Quick Update: I may have found just the distraction I was needing

You know the ol’ saying “The best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one,”? Well, this is sort of like that, but not exactly.

I’ve heard from all sorts of people (friends, family, readers, etc.) that I should really just cut my loses with Staci and move on. I totally agree – I should – and I’ve been back on Match and pretty much resigned myself that this thing with Staci is over.

She’s been increasingly distant, but this morning she was texting me right away and even mentioned she missed so. So .. there’s that, whatever That is. And the only reason I’ve lingered this long is because, well frankly, I didn’t have anything else going on. No other options, no other women, no upcoming free time to potentially meet someone. So I really had/have nothing to lose by sticking around to see how this whole thing with her ex-boyfriend goes.

Until now.

I spent a large amount of my recovery time this weekend talking with a very pleasant distraction. That’s all I’m really going to say about it right now. I should have a lot more to talk about on the subject after Thursday (if you’re following me).

So … a lot going on this week. The fallout from whatever happens Tuesday with Staci and the likely end to that chapter, and the anticipated opening of a new chapter Thursday night.

Thanks for your concern and comments! I do appreciate them all. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci: The Writing is on the wall but still playing the waiting game

For all of you frantically wondering, my procedure went just fine – amazing well, actually. I was in and out in less than an hour (that’s what she said) and the recovery time is nothing what I expected it to be. I figured I would be in a lot more pain, but I’ve only been in slight discomfort – at most.

But I did hang out with Staci Thursday night, before my procedure Friday. It went OK, and was pretty much normal. I’ll admit it was a little awkward. But holding hands and kissing was pretty much normal. She initiated contact, holding and kissing just a much as I did, and at her normal pace. But it just wasn’t quite “normal.” The kissing was frequent, but it was nowhere near as intimate and passionate as it has been. Conversation was good – and normal – but we did avoid what is going on next week.

That was until I dropped her off at her house. Then I brought it up. I had been doing a lot of thinking and had two questions for her. Before I get to the questions, the last thing (other than kissing goodnight and goodbye) she did was bring me gifts for my dogs. Again, if she isn’t interested in us being together, why would she see something for my dogs, think about them, much less actually buy it for them if she didn’t see us being together? I mean, I still want to be with her, but if I saw something that I knew she would love, much less something for her dog or cats, I wouldn’t buy it right now until I was sure what was going on. But I digress …

First thing I asked was if she thought I made too much out of nothing by reacting the way I did the other night. I wondered if she would agree that the whole thing wasn’t anything worth getting worked up over and I overreacted. I have been in that position before where I met with an ex. I told you about the one time, but there have been plenty of other times where it was totally innocent and meaningless. And maybe that is all this would be. All she said was that she totally understood my reaction and didn’t blame me for reacting that way.

Then I asked her a more personal, blunt question. I asked her, why – given all the opportunities I have given her recently – didn’t she just walk away, end it or break up with me. I did, I gave her many opportunities to just say it would be better if we just ended it. Whether it was because she wanted to get back with him, she wasn’t sure about me/us, or anything like that. But she hasn’t (yet). She said that was because that’s not what she wanted to do. She liked me and still wanted to be with me.

Now, I’m not idiot. Like I said last time, I take what she says at about 50% face-value right now. She could absolutely mean it, but my money right now is on the fact that she’s just keeping me around waiting to see how things go Tuesday.

I’ve had a few conversations about what I plan to do if she comes back and says she wants to stay together – after Tuesday. Simple. Given what has gone on, the fact that she has been pulling away (which I will get to more in a second), and her lack of commitment leading up to this, I am fully intending to demand more of a formal commitment from her going forward.

Ok, you may be looking at that a little funny. A demand? An ultimatum? Is that really the best way to go?

Yes it is! Why? Because I deserve better than what I’ve been getting – especially recently. I’m not a backup plan, second option, last resort. And that’s exactly what I look like (to many of you) and feel like. As much as I would love to be with her and see where this goes, I believe I’m worth more of a commitment (at this point) than I have received to this point.

And that’s exactly what I’ll tell her. I’ve had lots of time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it over the last few days.

Especially since I haven’t heard from her as much as I would have thought, considering my procedure. But again, it has been very up and down. I pretty much did not hear from her yesterday after about 10am when I was heading home from my procedure. She was babysitting her nephews yesterday, so I heard a few casual things from her, but nothing substantial, and it was clear she was still pulling away. Even then, and as the day went on, there was no “how are you doing?”, “how are you feeling?”, nothing. Nothing! I texted her when I was going to bed and heard nothing from her.

