20 Years later the Ex is back (sort of)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I can’t believe it is December already. The weather is getting crappy and my dating life is already there.

But I do have an interesting story for ya’ll.

I was visiting my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. They still live in the same town I grew up in, but not the same house. I had been talking with some of my friends (both male and female) about getting together while I was there. So after I did my Black Friday shopping (in the AFTERNOON and still go all the stuff I wanted), I picked up my good friend Dan and we headed downtown to hit all of the “hot spots”. The town I’m from is about 100,000 people in the Midwest near a lot of farm country, so “hot spots” is a term I use lightly.

Dan and I have been friends forever. We grew up playing basketball together, and he was one only three people I knew growing up that were taller than me. And we’re both pretty good-looking guys, so going out together is always fun because ladies like the tall guys, and we’re like the Twin Towers standing out in a crowd sometimes.

We hit a few places that were dead, maybe a dozen people or so. Then we hit this rather new place and it had a pretty good crowd. We ordered some beers and found a table and were just standing there talking waiting for some of our other friends to meet us there. That is when I noticed, across the room, my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school. She was a little younger than me, but I thought I really loved this girl. My whole senior year revolved around her.

Dan and I started talking about her, and he told me that her husband was working at the bar (he was over 6-foot tall and 300+ lbs) and they were swingers and other stuff. He even said he thought she tried hooking up with him at some point a while back. He said he frequently talks with her when they are out. I really didn’t think much of it because I had seen her a couple of times over the years but we had never spoken. And I figured she pretty much hated me.

Well a little while later, she came over to the table to talk to Dan and apparently didn’t know he was there with me. It was a very brief awkward conversation and she left.

About 30 minutes later some of our other friends arrived, including Renee – a cute, little blonde with a sexy raspy voice. I have known Renee since I was about 4 years old and she lived across the street from my grandmother’s house, where I practically lived when I was growing up. So we are very good friends. We never dated – just in case you were asking.

It wasn’t too long before my ex, Sidney, came back to the table and started talking to us more. She was a lot more friendly and much more talkative. We were having fun picking on the “wannabe” boyfriend of Renee’s friend because he was totally jealous of the girls hanging out with me and Dan. He was way older than us and was acting like a stupid insecure teenager.

After a few more beers, Dan and I decided on going to the strip club down the street. Why? Because that was the only way we were going to see naked girls that night, and it sounded like a good place to just hang out and catch up. Well, before we could leave, Sidney had managed to invite herself along somehow. So the three of us headed out. We didn’t even get to the street corner before Sidney grabs my arm and starts walking arm-in-arm with me. I was cool with it. I don’t have any grudges with her and she’s married so I didn’t think it would lead to anything.

But once we got to the strip club, things got crazy. She apparently was there regularly because her husband also works at that bar. She was walking behind the bar getting us whatever drinks we wanted, going up to the stage messing around with the dancers, and more. That was nothing compared to her constantly touching me, rubbing up against me, and oh right, grabbing my crotch and butt frequently.

Over the next hour or so, she was texting me (yes, while we were there together) about how attracted to me she still was and more. Once it came time to leave, she asked if we could give her a ride home since her husband was still working at the bar. We agreed, but once we were in the car, she asked if we could drop Dan off first. Uhhh, ok. I see what’s going on here.

Once we got to Dan’s we all went into Dan’s because we had to go to the bathroom – we drank a lot of beer, remember.

We talked for a few minutes and then Dan started to get ready for bed. Sidney grabbed my hand, got real close and said she wanted to me right there. Dan came into the hallway and I just said to him “we’ll be downstairs” in his basement, where he had a couch, bar and big screen tv set up.

Pretty much as soon as we entered the room she started taking off her clothes. Before you knew it, we were both naked and she was orally taking care of business. I’m not gonna give all the rest of the graphic details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.

I talked to Dan the next day and he was cool with everything, so I didn’t offend him or anything. And we’ve talked about it all again since.

To make a long story not as long, Sidney has since added me to Facebook and texted me every day since. There is no expectation for any sort of relationship, but we have been catching up, even straightened out why we ended up breaking up, and much more. One of the most interesting things we talked about was that night at the bar. I asked her what happened to make her change her mood so quickly. She went from ice queen to in my pants in record time. She told me it was Renee, my blonde female friend. She kept watching us talking and having a good time together at the bar, and it made her jealous. After 20 years, three kids and a husband, she was still jealous about me with another woman. Dan even said she kept asking him about Renee, and if she was my girlfriend and stuff.  I always find it so amusing how much women can make each other jealous and competitive. I have a whole theory on that, but that can wait for another post.

