in me and why she thought we should get together and see how it goes (you’ll see this theme again shortly). She acknowledged not being married and not having kids because she was focused on her teaching career for so many years that she didn’t find time for those things. Now, she wants something more substantial. And as far as the picture goes (or lack thereof), she acknowledged that too. Because she’s in the position she’s in, she doesn’t want the possibility of people recognizing her online and having that interfere with her work. She had many pictures, and was more than willing to share them once we started talking. And yes, she looked like her pictures.

Before our date, we chatted and talked several times during the week, but definitely not as frequently as most other women I meet on Match. She definitely seemed more old school and independent, not needing to be attached to her phone and texting all the time. It was kind of refreshing. And for as little as talked, she always still seemed very interested in getting together and meeting. Emphasizing that she was going to make sure we got together before I left for the weekend and it was another two weeks before we could possibly see each other.

She happened to beat me to the restaurant, which never happens. I’m always early. But not this time. I was still early, according to when we said we’d meet, but she was there first. She had ordered appetizers and some drinks. I sat down across from her and we just started chatting away. We were there for a little over an hour, and it seriously flew by. We had great conversation but didn’t really get into anything overly personal. It was good, not awkward at all. I really think we hit it off.

Then when it came time to leave, she tried to pay. I halted that immediately because, well, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. The guy always pays (at least for the like the first 100 dates or so). And I follow the code; opening doors, car doors, paying the check, not walking in front of her, walking between her and the street, stuff like that. Finally, I won the “battle” and she was very appreciative of the gesture, even commenting on it several times later.

I walked her to her car and we hugged as we talked about making plans for after I got back from my trip.

Things seem good. We’ve talked a couple of times since then. Everything still seems to be on track. But we’ll see. Based on recent history, I can’t count on anything (it seems) until it actually happens.

I’ll definitely keep you posted, and stay tuned later this week as something is brewing for Wednesday. And as always, thanks for reading!