Then this morning around 7am, she said she fell asleep early and that’s why she didn’t respond. We exchanged a few messages but still nothing asking about how I was feeling or doing. I went back to sleep and woke up after 10am and texted her again. Then i didn’t hear from her until about 2pm, when she finally called me. Finally, she asked how I was doing, how I was feeling, asked about how my son was doing with my mother in town looking after him because of my procedure. Then we got into a lot of our normal conversations.

We were talking about her being a part of other procedures I’m planning on having, like one to repair a lingering injury to my hand. Then we talked about me getting some new tattoos, which we had been talking about numerous times. Not only did she talk to me like she was still planning on being a part of the whole process(es), but she even initiated several topics and comments. It was NOT just me bringing stuff up and her just going along with it. She even mentioned something about finally getting to hang out with my mom.

Again, either she really means it, or she is just that damn manipulative where she will act like nothing is wrong to avoid conflict. It would have been very easy to just brush off the conversation without committing to anything or adding to the conversation. But she did both.

And the rest of the night has been pretty much back to normal, including her saying that she misses me. She’s out with her friends tonight and has been in contact with me (more than I would’ve expected) and even said she will contact me when she gets home. Now, I’ve heard that before and she didn’t follow through. I’m not expecting her to actually follow through and I am not going to stress about it tonight. Seems kind of pointless right now.

Even though the writing seems to be on the wall that our time is likely running out, there are still signs to the contrary. They could be false signs just to distract me from the truth, which isn’t working very well, but they could be genuine. I guess we will see next week.

You know I will keep you updated. And as always, thanks for reading!

Rachel: Lunch date with the child psychologist

I’m going to mix things up from my normal format. I’m going to do more posts – as things happen – instead of waiting for a good stopping point to update you all. And I will add links to the updates to the original post, as well as linkbacks to the original post. For example; at the end of this post, I’ll post links to any follow-on updates.

The other day, I had the pleasure of having a lunch date with another lady I met on Match, Rachel. Rachel is 39, with three girls – two 9-year-old twins and a 4-year-old girl. She works at a local hospital as a child psychologist. She’s tall, blonde and has a very big, sexy smile.

We’ve been talking for a little while, and her schedule with her kids is almost as hectic as mine, due to the fact that her ex-husband does not have a lot of involvement with his daughters (by his choice), so we were trying to come up with a time that worked out for both of us to get together. She was heading out to Washington, D.C. this weekend with her daughters as part of a school trip for her oldest daughters, so I wanted to find a time before she left so we didn’t put off meeting each other any further.

So we decided to meet at a nice quaint restaurant inside near my office. She was working only a part day and said meeting for lunch would be great. To be completely honest, I was totally expecting her to cancel. Not because I thought she would flake on me or anything, I was totally expecting something to happen at the hospital that would keep her there a while longer. She did warn me that might be a possibility.

We both arrived at the restaurant at the same time and recognized each other immediately. You know that can get tricky with these online dates. We had a nice lunch, talking about her trip to DC (since I lived there for a short time, I had a few tips and suggestions), and even managed to get on a stretch where we were talking superhero movies.

We even began talking about getting together after she gets back from DC to have “blue drinks” somewhere. The whole “blue drinks” thing has been a running joke between us, because it’s also a running joke between my brother and I and Rachel and I had talked about it. So she has mentioned several times we should have “blue drinks” together sometime. She has also mentioned several times that she wants to get together to play tennis sometime, since we are both avid tennis players.

I know that sounds like a lot of planning ahead, but I’m glad she’s at least comfortable enough with me to talk about things like that. At least she’s not talking about future things like kids, marriage or moving in.

After an hour or so, we had to wrap it up and say our goodbyes. There weren’t any hugs or kisses this time – being in a crowded place kind of led to that, but I wasn’t also feeling the vibe for that yet. But we had tentatively planned to get together the following weekend after she returned from her trip.

We talked that night, and every day until she left for her trip, as usual. Everything seemed normal and still on track. THe day she left, I mentioned that I’d like to hear how things were going on their trip, but have not heard anything from her. I’m not stressing it or taking it as a bad sign (yet). She’s on a trip with her kids and I’m not reaching out while she’s gone trying to respect her space and time with her kids.

