Trinity: She said Yes, then said Goodbye*

Hello everyone,

I know it has been quite a while since you last heard from me. I’ve been rather busy; still trying to find a job, recovering from hand surgery, and spending a lot of quality time with an amazing woman, Trinity, whom I asked to share my life with.

I haven’t been posting about her because I felt like I might jinx things if I share them here online. But I guess that doesn’t seem to be much of an issue now. I’ll try to keep this as short as I can and update your more on her and our time together later.

Things with Trinity, as I’ll call her for numerous reasons, were going great up until about a week ago. I asked her to marry me in July and we were planning a wedding for early Spring next year. We had our wedding and reception venues reserved, and were going to book our hotel guest room contract. We had sent out the “Save the Date” notices to our friends and family. I was on cloud nine with her.

Then a week ago Thursday (10 days ago) she called me before going to bed (as she did every night) after her regular Thursday night dinner with her best friend. Out of the blue, she told me she was feeling very stressed about all of the wedding plans, to include our finances because of my lack of a job currently and her lack of income from a rental property she hasn’t had filled for months, along with other personal concerns. She said she felt rushed a little and wanted to postpone the wedding date for a while until we had things established a little better. I was totally supportive and had even told her that I had considered that us getting married next Summer right after school restarted would probably be a much better time to get married.

You see, she wanted to incorporate all of our children in the ceremony and my son gets back from visiting his mother for the summer in mid August right before school stats.

Everything had been OK since then, but she was still acting a little weird. And I was still adjusting to the news. You can’t expect her to drop news like that on me without it bothering me a little bit. Though I was supportive and understanding, the fact that the change was bothering me didn’t set well with her. And then my normal joking, flirty ways – that she originally fell madly in love with – began to annoy her. It seemed I couldn’t say much of anything substantial (especially something related to my feelings) without her getting upset or irritated.

Then Friday (2 days ago) we met for lunch and discussed things further. I started feeling much better after our talk, because she was reassuring me that she still loved me, I still made her happy, and her goal of marrying me and spending our lives together has not changed. We spent the rest of the day texting like normal. Then after her kids went to bed, she called me and dropped the bomb on me.

None of it really makes sense. Yes, we had bumps in the road just like everybody else. Yes, she likes to shut down when she gets stressed and isn’t the best communicator. But none of the issues were remotely close to “relationship killers”, hell, not even the sum total of the issues were enough to terminate a serious relationship like this.

This issues definitely seemed to be the stress of combining our households and her maintaining her free time, and a few smaller issues which we had dealt with early on that seemed to linger. But again, nothing that couldn’t be resolved or worked out.

I tried reassuring her that the wedding plans were not the priority – that her happiness was – but she insisted I was just saying that, but wouldn’t give me the chance to prove it. And several of her “issues” were easily explained away or remedied, but she made sure to say that it wasn’t going to change her mind. She finally ended it by saying she was going to return the ring to me. I reiterated that it didn’t have to be this way and we deserved more of a shot than this.

Since Friday, I have not heard from her (as I’ve mentioned). I’ve desperately wanted to hear her voice or just tell her the usual nonsensical things that transpired in my day. I’ve had to fight from texting her good morning or calling her before bed every day.

Everyone I’ve talked to says I just need to give her some time and space. If I try to reach out too soon, it will just make things worse and push her farther away. I definitely don’t want that. I hope they’re right. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

How much time? How long do I have to wait before I can reach out to her?

She still hasn’t removed me or my family and friends from her Facebook. If you knew her, you would know how serious keeping her Facebook private is to her. She only has about 35 friends and family on Facebook. She’s been on Facebook numerous times since Friday night, so if she was going to do that I figure she would’ve done it by now. I can’t help but hold onto that as a small glimmer of hope that she isn’t fully committed to terminating our relationship.

And though everyone is telling me that I will hear from her and she might come back, because they all saw how great we were together and can’t imagine someone throwing it away so hastily. I sure hope they’re right, but I’m not getting my hopes up and am doubtful I will hear from her anytime soon. That’s why I have the asterisk (*) in the headline.

I’ll definitely keep you all updated on things as they transpire – if anything does happen. In the meantime, if you have any specific questions you want me to address about in my next posts, or if you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to drop me a line. I’m especially curious to know if any of you have taken “a break” like this and how long it lasted.

And as always, thank you all for reading!

