20 Years later the Ex is back (sort of)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I can’t believe it is December already. The weather is getting crappy and my dating life is already there.

But I do have an interesting story for ya’ll.

I was visiting my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. They still live in the same town I grew up in, but not the same house. I had been talking with some of my friends (both male and female) about getting together while I was there. So after I did my Black Friday shopping (in the AFTERNOON and still go all the stuff I wanted), I picked up my good friend Dan and we headed downtown to hit all of the “hot spots”. The town I’m from is about 100,000 people in the Midwest near a lot of farm country, so “hot spots” is a term I use lightly.

Dan and I have been friends forever. We grew up playing basketball together, and he was one only three people I knew growing up that were taller than me. And we’re both pretty good-looking guys, so going out together is always fun because ladies like the tall guys, and we’re like the Twin Towers standing out in a crowd sometimes.

We hit a few places that were dead, maybe a dozen people or so. Then we hit this rather new place and it had a pretty good crowd. We ordered some beers and found a table and were just standing there talking waiting for some of our other friends to meet us there. That is when I noticed, across the room, my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school. She was a little younger than me, but I thought I really loved this girl. My whole senior year revolved around her.

Dan and I started talking about her, and he told me that her husband was working at the bar (he was over 6-foot tall and 300+ lbs) and they were swingers and other stuff. He even said he thought she tried hooking up with him at some point a while back. He said he frequently talks with her when they are out. I really didn’t think much of it because I had seen her a couple of times over the years but we had never spoken. And I figured she pretty much hated me.

Well a little while later, she came over to the table to talk to Dan and apparently didn’t know he was there with me. It was a very brief awkward conversation and she left.

About 30 minutes later some of our other friends arrived, including Renee – a cute, little blonde with a sexy raspy voice. I have known Renee since I was about 4 years old and she lived across the street from my grandmother’s house, where I practically lived when I was growing up. So we are very good friends. We never dated – just in case you were asking.

It wasn’t too long before my ex, Sidney, came back to the table and started talking to us more. She was a lot more friendly and much more talkative. We were having fun picking on the “wannabe” boyfriend of Renee’s friend because he was totally jealous of the girls hanging out with me and Dan. He was way older than us and was acting like a stupid insecure teenager.

After a few more beers, Dan and I decided on going to the strip club down the street. Why? Because that was the only way we were going to see naked girls that night, and it sounded like a good place to just hang out and catch up. Well, before we could leave, Sidney had managed to invite herself along somehow. So the three of us headed out. We didn’t even get to the street corner before Sidney grabs my arm and starts walking arm-in-arm with me. I was cool with it. I don’t have any grudges with her and she’s married so I didn’t think it would lead to anything.

But once we got to the strip club, things got crazy. She apparently was there regularly because her husband also works at that bar. She was walking behind the bar getting us whatever drinks we wanted, going up to the stage messing around with the dancers, and more. That was nothing compared to her constantly touching me, rubbing up against me, and oh right, grabbing my crotch and butt frequently.

Over the next hour or so, she was texting me (yes, while we were there together) about how attracted to me she still was and more. Once it came time to leave, she asked if we could give her a ride home since her husband was still working at the bar. We agreed, but once we were in the car, she asked if we could drop Dan off first. Uhhh, ok. I see what’s going on here.

Once we got to Dan’s we all went into Dan’s because we had to go to the bathroom – we drank a lot of beer, remember.

We talked for a few minutes and then Dan started to get ready for bed. Sidney grabbed my hand, got real close and said she wanted to me right there. Dan came into the hallway and I just said to him “we’ll be downstairs” in his basement, where he had a couch, bar and big screen tv set up.

Pretty much as soon as we entered the room she started taking off her clothes. Before you knew it, we were both naked and she was orally taking care of business. I’m not gonna give all the rest of the graphic details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.

I talked to Dan the next day and he was cool with everything, so I didn’t offend him or anything. And we’ve talked about it all again since.

