Talia: Date was great but my son is only 8

By now, everyone should be familiar with my naming game for my dates. I name them alphabetically (so we’re up to “T” since I started this thing) with random, false names to easily keep track and anonymous. And yes, I do have a master list of coinciding real names, but it isn’t stored electronically anywhere in case some Chinese or Iranian hacker wants to try to blackmail me someday.

This update features Talia, a name inspired by the fact that I was watching the Rocky marathon on TV when we were really starting to get to know each other. For those wondering how that ties with Rocky, well, Adrian – Rocky’s wife – is played by Talia Shire. Ok? Moving on.

Talia is about as close to being the opposite of Staci (and many of the other girls I’ve dated recently) as you can get without actually be a dude. She’s a nurse, only 5’4″, dark hair that she has slightly tinted with a redish-purple, busty, very expressive and communicative, and light-hearted. She had been married twice before and has a 24-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter.

She contacted me on Match and we began talking. We really hit it off quickly and spent the first few days sending countless emails and texts, along with numerous phone calls asking all sorts of questions and talking about everything imaginable. We had SO much in common it was scary. We answered just about every basic question the same, with the exception of her liking fish and me hating it, and her favorite color was Orange … and mine isn’t.

We set up a date for Thursday because she was heading out of town Friday to spend the weekend with an old friend of her’s in San Diego as part of birthday celebration. Thursday was Talia’s birthday. She was insistent that we go out Thursday (on her birthday) because her deceased twin (who passed away 2 years ago in an accident) would want her to spend her birthday doing something with someone that would make her happy [1].

Things continued to develop very well up until Thursday. Lots of talking, texting and selfies. This girl had way too many selfies of herself, and she’d send me a few every day. I mean dozens that she sent me. She was gorgeous – don’t get me wrong – but I mean a bit too many selfies of yourself if you ask me. [2]

But in the meantime, I was a bit stressed out. I was struggling to find a babysitter for my son and was on the verge of having to cancel when one of my son’s friends’ parents (who knew of my situation) invited him along to a pool party they were going to. Yay, saved! So the date was on. I didn’t share these issues with Talia, by the way.

We met for dinner and immediately upon meeting she gave me a very intimate hug. I’m all for going for an introductory hug, if the moment feels right, but this was a bit intimate and lingered. [3] Dinner conversation was great! We talked about her interest in getting married again – she definitely wanted to, but I’m just open to the idea, that’s not my goal here. We talked about past relationships, and somehow we even had things in common with our past relationships and ex’s, so we understood where the other was coming from.

After dinner, since it was her birthday, I asked if there was anything particular she wanted to do for her birthday. She didn’t have any preference. So I mentioned we should just go have drinks at this bar I like to go to that has a rooftop bar with nice cozy couches and always has sports on the TV. She’s a big baseball fan, almost as much as I am. She would text me game updates and ask questions even when I didn’t have the game on. She was on top of it more than I was. Not a bad sign.

She thought that sounded perfect, even though I threw some alternate ideas out. At the bar, on the rooftop, we found a perfect sofa lounger with a perfect view of the game. We talked about random things as well as the game. That’s when she started telling me about this guy that strung her along and messed with her, she thought they were dating but he only thought they were just friends (with benefits). [4] She even mentioned that at some point, she is pretty sure she freaked him out [7], but she wouldn’t tell me how she thinks she freaked him out. So, even though I asked this once previously, I made sure she wasn’t still hung up on this guy. You can guess I’m a bit gunshy on the whole “hung up on ex’s” thing after Staci. She insisted she wasn’t and that it wouldn’t be a problem with us. She even clutched my hand (and didn’t let go the rest of the night) and snuggled closer after I brought that up, as a way of trying to ease my concern.

Well, that was until she mentioned “the other guy.” [5]

Right about the time we set up the date, she hid her profile on Match. She mentioned it to me because she said she wanted to “focus on getting to know” me. So after our discussion, I did the same thing. I really liked her and wanted to see where things were going, and I didn’t have any other serious conversations going on at the time.

Things were going so well, I brought up seeing her again and when she was available. Being a nurse, her schedule is very odd and whacked out. The next Thursday was about the only time I could realistically have a chance of seeing her because she was working lots of weekends and I am going to my brother’s over Labor Day weekend. So I said Thursday would have to do, because I wasn’t going to wait three weeks in between dates.

That’s when she brought up “the other guy.” She said that the day she met me on Match, another guy showed interest in her too, and she has been talking to both of us and she had a date set up with him on Monday (after she got back from San Diego). Needless to say that changed the tone of the whole date for the rest of the night (about the next 30-60 minutes). She insisted that she really liked me and wanted to see me again, but she was going out with this guy because she made the plans with him before she made up her mind about me and didn’t want to be rude and cancel.