Staci Update: Mountain out of a Molehill and She cancelled again

Yesterday sucked! There I said it, and got it out of the way. Yesterday was clearly the low point. I guess it was bound to happen but you never expect it or want it to.

Today starts Staci’s 3-day concert binge. I think I mentioned before it was a 4-day event, but tickets for the Sunday concert fell through. So I was trying to make sure I got to spend time with her since it looked like it was possibly going to be more than a week without seeing each other.

Earlier in the week, I offered to make her dinner at her house and hang out. She was all for it. She had corn on the cob that we needed to make, so I settled on making steak and shrimp kabobs to go with it. She even invited her roommate and her roommate’s fiance to join us. Tuesday night I was shopping for the meat and a few extras.

Staci texted to let her know how much it was going to cost so she could pay me for it. I instantly declined, saying it was my idea and something I wanted to do for her. I suggested she could by the wine or whatever drink she wanted to go with it, jokingly suggesting that way she would know it wasn’t “roofied”. It’s kind of an inside joke between us, it’s nothing serious.

However our back-and-forth about that took a weird turn. She said that was a good point and I responded that I was looking out for her. And she mentioned I was saving her from me “roofying” her drink. I countered that it was rather insulting because I would never consider such a thing. There was a little more to it, but then she texted “Are we having our first fight?” To me that turned the whole situation a little more serious. I was completely joking and figured she was as well, until that comment. I said “I can’t tell.” Then her response led me to believe that she was, in fact, just messing with me.

After that, I went home to prepare the meats in marinades to grill them at her house. We texted back and forth for a while. I did most of the texting. Asking a lot of questions about preparing for the next day. Her responses were short and she did not follow up. I did notice that every time I would ask “what are you doing?”, “what do you have planned tonight?”, “what’s going on?”, etc., she wouldn’t answer that particular question. Not normally a big deal, but once you add it up with other (later) factors, it starts to raise concerns.

Then around midnight, I started to notice I hadn’t heard from Staci, nor had she responded to any of my questions in about 3 hours. So I texted her “Is everything OK?” Again, no response.

I started to wonder if maybe she went out with her friends and wasn’t home yet. So, as I tried to get to sleep, I couldn’t help keep an ear open for the phone waiting to see if she texted that she was home or going to bed. Still nothing. From then on, I was lying awake in bed with my brain on overdrive wondering what was going on. Overall I may have got about an hour or so of sleep before having to get up early for work.

Tired and frustrated, I did not text her like I normally do when I get up. I wanted to see how long it would take to hear from her. About 90 minutes later, she texted “Hi”. That’s it. Not “good morning” or anything, just “Hi.” As we talked, I asked “what was up with last night?” She said she got caught up doing stuff. I should’ve probably left it there. But being overly tired and aggravated, I continued, asking her “Like what?” She got a little defensive, the sent a laundry list of things and then asked if I thought she was on a date.

Shortly thereafter, she suggested we cancel dinner for last night. I asked why and she said she was tired and would probably be better off alone. I insisted on continuing with our plans. I even said that I felt crappy enough, being tired, as well as how things went that morning, that the last thing I wanted to do was miss out on seeing her like we planned.

The rest of the day, we texted basically like normal. Everything seemed to be getting better. But I wouldn’t be convinced until I knew we were still following through with our plans. She said she was going to call me on her way home from work.

After I got home from work, I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come over. A little while later she finally called me. She said she wanted to pass on dinner tonight, again, and that she just had too much to do. She had errands and stuff to do before she got home and was just feeling crabby because she didn’t sleep well – apparently.

So I agreed to pass on dinner, and she recommended rescheduling Sunday, but said I still planned on going over to see her. She said she would let me know once she got home, and then I would go over. A couple of hours later she called me to tell me she was on her way to workout at her brother’s house. I asked if she decided to go there to intentionally avoid me. She denied it (obviously) and said she would call me after she was done.

Before she got to her brother’s, we talked for a while. When i mentioned that the cause for concern was that she always said goodnight before bed, or let me know when she got home from going out, her response was not what I expected. Instead of apologizing or adequately explaining why, she went on to explain that she doesn’t follow patterns or regimens very well. She randomly goes to bed and randomly wakes up. So the fact that she did that every night was just a coincidence and not something she does regularly. When I asked if that would be something she would consider doing, she basically said “No” without actually saying those words.

