Trinity: She said Yes, then said Goodbye*

Hello everyone,

I know it has been quite a while since you last heard from me. I’ve been rather busy; still trying to find a job, recovering from hand surgery, and spending a lot of quality time with an amazing woman, Trinity, whom I asked to share my life with.

I haven’t been posting about her because I felt like I might jinx things if I share them here online. But I guess that doesn’t seem to be much of an issue now. I’ll try to keep this as short as I can and update your more on her and our time together later.

Things with Trinity, as I’ll call her for numerous reasons, were going great up until about a week ago. I asked her to marry me in July and we were planning a wedding for early Spring next year. We had our wedding and reception venues reserved, and were going to book our hotel guest room contract. We had sent out the “Save the Date” notices to our friends and family. I was on cloud nine with her.

Then a week ago Thursday (10 days ago) she called me before going to bed (as she did every night) after her regular Thursday night dinner with her best friend. Out of the blue, she told me she was feeling very stressed about all of the wedding plans, to include our finances because of my lack of a job currently and her lack of income from a rental property she hasn’t had filled for months, along with other personal concerns. She said she felt rushed a little and wanted to postpone the wedding date for a while until we had things established a little better. I was totally supportive and had even told her that I had considered that us getting married next Summer right after school restarted would probably be a much better time to get married.

You see, she wanted to incorporate all of our children in the ceremony and my son gets back from visiting his mother for the summer in mid August right before school stats.

Everything had been OK since then, but she was still acting a little weird. And I was still adjusting to the news. You can’t expect her to drop news like that on me without it bothering me a little bit. Though I was supportive and understanding, the fact that the change was bothering me didn’t set well with her. And then my normal joking, flirty ways – that she originally fell madly in love with – began to annoy her. It seemed I couldn’t say much of anything substantial (especially something related to my feelings) without her getting upset or irritated.

Then Friday (2 days ago) we met for lunch and discussed things further. I started feeling much better after our talk, because she was reassuring me that she still loved me, I still made her happy, and her goal of marrying me and spending our lives together has not changed. We spent the rest of the day texting like normal. Then after her kids went to bed, she called me and dropped the bomb on me.

None of it really makes sense. Yes, we had bumps in the road just like everybody else. Yes, she likes to shut down when she gets stressed and isn’t the best communicator. But none of the issues were remotely close to “relationship killers”, hell, not even the sum total of the issues were enough to terminate a serious relationship like this.

This issues definitely seemed to be the stress of combining our households and her maintaining her free time, and a few smaller issues which we had dealt with early on that seemed to linger. But again, nothing that couldn’t be resolved or worked out.

I tried reassuring her that the wedding plans were not the priority – that her happiness was – but she insisted I was just saying that, but wouldn’t give me the chance to prove it. And several of her “issues” were easily explained away or remedied, but she made sure to say that it wasn’t going to change her mind. She finally ended it by saying she was going to return the ring to me. I reiterated that it didn’t have to be this way and we deserved more of a shot than this.

Since Friday, I have not heard from her (as I’ve mentioned). I’ve desperately wanted to hear her voice or just tell her the usual nonsensical things that transpired in my day. I’ve had to fight from texting her good morning or calling her before bed every day.

Everyone I’ve talked to says I just need to give her some time and space. If I try to reach out too soon, it will just make things worse and push her farther away. I definitely don’t want that. I hope they’re right. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

How much time? How long do I have to wait before I can reach out to her?

She still hasn’t removed me or my family and friends from her Facebook. If you knew her, you would know how serious keeping her Facebook private is to her. She only has about 35 friends and family on Facebook. She’s been on Facebook numerous times since Friday night, so if she was going to do that I figure she would’ve done it by now. I can’t help but hold onto that as a small glimmer of hope that she isn’t fully committed to terminating our relationship.

And though everyone is telling me that I will hear from her and she might come back, because they all saw how great we were together and can’t imagine someone throwing it away so hastily. I sure hope they’re right, but I’m not getting my hopes up and am doubtful I will hear from her anytime soon. That’s why I have the asterisk (*) in the headline.

I’ll definitely keep you all updated on things as they transpire – if anything does happen. In the meantime, if you have any specific questions you want me to address about in my next posts, or if you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to drop me a line. I’m especially curious to know if any of you have taken “a break” like this and how long it lasted.

And as always, thank you all for reading!

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Staci Update: Touching all the bases, but still no home run

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know I read that somewhere once. OK, saying it was the worst of times is likely an exaggeration, but you get the idea; the Love Rollercoaster (The Ohio Players and Red Hot Chilly Peppers) is in full swing.

OK, last we talked, I mentioned I needed to update you on meeting Staci’s brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Last week, Staci and I decided to just have a quiet night together. We really hadn’t had one since the night we watched Guardians of the Galaxy together. We wanted a night without concerts, movies, bars, sporting events, large crowds, driving all over and spending a lot of money. Just a night to be together.

The plan was to pick up take-out from a local Italian place, bring it back and hang out. Once we started talking about it – while she was still in the bathroom getting ready – she mentioned it was her brother’s favorite place to get food from. So she texted him to see if they wanted anything since we were picking it up. One thing led to another, and before you know it, we were on our way over there to have dinner with her brother and SIL. FYI, they only live about 5-10 minutes from Staci’s house.

