Staci Update: Mountain out of a Molehill and She cancelled again

Yesterday sucked! There I said it, and got it out of the way. Yesterday was clearly the low point. I guess it was bound to happen but you never expect it or want it to.

Today starts Staci’s 3-day concert binge. I think I mentioned before it was a 4-day event, but tickets for the Sunday concert fell through. So I was trying to make sure I got to spend time with her since it looked like it was possibly going to be more than a week without seeing each other.

Earlier in the week, I offered to make her dinner at her house and hang out. She was all for it. She had corn on the cob that we needed to make, so I settled on making steak and shrimp kabobs to go with it. She even invited her roommate and her roommate’s fiance to join us. Tuesday night I was shopping for the meat and a few extras.

Staci texted to let her know how much it was going to cost so she could pay me for it. I instantly declined, saying it was my idea and something I wanted to do for her. I suggested she could by the wine or whatever drink she wanted to go with it, jokingly suggesting that way she would know it wasn’t “roofied”. It’s kind of an inside joke between us, it’s nothing serious.

However our back-and-forth about that took a weird turn. She said that was a good point and I responded that I was looking out for her. And she mentioned I was saving her from me “roofying” her drink. I countered that it was rather insulting because I would never consider such a thing. There was a little more to it, but then she texted “Are we having our first fight?” To me that turned the whole situation a little more serious. I was completely joking and figured she was as well, until that comment. I said “I can’t tell.” Then her response led me to believe that she was, in fact, just messing with me.

After that, I went home to prepare the meats in marinades to grill them at her house. We texted back and forth for a while. I did most of the texting. Asking a lot of questions about preparing for the next day. Her responses were short and she did not follow up. I did notice that every time I would ask “what are you doing?”, “what do you have planned tonight?”, “what’s going on?”, etc., she wouldn’t answer that particular question. Not normally a big deal, but once you add it up with other (later) factors, it starts to raise concerns.

Then around midnight, I started to notice I hadn’t heard from Staci, nor had she responded to any of my questions in about 3 hours. So I texted her “Is everything OK?” Again, no response.

I started to wonder if maybe she went out with her friends and wasn’t home yet. So, as I tried to get to sleep, I couldn’t help keep an ear open for the phone waiting to see if she texted that she was home or going to bed. Still nothing. From then on, I was lying awake in bed with my brain on overdrive wondering what was going on. Overall I may have got about an hour or so of sleep before having to get up early for work.

Tired and frustrated, I did not text her like I normally do when I get up. I wanted to see how long it would take to hear from her. About 90 minutes later, she texted “Hi”. That’s it. Not “good morning” or anything, just “Hi.” As we talked, I asked “what was up with last night?” She said she got caught up doing stuff. I should’ve probably left it there. But being overly tired and aggravated, I continued, asking her “Like what?” She got a little defensive, the sent a laundry list of things and then asked if I thought she was on a date.

Shortly thereafter, she suggested we cancel dinner for last night. I asked why and she said she was tired and would probably be better off alone. I insisted on continuing with our plans. I even said that I felt crappy enough, being tired, as well as how things went that morning, that the last thing I wanted to do was miss out on seeing her like we planned.

The rest of the day, we texted basically like normal. Everything seemed to be getting better. But I wouldn’t be convinced until I knew we were still following through with our plans. She said she was going to call me on her way home from work.

After I got home from work, I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come over. A little while later she finally called me. She said she wanted to pass on dinner tonight, again, and that she just had too much to do. She had errands and stuff to do before she got home and was just feeling crabby because she didn’t sleep well – apparently.

So I agreed to pass on dinner, and she recommended rescheduling Sunday, but said I still planned on going over to see her. She said she would let me know once she got home, and then I would go over. A couple of hours later she called me to tell me she was on her way to workout at her brother’s house. I asked if she decided to go there to intentionally avoid me. She denied it (obviously) and said she would call me after she was done.

Before she got to her brother’s, we talked for a while. When i mentioned that the cause for concern was that she always said goodnight before bed, or let me know when she got home from going out, her response was not what I expected. Instead of apologizing or adequately explaining why, she went on to explain that she doesn’t follow patterns or regimens very well. She randomly goes to bed and randomly wakes up. So the fact that she did that every night was just a coincidence and not something she does regularly. When I asked if that would be something she would consider doing, she basically said “No” without actually saying those words.

