Staci Update: Touching all the bases, but still no home run

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know I read that somewhere once. OK, saying it was the worst of times is likely an exaggeration, but you get the idea; the Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players and Red Hot Chilly Peppers) is in full swing.

OK, last we talked, I mentioned I needed to update you on meeting Staci’s brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Last week, Staci and I decided to just have a quiet night together. We really hadn’t had one since the night we watched Guardians of the Galaxy together. We wanted a night without concerts, movies, bars, sporting events, large crowds, driving all over and spending a lot of money. Just a night to be together.

The plan was to pick up take-out from a local Italian place, bring it back and hang out. Once we started talking about it – while she was still in the bathroom getting ready – she mentioned it was her brother’s favorite place to get food from. So she texted him to see if they wanted anything since we were picking it up. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were on our way over there to have dinner with her brother and SIL. FYI, they only live about 5-10 minutes from Staci’s house.

It didn’t bother me that this was interfering with our alone time, because it meant that meeting family was another positive step in the relationship. So I was all for it. To keep things brief – because I have a lot of other stuff to get to – it went really well. We made easy conversation, Staci even commented afterward how I was making them laugh (which was a big bonus in my favor), and she said they really seemed to like me. Score! Now I just have to meet her sister and father (who both live in our same town).

I mentioned going over to her house a few nights ago and then we were supposed to go to a baseball game Saturday night. Then “IT” happened again. She went out Thursday with Amy to a charity golf gala – staying out much later than she really reasonably should have (but I digress) – then Friday she went out to dinner with Amy and a few of her other girlfriends.

A while back we had this conversation about me being concerned and her at least letting me know when she got home safely. But “IT” happened again. I talked to her about 7:30pm. She was on her way to meet Amy and I told her my friend cancelled plans with me, and she was all bent out of shape that he would cancel at the last minute (to go hang out with his girlfriend). See the irony there?

She said she would call me when she was done. Let’s fast forward 18 hours. Yes, I8 hours. I had sent about a half dozen texts between 8pm-2am. Casual “what’s up?” texts, to something random on my mind, to eventually “what’s going on on?” and “Is everything OK?” So we had another one of THOSE nights. So, I decided to play the waiting game, a game of Chicken, if you will. Didn’t hear from her until after 1pm Saturday.

She still was planning on coming over. She wanted to help me start gutting my basement before I remodel it. She was admittedly hungover. She allegedly didn’t drive home, she was so drunk. So when I asked her how she got home, she said she took and cab and then had her sister drive her to go get her car. She asked me if I was still wanting her to come over. I answered with a question; “Do you want to come over?” Yes, I was being snarky. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t directly answer any questions, just basically said, “whatever you want to do.”

She came over, we didn’t clean my basement. I wasn’t in the mood. So we talked for a while instead. I explained to her how this happened another night before I had big plans for us (making dinner for her and her friends) and her excessive partying interfered. I had a fun day planned, all of which was blown out of the water because she got up so late, wasn’t ready to go anywhere, and we were running out of time before heading to the baseball game. We still had to go to her house for her to get ready before the game.

So I finally cut to the chase. I asked her if I was the only guy in the picture. A reasonable question given recent events and conversations. She quickly said yes and I didn’t get any feelings of suspicion or intentional deceit. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Then she said she was still “feeling us out.” I really don’t think that’s what she meant, because “feeling us out” means she has one foot out the door and isn’t sure about “Us.” I don’t get that feeling from her. I get that she wants to take things slow, but that’s not the same as feeling things out.

So things picked up after that conversation (they always do after our little heart-to-hearts). We went to lunch and continued talking. We started talking about planning our schedules and time to see each other (now that my son is back, he wasn’t then but is now). But the big “bomb” was still to come.

She mentioned that her and Amy were planning a trip to Mexico over the Christmas/New Year’s break. I was thinking to myself, Oh wonderful, this is her way of saying ‘don’t make any plans to see me over the biggest week of the year.’ I was wrong! That’s when she mentioned that her and Amy were talking about Jack (Amy’s boyfriend) and I coming down to join them for a few days in Mexico.

Whoa!! Hold the phone! You’re “feeling us out” but still talking about me going to Mexico with her in December? DECEMBER, that’s 5 months from now! I don’t think you’re “feeling me out” if you’re thinking that far ahead like that. But I’m not complaining, I’m IN!

