What the hell just happened? Lola just self-destructed

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much weirder, they do.

Things have been going well with Lola and we were even making anytime we could just to hang out together casually.

But then last night everything literally self-destructed – for no apparent reason.

The downside to spending so much time with Lola, has been my schoolwork has been suffering a little bit and I haven’t been keeping up with it as well as I probably should have. Well this week I have already had a test, and have two papers due. So needless to say, my free time has been a little scarce this week.

But I still managed to chat/talk with her as often as I could; during my breaks before/after my son’s baseball games, etc. I wasn’t talking to her as much as I had in the past, but I definitely wasn’t ignoring her either.

Then last night, after I got home after class and picking up my son, I got a series of three emails from her in real quick succession. It was apparently one big email she must have written on her old Blackberry phone and it broke it up into three parts, because the breaks weren’t what you would expect if she did them on purpose.

It started off talking about how she was going through her emails and enjoyed reading them from when we first started to get to know each other exactly a month ago. Then she started talking about she thinks I’ve changed somehow recently and she wanted to know if I thought if there was any potential in our relationship. She confessed to not knowing how to handle dating a single dad, but she was sure something was different between us. Of course there’s more to it, but I’m not trying to make this super long. You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t immediately respond. First, I was kind of caught off guard by it. Plus, I was busy with getting my schoolwork done, helping my son with his schoolwork, making dinner … all that sort of parental stuff. And I was also trying to think about exactly how to respond. I wanted to make sure to convey that nothing was wrong, I was still interested in her, and that maybe I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle being a single dad who is actively dating, since it’s all still relatively new to me.

But before I could get to formulating my response, I got another email from her.

This one basically said that she was sure she wasn’t going to hear from me again for some reason, she wished things could’ve been different, she enjoyed being together, and stuff like that. Basically, it was a goodbye letter.

I still haven’t responded to her yet. I am not sure what exactly to say at this point. I mean, clearly there are some issues coming out now and maybe I don’t want to try to resolve it. She’s been great and all, but this is just plain weird.

I might still just send her something because I don’t like just leaving things without saying something. And I want to clear the air a bit so she understands better where I am at and what is going on. Then again, maybe that will just be pointless.

Maybe it is just selective memory, but I don’t remember dating being this difficult and crazy before.

Mona: Baseball mom knocks it out of the park

Hello everyone. I’m writing this tonight, even though my attention span is being pulled in lots of directions with homework, my son, and flipping between Monday Night Football and baseball games. But I wanted to get this knocked out while it was all fresh in my mind.

Background: Mona contacted me a while ago on Match, but I really didn’t pursue her until just recently. When she first contacted me, there were lots of other things going on: Justine just ended, things with Krystal just started, I started talking to Lola, and then there was the whole Winky thing.

Even though she was very attractive in her profile pictures, she had very little written in her profile so there wasn’t a lot to go on. But as things unfolded with the other ladies, she always managed to stay on the fringe. If you know anything about Match, there are several ways to indicate your interest without actually writing a message. I guess keeping her female pride in tact, she exhausted all of those options over the course of a few weeks without actually breaking down and messaging me.

So, finally, I dropped her a line to say “Hi”, and I must say it was one of more shorter, yet more clever introductory emails. I hate this part of online dating. The Dreaded First Contact Email, especially when Match makes you use a stupid Subject line. She mentioned being a single mom drowning in an ocean of Barbies. My message played off that, being a single parent with a boy with an army of action figures carpeting my house. That, and the fact that we are big baseball fans, was all it took to getting things rolling quickly.

She is 42 with a 21-year-old son who plays competitive amateur baseball, and she loves baseball and football. She also has two younger daughters, 4 & 6. She’s about 5’8″ with great brown eyes, naturally wavy brown hair, and a terrific, fit but not muscular, body (from what I could tell). I got a good initial hug, and there was no cause for any concern.

She gave me her phone number in her initial response because she isn’t sure how much longer she wants to hang around Match (a very very common sentiment these days). So we started texting and talking within hours of that and things have been rolling very nicely.

The Date: As you know, I’ve been a proponent of the “quickie date” recently after too many questionable experiences. Couple that with my crazy schedule, and spending time with Lola, I really don’t know when my next free “date night” will be. So I suggested a lunch date with Mona near her work. She thought that was a great idea and we met today at a restaurant near her office, which is about an hour from my house.

She showed up in a very lovely form-fitting white blouse with jeans that fit perfectly. She looked just like her pictures, but in person that feels so much better. Like I said, we exchanged a very nice hug and she seemed very excited for the date. She had seemed rather excited for it over the last few days, even while she was out of town celebrating her son’s 21st birthday. So things were off to a very good start.