Then I mentioned how all of this didn’t make me feel very important. I explained that a lot of things she has said (including the times she said I was more important than certain people, and even though I called her out for just trying to flatter me, she insisted it was true) really meant a lot to me and made me feel very important, especially when we are together. But that cancelling on me for a second time and the way things went last night didn’t make me feel very important. On a side note, she didn’t even remember the first time she cancelled on me and I had to remind her – in great detail before she remembered or admitted to remembering. However, looking back on this now, I think bringing this up, as well as calling her out about not cancelling on anyone else, actually seemed to resonate with her and made a difference.

Whether you think that makes me sound needy or not, the fact remains that it is hard to make it through any relationship without knowing you are important or loved.

She had said that she was going to call me after she got back from her brothers. About three hours had passed before I heard from her. Just texts, no phone calls. And the texts were pretty “normal” for us under normal circumstances. We chatted for a while until she said she was crawling into bed.

That’s when she asked if I was still mad. I told her that I wasn’t mad, I was never mad. At that point, I decided to call her because I didn’t want to text about this all night. Honestly I hate texting important, serious stuff.

I might have been a lot of things – disappointed, irritated, hurt, confused – but I was not/never mad or angry. Saying I was confused seemed to spark her interest. She asked what I meant. I explained to her that I was confused how things turn from so incredibly good to … whatever this was, so quickly – in a matter of hours.

That’s when I told her I was totally fine with her being the way she was, and I could handle it, as long as I always knew where I stood and how she felt about me. And if she didn’t communicate like most girls do, then she needed to help me understand how she works and how she “communicates” her feelings when we aren’t physically together. I think that was also another point that clicked with her. And guys, here’s a tip; if you can phrase something in the way of asking for help with something -instead of demanding or ordering them to do something, women are a lot more likely to cooperate. Trust me, it works a lot better that way.

The last part of the conversation was much lighter and more like normal. She repeatedly said she really wanted to see me and was sorry how things worked out. We (tentatively) planned to get together Sunday, but only tentatively because there is still a small chance she still goes to the concert with her friends. But she said she is also really wanting to see me Sunday. We’ll see how this pans out.

Today has pretty much back to normal. Typical conversations and she has even been blatantly flirting. And something tells me she’ll contact me when she gets home from her concert tonight. I just have a hunch on this one.

I think even though she tries to maintain the “indifferent, emotionless, strong, self-controlled, independent woman” facade, she knows that any good relationship requires two-way communication and trust. There are always little compromises to make, and she knows she needs to work with me and not just insist on things being the way she always does them or wants them to be.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how things go. So, please check back again soon.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments. And as always, thanks for reading.

Want to ensure your new relationship fails? Post your new undying love online.

I know it has been way too long since we last talked, but life has been crazy. Finished up my semester at school, now only have one left before graduating in December, been struggling trying to find a job so I can pay the bills over the Summer but the job market sucks, been coaching my son’s baseball team this Spring/Summer, and of course things with Olive have been going well (still) – we’ve been officially together almost 6 months now.

I’m no sociologist. I’m no psychologist. My theory has not been scientifically studied (yet). But I feel I had to put my recent thoughts down for you all (or ya’ll, if you’re from the South) because one of my pet peeves reared its ugly head once again, seriously affecting a friend of mine (and someone you’ve already met).

If I’ve said it at 100 times already, at LEAST 100 times, and I know I’ll say it at least 100 times more:

NEVER POST YOUR NEW “UNDYING” LOVE ONLINE!

I hate when I’m on Twitter or Facebook and see my friends gushing about their new “soulmate” they’ve only been seeing a few days or weeks. It is almost exclusively a woman thing, but it did recently bite a male friend of mine in the butt recently.

They rant and rave, and post gooey sweet musings about love, and destiny, and soulmates, and blah blah blah. Ick!! I get especially uncomfortable when they start invoking “God” into their postings like the divine creator chose this person for them – the one they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the “honeymoon” feeling, and I have similar thoughts and wonder to myself “Could this be the one?” But that is where I differ from them. I keep it TO MYSELF. I don’t go evangelizing it everyone and anyone who will listen (or in this case read it). I am rational about it, because I have seen this script 100 times (at least), and I just keep things inside and limit my information to the public.

It’s kind of like those people who don’t tell anyone about their pregnancies until after the first trimester, just in case something would go wrong early on. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not fun.