It has been fun and interesting. But she is asking about my plans for Christmas because she wants to try to hook up again then. So, we shall see. But even if it doesn’t, that was one pretty crazy weekend and I never saw any of that coming.

I figured since I don’t have any real dating prospects right now, I’d fill you all in on something that’s between going on with me and the ladies.

Stay warm, and as always, thanks for reading!

Premature ejaculation and farting all night

Hey-oo!! Bet that grabbed your attention, didn’t it?? You’ll see where I’m going with that in a bit, but trust me, that has NOTHING to do with me!

First, an update. I had “The Talk” with Krystal about what she was expecting from me in this swinging relationship of hers. After all of the comments and hints of jealousy, I expected a lot more drama. But basically, she saw things my way. She agreed she would have no reason to get upset with me for seeing other women, especially given her situation.

She did ask that if I was going to get into a serious/sexual relationship with a girl, that I let her know and we part ways at that point. That’s totally fair. I mean, if I was going to have a sexual relationship with a legitimate girlfriend prospect, I would definitely end things with Krystal first.

There is no way I would start a potential serious relationship having a side piece in my pocket just for sex. I mean, if that’s all she (Krystal) is there for, and I can get sex from my new girlfriend, then what’s the point of keeping her (Krystal) around? There isn’t any.

And she respected the fact that I brought it up before I did something “wrong” and upset her.

Deep down, I know she doesn’t like the idea of me seeing another girl, but she knows she has no room to say anything about it. Even though this has been interesting and kind of fun, I am really (honestly) on the lookout for a serious girlfriend candidate.

The good news is, I have a date with a new candidate Friday night with Lola – the tall hairdresser. Stay tuned!

Now for the good stuff.

I have a friend that used to be a co-worker with me back in days in the Washington DC area. She still lives there, and we keep in touch every now and then. We are very similar yet total opposites. She writes a dating blog as well and we share stories, swap advice, and all the fun stuff like that.  Recently, we had been talking about her wanting to have “The Talk” with this muscle-head teacher guy she was dating. They went out for a few weeks and she was ready to get exclusive with him, and they finally had sex.

And that’s when things went sour. He kind of dropped off the radar (I’m over simplifying this) and then eventually stopped returning messages all together. When this situation of him not responding to her first started, we discussed her needing to have “The Talk” with him. So she set a time to have “The Talk” with him the next time she saw him, which was on their regular Thursday date (last week). The date never happened because he never responded to her.

A few days passed, and finally enough was enough. She could not let this disrespectful behavior go unnoticed and unpunished.

Before I get to the juice, know that the worst thing you can do – especially after having sex – is end any sort of relationship by just “ignoring it away.” Have the guts to at least say something as to why you’re done with the relationship. It’s the respectful thing to do. Sure, we’ve all had first dates where you never talk to the person again (I’ve done it and it’s happened to me), but I’m talking about relationships where you’ve started to invest yourselves in each other. Even though it will hurt, it’s the right thing to do. I do it because I would like the same courtesy.

OK, now on with the show.

She told me she’d had enough with this dude and wrote him a serious nastygram. I am sharing this letter with you, in its entirety because I loved it SO much, I asked her if I could please share it with you. She agreed, mainly because she wasn’t sure about posting it on her blog. So for your reading enjoyment, her it is.

“You’re a coward. I was gonna stop by Rhino and ask you what made you pull back so fast. But I didn’t want to scare you. It’s just really inconsiderate to totally stop communication the way you did. It’s immature. Even if you thought my feelings would be hurt, you should have shared your thoughts.

You complain all the time about lack of respect and common courtesy from people, yet you can’t even give it. Maybe that’s why you don’t receive it.
I think I was more than kind to you. I took into consideration that you fight depression and I tried to give you compliments and make you feel good. I didn’t even tell you that I didn’t have an orgasm not even one time. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And I thought that in time I would teach you how to bring me to that point.
Maybe the interracial thing was too much for you, or maybe you met someone else. I even thought you felt I was getting too close to you. Whatever the issue, you really should have told me. I think we built enough rapport for that expectation.
I guess i just wanted some sense if closure. I had been dating others while we dated, and I continue to date, but I was hoping to get closer to you. But I remember when I met you, you told me you’re always a woman’s second or third choice. At the time I thought you meant it as if you didn’t prefer to be in second place. But I understand now that you don’t want to be the first one.
All that is cool. Thanks for a fun summer. I just wish my last memory of you didn’t include you prematurely ejaculating, and farting all night.
Take care,
And I wish you success in life.”
Thanks for reading! And stay tuned this weekend for my update on my date with Lola. I really have high hopes for this one. So much so I’m going a little “outside the box” for this one.