However, anyone who has read this page for any amount of time knows, my opinion is if you’re interested in someone and thinking about them, you should let them know and at least say “Hi.” I’m not about playing games, trying to playing hard to get, none of that. And the ONLY reason I haven’t contacted her on her trip is because it’s family time and I don’t need to try to make it about me or anything.

But she gets back today, and we’ll see if I hear from her tonight or not.

Please stay tuned for more updates on Rachel, and as always, thanks for reading!

UPDATES

Coming soon

Quinn: Real Estate agent with an abrupt closing

I’m beginning to sense a trend with the women I’ve recently dated and the ones with potential in the near future. Let me know when you start to see the pattern (other than how the dates end).

I dusted off my Match profile and soon found Quinn. I had sent a wink and then the next day she showed up in my Daily Matches (Match is a little sneaky and predictable that way), so I clicked that I was interested. (Side note: normally on dating sites I don’t just send an email right away. I usually wait to gauge any potential interest. So I will usually wink and wait to see if I get any type of response back, then I’ll email). About an hour after that, she sent me an email, just saying “You’ve already ‘liked’ me twice, so why haven’t you said anything?”

Playful and forward, I like that! So I responded and we followed up with a few playful email exchanges. We ended up talking for a few days before setting up our first date, a quick just-dinner date at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Quinn is a real estate agent, a very successful one, who has young twin girls. She does well enough to have a live-in nanny and a personal trainer. I don’t have those things, do you? But she only lives a few blocks from me and knows many of the same people I do – though I had never met her before. She’s a tall (5’11”) blonde. So in heels, she doesn’t violate my No. 2 Rule (Can’t be taller than me). What’s Rule No. 1? She can’t weigh more than me. I weigh 190 lbs. Hey, it is what it is.

The date went very well and very fast. We talked and laughed and had a good time. We parted with a hug and talked several times a day for the next few days. But, as we’ve talked about many (many) times, she only seemed to respond if I initiated contact. But it didn’t seem to be a problem.

Less than a week after our first date, we met again for lunch in between her appointments. It also went very well and we had a very good time and time just seemed to fly by. Again, we parted with a hug and communicated the rest of the day and several days after that. She even found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (I was easy to find because we both have several mutual friends).

But I never – ever – heard from her if I didn’t initiate it. And the frequency we talked and the fact we’d been on two dates seemed to suggest we should be past the stage where I have to always initiate contact. As I’ve said numerous times, “ladies, if you’re interested, you are more than welcome to show it by initiating contact.” So that started to bother me a bit.

So, I let a weekend pass without initiating contact. Nothing.

So, on Monday I waited for a while to see if I would hear anything from her, but didn’t. Then I texted her asking about her weekend. She responded and we talked for a couple days. She was asking me about how I felt about my son leaving for the Summer to go to his mom’s. I told her it was hard, but this time (3rd time) probably wouldn’t be as hard as the first time.

That’s when I mentioned that does mean I’m much more flexible with my schedule over the Summer so I would be more available to do things without having to worry about babysitters or stuff like that. And her response was not what I was expecting.

Her response was “I trust you, because I don’t want to find out.” Wow! What?? Huh?!?!

After that, I didn’t respond. And I haven’t heard from her since.

So that’s that. Moving on.

And as always, thanks for reading!

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.

Olive Update: So much for being on a break

So much for being on a break, huh?

I can’t believe it has been more than a month since my last post on Christmas Eve. I apologize for that, but things have been 50 shades of busy and crazy. The Spring semester of college has started (only one more semester left after this), I’ve started looking for a job to get me through the Summer, my son and I are getting ready for baseball season, and things with Olive have been going very well.

I guess that’s what I should probably update you all on, since that’s pretty much the only reason you read this.

This update won’t be as much of a date night play-by-play as the others, but more of a encapsulated overview. And I’ll try to make it short and sweet since a lot has happened since my last post.

Olive and I met literally on New Year’s Day, after more than a month of emailing and talking. The Holidays really got in the way of us finding time to meet. My Match subscription ended at the end of December, and as I stated previously, I was done dating for a while and was going to take a break.

Maybe I should have quit and given up sooner, because once I did, Olive entered the picture and totally blew me away. She had to in order for me to forego my Holiday Hiatus.

She’s a sweet, blonde, country girl with a rock-hard body because she is crazy into fitness and works out every day. She may look small but she’s all muscle which makes her surprisingly heavier than you’d expect. She has a son about the same age as my little guy, and they get along famously. Yes, at this point, we’ve met each others’ kids and they’ve met each other.