For the hour we were together, we talked mostly about our kids. I felt like I had a constant smile on my face, and looked the same way. We were so focused on each other we nearly forgot to order lunch. The servers were very understanding and patient with us. We were showing each other pictures of our kids like a couple of grandparents showing off their grandkids, and she even moved over to my side of the booth and sat real close to me showing me videos of her son playing baseball.

As it was happening, her sitting that close to me seemed like a very big deal (a good sign), but then the pessimistic side of my brain started downplaying it like it was no big. What do you think? A good sign or not a big deal?

She even commented how impressed she was that I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time, except when we were sharing pictures, because some guys she had recently been out with had their phones out and were paying attention to them instead of paying attention to her.

Idiots!! Even if I had my phone on the table, I wouldn’t have touched it,  because I was so into her. She’s so beautiful and engaging, any guy paying attention to anything else doesn’t deserve a girl like that.

The hour went by way too fast. She had to go because she had a client to meet with. We could have easily spent another hour there just talking. It was very easy and natural.

I walked her to her car and we just kept talking, both of still with smiles on our faces. We both agreed that we need to find a time very soon to get together again for a “real” date with more time together.

Post Date: Since the date actually took place this afternoon, I don’t have a lot of “post date” information for you. I texted her on my way home thanking her for the date and telling her what a good time I had and that I really wanted to get together again. She concurred and we talked about everything from looking like our profile pictures to watching the football and baseball games on TV tonight.

I know I’ve had a few good dates recently. But since January this has to clearly be the best. Yes, the date was good, but the conversations, the things we talk about, the things we have in common, etc., make it a lot more than just a good date. Plus she even fits what I have been looking for physically.

In regards to potential, she has the most of any of them so far (since Abigail). So much, that I would easily consider deleting all of my dating site profiles in a heartbeat if she asked. Of course that is something that won’t be addressed for a while yet, but I’m just sayin’.

However, my pessimistic side is creeping up again, leading me to think this is going to go more like Ellen. She seemed to be a complete packaged deal with lots of potential, but just faded away after the first date and nothing ever amounted from it. Call me overly pessimistic, but that’s the way it is sometimes.

Grade: A (could be a +, we’ll see)

Called it quits with Krystal, the swinging has stopped

Dodging bullets like Neo.
Dodging bullets like Neo.

Well, that’s that.

Enough is enough.

The last week or so I’ve felt like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix, as Krystal has been bombarding me with messages about finding time to get together sometime.

After our last talk, I have not really been interested in seeing her again because things were just getting too weird.  First, I found out she wasn’t honest about the situation when we first agreed to get together, and instead of just wanting a friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship – like she said initially – she wanted more of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Well, some guys may be ok with that, but if I’m going to have a “girlfriend” I want a REAL girlfriend, not a married one. I want to be able to introduce her to my parents, friends and go all sorts of places in public without having to make up lies or be afraid of getting caught.  Then she wanted to start coming to my son’s baseball games and come over to the house after he’s asleep. I’m not comfortable with either one of those things and had to do my best to deflect or say “No” without being too rude about it. We’ve been exchanging a few texts the past few days because she wanted to come over Saturday night after my son was asleep. I hadn’t responded to it yet, because I was really planning out my exit strategy. Then finally tonight, I had the perfect opportunity to execute that plan. The conversation went like this: Krystal: Are you not interested anymore? Me: It’s not that I’m not interested anymore. Me: To be honest, it’s because when we started this, I was under the impression things were different than they are. You told me you wanted a FWB and that you were “happily married” and he knew most of everything. Maybe not all. Now, we talk, and it’s apparent you want more of boyfriend, you’re not happily married, and he knows almost nothing about what’s going on. Krystal: OK Me: You’re married, so we can’t be boyfriend/girlfriend. And I’m not going to “play” in those parameters of boyfriend/girlfriend when you can’t really be my girlfriend. If I’m going to have a girlfriend, I want a legitimate one. It’s just a lot to take in and I’m not sure how comfortable with it all I am. I’m sorry about that. Krystal: That’s OK. I understand. However, it seems to easy. So either I will hear from her again tomorrow or this weekend, trying to explain herself and get a second chance, or she’s already found another “player” and really isn’t that broken up about it. Either way, as long as it’s over, that’s all that matters to me now. Especially with two – maybe three – more potential dates looming in the next week or so, on top of things currently going on with Lola. I also heard from “Winky” again today and we’re still feeling things out trying to find a time to get together. Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Speed Dating: Just my random thoughts hitting all sorts of things

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on things to update you all on, but I didn’t want to write a new post for each individual one. So I figured I would knock them all out here.