Then I mentioned how all of this didn’t make me feel very important. I explained that a lot of things she has said (including the times she said I was more important than certain people, and even though I called her out for just trying to flatter me, she insisted it was true) really meant a lot to me and made me feel very important, especially when we are together. But that cancelling on me for a second time and the way things went last night didn’t make me feel very important. On a side note, she didn’t even remember the first time she cancelled on me and I had to remind her – in great detail before she remembered or admitted to remembering. However, looking back on this now, I think bringing this up, as well as calling her out about not cancelling on anyone else, actually seemed to resonate with her and made a difference.

Whether you think that makes me sound needy or not, the fact remains that it is hard to make it through any relationship without knowing you are important or loved.

She had said that she was going to call me after she got back from her brothers. About three hours had passed before I heard from her. Just texts, no phone calls. And the texts were pretty “normal” for us under normal circumstances. We chatted for a while until she said she was crawling into bed.

That’s when she asked if I was still mad. I told her that I wasn’t mad, I was never mad. At that point, I decided to call her because I didn’t want to text about this all night. Honestly I hate texting important, serious stuff.

I might have been a lot of things – disappointed, irritated, hurt, confused – but I was not/never mad or angry. Saying I was confused seemed to spark her interest. She asked what I meant. I explained to her that I was confused how things turn from so incredibly good to … whatever this was, so quickly – in a matter of hours.

That’s when I told her I was totally fine with her being the way she was, and I could handle it, as long as I always knew where I stood and how she felt about me. And if she didn’t communicate like most girls do, then she needed to help me understand how she works and how she “communicates” her feelings when we aren’t physically together. I think that was also another point that clicked with her. And guys, here’s a tip; if you can phrase something in the way of asking for help with something -instead of demanding or ordering them to do something, women are a lot more likely to cooperate. Trust me, it works a lot better that way.

The last part of the conversation was much lighter and more like normal. She repeatedly said she really wanted to see me and was sorry how things worked out. We (tentatively) planned to get together Sunday, but only tentatively because there is still a small chance she still goes to the concert with her friends. But she said she is also really wanting to see me Sunday. We’ll see how this pans out.

Today has pretty much back to normal. Typical conversations and she has even been blatantly flirting. And something tells me she’ll contact me when she gets home from her concert tonight. I just have a hunch on this one.

I think even though she tries to maintain the “indifferent, emotionless, strong, self-controlled, independent woman” facade, she knows that any good relationship requires two-way communication and trust. There are always little compromises to make, and she knows she needs to work with me and not just insist on things being the way she always does them or wants them to be.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how things go. So, please check back again soon.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments. And as always, thanks for reading.

Staci Update: Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Let’s just get it out of the way, just like I said in the headline, there was no sex this weekend on our first road trip together.

I know the general consensus was that it was almost a certainty to happen, but the fact that it didn’t doesn’t really bother me very much because the weekend was still exceptionally great.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a minor kick in the Ego that things didn’t get more physical. But it wasn’t from lack of effort, I tried – boy did I try, but I didn’t push the issue or make a big deal about it when my progressive advancements were blocked aside like a hockey goalie.

But again, to emphasize, it was still a great weekend!

Last I left off, Staci mentioned the issue of us staying together in the hotel room. I had arranged for her to be able to bring her dog, who is under medication for some issues for which she just took her to the vet. And we both took our dogs with us.

On the car ride, conversations about my dog, what she was going to do during the day while I spent the day with my son until we needed to leave for the concert, etc., led to me to believe that us staying together was not really an issue any more.

Sleeping arrangements were, as expected, in separate beds. But she did – both nights and both mornings, come lay with me, snuggle and even make out for a while. And like I said, I definitely tried to progress things, but once things seemed to get to a certain point, she would come up with an excuse to do something else (like take a shower) or go back to her bed. I didn’t make a big deal about it, nor did I try to force the issue.

She clearly wants to take things – especially in that department – slow. Though, she was all about kissing and holding hands on the first date, which is actually faster than I would normally have progressed things. I am totally fine with it, as long as the relationship as a whole continues to progress forward.