Maybe you believe in jinxes, maybe you don’t. But this is one time I won’t risk the jinx. I have yet to see someone professing their love on Facebook and Twitter very early on in the relationship ever work. It has a FAIL rate of 100%. Of course most dating relationships end and don’t last long, but these ones always seem to have a glorious Hindenburg-type of demise.

The reason this came up, was this just happened to a female friend of mine this week. You may remember Ellen. We’ve stayed in touch and remained acquaintances/friends with most of our contact on Facebook, especially since I’ve been dating Olive.

She went on a trip to Colorado with her son, and her new boyfriend was supposed to join them there. It was a calamity of issues from the beginning. The road trip was a little too interesting for her liking, she spent her first two days there extremely sick, her car died so they (her and her son) had to walk everywhere until it got fixed, and on an on. She is very religious so every post has some sort of god-directed focus. Then the other day she posted a serious rant about what a horrible person this guy was because he ended up not going out there and pretty much left them stranded out there in Colorado and she had to try to find another way home because her car is too jacked to make it home.

I don’t know all the details behind it, but it apparently escalated to the point where HE was threatening to file a police report on her for harassment (and actually did) and more. Then of course she thanked god for pointing out what a tool and loser he was now, before it got too much farther down the road.

That is why I hate mentioning of “God” in these types of posts. Because when it implodes in epic fashion, god always gets the blame for things horribly going wrong. I’m a huge god or churchy person, but I hate when people lay their fortunes and failures solely on his shoulders like they had no responsibility in any of it.

I know relationships end every day, some even in glorious and spectacular fashion, but it is practically guaranteed that if you gush about your new love online (Facebook or Twitter) – blogs are OK, but notice I don’t gush too much just in case – it is guaranteed to fail in short and glorious fashion.

Then I have to hear all the posts about what a douche or bitch the other person was and it just gets hard to watch. However, sometimes, when both sides decide to trash each other with comments on each other’s pages, it can get real interesting real fast. Kind of like sitting on the porch of a double-wide watching the neighbors air their business in the middle of the trailer park. That’s reality TV at its best.

So, please, whatever you do, when you’re dating that new someone, feel free to share bits and pieces. But PLEASE don’t go on and on about how this person (you just met a month ago) is the love of your life, the god-sent answer to all of your prayers, and your soulmate. Save it for when you’re inviting me to your wedding a year or two down the road.

Take care and hopefully I talk to you all sooner, rather than later.

Another Dating First: Running into a past date

Hello all! I know my posts have been rare lately, but I promise things will pick up a bit more. Not because I’m expecting a lot of action or anything, because things with Olive are going very well. I’ll just be updating you on all sorts of things going on with me, Olive and everything else. But on with the show …

Saturday night, Olive and I were out on one of our rare “adult-only” dates. Her son was spending the night at a friend’s house and mine was out of town visiting his mother. We went to a Japanese steakhouse we’ve been wanting to go to for a while. We sat down around the hibachi with the other people waiting for the “dinner show” to start. While waiting, Olive noticed that directly on the other side of the table from us was someone she went to high school with. This is a lot more common than you’d think. She runs into people she knows all over the place. The guy was with his wife and kids and they never actually said anything to each other.

After our drinks arrived (sake and beers) and they took our order, Olive departed to the restroom. As I watched her walk away, I noticed someone I thought looked very familiar sitting at the table. After I did a double-take, I notice it was Constance and her kids sitting right next me. Actually, her daughter was sitting right next to me and Constance was next to her.

I don’t know if she recognized me, but neither one of us said anything to the other. It was just odd, because it has been like a year since I dated her and this is the first time I have run into any of the other girls I have dated here.

As you have probably noticed, I just posted the update of when Constance and I first dated. That’s because I’ve had it written and sitting in the draft folder for a while and since I wanted to share this story, I figured I’d better post it to give you all a little background on her.

I hope you’re all staying warm (preferably with someone special).

Come back again, and see me sometime.

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.

Olive Update: So much for being on a break

So much for being on a break, huh?

I can’t believe it has been more than a month since my last post on Christmas Eve. I apologize for that, but things have been 50 shades of busy and crazy. The Spring semester of college has started (only one more semester left after this), I’ve started looking for a job to get me through the Summer, my son and I are getting ready for baseball season, and things with Olive have been going very well.

