Doubleheader weekend and more on deck

You know the whole “things happen for a reason” business, and the line about “when one door closes, another opens”? Staci who?

Ya, so true. It has been a crazy week. My Match profile has been blowing up this week. Granted, 75% of that has been your typical fake profiles, spam and scam accounts, which by the way is about ready to cause me to suspend my profle for a while to get away from all that. But I’ve had lots of prospects.

I had originally planned to see Uma (ok, my only 2 “U” name options were Uma and Ursula, what would you have done?) Saturday night. She’s an assistant principal at a local high school. Never married, no kids and her profile didn’t have a picture. Three strikes, right? But she contact me first with a very long, meaningful message and seems very interested in meeting me. We’ve talked over the past week a little, but she’s not like most girls on Match. I don’t hear from her very much, yet when I do she seems very interested. However, a work function came up for Saturday night so we’re going to meet for an hour or so Saturday for appetizers and drinks before her work function.

That opened the door for Violet on Saturday night. I am so relieved! I have really been wanting ask Violet out but didn’t have a window of opportunity any time soon, with my commitments with my son plus going out of town over Labor Day weekend. Violet and I have had a really good connection. She’s an accountant, mother of  4, fitness buff, blonde and gorgeous. But today, we were chatting and she mentioned she’d really like to see me tonight, even though our date is just tomorrow night. So i suggested we meet for drinks this afternoon before I picked my son up from school. She said she was just in workout clothes and had her hair up in a ponytail wearing a baseball hat. I said, “So?” She agreed and we met for a little over an hour. It was really good and fun. The conversation was great, she was beautiful even in her workout clothes, though I will admit she was a little heavier than I would’ve guessed from her pictures. But that didn’t bother, I thought she still looked great. So now we have the “first date” out of the way and we’ll see each other again tomorrow night.

Now, for those who routinely follow this page, you’re probably noticing that seeing Violet today throws my naming game off. True. But I had already decided on who was Uma and Violet before making plans today, so I’m sticking with it. Deal with it, you’ll get over it.

And ironically, one of these lady’s real name is actually one I used as a pseudonym for one of the girls recently posted on here. I really try to avoid using names I might actually run into.

There are also a few other developing options. One in particular I really hope develops into something, but she is a long-distance situation, which I really try to avoid. But again, she make a serious effort to contact me and sell herself why she was worth me making an exception to my distance “rule.” But we’ll see how that develops.

So please stay tuned for more updates, and as always, thanks for reading!

The Justine Conspiracy: Logic says no one is that crazy but my gut says otherwise

Recently, I told you all about Justine, the yoga instructor from New York that had so much potential but flipped out over my profile not being hidden and threatened to basically spy on me online. Well there is potentially another whole new layer to this story. But I need your help in keeping my head straight.

I’m going to try to keep this as succinct as possible. I swear!

If you remember, it was about 1 a.m. the night/morning things began  to unravel with Justine because she went on to her Match account (which she had hidden) and noticed mine was still active (but not accessed in about a week) and proceeded to flip out on me. The argument/breakup lasted through most of the weekend. You can catch up on it all here.

Well, a part I left out of the original story was that just a matter of minutes (10-15 minutes) before I got the first salvo from Justine about everything, I received a notification that I had received a Match Wink from a new girl – so I don’t screw up my naming process, I can’t officially name her yet, so I’ll just call her Winky for now. I didn’t check it out, first because it was after midnight and I was almost asleep, and also because I had no intention of checking it out yet because things were very good with Justine and it was just a wink, it didn’t really mean anything.

But after things started getting crazy with Justine, I really started to get leery about that wink from Winky, and I really wondered if it was a trick to see (perpetrated by Justine) to see if I would check it out, even though I said I wouldn’t check my account. For the record, I didn’t look at it until a week after I broke things off with Justine. My thought was either she made the account to spy on me (and probably other guys) or she was using a friend’s account because I had helped her make an account on Match for another one of her friends.