Things started off real slow and easy, due in part to scheduling issues, but once we started seeing each other, it became more and more regular and with greater frequency. At this point, she’s over every Wednesday when her son is spending time with his father, and pretty much all weekend whether she has her son or not.

Things were going so well with her, I was more cautious trying not to mess things up. It took several visits together before we actually kissed and then much longer before we actually slept together. Then again, my schedule with my son probably played a big part in that because I don’t have a lot of free nights with him around and we’re not having “adult sleepovers” with him in the house.

For the first time since starting this dating journey, I’m actually willing to call someone my girlfriend and start to make plans for things more than just a week or two out. Like my son is very excited to go to her parent’s farm where all of her horses are, which we are putting on hold until the weather gets better. Freezing temps and snow don’t make horseback riding very enjoyable. We’ve also signed up for some running road races together. So, that’s a good sign she’s willing to do that and I’m not freaking out about it.

And yes, we have plans for next weekend, but NOT on Valentine’s Day – per se. We might be together, but not making any plans or going out. Go figure, the one holiday I was most trying to avoid with a new girlfriend, and here I am, caught in the trap.

This weekend I’ll post the update about the conversation with my ex-wife when I told her about Olive. Just reinforces why I’m glad I’m not with her anymore.

I hope you’re all staying warm and not buried in too much snow.

Til later!

Christmas Eve ramblings and updates

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!

Since I’m sitting at my parent’s house (totally bored) alone with my sons are with their mothers this year, I figured I’d catch you all up on how things are going.

I told you I pretty much put dating on hold over the Holidays, so … of course, what happens? Yep, multiple interests come seeking me out. Never fails.

I seriously contemplate just forgetting about actively dating because when I ignore the “dating game” prospects just come to me (somehow).

I’ve had two serious prospects over the last week or so. Both contacted me on Match and I’ve been talking with both since. Naomi, is a petite, 40-something CPA, mother of 3; and Olive is my age, a classic country girl with a son about the same age as my youngest son.

Things with Naomi were a little too aggressive and moved a bit too fast. We’d been taking for about a week when I took my son to his mom’s. She was very aggressive in saying how much she was thinking about me and talking about plans and stuff already. This is all before we’ve even met yet. So on my way back from dropping my son off, she called and we talked almost the entire 4-hour trip back. Then she basically invited herself over to meet me at my house when I got home (about 1 a.m.).

We both had to work the next day, but I figured “what the hell, why not?” She met me near my house and followed me home. Honestly, once we got to my place, I figured we’d chat for a while and she’d go home. I was wrong. I grabbed us both some water in the kitchen when she came in and grabbed me and started making out with me. She dragged me to the couch for some more making out, then suggested we go upstairs to the bedroom.

Ok. This was moving a bot way too fast for something that would have any chance of being a serious relationship. But I’m a guy, it’s not like I’m gonna really say NO and stop things. My chances at this are too far and few between.

After a vigorous round of bedroom aerobics, she stayed and cuddled til we both fell asleep. She stayed until about 5 a.m., when she got up to leave and get ready for work. All the next day she texted and called repeatedly. Over the next few days, the conversations trailed because she was becoming too clingy and we hadn’t even really gone a date yet. I was getting highly annoyed, and just couldn’t take it much more. So I told her I wasn’t sure things were working out, maybe we should slow it down a bit and see what happens. It’s been a few days and I haven’t heard from her since.

I haven’t met Olive yet, in person, but we talk every day. She’s very sweet and we have so much in common and our little boys seem almost identical. So far, if there’s a problem of any kind, it’s that our schedules have been seriously conflicting so we haven’t been able it meet yet. It’s not a serious issue since we’ve only been trying for about a week to find a time. But she had her son when I was free and now that he’s visiting his father’s, I’m visiting my family out of town.

But as I’ve been writing this, Olive has been texting me the whole time because she’s bored bad wants me to keep her company.

I am a little paranoid about dragging this out about another week or so, because the last time this happened, coincidentally over the Christmas break, the girl I was into moved on (back to her ex-husband) before I really even had a chance.

But I guess, as they say, “things happen for a reason.” Maybe this one will work out better than that one.

I’m going to sign off for now. “It’s A Wonderful Life” and a 24 hours of “A Christmas Story” are on.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all, and thanks again for reading.