To make a long story not as long, Sidney has since added me to Facebook and texted me every day since. There is no expectation for any sort of relationship, but we have been catching up, even straightened out why we ended up breaking up, and much more. One of the most interesting things we talked about was that night at the bar. I asked her what happened to make her change her mood so quickly. She went from ice queen to in my pants in record time. She told me it was Renee, my blonde female friend. She kept watching us talking and having a good time together at the bar, and it made her jealous. After 20 years, three kids and a husband, she was still jealous about me with another woman. Dan even said she kept asking him about Renee, and if she was my girlfriend and stuff.  I always find it so amusing how much women can make each other jealous and competitive. I have a whole theory on that, but that can wait for another post.

It has been fun and interesting. But she is asking about my plans for Christmas because she wants to try to hook up again then. So, we shall see. But even if it doesn’t, that was one pretty crazy weekend and I never saw any of that coming.

I figured since I don’t have any real dating prospects right now, I’d fill you all in on something that’s between going on with me and the ladies.

Stay warm, and as always, thanks for reading!

Small World: I’m not interested in dating all of his ex’s

Hi everyone, did you miss me?

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. You haven’t been missing anything, trust me. I’ve pretty much just been focusing on school, my son and my new english bulldog puppy. So having one new bitch in my life right now is enough (yes, my puppy is a female).

I’ve kept an eye on the dating sites, seeing if anything catches my eye, thrown out a few lines, but I haven’t caught anything worthwhile. And no, my cold doesn’t count. I haven’t been on any dates, and honestly have barely talked to girls enough to even get to the point of thinking about going on a date.

It’s nice not worrying about dating drama right now. However, we are approaching the DMZ – the time of year when I really don’t advise starting a new relationship. Since I don’t have a solid girlfriend, I don’t look to add any new women over the Holidays so I don’t have to be in that awkward gift-giving conundrum. It’s nice to have a date for New Year’s but only if it is casual because I also don’t like adding new women shortly before Valentine’s Day. Nothing is more awkward than having a brand new girlfriend at the end of January or beginning of February trying to figure out how to handle Valentine’s Day. There’s a reason I refer to it as VD, I try to avoid it like a disease.

But on to something newsworthy … Scanning the dating sites, I stumbled across someone on Match that looked semi-interesting. Nothing earth-shaking. There were no fireworks or rapid heart-rates from reading her profile. Her pictures looked good she seemed interesting (but there are a few things I skipped over, but i will get to them in a second).

About 30 minutes after I “liked” one of her photos on Match, I got a text from my ex-wife telling me that I was interested in someone she knew who was on Match. This girl that I just looked at and liked her picture, was the ex-girlfriend of my ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend who she was with before we got married. I can’t stand this guy. He caused so many headaches for my marriage early on I hate him without ever meeting him face-to-face.

She also informed me that this girl is still married but going through a divorce, and is the girl who takes in all sorts of cats, sometimes finding them homes and sometimes she keeps them. She found a new home for my wife’s old cat when we decided to get rid of her. I am NOT a cat person. Not even close. As she filled me in, I started remembering more about this girl.

Apparently, as soon as I liked her photo and she checked out my profile, she recognized me because she is friends with my ex-wife and remembers seeing pictures of me and thought it was me. So she contacted my ex-wife to tell her (or rub it in, as my ex puts it). I find it hard to believe that she was that petty to tell my ex-wife to rub it in like, “Look, another one of your ex’s is interested in me.” But then again, cattiness amongst women does not surprise me. Guys don’t do that stuff. Or at least mature guys don’t.

Needless to say I did not contact her, and she did not contact me after that. I have not viewed her profile and she has not viewed my profile again since that night. However, the next night, she was out on a date with a guy she met on Match (not me, obviously) and was giving a play-by-play on her Facebook. My ex was telling me about this.

First, when on a date, I would be livid if I found out the girl was posting a play-by-play on Facebook as the date was going on. After the date … fine, but not during. That’s just rude. Second, I had noticed on Match that she was also logged into her Match account while she was also on the date. So not only is she posting about the date during the date, she is still checking Match while on her date. Either the date was going horrible (but according to my ex, she was saying it was going well) or she’s just a piece of work. Again, after the date, you can do whatever you want, post whatever you want, I don’t care. But when we are out on a date, it is just courtesy to expect her to “in the date” focused on the date (and me) at least for the time we are together. Classy lady.