It didn’t bother me that this was interfering with our alone time, because it meant that meeting family was another positive step in the relationship. So I was all for it. To keep things brief – because I have a lot of other stuff to get to – it went really well. We made easy conversation, Staci even commented afterward how I was making them laugh (which was a big bonus in my favor), and she said they really seemed to like me. Score! Now I just have to meet her sister and father (who both live in our same town).

I mentioned going over to her house a few nights ago and then we were supposed to go to a baseball game Saturday night. Then “IT” happened again. She went out Thursday with Amy to a charity golf gala – staying out much later than she really reasonably should have (but I digress) – then Friday she went out to dinner with Amy and a few of her other girlfriends.

A while back we had this conversation about me being concerned and her at least letting me know when she got home safely. But “IT” happened again. I talked to her about 7:30pm. She was on her way to meet Amy and I told her my friend cancelled plans with me, and she was all bent out of shape that he would cancel at the last minute (to go hang out with his girlfriend). See the irony there?

She said she would call me when she was done. Let’s fast forward 18 hours. Yes, I8 hours. I had sent about a half dozen texts between 8pm-2am. Casual “what’s up?” texts, to something random on my mind, to eventually “what’s going on on?” and “Is everything OK?” So we had another one of THOSE nights. So, I decided to play the waiting game, a game of Chicken, if you will. Didn’t hear from her until after 1pm Saturday.

She still was planning on coming over. She wanted to help me start gutting my basement before I remodel it. She was admittedly hungover. She allegedly didn’t drive home, she was so drunk. So when I asked her how she got home, she said she took and cab and then had her sister drive her to go get her car. She asked me if I was still wanting her to come over. I answered with a question; “Do you want to come over?” Yes, I was being snarky. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t directly answer any questions, just basically said, “whatever you want to do.”

She came over, we didn’t clean my basement. I wasn’t in the mood. So we talked for a while instead. I explained to her how this happened another night before I had big plans for us (making dinner for her and her friends) and her excessive partying interfered. I had a fun day planned, all of which was blown out of the water because she got up so late, wasn’t ready to go anywhere, and we were running out of time before heading to the baseball game. We still had to go to her house for her to get ready before the game.

So I finally cut to the chase. I asked her if I was the only guy in the picture. A reasonable question given recent events and conversations. She quickly said yes and I didn’t get any feelings of suspicion or intentional deceit. That doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Then she said she was still “feeling us out.” I really don’t think that’s what she meant, because “feeling us out” means she has one foot out the door and isn’t sure about “Us.” I don’t get that feeling from her. I get that she wants to take things slow, but that’s not the same as feeling things out.

So things picked up after that conversation (they always do after our little heart-to-hearts). We went to lunch and continued talking. We started talking about planning our schedules and time to see each other (now that my son is back, he wasn’t then but is now). But the big “bomb” was still to come.

She mentioned that her and Amy were planning a trip to Mexico over the Christmas/New Year’s break. I was thinking to myself, Oh wonderful, this is her way of saying ‘don’t make any plans to see me over the biggest week of the year.’ I was wrong! That’s when she mentioned that her and Amy were talking about Jack (Amy’s boyfriend) and I coming down to join them for a few days in Mexico.

Whoa!! Hold the phone! You’re “feeling us out” but still talking about me going to Mexico with her in December? DECEMBER, that’s 5 months from now! I don’t think you’re “feeling me out” if you’re thinking that far ahead like that. But I’m not complaining, I’m IN!

We finally made it to the game and met up with Amy and Jack, who were also there. We hopped from bar to bar at the stadium, watching the games on the screens and occasionally watching the live action on the field. It was a sold out stadium so lots of people and good people watching. It was fun.

We even had an interesting conversation about having kids as we walked through the parking lot. She totally initiated it. Talking about whether we each wanted (more) kids, starting “the clock” over with a new kid, her age and trying to have a baby. I wasn’t really expecting that, especially not yet, but I went with it just the same and it didn’t freak me out or anything.

An interesting moment that Staci found particularly intriguing was after the game when we stopped by a local restaurant for a quick bite before heading home. I really didn’t eat anything, but Staci did. Amy and Jack were there, as well as another couple. I was ready to go home, not hang out, but anyway. Near the end, they were talking about Staci’s roommate’s upcoming wedding, and how they didn’t even know when it was and Staci was going to find out. Amy – who is very loud, boisterous, and a huge diva – was going on about the open bar and wedding cake and stuff and she looked right at me and said with attitude “Sorry, I’m going to be her Plus One!” My response and reaction was simple and to the point. I cocked my head to the side with a bit of raised eyebrow and just said, “No. No. I don’t think so. That’s definitely not happening.” Staci was impressed because guys usually don’t stand up to Amy very often, enough so that she mentioned as we were driving home. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Knowing Amy and her influence, I’ll probably get the short end of the stick, but don’t think I’ll just go down without a fight. WHO takes a girl friend to a wedding when you actually have a date, boyfriend or husband? Not anyone I know (yet).