We finally made it to the game and met up with Amy and Jack, who were also there. We hopped from bar to bar at the stadium, watching the games on the screens and occasionally watching the live action on the field. It was a sold out stadium so lots of people and good people watching. It was fun.

We even had an interesting conversation about having kids as we walked through the parking lot. She totally initiated it. Talking about whether we each wanted (more) kids, starting “the clock” over with a new kid, her age and trying to have a baby. I wasn’t really expecting that, especially not yet, but I went with it just the same and it didn’t freak me out or anything.

An interesting moment that Staci found particularly intriguing was after the game when we stopped by a local restaurant for a quick bite before heading home. I really didn’t eat anything, but Staci did. Amy and Jack were there, as well as another couple. I was ready to go home, not hang out, but anyway. Near the end, they were talking about Staci’s roommate’s upcoming wedding, and how they didn’t even know when it was and Staci was going to find out. Amy – who is very loud, boisterous, and a huge diva – was going on about the open bar and wedding cake and stuff and she looked right at me and said with attitude “Sorry, I’m going to be her Plus One!” My response and reaction was simple and to the point. I cocked my head to the side with a bit of raised eyebrow and just said, “No. No. I don’t think so. That’s definitely not happening.” Staci was impressed because guys usually don’t stand up to Amy very often, enough so that she mentioned as we were driving home. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Knowing Amy and her influence, I’ll probably get the short end of the stick, but don’t think I’ll just go down without a fight. WHO takes a girl friend to a wedding when you actually have a date, boyfriend or husband? Not anyone I know (yet).

After, we came back to my house. She left her car at my house after stopping by. She didn’t want to come inside, in order to avoid any possibility of sex (still). I’m still not exactly sure why she isn’t “ready” because every indication I have is that she IS ready (which you will see in a moment), except for mentally (or maybe emotionally) for some reason. But as has happened numerous times, a simple kissing session escalated into a hot and heavy makeout session.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but we were in my garage, up against my car “going at it” for a very long while. Several times I asked if she’d rather go inside because it was still a rather humid night out. The garage was open, but I live at the end of a cul de sac and it was after midnight, so there was no vehicle traffic passing by. By the end, her top was basically off, she had her hands (yes both) down my my pants and I had my hand in her pants. And that lasted for a while. It’s not like she stopped immediately once I reached in her pants or exposed her breasts – like she would have before. But she did eventually stop before any actual type of sex (regular or oral) happened. And then we just hugged and caressed and kissed each other for a while longer before we finally said goodnight and she went home.

After she got home and was texting me while she was in bed, another significant milestone (if you want to call it that) happened. One our way back to my house, her phone kept blowing up with text messages. She was ignoring them, and I made a comment about it being Amy (since we just left her and Jack), but I had a suspicion it wasn’t Amy. Once home, she told me it was an ex texting her while he’s drunk and she told him to stop and said it was nothing to worry about.

Here’s why it’s significant (to me) and why I believe her. She didn’t have to tell me that. Even if it was 100% nothing, she didn’t have to tell me. She could’ve left it alone and assume I thought it was Amy and never mentioned it again. But she told me. She made sure I knew the truth, and the she handled it. Again, I can’t emphasize enough, she didn’t have to tell me. Ladies, do you tell your man every time some ex or an interested guy texts you randomly? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing you think it wouldn’t be worth the effort to bring it up and have to explain it. But she did. So instead of making a big deal about how inappropriate I think it is for him to be doing that, I just said “Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” I want to foster this sort of thing, not give her reasons to hide it from me, because we all know people don’t need reasons to hide things from their partners.

She’s also forwarding me emails and messages from friends about things, so things are definitely opening up. Again, I really don’t think she’s applying “feeling us out” in the correct way. She wouldn’t be this open and upfront if she was.

OK. That’s enough for today, I think 2000 words is enough. Don’t you? We have another concert on our schedule for tomorrow and then getting together with friend’s son (Max) for karaoke Thursday. So be on the look out for more updates later on in the week.

And as always, thanks for reading!

20 Years later the Ex is back (sort of)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I can’t believe it is December already. The weather is getting crappy and my dating life is already there.

But I do have an interesting story for ya’ll.