Dodged a bullet with that one. And sorry, even if everything else was cool about her, the minute I would have found out she was this other guy’s ex-girlfriend, it would have been over. I am not making a habit of picking up some other guy’s leftovers. It didn’t work the first time I did it, and I don’t need confirmation that the second time would end bad too. No thanks.

Well, it was great seeing you all again. I hope to be writing more soon. Finals are right around the corner, so I should have a lot more free time. And as always, updates will come as they develop.

Thanks for reading.

At least I feel better … right?

Well, after a little deliberation, I decided to send Mona one last message. Since I don’t have her actual email and didn’t want to text the whole thing, I logged on to Match and sent it through their email system. I’ve been debating including the contents of the post here, but so far opted against it. Maybe I’ll amend it with the text later,

That was Saturday. Since then, she has not logged on to Match or read the message yet. So either she is absolutely afraid (paranoid) to log in to to see what I had to say, or my suspicions of another guy(s) is correct.

My money is on the latter.

But I got it off my chest and really could care less if she responds or even reads it. I got enough closure. I’m good.

At least I feel better … right?

The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).

This looks familiar, have I been down this road before?

So, it’s been two weeks of dating Mona (closer to four weeks if you add all the time talking leading up to the first date). Things have been really good. Seen each other a few times, talk/chat dozens of times every day, all that good stuff.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today before I went out of town for the weekend with my son and brother, as well as some other friends, for our annual boys’ football weekend. The reasoning behind it was that I didn’t want two weeks to pass between seeing each other. She has her girls this weekend and has family plans as well. So I figured a little quick get together would be good.

But for some unknown reason, all morning I had this gut instinct that she was going to cancel. I have no idea why, but I did. I didn’t say anything to hear about it or doing anything to alter my normal Friday plan. I dropped my son off at school, read books to his class this morning, and then came home to clean up the house before getting ready to go to lunch.

She was wrapping up the training seminar at her work today that was introducing new products to their line. She said she would be done about noon, so I planned accordingly. About 11 a.m. I started getting ready.

That gut feeling was still lingering. Then about 11:30 a.m., I get this:

Mona: Hi… u r going to be mad at me. 😦

Me: Why?

Mona: But I will make it up to u if u aren’t mad.!
Mona: I won’t make lunch
Mona: But it’s for a good reason!

I told her I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t mad either. I understood and it was fine. Though I didn’t really understand because I still don’t know what the “good reason” was. But anyway … then she said.

Mona: I will make it up to u by going on even more dates with u!!

Playfully I asked for that in a binding contract and asked if those “more dates” are dates she wouldn’t have normally gone on with me. It seems doing saying you will do something you were going to do anyway isn’t really doing anything to “make it up” to someone. Just sayin’.

So after some more back-and-forth, I asked when she wanted to get together again, hoping she would say something like “come over to watch football on Sunday” or ‘how about lunch Monday.” Instead she said “maybe we can shoot for next weekend sometime.”

Duh! I’d already mentioned on our last date that my ex was going to be in town that weekend for his baseball games and she would have him the whole weekend, so I would be free to do whatever she wanted. So again, that’s not anything new, different, or extra.

I know it is different, and it truly does feel different, but there is that part of my psyche that is trying to link this to what happened with Ellen. And to be completely honest, I can’t remember a time ever getting cancelled on ended up well. So maybe I’m lumping all of that baggage on Mona unfairly. But let’s face it, I really don’t want to wait another week to see if she is actually going to follow through with it or not.

I have every indication to think that she will, but there is a part of me that is beginning to question that.

How do you feel when you’ve been cancelled on by someone you’ve been seeing for a little while? Not a first date or someone you are clearly exclusive with, but someone you are just starting out with.

Honestly, I’m a little weirded out. And ladies, here’s how you can tell if you’re guy is interested in just you or has other options out there. If you cancel on him and he doesn’t seem to care, that is generally a pretty good sign he has other girls on stand-by waiting to fill your spot. But if you cancel and he gets upset or seems genuinely wounded, that probably means you’re it on his list and you just torched his plans for the day, evening or whatever.

So why is this bothering me so much?