First, things with Lola have lots of potential. We’ve hung out a few times and have a great time together every time. We haven’t had what I would call our official second date yet, since we have only hung out together for an hour or two just to spend some time together having lunch together or something. No, we haven’t had sex yet. Is that all you people think about?

Speaking of sex; things with Krystal are fading out, and fast. She recently started a new job so I haven’t had the same exposure to her that I normally had. But she is very clingy and a little intrusive. She’s always telling me she misses me, and has even been asking to come to my son’s baseball games and come over after he goes to bed at night. I’ve had to shut her down more times in the past week than I would ever care to.

We also had to have “The Talk: Deuce” because after the initial version of “The Talk” some things started coming out that I wasn’t really cool with. When this whole thing started, I was under the impression this was just going to be a fun FWB thing, and that her husband was cool with it. Well … apparently he doesn’t know about me as much as I was led to believe. She says he is rather naive and clueless and has no idea of what she is doing. She isn’t happy in her marriage and doesn’t leave because of the kids. She told me earlier that she was “happily married and in love with her husband” several times. So, the tapestry is unraveling. And now I’m not as comfortable with this as I once was. This is definitely a different scenario than what I signed up for in the beginning, and I thought I was pretty blunt and honest with her as to what I was looking for. She wants to get together next week after I get back from my long family weekend trip to Texas. I am not really interested and kind of dreading it. Especially with thing going well with Lola and the possibility of another upcoming date (with Miley). I think it’s about time to end this bad MTV reality show I’m living in. I’m not desperate enough to need sex that bad to need to hold on to this arrangement.

And remember, I told you that my luck would change once I started down this Ashley Madison-inspired trail. First Lola comes along right as things with Krystal and I get started, and then Miley, with whom I’ve had only 2 messages with previously, comes jumping back into the picture, after a few weeks of nothing. So I figured I’d at least have a quickie date with her for lunch or something to see how things look. I don’t juggle girls very well, so I’m not really interested in dating multiple girls at the same time, but I guess I can’t also dismiss one without at least checking it out first. You never know what might happen. All the more reason to get rid of my clingy, married, side piece.

Lastly, I am still looking for any feedback or suggestions on what you guys would like to see from me on here. Any additions, topics, whatever. You name it and I’ll consider it.

Thanks for reading and have a great Labor Day weekend.

Keeping it fresh: What do you want to see?

Wow, this has been going a lot better than I thought it would when I started. But it can always be better. I’ve got some great regular followers and lots of random passers-by.

I’ll still keep doing what I am doing and filling you guys in on all my dating antics. But what I want to know from you is; how can I make this better for you? What do you want to see me talk about? What features do you want me to add?

I’m just looking for a little feedback from you, my readers, to see what would keep bringing you back and help spread the word.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to your suggestions!

Lola: I took a shot and hit the target

Background: Lola is another one of my Match dates. She didn’t send me any messages or winks, but she liked a few of my photos. So I checked out her profile, liked what I read and saw, and decided I’d just send her a note thanking her for admiring my photos and just made some small talk. She responded, and we started talking from there.

She was ending her time on Match after only about 2 months because she was having to block too many guys, hide her profile too often and was even thinking of changing her phone number because of all the creeps she’d been meeting online. This has been a broken record lately, talking with girls who are fed up with sites like Match because the guys are too creepy, inappropriate or over-aggressive.

We’d been emailing back and forth for a few days until her paid account expired, then she gave me her personal email and things were going very well. I took a little extra time before offering up texting and calling each other because I didn’t want to seem like I was just like all the other guys she was talking to. Even though I got a sense that she didn’t think of me that way, I still didn’t want to push my luck.

But I did NOT want to play myself into the FriendZone. So I offered up my phone number and things took off from there. No hesitation on her part to text me, or call me, so things were looking pretty solid.

So after a couple of weeks of talking/chatting, I finally had a free night coming up and we set up a date. She’s a hairdresser and has a unique schedule where she has alternating weekends off, and has Mondays and Tuesdays off. She usually doesn’t have Fridays off, so she took a vacation day so we could go out Friday night.

A little about Lola: She’s tall (5’11”) – which is a weakness of mine, attractive, in her low-40s (just a bit older than me), never been married and doesn’t have any kids of her own. But she’s very much a family person, loves kids and is very involved with her nieces and nephews. I haven’t asked about the “no kids” thing yet because that is kind of a sensitive issue. Maybe she can’t for some reason and I don’t want to broach that subject too soon, especially since having kids is not any sort of priority for either of us (her profile listed that she didn’t want kids but it was ok if her partner had kids).