Small World: I’m not interested in dating all of his ex’s

Hi everyone, did you miss me?

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. You haven’t been missing anything, trust me. I’ve pretty much just been focusing on school, my son and my new english bulldog puppy. So having one new bitch in my life right now is enough (yes, my puppy is a female).

I’ve kept an eye on the dating sites, seeing if anything catches my eye, thrown out a few lines, but I haven’t caught anything worthwhile. And no, my cold doesn’t count. I haven’t been on any dates, and honestly have barely talked to girls enough to even get to the point of thinking about going on a date.

It’s nice not worrying about dating drama right now. However, we are approaching the DMZ – the time of year when I really don’t advise starting a new relationship. Since I don’t have a solid girlfriend, I don’t look to add any new women over the Holidays so I don’t have to be in that awkward gift-giving conundrum. It’s nice to have a date for New Year’s but only if it is casual because I also don’t like adding new women shortly before Valentine’s Day. Nothing is more awkward than having a brand new girlfriend at the end of January or beginning of February trying to figure out how to handle Valentine’s Day. There’s a reason I refer to it as VD, I try to avoid it like a disease.

But on to something newsworthy … Scanning the dating sites, I stumbled across someone on Match that looked semi-interesting. Nothing earth-shaking. There were no fireworks or rapid heart-rates from reading her profile. Her pictures looked good she seemed interesting (but there are a few things I skipped over, but i will get to them in a second).

About 30 minutes after I “liked” one of her photos on Match, I got a text from my ex-wife telling me that I was interested in someone she knew who was on Match. This girl that I just looked at and liked her picture, was the ex-girlfriend of my ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend who she was with before we got married. I can’t stand this guy. He caused so many headaches for my marriage early on I hate him without ever meeting him face-to-face.

She also informed me that this girl is still married but going through a divorce, and is the girl who takes in all sorts of cats, sometimes finding them homes and sometimes she keeps them. She found a new home for my wife’s old cat when we decided to get rid of her. I am NOT a cat person. Not even close. As she filled me in, I started remembering more about this girl.

Apparently, as soon as I liked her photo and she checked out my profile, she recognized me because she is friends with my ex-wife and remembers seeing pictures of me and thought it was me. So she contacted my ex-wife to tell her (or rub it in, as my ex puts it). I find it hard to believe that she was that petty to tell my ex-wife to rub it in like, “Look, another one of your ex’s is interested in me.” But then again, cattiness amongst women does not surprise me. Guys don’t do that stuff. Or at least mature guys don’t.

Needless to say I did not contact her, and she did not contact me after that. I have not viewed her profile and she has not viewed my profile again since that night. However, the next night, she was out on a date with a guy she met on Match (not me, obviously) and was giving a play-by-play on her Facebook. My ex was telling me about this.

First, when on a date, I would be livid if I found out the girl was posting a play-by-play on Facebook as the date was going on. After the date … fine, but not during. That’s just rude. Second, I had noticed on Match that she was also logged into her Match account while she was also on the date. So not only is she posting about the date during the date, she is still checking Match while on her date. Either the date was going horrible (but according to my ex, she was saying it was going well) or she’s just a piece of work. Again, after the date, you can do whatever you want, post whatever you want, I don’t care. But when we are out on a date, it is just courtesy to expect her to “in the date” focused on the date (and me) at least for the time we are together. Classy lady.

Dodged a bullet with that one. And sorry, even if everything else was cool about her, the minute I would have found out she was this other guy’s ex-girlfriend, it would have been over. I am not making a habit of picking up some other guy’s leftovers. It didn’t work the first time I did it, and I don’t need confirmation that the second time would end bad too. No thanks.

Well, it was great seeing you all again. I hope to be writing more soon. Finals are right around the corner, so I should have a lot more free time. And as always, updates will come as they develop.

Thanks for reading.

At least I feel better … right?

Well, after a little deliberation, I decided to send Mona one last message. Since I don’t have her actual email and didn’t want to text the whole thing, I logged on to Match and sent it through their email system. I’ve been debating including the contents of the post here, but so far opted against it. Maybe I’ll amend it with the text later,

That was Saturday. Since then, she has not logged on to Match or read the message yet. So either she is absolutely afraid (paranoid) to log in to to see what I had to say, or my suspicions of another guy(s) is correct.

My money is on the latter.

But I got it off my chest and really could care less if she responds or even reads it. I got enough closure. I’m good.

At least I feel better … right?

The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).