Things tapered a little after that, and then around 9pm I said I needed to wrap things up because I had to go pick my son up from the sitter because it was a school night. She knew about the timing from the beginning, so this wasn’t a cop-out or anything. As we walked out, she grabbed my hand and we held hands as I walked her to her car. At her car, we said goodnight and kissed. However this wasn’t your typical first-date goodnight kiss. As soon as I went in for the kiss, she was clearly ready for it and it ended up being a long, deep, passionate type of kiss that lasted a while, not your normal easy, gentle, non-tongued kiss.

After we went our own ways, she texted me numerous times the rest of the night, just like everything was cool. But it clearly wasn’t.

Starting the next day, things clearly started falling apart. I hardly heard from her Friday.[6] I texted a few times to see if she was on her way, etc. Her responses were short and non-engaging. She said she would let me know when she landed in San Diego. She never did. I texted her later that night just to say “I hope you’re having a good time.” I’m guessing some of you are wondering why I was being kind of clingy with her about it. Well, she mentioned early on that she likes to know that her guy is thinking about her and likes to hear from him every once in a while. So I was just trying to make sure I didn’t give the impression I wasn’t interested. But I definitely wasn’t overdoing it.

Saturday was more of the same. I hardly heard from here. And when I did, it was in response to my text and it wasn’t very engaging either. Short, quick responses, then nothing for several hours (meaning like 5-6 hours). I wasn’t sweating it, but I was noting it. I was totally intending to give her her space to enjoy her time with her friend, while also still trying to maintain a level of interest with her.

Sunday was a little better. She communicated a lot more on Sunday, and actually let me know when she got back home. However I did notice she never responded to my question about Thursday. Earlier in the day,I asked her about Thursday again because I needed to make sure I could secure a sitter for Thursday. But I got no answer. After she got home, we chatted for a little bit, and I told her that after she got settled in, and had time later, we should talk about her trip because I wanted to hear how it went. I’m very partial to San Diego after living there for more than 6 years, so I wanted to hear what she did and where they went.

That’s when I got the text message saying she didn’t think we were a match. She thought I was a great guy and everything, but she doesn’t want to date anyone with kids younger than her’s. That may sound a bit odd and selfish, but to her credit, she DID have that written in her Match profile, so it’s not like it was some out of the blue thing. However, remember, SHE contacted me first on Match, and my profile also clearly states that I have an 8-year-old son that lives with me full-time.

And that was that. Just like that, it was over. In retrospect, I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, if you go back and look at the highlighted numbers (i.e. [1] ) you’ll see some of the warning signs that I noticed immediately and let pass, or that caught my attention later.

Moving on.

And I’ve been getting some questions asking if I have heard anything from Staci yet. NO, I have not. It’s only been a week people. I told you, after a month, maybe two, she’ll realize what a bad idea getting back with this guy was. But the more I think about it, the more I think I won’t hear from her again, and the less I think I want to. So again, moving on!

I hope you all have a good week, and as always thanks for reading! Please share this site with your friends and readers on your own blog.

Phoebe: Hello tall nurse

If you want to judge that I’m already dating (what you think might be) so soon after breaking up with Olive, go ahead. I’ll sleep just fine knowing I hung onto a dead relationship for months hoping to see signs of life. But now it’s time to move on and live my life.

The first opportunity I had was with a tall blonde nurse, Phoebe. She is one of the few girls I’ve dated who is actually older than me, and she is also one of the more attractive ones. Did I mention she was tall? She’s 5’11 which is the absolute max for any girl I date. Remember, I don’t date girls taller than me and in heels she’ll be right at my height.

We talked for a few days before setting up a time to actually meet. We opted to meet at a Starbucks located between us on a Saturday morning. There was a little corner blocked off by the counter with two really nice padded high-back chairs. It was a cozy little setting to just sit and talk.

The conversation was very easy and natural, and no awkward silences. Before we knew it, it was time to wrap it up because we both had other plans set for the afternoon. As we said goodbye, she initiated the hug – which was a pleasant surprise – and we both went our ways. Less than 30 minutes later she texted me thanking me for getting together, coincidentally as I was typing a similar text to her. I told her I would like to see her again, if she was interested. And we talked every day for a while via text and even a few phone calls.

She doesn’t have a lot of time to talk – as a nurse – due to the fact that she works for a short-staffed state prison hospital. She works lots of 12-hour days and 60-70 hour weeks. She has two adopted boys from her marriage. I don’t know why she didn’t have kids of her own, I didn’t ask.

She went out of town a while ago and we didn’t talk for a few days. Then after she got back talking was very sporadic, and again, it ended up feeling like she was only talking to me in response to messages I sent her. We’ve talked about this before. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from her, so at this point I’m guessing talking to me isn’t on her to-do list, so I’m pretty sure that’s where this one ends.

If something changes, I’ll be sure to let you know. Otherwise, stay tuned for more dating adventures or mis-adventures. There are few blips on the radar, so maybe I’ll have something more interesting to post soon.

Thanks for reading!!