I kicked around some new and different ideas for our first date. I thought about taking her to a baseball game just to do something a little non-traditional, otherwise we’d just do the typical dinner and dancing idea (since she mentioned she likes to dress up and guys don’t take her anywhere which requires her to dress up). So I came up with a very non-traditional choice, but wouldn’t tell her what it was, trying to keep things interesting. I let her know what she should wear (casual clothes), but that’s really all I would let on.

The Date: Based on where we were going and our time constraints because I had to drop my son off at his friend’s house, she agreed to drive to me because it would take about 2 hours for me to drive out to get her and come all the way back. Thanks to rush-hour traffic, it took quite a bit longer for her to get to my house than originally planned, but it wasn’t a big deal.

I was so relieved when she finally got out of her car that she looked like her pictures and like she described herself. She was tall, slender and very cute. We were already leaving many of my previous dates in the dust at this point, and we’d barely said “Hello” yet.

We chatted as I drove to our initial date location, but I still didn’t tell her where we were going. As I turned down the street to our destination, I asked her if she had ever fired a gun before. She replied with much more excitement than I expected, “Is that where we’re going?” When I responded affirmatively, she was so excited.

At this point, I figured the rest of the night would go smooth, because I thought this was the “make or break” moment. Either she would hate the idea and the date would suck, or she would love it and the date would go great. Thank goodness it was the latter. I had also read in numerous places that taking a date to a gun range can really get the endorphins flowing.

It worked like a charm. I gave her some instructions on how to hold, aim and fire a handgun. Of course this meant plenty of opportunities to get close and touch her. That really seemed to break the ice so much faster. And we had to get real close to talk to each either, too, since it was so loud inside the range.

I could see the surge rushing through her after she fired off her first shot. I let her fire about 75% of the shots, since I’ve fired countless numbers of rounds in all of my years in the military. I would step in every once in a while to fire a few rounds when she needed a break because her hands and arms were getting tired. I helped with more instruction, gave her advice, and helped spot her shots so she knew where she was hitting the target. For a beginner, she was doing outstanding. She would generally hit the target within a 3-inch radius of where she was aiming and was keeping her shots in tight groups. That is something military and law enforcement practice hard at being able to achieve. She was a natural.

I expected to only be there about an hour, but almost 2 hours later, we decided to head to dinner even though she would’ve stayed longer to fire more since she was having so much fun. We even kept the targets so she could have them as souvenirs and take them home. I even took pictures and video of her so she could have them all to show her friends and family. She really appreciated that and couldn’t wait to show the girls at her salon.

The next stop was a live music spot in my part of town that I had been wanting to check out for a while. It is supposed to be a jazz/blues club, but also has bands that play some rock as well. It is also billed as one of the top local barbecue joints in the area.

We got there after 9 p.m. and found a nice spot up near the front. The place was almost at capacity but there were a few open tables. We ordered a few beers and the barbecue sample combo. The food was outstanding, but still took second place to Lola.

We had such good, easy conversation while we ate and listened to a local 3-piece blues/rock band. We had lots of laughs and never ran out of anything to talk about. I found ways to talk mainly about her and her career, and stuff like that. I am not much about talking about myself. Time flew by. We even managed to find ways to continue to casually touch each other – always a very good sign on a date. The next thing we realized, it was about 11:30 p.m.

As we were getting ready to leave, I apologized for making our first date so loud so we basically had to yell at each other all night just to have a conversation. She laughed it off and we decided to go somewhere much more quiet to talk for a little bit longer. So we headed to my place for another beer or two and talk.

At my place, we cracked open a couple of beers and talked for a little while longer. I had a been a fairly good boy to this point in the night, and decided I need to make my intentions known and made my move for the kiss. After that, everything was glorious. It was great. We made out for a little while – kept our clothes on the whole time (in case you were wondering) – and then sometime after 1 a.m. I suggested it would probably be a good idea if she went home before things got into some dangerous area.

I walked her to her car, gave her directions how to get back to the highway (since I had to walk her in to my place earlier), and we kissed a bit more. As always, I made sure she let me know when she got home. About 2 a.m. she texted me she was home and we exchanged a few more messages before going to bed. Things were looking very promising.

Post date: Like I said, things are looking very promising. We’ve been talking all day and have even planned another “date” for Monday afternoon, since she doesn’t work and I don’t have class.  I want to make sure I see her again this week because next weekend I will be out of town for Labor Day weekend and won’t be able to see her for almost 2 weeks.