I was visiting my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. They still live in the same town I grew up in, but not the same house. I had been talking with some of my friends (both male and female) about getting together while I was there. So after I did my Black Friday shopping (in the AFTERNOON and still go all the stuff I wanted), I picked up my good friend Dan and we headed downtown to hit all of the “hot spots”. The town I’m from is about 100,000 people in the Midwest near a lot of farm country, so “hot spots” is a term I use lightly.

Dan and I have been friends forever. We grew up playing basketball together, and he was one only three people I knew growing up that were taller than me. And we’re both pretty good-looking guys, so going out together is always fun because ladies like the tall guys, and we’re like the Twin Towers standing out in a crowd sometimes.

We hit a few places that were dead, maybe a dozen people or so. Then we hit this rather new place and it had a pretty good crowd. We ordered some beers and found a table and were just standing there talking waiting for some of our other friends to meet us there. That is when I noticed, across the room, my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school. She was a little younger than me, but I thought I really loved this girl. My whole senior year revolved around her.

Dan and I started talking about her, and he told me that her husband was working at the bar (he was over 6-foot tall and 300+ lbs) and they were swingers and other stuff. He even said he thought she tried hooking up with him at some point a while back. He said he frequently talks with her when they are out. I really didn’t think much of it because I had seen her a couple of times over the years but we had never spoken. And I figured she pretty much hated me.

Well a little while later, she came over to the table to talk to Dan and apparently didn’t know he was there with me. It was a very brief awkward conversation and she left.

About 30 minutes later some of our other friends arrived, including Renee – a cute, little blonde with a sexy raspy voice. I have known Renee since I was about 4 years old and she lived across the street from my grandmother’s house, where I practically lived when I was growing up. So we are very good friends. We never dated – just in case you were asking.

It wasn’t too long before my ex, Sidney, came back to the table and started talking to us more. She was a lot more friendly and much more talkative. We were having fun picking on the “wannabe” boyfriend of Renee’s friend because he was totally jealous of the girls hanging out with me and Dan. He was way older than us and was acting like a stupid insecure teenager.

After a few more beers, Dan and I decided on going to the strip club down the street. Why? Because that was the only way we were going to see naked girls that night, and it sounded like a good place to just hang out and catch up. Well, before we could leave, Sidney had managed to invite herself along somehow. So the three of us headed out. We didn’t even get to the street corner before Sidney grabs my arm and starts walking arm-in-arm with me. I was cool with it. I don’t have any grudges with her and she’s married so I didn’t think it would lead to anything.

But once we got to the strip club, things got crazy. She apparently was there regularly because her husband also works at that bar. She was walking behind the bar getting us whatever drinks we wanted, going up to the stage messing around with the dancers, and more. That was nothing compared to her constantly touching me, rubbing up against me, and oh right, grabbing my crotch and butt frequently.

Over the next hour or so, she was texting me (yes, while we were there together) about how attracted to me she still was and more. Once it came time to leave, she asked if we could give her a ride home since her husband was still working at the bar. We agreed, but once we were in the car, she asked if we could drop Dan off first. Uhhh, ok. I see what’s going on here.

Once we got to Dan’s we all went into Dan’s because we had to go to the bathroom – we drank a lot of beer, remember.

We talked for a few minutes and then Dan started to get ready for bed. Sidney grabbed my hand, got real close and said she wanted to me right there. Dan came into the hallway and I just said to him “we’ll be downstairs” in his basement, where he had a couch, bar and big screen tv set up.

Pretty much as soon as we entered the room she started taking off her clothes. Before you knew it, we were both naked and she was orally taking care of business. I’m not gonna give all the rest of the graphic details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.

I talked to Dan the next day and he was cool with everything, so I didn’t offend him or anything. And we’ve talked about it all again since.

To make a long story not as long, Sidney has since added me to Facebook and texted me every day since. There is no expectation for any sort of relationship, but we have been catching up, even straightened out why we ended up breaking up, and much more. One of the most interesting things we talked about was that night at the bar. I asked her what happened to make her change her mood so quickly. She went from ice queen to in my pants in record time. She told me it was Renee, my blonde female friend. She kept watching us talking and having a good time together at the bar, and it made her jealous. After 20 years, three kids and a husband, she was still jealous about me with another woman. Dan even said she kept asking him about Renee, and if she was my girlfriend and stuff.  I always find it so amusing how much women can make each other jealous and competitive. I have a whole theory on that, but that can wait for another post.