I guess that’s what I should probably update you all on, since that’s pretty much the only reason you read this.

This update won’t be as much of a date night play-by-play as the others, but more of a encapsulated overview. And I’ll try to make it short and sweet since a lot has happened since my last post.

Olive and I met literally on New Year’s Day, after more than a month of emailing and talking. The Holidays really got in the way of us finding time to meet. My Match subscription ended at the end of December, and as I stated previously, I was done dating for a while and was going to take a break.

Maybe I should have quit and given up sooner, because once I did, Olive entered the picture and totally blew me away. She had to in order for me to forego my Holiday Hiatus.

She’s a sweet, blonde, country girl with a rock-hard body because she is crazy into fitness and works out every day. She may look small but she’s all muscle which makes her surprisingly heavier than you’d expect. She has a son about the same age as my little guy, and they get along famously. Yes, at this point, we’ve met each others’ kids and they’ve met each other.

Things started off real slow and easy, due in part to scheduling issues, but once we started seeing each other, it became more and more regular and with greater frequency. At this point, she’s over every Wednesday when her son is spending time with his father, and pretty much all weekend whether she has her son or not.

Things were going so well with her, I was more cautious trying not to mess things up. It took several visits together before we actually kissed and then much longer before we actually slept together. Then again, my schedule with my son probably played a big part in that because I don’t have a lot of free nights with him around and we’re not having “adult sleepovers” with him in the house.

For the first time since starting this dating journey, I’m actually willing to call someone my girlfriend and start to make plans for things more than just a week or two out. Like my son is very excited to go to her parent’s farm where all of her horses are, which we are putting on hold until the weather gets better. Freezing temps and snow don’t make horseback riding very enjoyable. We’ve also signed up for some running road races together. So, that’s a good sign she’s willing to do that and I’m not freaking out about it.

And yes, we have plans for next weekend, but NOT on Valentine’s Day – per se. We might be together, but not making any plans or going out. Go figure, the one holiday I was most trying to avoid with a new girlfriend, and here I am, caught in the trap.

This weekend I’ll post the update about the conversation with my ex-wife when I told her about Olive. Just reinforces why I’m glad I’m not with her anymore.

I hope you’re all staying warm and not buried in too much snow.

Til later!

Christmas Eve ramblings and updates

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!

Since I’m sitting at my parent’s house (totally bored) alone with my sons are with their mothers this year, I figured I’d catch you all up on how things are going.

I told you I pretty much put dating on hold over the Holidays, so … of course, what happens? Yep, multiple interests come seeking me out. Never fails.

I seriously contemplate just forgetting about actively dating because when I ignore the “dating game” prospects just come to me (somehow).

I’ve had two serious prospects over the last week or so. Both contacted me on Match and I’ve been talking with both since. Naomi, is a petite, 40-something CPA, mother of 3; and Olive is my age, a classic country girl with a son about the same age as my youngest son.

Things with Naomi were a little too aggressive and moved a bit too fast. We’d been taking for about a week when I took my son to his mom’s. She was very aggressive in saying how much she was thinking about me and talking about plans and stuff already. This is all before we’ve even met yet. So on my way back from dropping my son off, she called and we talked almost the entire 4-hour trip back. Then she basically invited herself over to meet me at my house when I got home (about 1 a.m.).

We both had to work the next day, but I figured “what the hell, why not?” She met me near my house and followed me home. Honestly, once we got to my place, I figured we’d chat for a while and she’d go home. I was wrong. I grabbed us both some water in the kitchen when she came in and grabbed me and started making out with me. She dragged me to the couch for some more making out, then suggested we go upstairs to the bedroom.

Ok. This was moving a bot way too fast for something that would have any chance of being a serious relationship. But I’m a guy, it’s not like I’m gonna really say NO and stop things. My chances at this are too far and few between.

After a vigorous round of bedroom aerobics, she stayed and cuddled til we both fell asleep. She stayed until about 5 a.m., when she got up to leave and get ready for work. All the next day she texted and called repeatedly. Over the next few days, the conversations trailed because she was becoming too clingy and we hadn’t even really gone a date yet. I was getting highly annoyed, and just couldn’t take it much more. So I told her I wasn’t sure things were working out, maybe we should slow it down a bit and see what happens. It’s been a few days and I haven’t heard from her since.