I didn’t think much of it after things ended with Justine, but I couldn’t get the thought of it being a trick out of my head. So I started paying attention to both profiles. Both profiles are favorited on my account so I can easily see them together on the same screen. YES, I am admitting right here and now I was doing a little online dating stalking (a little). I wasn’t actually clicking on their profiles or messaging them or anything.

But one trend became very apparent. When one would be away for 3 or 5 days, the other would be gone for 3 or 5 days (always the same). When one was online, the other had just been active “within 1 hour” or came online shortly. This didn’t just happen once or twice, but numerous times. I’m talking over a period of about 2+ weeks now for sure, and a total of almost a month now.

The thing is, I had exchanged an email or two with Winky early on. Nothing deep or anything, and then she faded out and I did not hear from her again. But a little over a week ago, I heard from her again and she went straight into serious flirting and asking to get together sometime. I responded that it would be good to get together, but kept paying serious attention to the two profiles. And again, they seem to be online at about the same time. And when one was away for 3 days this past week, the other one was gone for 3 days and they both checked their profiles within about an hour of each other the other day.

I just got a message from Winky wanting to get together Wednesday afternoon for lunch. She has a very specific window that we can meet in this certain area of town so she can get to her appointments easily. I cannot accurately remember Justine’s yoga schedule but I do know she had classes in that same part of time with classes often bracketing lunch in this same way.

Aside from the obvious question of “What do you guys think?”, my main question I pose to you all is, “How do I find out for sure before showing up and getting duped into some trick, if it is all a setup?”

If it is all just a major coincidence, Winky seems like someone I would definitely like to date and see what happens. So I never want to blow it with someone with potential, so I don’t want to do something to blow it with her before even meeting her.

Maybe it’s just me, but my gut keeps telling me something just isn’t right here. And my gut is not wrong very often.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all had a good Labor Day weekend.

End of Summer Lovin’: Justine on the outs, Georgia, Abigail and Constance

As Summer begins to wind down, so does the majority of dating activity – or at least I hope not. I tried to pack as much as I could into the short time I had while my son was on his Summer vacation. I met some real interesting girls. Some I wished could’ve worked out, some I’m glad didn’t, and others that are at least good for a good story.

Well, just as I started to think things with Justine were headed to a more serious/committed status, I get blindsided by the trust monster. She hid her Match profile because some guys were getting a little creepy (nothing new) and left it hidden while we were dating. Several times I had mentioned that I hadn’t even checked my profile since our second date, when I decided to focus on her. And my intention was not to check it – period – as long as I was still dating her, regardless of any emails, winks or other contacts I received.

This weekend, that apparently wasn’t good enough and caused a serious rift. The other night, we had said our “goodnights” and a while later I got a message after I had been asleep for a while. It was about 1 a.m. and she texted that she couldn’t sleep and was just messing around on the computer. I didn’t think much of it. Then a little bit later, I got a message going on about how foolish she felt that she had her profile hidden while I did not. It evolved (or devolved, as it may be) into a situation where I was leaving it up because I was still looking for someone better.

First, anyone who knows anything about how Match works know that you just have to look at my profile and it will tell you how long it has been since I last logged into the site, for whatever reason. So anyone could tell it had been over a week since I had last logged in. But that wasn’t good enough, nor the issue – apparently. Now comes the rub. How would she know whether or not my profile was hidden or not? Answer: she was on the site.

The glaring double-standard here was enough to cause good bit of turbulence. As I could feel my blood pressure rise as she tried to make her point as to why this was something I was doing wrong, I opted to let things rest and not address them while I was at my peak of emotion and tired. I said I would talk more about it the next day, but that wasn’t satisfactory. By the time I woke up the next day, I had about 10 more text messages and a voicemail all in variety of tones ranging from apologetic to angry and all shades in between.