It has been fun and interesting. But she is asking about my plans for Christmas because she wants to try to hook up again then. So, we shall see. But even if it doesn’t, that was one pretty crazy weekend and I never saw any of that coming.

I figured since I don’t have any real dating prospects right now, I’d fill you all in on something that’s between going on with me and the ladies.

Stay warm, and as always, thanks for reading!

Update: Why do we always have to have “The Talk”?

I told you things would dramatically shift gears once the new school year started. And I haven’t even started my college class schedule yet. Yes, I’m about 40 and I’ll explain how that all works later, but not now. So I figured I owed you guys an update, and today would be as good of a day as any.

Things with Krystal are going well. I can’t say they’re progressing, because this type of relationship isn’t really going anywhere. It’s not like some day in the near future she is going to be someone I’m going to introduce to my family as my girlfriend, or eventually make my fiance or wife. We talk every day (texting or actual phone calls).

Today was about the third time we’ve been together in person. Today was one of those times where it was all about the sex. It went a little quicker than expected, but not because of any shortcomings on my end. She had a little embarrassing condition that she apparently didn’t realize until we had already started. It became such a distraction for her (long before I even realized it) that she started incessantly rambling on about it. It was kind of getting annoying and killing the mood.

She opted to finish things orally so we could bring this “embarrassing” situation to an end. She even nearly snuck out the door while I was cleaning up because she was that embarrassed. We talked about the fact that it was normal, I wasn’t freaked out about it, I would call her and want to see her again.

But something she mentioned after she left has really stuck with me. Basically she’s concerned about me finding and being with someone else while I’m seeing her. As she puts it, she “doesn’t like to share.” This kind of struck me funny. She’s married – happily, as she puts it – and frequents a swingers club, and is looking for friends-with-benefits. All of these indicators point to me being someone who has to be OK with “sharing” and I don’t mind – in this particular situation – because I know what it’s all about. I know what I’ve got myself into, and that’s fine.

However, I don’t understand how that translates to me not being able to see other people. I totally get her feelings that once I start an intimate physical relationship with another girl that she doesn’t want to share. Then again, if I was at the point with a girl where I would be ready to begin an intimate relationship, I would definitely end the relationship with Krystal first. There is no way I would try to start a relationship with a new girlfriend with my swinging side-piece in my back pocket. That’s just not right.

But as soon as I started to question what she meant about the whole “sharing” thing, she shut it down, saying she was just being emotional because she recently changed some medication she was taking and was adjusting to it. Red flag??

Inception occurred.  The thought about having “The Talk” began to grow in my brain like a fertilized egg splitting cells until it becomes an embryo. And when that happens, that’s when you need to have “The Talk.” My philosophy has always been; once you have the thought that you should have “The Talk,” that’s when you should have “The Talk.” Don’t wait for some sign from god, or some major event that pushes you over the edge to talk about whatever it is that’s on your mind. It’s the same advice I tell people when they ask me about having “The Talk.” If you have the conversation early, there is always a chance to remedy the situation before it becomes a point of no return.  And the longer you wait, the more you will push it off and procrastinate until you are faced with a situation where you are backed into a corner and have to fight your way out. That leaves only one outcome, blood, guts and a bad breakup.

I need to get this straightened out now before things get any more involved. And this weekend has been interesting. I’ve had a major family function this weekend and not been as readily available to talk and text. So of course, I get the messages asking if I’m mad at her, if she said something or did something to upset me, and all that business.  She wants to meet tomorrow for coffee as a first attempt to “make up” for the other day.

I’m going to meet her, but I’m not as into it as I would’ve been a few days ago. She has been a little clingy this weekend, which is a bit of a turnoff, regardless of the situation and circumstances. And remember when I said that with my luck, the minute I started things off with Krystal, a relationship-worthy girl would present herself. I’m not saying that has exactly happened, but I have been talking with another girl and things are going well.

I definitely want to start dating this new girl, Lola, but we haven’t got to a point where we’ve actually set a time for a first date. It will most likely be this weekend (if at all). So I definitely need to get things straightened out with Krystal beforehand.

In a normal situation, I’m not even talking to other girls once we’ve been on a few dates and especially after having sex. But this isn’t a normal situation. In this particular situation, I’m a side-piece, and not a paid side-piece, so exclusivity is kind of a foggy no-man’s-land. Hence, the reason for “The Talk.”