Now, I have to figure out what this means with the whole Krystal situation. She was constantly texting me last night during the date, but I was ignoring them because I think it’s rude to keep checking your phone on a date. I have to check to see who it is, in case it is an emergency or something with my son, but if it is someone else, I ignore it and don’t respond. And all that did was make it worse because I was ignoring her. Ugh.

Grade: A

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more!

Premature ejaculation and farting all night

Hey-oo!! Bet that grabbed your attention, didn’t it?? You’ll see where I’m going with that in a bit, but trust me, that has NOTHING to do with me!

First, an update. I had “The Talk” with Krystal about what she was expecting from me in this swinging relationship of hers. After all of the comments and hints of jealousy, I expected a lot more drama. But basically, she saw things my way. She agreed she would have no reason to get upset with me for seeing other women, especially given her situation.

She did ask that if I was going to get into a serious/sexual relationship with a girl, that I let her know and we part ways at that point. That’s totally fair. I mean, if I was going to have a sexual relationship with a legitimate girlfriend prospect, I would definitely end things with Krystal first.

There is no way I would start a potential serious relationship having a side piece in my pocket just for sex. I mean, if that’s all she (Krystal) is there for, and I can get sex from my new girlfriend, then what’s the point of keeping her (Krystal) around? There isn’t any.

And she respected the fact that I brought it up before I did something “wrong” and upset her.

Deep down, I know she doesn’t like the idea of me seeing another girl, but she knows she has no room to say anything about it. Even though this has been interesting and kind of fun, I am really (honestly) on the lookout for a serious girlfriend candidate.

The good news is, I have a date with a new candidate Friday night with Lola – the tall hairdresser. Stay tuned!

Now for the good stuff.

I have a friend that used to be a co-worker with me back in days in the Washington DC area. She still lives there, and we keep in touch every now and then. We are very similar yet total opposites. She writes a dating blog as well and we share stories, swap advice, and all the fun stuff like that.  Recently, we had been talking about her wanting to have “The Talk” with this muscle-head teacher guy she was dating. They went out for a few weeks and she was ready to get exclusive with him, and they finally had sex.

And that’s when things went sour. He kind of dropped off the radar (I’m over simplifying this) and then eventually stopped returning messages all together. When this situation of him not responding to her first started, we discussed her needing to have “The Talk” with him. So she set a time to have “The Talk” with him the next time she saw him, which was on their regular Thursday date (last week). The date never happened because he never responded to her.

A few days passed, and finally enough was enough. She could not let this disrespectful behavior go unnoticed and unpunished.

Before I get to the juice, know that the worst thing you can do – especially after having sex – is end any sort of relationship by just “ignoring it away.” Have the guts to at least say something as to why you’re done with the relationship. It’s the respectful thing to do. Sure, we’ve all had first dates where you never talk to the person again (I’ve done it and it’s happened to me), but I’m talking about relationships where you’ve started to invest yourselves in each other. Even though it will hurt, it’s the right thing to do. I do it because I would like the same courtesy.

OK, now on with the show.

She told me she’d had enough with this dude and wrote him a serious nastygram. I am sharing this letter with you, in its entirety because I loved it SO much, I asked her if I could please share it with you. She agreed, mainly because she wasn’t sure about posting it on her blog. So for your reading enjoyment, her it is.

“You’re a coward. I was gonna stop by Rhino and ask you what made you pull back so fast. But I didn’t want to scare you. It’s just really inconsiderate to totally stop communication the way you did. It’s immature. Even if you thought my feelings would be hurt, you should have shared your thoughts.

You complain all the time about lack of respect and common courtesy from people, yet you can’t even give it. Maybe that’s why you don’t receive it.
I think I was more than kind to you. I took into consideration that you fight depression and I tried to give you compliments and make you feel good. I didn’t even tell you that I didn’t have an orgasm not even one time. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And I thought that in time I would teach you how to bring me to that point.
Maybe the interracial thing was too much for you, or maybe you met someone else. I even thought you felt I was getting too close to you. Whatever the issue, you really should have told me. I think we built enough rapport for that expectation.
I guess i just wanted some sense if closure. I had been dating others while we dated, and I continue to date, but I was hoping to get closer to you. But I remember when I met you, you told me you’re always a woman’s second or third choice. At the time I thought you meant it as if you didn’t prefer to be in second place. But I understand now that you don’t want to be the first one.
All that is cool. Thanks for a fun summer. I just wish my last memory of you didn’t include you prematurely ejaculating, and farting all night.
Take care,
And I wish you success in life.”
Thanks for reading! And stay tuned this weekend for my update on my date with Lola. I really have high hopes for this one. So much so I’m going a little “outside the box” for this one.