We had numerous good conversations, including her perspective on some of the “issues” that I claimed I usually have in relationships, and she attributed it to them (other girls) being immature, insecure and generally more needy. She even made the comment that I’ve “been dating girls, when (I) need to date a woman.” She even expounded on how that would make me even better, and she would “expect me to step up my game” and would help with that.

The entire weekend was very intimate and affectionate. She was just as eager to initiate contact, holding, kissing, etc., whether we were alone, at the concert, or even in public.

The concert itself was great. She was latched on to or pressed up against me the entire time. However, at the end she started to feel feel faint and had to leave. The concert was outside and was very hot and humid. As she left to go sit down somewhere to the side, she said she didn’t want me to miss the end of the concert (which was just entering the encore portion). There was no way I was letting her go off somewhere alone while she wasn’t feeling good, so I followed her and stayed by her and watched the rest of the show from the side.

When the show was over, she wanted to head inside the building near the venue to get in the air conditioning while I went to find my friends that I left when going after her. We met up again shortly after by the main entrance and she was feeling a lot better. We had planned to go out for some drinks after the concert, but my friend and his girlfriend – who we rode the concert with – bailed and said they were just going to head back home.

This is where I made my mistake. Probably.

All night, things had seemingly been progressing to the inevitable climax of sex. But it was only a little after 11pm and I know she tends to prefer to hang out later than that. So I suggested going to a bar near the hotel. We went there for another 1-2 hours drinking, playing games, talking … having a good time. But when we got back to the room, she basically crashed. She took her dog outside, came back, got ready for bed and almost immediately went to bed.

Maybe I missed my window, I’m not sure. I can’t say for certain that things would have gone differently if we would’ve just gone straight back to the room instead of going out again. Did she see that as a sign I wasn’t interested? Would things have still worked out the same – ending with no sex – regardless? I don’t know, maybe, but I just have that lingering doubt in my mind that it might have been different.

Heading home was just as good, affectionate, intimate, and productive as the rest of the weekend. Lots of talking and sharing, etc. When I dropped her off at home, I lingered for a while and she seemed to be in no hurry to get rid of me. More “making out” took place, but that was it. We definitely seem to enjoy being intimate with each other. I’ve felt when a girl just tolerates making out, kissing, etc., just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. This is NOT that. Clearly!

I am definitely flirty with her and she responds to it, just as I’d hope, and even reciprocates. I also make sure to tell her how I feel about her and what I’m thinking, so there isn’t any confusion about what my intentions are. Again, she reciprocates right along with me,

I am very much attracted to her. And she seems attracted to me as well. She says she is, but more importantly, her actions definitely show it.

For as good as the weekend was, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t through some negative vibes out there. She is still very hard to read and anticipate. It does make me wonder where this is all going. When we’re together, everything is great! But when we’re apart, I don’t hear from her like I would expect to, she doesn’t say or do things like I would expect her too. It is very hard to read.

Maybe that is just her taking it slow. Maybe that is how a more confident, mature woman does things. Maybe I am used to dealing with clingy, immature “girls” regardless of how old they might be. Then again, maybe I’m not the only one she is seeing or talking to? I don’t think she talks about me to her friends. We haven’t talked about it, but that’s the feeling I get. I definitely haven’t met any of her friends – except the co-workers we met on accident at the baseball game – and have no clue if there is an opportunity coming up or not.

I know that seems like a lot of pessimism, and trust me, I could come up with more if I wanted to. But I’m trying to stay positive. Maybe she just does things differently than I am used to, and that’s the simple answer. Maybe.

But I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my time with this. As you know, I have a short window to really get to know someone when my son is gone.

I have kind of put my chips All-In here with Staci. It’s getting too late to start something new with anyone else.

But I have to be realistic with myself. So, I’m going to give it another month – until right before my son comes back – to see where it is. Two-plus months of dating (longer if you count the Match courtship) is plenty of time to determine potential commitment, right?!? If things are not more clear, and we haven’t even had sex by then, I don’t see the point in trying to prolong it, knowing the hurdles I will have to cross to make it work after he gets back.

I am more than willing to make the effort once he is back to make it work, as long as I know the commitment and mutual feelings are there.

Hopefully things clear up, get more interesting and more solidified in the next few weeks. Stay tuned, and I promise to keep you all updated.