I’m pretty sure it’s that old self-defense thing kicking in. There is/was a lot of potential with her, more than I can say I’ve had with any others (except maybe Abigail, but I already said that before), and to be frank, I don’t want to have to go back out there and give it another try with someone else again for a while. I’m getting wore out by this dating thing.

And sometimes I am just a pessimist at heart. I have always had a bad knack of being a pessimist when things get questionable, that way, when things work out, they look so much better, or when they fail, then I was kind of expecting it and it doesn’t hurt so bad.

So help me out here. Is there any reason for concern or am I just being overly pessimistic right now? Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks for reading.

The Dating Code: ladies you can initiate contact too

Ok, this is where my whiny/needy side comes out. Deal with it. Us guys have soft sides too, ya know.

I know the game. I know the protocol. I know the rules. I am a firm believer in the code of chivalry.

But that doesn’t mean I like it. Sometimes, I really hate it.

I know it is the man’s job to woo the woman and take the lead. But here is a realistic fact that doesn’t get much attention, men like a little “wooing” too.

I know most of the dating advice sites (and dating mythology) say women shouldn’t initiate contact. I get that, but only at the beginning. Once you’ve established that you talk every day – dozens of times a day – it shouldn’t be the man’s job to initiate contact every time, whether it is talk, text or email.

Girls like to know the guy is interested and want to talk to them, that is the basis for the “rule” of the guy initiating the contact. Girls want to be wooed, pursued, chased, courted, whatever you want to call it. I get it.

But after a while, guys like to get a little attention too, believe it or not. You ladies have no idea how much return on just a little investment of an occasional text out of the blue saying “good morning” or “I was just thinking about you and wanted to say Hi”.

After a certain point, guys start to question whether you’re really interested or just being polite by responding when they text you first. It may just be a festering question at first, but the longer it persists, the more questioning and self-doubt creeps in. Remember my issue with Ellen?

Before I go any further, let me explain that I am not complaining about taking too long to respond or anything like that. I know everyone is busy with their own lives and cannot be held to a timetable. I am busy and can’t always respond quickly, and I don’t expect any different from the girls I date and talk to.

If I haven’t explained this about myself yet, I guess now would be a good time. I tend to be a very “romantic” type of guy. I enjoy doing little special things, like flowers, surprise visits, picking up something you’ve had your eye on for a while at the store, and all sorts of other little surprises to let my girl know I care about her. And the more affection I get from my girl, the more I want to exponentially reciprocate that. But when I don’t feel appreciated, loved, or whatever, I don’t feel like doing those special things.

I will say good morning every morning and goodnight every night – no matter where I am or what I am doing. I try not to expect anything in return.

But those times when my girl beats me to the punch in the morning with a “good morning,” or sends me a text in the middle of her busy day just to say “I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you” mean more than any gift or grand gesture could. Just knowing confidently that she is interested makes things so much easier.

Ladies, it may go against your nature (then again it may not), but doing something small like that for your man may make all the difference in your relationship. Forget about sex, this is much more powerful than that.

Guys may try to act like they are made of steel and super tough, but really, all guys want to know they are appreciated, adored, respected and loved, just like women do.

So try it sometime, ladies. And see what happens.

Huge sports night and I miss it to be with Mona

I don’t miss big sporting events for just anything or anyone!

Every woman in my life knows there are certain games and events  that take precedent over everything (except child-birth, weddings, anniversaries and birthdays). I am not going shopping, out to dinner, to a friend’s house or anywhere else.

Saturday night, Alabama was playing Johnny Manziel (that little punk) and Texas A&M, my favorite team was in a crucial baseball series with playoff implications on the line, my alma mater was having its biggest rivalry game of the year, and Floyd Mayweather was fighting on pay-per-view. Normally, I’d be at a Buffalo Wild Wings trying to watch all of them at once.

However, this was the only night this weekend I was going to be able to see Mona again. So a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. If I miss these sporting events, nothing will really change. But if I don’t take advantage of this opportunity with Mona, that could be it, and I’d possible lose out on seeing her ever again.

I’ve had too much fun talking to her, and had such a great time hanging out with her the other day, I wasn’t about to risk something with that much potential.