I haven’t met Olive yet, in person, but we talk every day. She’s very sweet and we have so much in common and our little boys seem almost identical. So far, if there’s a problem of any kind, it’s that our schedules have been seriously conflicting so we haven’t been able it meet yet. It’s not a serious issue since we’ve only been trying for about a week to find a time. But she had her son when I was free and now that he’s visiting his father’s, I’m visiting my family out of town.

But as I’ve been writing this, Olive has been texting me the whole time because she’s bored bad wants me to keep her company.

I am a little paranoid about dragging this out about another week or so, because the last time this happened, coincidentally over the Christmas break, the girl I was into moved on (back to her ex-husband) before I really even had a chance.

But I guess, as they say, “things happen for a reason.” Maybe this one will work out better than that one.

I’m going to sign off for now. “It’s A Wonderful Life” and a 24 hours of “A Christmas Story” are on.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all, and thanks again for reading.

Holiday Season means I’m on a Break

ImageIt’s the season for giving, family, friends and loved ones. Not new girlfriends.

Once the Holiday season rolls around, if I am not already involved with a woman, I shut things down for a while, kind of like a cab driver who turns off the “In Service” light to prevent new riders from hailing his cab.

Yes, it is great to share the holidays with that someone special, but it is totally awkward when it is with someone new. You have to worry about gifts, holiday plans, and so much more.

The Holidays are the worst time to have a new flame, because you have too many questions that need to be answered:

– Have we been dating long enough to get her a gift? Or should I just get her one anyway, even though she might not get me one?

– How much do I spend? I don’t want to spend too much or get something like a ring that makes me look desperate or like I’m rushing things. What do I get her? A DVD, CD, flowers, clothes, jewelry, a puppy … what???

– How much time do we spend together over the holidays? Do I bring her to my parents’ house? Do I go to her parents’ house?

– Do we spend Christmas Day together?

Ugh. Too much to deal with.

So, instead of going through all of this, I just choose to enjoy myself with my friends and family, and take a break between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. After Valentine’s Day, I’ll put the “In Service” light back on and actually put effort into dating.

Though, I will admit that it is always nice to have a date for New Year’s Eve. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make it work. I’ve done just fine going out solo (or with friends) on New Year’s Eve.

But this doesn’t mean if a good opportunity presents itself in the next month or so, I won’t pursue it. I will. I am just not actively seeking it right now.

That also doesn’t mean I won’t be posting anything, because I will. We still have a lot to talk about, and who knows what might happen over the Holidays.

Fastest Way to a Woman’s Heart: Another Woman

Jealous much?I know I have a lot of women who read this blog, but I’m here to not only share my experiences and entertain, I’m also here to help my fellow men and single fathers through this mess we call dating. So, ladies, if I’m giving away any deep, dark secrets, I hope you understand.

I know this topic seems a little confusing and cryptic, but by the time I’m done explaining, I’m sure it will make sense.

If you’re trying to get a woman, why do you need another woman? If you have one woman, why would you need another woman? Are you trying to pick up women while you’re with your wife or girlfriend? How can another woman help you get a woman?

All good questions, but you’re missing the point. The “second” woman I am referring to is nothing more than a friend. And by that, I mean someone you know, who is female, who has no interest in you sexually and you have no interest in them sexually. You two can hang out and never have to worry about any sexual tension or awkwardness.

Why?

It’s easy; women are very jealous, catty, competitive creatures.

If a woman has ANY feelings for you at all, seeing you having a good time with another woman (regardless of her connection to you) will bring those feelings to the surface and amplify them. And – almost every time – she will end up acting on those feelings – sooner rather than later.

For some reason, women have this automatic “that’s MY man!” defensive reaction when they see a guy they have feelings for with another woman, even if that guy is an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or even just a guy at work who has caught her eye. It triggers that mechanism in them that makes them think “he must have something going for him if she likes being with him.” The next response depends on the relationship status. If you are exes, her next response will be along the lines of a “I saw him first” type of reaction, but if you haven’t dated yet, it is more of a “I want whatever she’s having” type of reaction. Either way, she will start paying a lot more attention to you, and may even get aggressive about it by inserting herself into your conversation with this “other woman”. Regardless, she will be very flirty with you. Enjoy it!

Not only have I had numerous women confirm this to me, it was recently demonstrated with my ex high school girlfriend. Plus I have another very interesting story to share that will clearly demonstrate what I mean.