What do you think? What are your thoughts? What do you think about this weekend not culminating in sex, as most of you expected? Where do you think this is going? How do you read into what I’m seeing? Please share!

Want to ensure your new relationship fails? Post your new undying love online.

I know it has been way too long since we last talked, but life has been crazy. Finished up my semester at school, now only have one left before graduating in December, been struggling trying to find a job so I can pay the bills over the Summer but the job market sucks, been coaching my son’s baseball team this Spring/Summer, and of course things with Olive have been going well (still) – we’ve been officially together almost 6 months now.

I’m no sociologist. I’m no psychologist. My theory has not been scientifically studied (yet). But I feel I had to put my recent thoughts down for you all (or ya’ll, if you’re from the South) because one of my pet peeves reared its ugly head once again, seriously affecting a friend of mine (and someone you’ve already met).

If I’ve said it at 100 times already, at LEAST 100 times, and I know I’ll say it at least 100 times more:

NEVER POST YOUR NEW “UNDYING” LOVE ONLINE!

I hate when I’m on Twitter or Facebook and see my friends gushing about their new “soulmate” they’ve only been seeing a few days or weeks. It is almost exclusively a woman thing, but it did recently bite a male friend of mine in the butt recently.

They rant and rave, and post gooey sweet musings about love, and destiny, and soulmates, and blah blah blah. Ick!! I get especially uncomfortable when they start invoking “God” into their postings like the divine creator chose this person for them – the one they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the “honeymoon” feeling, and I have similar thoughts and wonder to myself “Could this be the one?” But that is where I differ from them. I keep it TO MYSELF. I don’t go evangelizing it everyone and anyone who will listen (or in this case read it). I am rational about it, because I have seen this script 100 times (at least), and I just keep things inside and limit my information to the public.

It’s kind of like those people who don’t tell anyone about their pregnancies until after the first trimester, just in case something would go wrong early on. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not fun.

Maybe you believe in jinxes, maybe you don’t. But this is one time I won’t risk the jinx. I have yet to see someone professing their love on Facebook and Twitter very early on in the relationship ever work. It has a FAIL rate of 100%. Of course most dating relationships end and don’t last long, but these ones always seem to have a glorious Hindenburg-type of demise.

The reason this came up, was this just happened to a female friend of mine this week. You may remember Ellen. We’ve stayed in touch and remained acquaintances/friends with most of our contact on Facebook, especially since I’ve been dating Olive.

She went on a trip to Colorado with her son, and her new boyfriend was supposed to join them there. It was a calamity of issues from the beginning. The road trip was a little too interesting for her liking, she spent her first two days there extremely sick, her car died so they (her and her son) had to walk everywhere until it got fixed, and on an on. She is very religious so every post has some sort of god-directed focus. Then the other day she posted a serious rant about what a horrible person this guy was because he ended up not going out there and pretty much left them stranded out there in Colorado and she had to try to find another way home because her car is too jacked to make it home.

I don’t know all the details behind it, but it apparently escalated to the point where HE was threatening to file a police report on her for harassment (and actually did) and more. Then of course she thanked god for pointing out what a tool and loser he was now, before it got too much farther down the road.

That is why I hate mentioning of “God” in these types of posts. Because when it implodes in epic fashion, god always gets the blame for things horribly going wrong. I’m a huge god or churchy person, but I hate when people lay their fortunes and failures solely on his shoulders like they had no responsibility in any of it.

I know relationships end every day, some even in glorious and spectacular fashion, but it is practically guaranteed that if you gush about your new love online (Facebook or Twitter) – blogs are OK, but notice I don’t gush too much just in case – it is guaranteed to fail in short and glorious fashion.

Then I have to hear all the posts about what a douche or bitch the other person was and it just gets hard to watch. However, sometimes, when both sides decide to trash each other with comments on each other’s pages, it can get real interesting real fast. Kind of like sitting on the porch of a double-wide watching the neighbors air their business in the middle of the trailer park. That’s reality TV at its best.

So, please, whatever you do, when you’re dating that new someone, feel free to share bits and pieces. But PLEASE don’t go on and on about how this person (you just met a month ago) is the love of your life, the god-sent answer to all of your prayers, and your soulmate. Save it for when you’re inviting me to your wedding a year or two down the road.

Take care and hopefully I talk to you all sooner, rather than later.