During our conversations, it came up that she loves horror movies and no one will go with her to see them. So we talked about go to see the new horror movie, Insidious 2, and then we thought about going to the drive in where they were showing Insidious 2 and The Conjuring. I’m not much a horror movie fan, I think most of them are kind of dumb and very predictable. But I wanted to see The Conjuring and never had the chance to go see it. When she heard that, she was all about going to see The Conjuring. Well, since we decided against the drive-in because neither of us would be able to get our kids from the babysitters until after  1 a.m., I found a local theater that was still playing The Conjuring (even though it comes out on DVD in a few weeks).

I was real playful about it. I told her that if we went to see it, she had better be ready for me to latch on to her or jump into her lap when I get scared. She was playful about it in return. A pretty good sign.

We went out to eat and then to the movie. It was the oldest theater I have been in in more than 10 years. No stadium seating. The screen was small. We sat in the 3rd row just to get close enough to see it. I mean, it would have probably looked better on my TV at home. She (forcibly) bought the snacks at the theater. She knew it goes against my principles to let her pay for anything, without at least clearly stating it ahead of time.

Yes, during the early phase of dating, I won’t let a woman pay for anything on a date, unless it has been discussed before the date. I won’t let her get the check, pay for movie tickets, or anything else once we’re on a date. Now, if she wants to pay, then just say something before we go out, like “hey, I’ve got dinner tonight” or “The movie is on me this time.” Stuff like that.

During the movie, we got very close, without me actually putting my arm around her or holding hands.  She leaned into me quite a few times and then eventually just stayed that close to me.

After the movie we headed back to the restaurant where we ate, which was near the theater, because she left her car there and rode with me to the theater.  Back at the restaurant, we decided to go back in for a few drinks and talk for a while before we each had to get our kids.

She is so easy and fun to talk to. We talked about everything from our bad online dating experiences to catching up on the sports scores from the day. If I didn’t mention it before, she is a big baseball and football fan but loves all sports. So lots of our regular conversations have to do with sports, which is so cool.

On a side note, one thing we talked about was her perfume. She always smells so amazing, it’s almost distracting. In case you were wondering, she said it was Victoria’s Secret Bombshell.

When it was time to leave, we lingered in the parking lot for a while longer talking. We hugged once goodbye, and then talked some more. I am not talking a friendly hug you give to someone after an average date. I’m talking a deep hug like something you exchange after a passionate kiss (minus the actually kiss).

We started talking about when we would see each other again. She has her kids this weekend and I will be out of town. She mentioned that eventually, likely after another date or two, we might start doing things with the kids sometimes. We kicked around a few ideas, and then I said, a minimum I will go visit her for lunch sometime this week before I go out of town. Basically, we tried to figure out how to see each other this week, and next weekend we would be able to plan something because my ex will be in town visiting my son, giving me free time to spend more time with her. We hugged again (just like the first), but managed to talk for a little while longer.

This time she brought up how much she appreciated how respectful I was. She mentioned how she has only been with three lovers before and wants to take things slow. She was very put off by a guy who tried to aggressively kiss her on their first date, which she had told me previously, so I knew to kind of take it slow with her. And she said she wants to make sure the person she is with wants to be with her for her, not for the sex or whatever.

I told her that I was good with that because I saw a lot of potential with her and I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to make things work. She was very appreciative of that, and we hugged one last time. But this time seemed even more meaningful and longer than the others. It was real nice, though I do admit I really wanted to kiss her. But she said that would come – sooner than later, she promised.

We finally both departed to get our kids. Once we got home, we still chatted for a while before going to bed. Today was a great day of chatting all day through all of the football games and our team’s baseball game today. She was hanging out at her parent’s house all day with her family and kids, so it was nice to know she was making that much time for me.

Something I never discussed her was our Match online profiles because I didn’t know exactly what she thought about where we were, since it was still a little early to expect that conversation. But I had received an exceptional number of notifications from Match this weekend, so I logged onto Match to clear them out, plus a few other reasons. That’s when I noticed she had hidden or removed her profile. Normally, when someone hides their profile, it still shows up in certain areas. But her profile no longer shows up anywhere that I can find. Since I seriously doubt she blocked me, it looks like she may have completely removed her profile. I’m not exactly sure what to make of it, but it seems like a pretty good sign. But I have been wrong before.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!