A few years ago, before I met and married my son’s mother, I was living in the Washington, D.C. area. I met this girl, Jeni, on Yahoo! Personals (still my #1 choice of dating sites of all-time). Jeni was a tall, beautiful blonde girl originally from Finland. Ok, not quite Sweden but still Scandinavian, close enough.

We had been on a few dates when she invited me out to double date with her and her roommate because her (roommate’s) boyfriend, Chad, was in town (he lived in Ohio). I know that description may have seemed obvious to most of you, some of you might have been confused. I met them at their house and we headed to one of the popular college hangout areas near D.C.

In the car, Chad and I sat in the backseat while the girls rode in the front. Things were pretty cool but not real affectionate. It seemed like four friends heading out instead of boyfriends and girlfriends, or any dating type of vibe. When we got to the bar, it was packed but we managed to find a 4-seat high-top table. When we got to the table, as gentlemen do, we waited for the women to take their seats, and the fact that the girls chose to sit on the same side of the table kind of set the tone for the evening. So Chad sat directly across from Chrissy, and I sat directly across from Jeni.

Something just didn’t feel right the whole night. Chad and I talked about it during their trips to the bathroom together (yes, multiple trips). We figured either they were (A) not really interested in us, but that wasn’t really what we thought was going on, or (B) they were playing hard to get or some other game. So I suggested we raise the ante on the night and make things more interesting. Chad agreed.

So, the next time the girls went to the bathroom, I found the closest waitress at the bar. I gave her $40 – money for two drinks and the rest was tip for her if she played along with my plan. She agreed. The plan was when the two girls returned, wait a few minutes, bring two drinks over to the table and say they “are compliments of the girls down there” pointing across the room to the other end of the bar. There were so many people there, it would be impossible to figure out who she was pointing at.

After the girls returned, a few minutes passed before the waitress came to the table. Just as we discussed, she dropped off two drinks and said they were “from the girls over there” pointing to the other end of the bar. Both Jeni and Chrissy raised up out of their seats to see if they could find them. Chrissy then asked her “which girls?” Playing along perfectly, without missing a beat, the waitress said “Two blondes right there … wait … I don’t see them any more,” and walked away.

You could feel the heat coming from the other side of the table. They asked what that was all about. I told them these two girls were walking by and bumped into me almost spilling their drinks. I apologized and the next thing we knew we were just talking. They asked if we were there with anybody and we told them yes. Then they left.

Almost immediately, within a matter of one or two minutes, the entire mood at the table changed. The girls started reaching over and touching our arms and hands. A little while longer, the girls switched things up to where Jeni and I were on the same side together, as were Chad and Chrissy, and holding hands, snuggling and even light kissing was soon to follow. On the way home, I sat in the back with Jeni, as Chad and Chrissy sat in the front.

Once we got back to their house, the girls went upstairs to change while us boys sat downstairs watching SportsCenter. After the girls were completely upstairs out of earshot, Chad turns to me and says “that was the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. I’m gonna tell all the guys at the firehouse this story when I get back home.” Chad and I still keep in touch, to this day, after that.

The girls came back downstairs in short boy shorts and camisoles – like they coordinated it or something – and mixed some drinks for us all. And the next morning they made breakfast for us all – if you follow me.

So again, my advice; always have a girl or two in your group (but not too many) when you go out looking for women. It will stack the deck in your favor, and if you have any game at all, it will usually work very well. More times than not, if there is a girl at the bar who digs you, she will seek out your female companion and ask her questions about you before she makes her move, or she will tell your female friend to have you go over and talk to her.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask. I’m an open book. And as always, thanks for reading.

20 Years later the Ex is back (sort of)

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I can’t believe it is December already. The weather is getting crappy and my dating life is already there.

But I do have an interesting story for ya’ll.

I was visiting my parents over the Thanksgiving holiday. They still live in the same town I grew up in, but not the same house. I had been talking with some of my friends (both male and female) about getting together while I was there. So after I did my Black Friday shopping (in the AFTERNOON and still go all the stuff I wanted), I picked up my good friend Dan and we headed downtown to hit all of the “hot spots”. The town I’m from is about 100,000 people in the Midwest near a lot of farm country, so “hot spots” is a term I use lightly.