So when we finally got a chance to talk about it, the common sense approach didn’t go as well as I thought it might. My opinion was, the only way she knew my profile wasn’t hidden was because she was on the site when she said she wasn’t going to be and had her profile hidden. Her excuse was that she was still receiving messages and communications from the site even though she had her profile hidden and she wanted to find out why. She did mention a few days ago that she was going to check it out, so I figured she did it then. I was also curious that she was on the site after 1 a.m. and what she actually did on the site. When she told me that she also read the messages and spent more time on the site perusing around, that was kind of the tipping point for me.

I could not, for the life of me, figure out why all of this was my fault. I even addressed the fact that we had never discussed me hiding my profile. So, for me, from my point of view, me not visiting the site was a clear and obvious commitment to her and not anyone else. And for her to accuse me of other motives while she was checking out messages on the site from other men she had been in previous contact with, seemed rather hypocritical to me.

But that wasn’t the end. As the conversation went on and I tried to state my case, she made the threat/warning/comment that if I was on the site, she would find out because women have their ways. She went on to say that she had other ways to find out if I was checking out the site and that she has friends who might check in on my profile to see what I was doing. What?? She basically just said she was going to spy on me. We’ve only been dating a couple of weeks and we are already at the spying stage? I didn’t get to that stage until the very end of my marriage.

And that wasn’t the first sign of trust issues with her. So, we had to have a little chat. I cancelled our plans for the weekend because I wanted time to process things. My plan wasn’t to call everything off and break up. But my request for space – with the promise that things would be better after a little time – wasn’t respected. Instead, I kept getting pestered, including overnight as I slept. That was when she went overboard and said she thought we were broken up. More texts and voicemails followed the next day, and it just got to obsessive. So now, we have to have another “big talk” and it is really getting to the point where I am finding it hard to see staying together.

I just can’t handle distrust so early. I understand some people are different than I am, and have an initial distrust or caution, which is understandable. But don’t automatically throw you distrust issues on me when I haven’t done anything to deserve that kind of scrutiny yet. I am the type of person where I will automatically trust you (to a certain level) from the beginning until you do something to prove otherwise.

So it doesn’t look like things will go as well as I thought they might. Then again, her reaction to our discussion about how things will be once school starts also led me to believe we might not last long after school started. But I was still willing to wait it out and see if we couldn’t work it out.

Well, with all that out there and things apparently on the outs and her still checking Match, what should I do? Yep, that’s right, I checked out Match again. And what do you think I found? Georgia was back on Match.

It was rather disheartening, mainly for the reason that I truly believed her when she told me that she thought she wasn’t ready to date again after her last major relationship. It made sense and didn’t totally catch me off guard. My response to her was that I understood and that if she changed her mind to let me know because I would really like to see her again. Before she told me that, her profile was hidden (since before our first date) because she was avoiding some creepy guys. And when I checked Match again, it showed that her profile was available again and active within the last hour (which means she was just on). I was also a little bummed because I really would have preferred things worked out with her, and not have to move onto other girls. But, what’s a guy to do?

Lastly, since I need to wrap this up, the last two date reviews I have yet to post are of Abigail and Constance. I have waited to do those until the end because both of those are not just first date reviews, they are more of a relationship review since both lasted longer than just a few dates. So I will synopsis them to encapsulate the whole relationship.

Thank you for following along, and stay tuned for more.

Beatrice: Cute Southern drawl, but wasn’t what I ordered (Rewind)

Background: Beatrice was one of my first real communications on eHarmony. There had been Smiles (eHarmony’s version of the Wink) exchanged with other members and I had managed to make it through some levels of the 5-step gauntlet eHarmony uses before you get to actually emailing each other. But Beatrice was the first (I think) that managed to make it through the gauntlet and we actually started exchanging emails. From there we followed the script of exchanging numbers, texting and then started talking on the phone.

We found lots of things to talk about and the connection developing (via email, text and phone calls) was getting better with each passing day. And once we started talking on the phone, that’s all I wanted to do because she had the sexiest Southern drawl that I just ate up.