Even though I despise “The Talk,” I guess it’s inevitable in every relationship. Just as inevitable as that first time you go into the bathroom after your boyfriend/girlfriend and they didn’t use the air freshener. You know it’s coming one day, you just hope it isn’t that bad when it does.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for reading. And have a great week dating out there!

Make the first time about her, you will be rewarded over & over again

This is for all the guys out there who happen to read this – Listen up!!

It is very apparent women are very dissatisfied with the effort they are getting from the men they date. How do I know this? I listen to them.

That’s Tip #1. Listen! It’s so stinking simple, yet so many guys think they are witty enough, good-looking enough, or rich enough (gag!) to skate by without really listening to what their date has to say. We all know the “cliché” that women want a guy who actually listens to them. But it’s more than that. They want a guy who listens to them, but who will also take what they have heard and use that information to treat them the way they want their men to treat them. Because generally they are complaining about past relationships and what went wrong. Take that information, use it and don’t make the same stupid mistakes. Some guys aren’t getting the memo.

I’m getting a little sidetracked here, but the point is, if you listen, what I am about to tell you will be so much easier.

Tip #2 (it’s almost tip #1, but without #1 there is no #2): When presented with the rare and precious opportunity of that first sexual experience – make it ALL about her!!

Most guys, when presented with the opportunity, regardless of how long it took them to get there – 2 dates or 2 months – get so excited at the sight of boobs and a naked woman, they give into their animal urges and turn it into a Discovery Channel episode. News flash: she wants the love scene from The Notebook, not Mating Practices of African Wildebeests.

Now if you have been paying attention to what she has been telling you, I’m pretty sure she has hinted at what she disliked during past physical relationships. For example, I had a girl tell me all she wanted from her man was for him to just take control and just have his way with her sometimes (memo noted), and some other simple things that I could NOT believe her past boyfriends did not do for her, that were basic practice for me. It seemed too easy.

But when that moment comes, bury every selfish urge you have to dominate her and finish the race first. This is the one time when finishing first will cost you the race. Make it all about her!!

Caress her, lightly running your fingertips all over her body. Don’t just start groping at her breasts, gently tickle them around the nipples almost teasing her. Everything needs to be gentle and sensuous. Hit all the sensual erogenous zones (nape of the neck, ear lobes, soft sides of the breasts, a few inches below the bellybutton, the insides of her thighs, etc.). Work your way from the ear lobes down.

If she gives you a distinct sign she really enjoys something, like sucking on or play-biting her nipples, linger there for a while before moving on. And make sure you are paying attention to her body language so you know what she likes, what she REALLY likes, and what she doesn’t like. It will make things so much easier. Don’t ruin it all by missing the cue she doesn’t like something. End, obviously, with the oral sex. Make sure it is soft and gentle. It’s not like licking a bunch of stamps. Think of it more like kissing. Keep it soft, sensual, know when and how to use the tongue, and most importantly, vary the speed and intensity. Sometimes you want to go fast and light, other times you want slow with more pressure. There are some good resources to help teach you the best ways to please a woman “down there”, but my best advice is to watch some lesbian pornos. Watch and learn. Or just ask your woman what she wants.

Do NOT let her start “working” on you until she has at least one orgasm. If you can manage it, try to keep as much of your clothing on as possible and maximize her number of orgasms before getting your turn. It is almost my personal guarantee, that if you can do this, she will undress you faster than you have ever seen before in your life. She will take care of you with a passion and vigor you never would have seen otherwise.

But best of all, she will REMEMBER it and think about it – and think about it some more. And the next time she has the chance to have sex with you, you will receive carryover from the first time and it will be another vigorous round of love-making. But don’t stop pleasing her! I can’t stress that enough. Just because you took care of her the first time, doesn’t mean your work is done. You have to keep taking care of her needs.

My first rule of sex is to make sure she gets off first. There are very few exceptions to this rule, but some do exist and most of them hinge on her controlling the situation. If you can do that, AND listen to what she tells you before, during and after sex, you will never lose her because your sex life is bad. She may leave you for other reasons, but the bedroom game won’t be one of them.

But so many men are so selfish they screw it all up. If you don’t believe there’s any truth to what I’m saying, have your woman read this. But be careful, I am not responsible for what she does after that. And I have no idea how she got my phone number.

Good luck!