Dan and I have been friends forever. We grew up playing basketball together, and he was one only three people I knew growing up that were taller than me. And we’re both pretty good-looking guys, so going out together is always fun because ladies like the tall guys, and we’re like the Twin Towers standing out in a crowd sometimes.

We hit a few places that were dead, maybe a dozen people or so. Then we hit this rather new place and it had a pretty good crowd. We ordered some beers and found a table and were just standing there talking waiting for some of our other friends to meet us there. That is when I noticed, across the room, my ex-girlfriend from my senior year of high school. She was a little younger than me, but I thought I really loved this girl. My whole senior year revolved around her.

Dan and I started talking about her, and he told me that her husband was working at the bar (he was over 6-foot tall and 300+ lbs) and they were swingers and other stuff. He even said he thought she tried hooking up with him at some point a while back. He said he frequently talks with her when they are out. I really didn’t think much of it because I had seen her a couple of times over the years but we had never spoken. And I figured she pretty much hated me.

Well a little while later, she came over to the table to talk to Dan and apparently didn’t know he was there with me. It was a very brief awkward conversation and she left.

About 30 minutes later some of our other friends arrived, including Renee – a cute, little blonde with a sexy raspy voice. I have known Renee since I was about 4 years old and she lived across the street from my grandmother’s house, where I practically lived when I was growing up. So we are very good friends. We never dated – just in case you were asking.

It wasn’t too long before my ex, Sidney, came back to the table and started talking to us more. She was a lot more friendly and much more talkative. We were having fun picking on the “wannabe” boyfriend of Renee’s friend because he was totally jealous of the girls hanging out with me and Dan. He was way older than us and was acting like a stupid insecure teenager.

After a few more beers, Dan and I decided on going to the strip club down the street. Why? Because that was the only way we were going to see naked girls that night, and it sounded like a good place to just hang out and catch up. Well, before we could leave, Sidney had managed to invite herself along somehow. So the three of us headed out. We didn’t even get to the street corner before Sidney grabs my arm and starts walking arm-in-arm with me. I was cool with it. I don’t have any grudges with her and she’s married so I didn’t think it would lead to anything.

But once we got to the strip club, things got crazy. She apparently was there regularly because her husband also works at that bar. She was walking behind the bar getting us whatever drinks we wanted, going up to the stage messing around with the dancers, and more. That was nothing compared to her constantly touching me, rubbing up against me, and oh right, grabbing my crotch and butt frequently.

Over the next hour or so, she was texting me (yes, while we were there together) about how attracted to me she still was and more. Once it came time to leave, she asked if we could give her a ride home since her husband was still working at the bar. We agreed, but once we were in the car, she asked if we could drop Dan off first. Uhhh, ok. I see what’s going on here.

Once we got to Dan’s we all went into Dan’s because we had to go to the bathroom – we drank a lot of beer, remember.

We talked for a few minutes and then Dan started to get ready for bed. Sidney grabbed my hand, got real close and said she wanted to me right there. Dan came into the hallway and I just said to him “we’ll be downstairs” in his basement, where he had a couch, bar and big screen tv set up.

Pretty much as soon as we entered the room she started taking off her clothes. Before you knew it, we were both naked and she was orally taking care of business. I’m not gonna give all the rest of the graphic details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.

I talked to Dan the next day and he was cool with everything, so I didn’t offend him or anything. And we’ve talked about it all again since.

To make a long story not as long, Sidney has since added me to Facebook and texted me every day since. There is no expectation for any sort of relationship, but we have been catching up, even straightened out why we ended up breaking up, and much more. One of the most interesting things we talked about was that night at the bar. I asked her what happened to make her change her mood so quickly. She went from ice queen to in my pants in record time. She told me it was Renee, my blonde female friend. She kept watching us talking and having a good time together at the bar, and it made her jealous. After 20 years, three kids and a husband, she was still jealous about me with another woman. Dan even said she kept asking him about Renee, and if she was my girlfriend and stuff.  I always find it so amusing how much women can make each other jealous and competitive. I have a whole theory on that, but that can wait for another post.

It has been fun and interesting. But she is asking about my plans for Christmas because she wants to try to hook up again then. So, we shall see. But even if it doesn’t, that was one pretty crazy weekend and I never saw any of that coming.

I figured since I don’t have any real dating prospects right now, I’d fill you all in on something that’s between going on with me and the ladies.

Stay warm, and as always, thanks for reading!