She was also absolutely adorable (from what I saw from her pictures). Cute as a button would have been a term I would’ve used. She had amazing blue eyes, full lips and the most gorgeous head of naturally curly bright blonde hair. She was a professional chef who worked from home quite a bit, which was interesting. We were always talking about food and cooking. Things were definitely looking up!

We tried for a few days to get together for a date before finally settling for an evening date on a night when I just got back into town from a work trip.

The Date: We decided to do the classic dinner and movie thing, except this time we were going to one of the theaters which serves food at the movies. Since she was coming from another town just to the South of me, and would pass right by my house on the way to the theater anyway, we decided she would just stop at my house and park her car and we would drive together. But on the way she texted me, with what seemed like an innocent enough message, but should have been something I really needed to take to heart. She texted me that she “felt bloated, and like a whale.”

That all became too clear when she showed up at my door. She was clearly at least, at LEAST, 25 pounds heavier than any of the pictures in her profile. Sorry, but that’s not bloated. “Bloated” does not affect your legs, face or arms. As I’ve stated before, one thing I really can’t stand is when people “lie” by posting inaccurate pictures of themselves on their profiles. After the date, I looked back at her profile and there was nothing to even remotely indicate she was heavy. Nothing! 

But, given how good our connection and conversations had been to this point, I was willing to overlook her size because she was still rather cute – but not what was I was expecting. I hadn’t totally shut down the date mentally yet. I was going to give it a chance.

On the way to the theater, and when we first arrived at the theater, the conversation was good and we were both laughing and having a good time. We even had a good chuckle when I pointed out to her that one picture she had posted on her profile showed a little bit of areola around her nipple. She didn’t believe me, so I had to show her. It was pretty funny. We got to the theater early enough that we decided to eat dinner out in the bar area outside the theaters. But that’s where things really turned south.

For some unknown reason, she kept giving our server a hard time. She would make rude comments if the server didn’t answer her questions as she was expecting, or if she thought she was taking too long, or for any number of reasons. I finally got to the point where I asked if she was OK and what that was all about. She tried to explain that she thought the service was bad, but there was nothing worth commenting on, as far as I was concerned. I thought everything was just fine.

That is what stuck under my skin for the rest of the night – how rude she was to people. She made a few other comments to other people that I thought were very unjustified, unnecessary and rude.

During the movie, we didn’t cuddle or hold hands or anything like I had originally hoped. And after the movie we had some basic conversation about the movie on the way back to my place. Once back to my place, we talked for a few minutes and even exchanged a goodnight kiss. The bittersweet part, was that the kiss was actually pretty good, but I was just too turned off at that point to let it be any sort of deciding factor as to whether I wanted to pursue anything with her.

Post date: We continued to talk for a few days after that, but I just couldn’t get the rudeness out of my head, on top of the fact that I was still a bit irked that she misled me about her photos. She knew she was doing it, otherwise why would she make the “bloated” comment right before I was to see her for the first time in person. So we never did get to a second date. But I learned a harsh reality about online dating – some people are dishonest on their profiles because they don’t think people might be interested in them otherwise. I can’t say whether or not I would’ve gone out with her if she would have posted honest pictures of herself, but being dishonest about it doesn’t make me the bad person because she was a little heavier than she let on.

In part because of this date, and a few others (including Daphne), I have come up with a little online dating theory; find the worst picture someone has posted on their profile, and that will most likely be the best representation of what they look like in person. I work with Photoshop every day at work, so I can tell when pictures are touched up, and I’ve seen a whole bunch of altered pictures on dating sites. It’s kind of disheartening.

Grade: C

Side bar: This was the only date I managed to get from eHarmony in the six months I was a paying member. I had maybe a handful of serious conversations, a couple dozen solid interactions. I am not counting every smile I received, only the ones that were reciprocated. So I wasn’t that impressed with it, especially considering the price versus Match, which is probably still my favorite and Chemistry.