Make the first time about her, you will be rewarded over & over again

This is for all the guys out there who happen to read this – Listen up!!

It is very apparent women are very dissatisfied with the effort they are getting from the men they date. How do I know this? I listen to them.

That’s Tip #1. Listen! It’s so stinking simple, yet so many guys think they are witty enough, good-looking enough, or rich enough (gag!) to skate by without really listening to what their date has to say. We all know the “cliché” that women want a guy who actually listens to them. But it’s more than that. They want a guy who listens to them, but who will also take what they have heard and use that information to treat them the way they want their men to treat them. Because generally they are complaining about past relationships and what went wrong. Take that information, use it and don’t make the same stupid mistakes. Some guys aren’t getting the memo.

I’m getting a little sidetracked here, but the point is, if you listen, what I am about to tell you will be so much easier.

Tip #2 (it’s almost tip #1, but without #1 there is no #2): When presented with the rare and precious opportunity of that first sexual experience – make it ALL about her!!

Most guys, when presented with the opportunity, regardless of how long it took them to get there – 2 dates or 2 months – get so excited at the sight of boobs and a naked woman, they give into their animal urges and turn it into a Discovery Channel episode. News flash: she wants the love scene from The Notebook, not Mating Practices of African Wildebeests.

Now if you have been paying attention to what she has been telling you, I’m pretty sure she has hinted at what she disliked during past physical relationships. For example, I had a girl tell me all she wanted from her man was for him to just take control and just have his way with her sometimes (memo noted), and some other simple things that I could NOT believe her past boyfriends did not do for her, that were basic practice for me. It seemed too easy.

But when that moment comes, bury every selfish urge you have to dominate her and finish the race first. This is the one time when finishing first will cost you the race. Make it all about her!!

Caress her, lightly running your fingertips all over her body. Don’t just start groping at her breasts, gently tickle them around the nipples almost teasing her. Everything needs to be gentle and sensuous. Hit all the sensual erogenous zones (nape of the neck, ear lobes, soft sides of the breasts, a few inches below the bellybutton, the insides of her thighs, etc.). Work your way from the ear lobes down.

If she gives you a distinct sign she really enjoys something, like sucking on or play-biting her nipples, linger there for a while before moving on. And make sure you are paying attention to her body language so you know what she likes, what she REALLY likes, and what she doesn’t like. It will make things so much easier. Don’t ruin it all by missing the cue she doesn’t like something. End, obviously, with the oral sex. Make sure it is soft and gentle. It’s not like licking a bunch of stamps. Think of it more like kissing. Keep it soft, sensual, know when and how to use the tongue, and most importantly, vary the speed and intensity. Sometimes you want to go fast and light, other times you want slow with more pressure. There are some good resources to help teach you the best ways to please a woman “down there”, but my best advice is to watch some lesbian pornos. Watch and learn. Or just ask your woman what she wants.

Do NOT let her start “working” on you until she has at least one orgasm. If you can manage it, try to keep as much of your clothing on as possible and maximize her number of orgasms before getting your turn. It is almost my personal guarantee, that if you can do this, she will undress you faster than you have ever seen before in your life. She will take care of you with a passion and vigor you never would have seen otherwise.

But best of all, she will REMEMBER it and think about it – and think about it some more. And the next time she has the chance to have sex with you, you will receive carryover from the first time and it will be another vigorous round of love-making. But don’t stop pleasing her! I can’t stress that enough. Just because you took care of her the first time, doesn’t mean your work is done. You have to keep taking care of her needs.

My first rule of sex is to make sure she gets off first. There are very few exceptions to this rule, but some do exist and most of them hinge on her controlling the situation. If you can do that, AND listen to what she tells you before, during and after sex, you will never lose her because your sex life is bad. She may leave you for other reasons, but the bedroom game won’t be one of them.

But so many men are so selfish they screw it all up. If you don’t believe there’s any truth to what I’m saying, have your woman read this. But be careful, I am not responsible for what she does after that. And I have no idea how she got my phone number.

Good luck!