After, we came back to my house. She left her car at my house after stopping by. She didn’t want to come inside, in order to avoid any possibility of sex (still). I’m still not exactly sure why she isn’t “ready” because every indication I have is that she IS ready (which you will see in a moment), except for mentally (or maybe emotionally) for some reason. But as has happened numerous times, a simple kissing session escalated into a hot and heavy makeout session.

I won’t go into extreme detail here, but we were in my garage, up against my car “going at it” for a very long while. Several times I asked if she’d rather go inside because it was still a rather humid night out. The garage was open, but I live at the end of a cul de sac and it was after midnight, so there was no vehicle traffic passing by. By the end, her top was basically off, she had her hands (yes both) down my my pants and I had my hand in her pants. And that lasted for a while. It’s not like she stopped immediately once I reached in her pants or exposed her breasts – like she would have before. But she did eventually stop before any actual type of sex (regular or oral) happened. And then we just hugged and caressed and kissed each other for a while longer before we finally said goodnight and she went home.

After she got home and was texting me while she was in bed, another significant milestone (if you want to call it that) happened. One our way back to my house, her phone kept blowing up with text messages. She was ignoring them, and I made a comment about it being Amy (since we just left her and Jack), but I had a suspicion it wasn’t Amy. Once home, she told me it was an ex texting her while he’s drunk and she told him to stop and said it was nothing to worry about.

Here’s why it’s significant (to me) and why I believe her. She didn’t have to tell me that. Even if it was 100% nothing, she didn’t have to tell me. She could’ve left it alone and assume I thought it was Amy and never mentioned it again. But she told me. She made sure I knew the truth, and the she handled it. Again, I can’t emphasize enough, she didn’t have to tell me. Ladies, do you tell your man every time some ex or an interested guy texts you randomly? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing you think it wouldn’t be worth the effort to bring it up and have to explain it. But she did. So instead of making a big deal about how inappropriate I think it is for him to be doing that, I just said “Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” I want to foster this sort of thing, not give her reasons to hide it from me, because we all know people don’t need reasons to hide things from their partners.

She’s also forwarding me emails and messages from friends about things, so things are definitely opening up. Again, I really don’t think she’s applying “feeling us out” in the correct way. She wouldn’t be this open and upfront if she was.

OK. That’s enough for today, I think 2000 words is enough. Don’t you? We have another concert on our schedule for tomorrow and then getting together with friend’s son (Max) for karaoke Thursday. So be on the look out for more updates later on in the week.

And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci Update: Making Strides But The Big Test Could Be Right Around the Corner

A little over a month (and 5 dates) later, things are seemingly progressing well with Staci. Maybe the gamble is working after all. And I think it’s time to update you all on our progress, especially after throwing out a big relationship test last night.

Since my last update, we’ve been out to see “Ted 2”, she came over to my house to watch “Guardians of the Galaxy” and last night we went to a baseball game.

We didn’t do anything together over the 4th of July weekend because she already had plans to spend the weekend with girlfriends in Chicago, while I had plans to visit my brother in Dallas. That weekend trip went a lot better than the other one she took about a month ago, because this time I heard from her regularly – quite often actually.

Everything is going very well. She is almost as physically affectionate as I am. Lots of hand-holding, arms around the waist, and lots of random kissing. No making out in public, just kissing. But the “goodnight kisses” do tend to last quite a while.

And No, the evening at my house watching the movie did not end in sex. That is about the only part lacking of this whole thing.

However, a few significant events did occur last night during the baseball game. We talked quite a bit throughout the night. We only sat at our seats briefly a few times. It was raining most of the night so we decided to walk the concourse going from bar to bar inside the stadium. Today she even mentioned how much she liked that I was actually paying more attention to her than the game. Well, duh. That’s a pretty easy decision to make.

At one of the bars, we ran into two of her co-workers. She introduced me to them and I also met their wives. So, today at her office, whatever secret I may have been is out of the bag. She has also been hearing from the wives (who also happened to mention they thought I was cute) today for more details. So I guess, now, in the eyes of her co-workers, we are now an item.

But the real interesting part came when I asked her about this weekend. It is a total longshot, but I also look at it as a possible litmus test on where things stand.

I am going up to my parents’ this weekend to see my son for his birthday. As fate would have it, the concert I have been waiting for all year is also there this weekend. I already have a few friends lined up to go with me, but I wanted Staci to go as well.

I know we may not be at the “meeting parents and kids” stage yet but I still wanted her to go. I had brought it up once before a couple of weeks ago, but decided to broach the subject again at the game.

I did preface it by saying I knew it was a longshot, and was totally expecting “No” to be the answer, but wanted to ask anyway because I’d kick myself if I didn’t ask, only to find out later she would’ve said  “Yes.” Knowing she probably wouldn’t go with me on Friday, she’d likely have to drive herself on Saturday. Keep in mind it is a 4+-hour drive to where my parents live. But I offered to not only buy her ticket but to arrange for a place (hotel) for her/us to stay at up there.

She said she really wanted to go but would have to think about it because she had already committed to another event with some of her friends, but said I was more important. Again, she said I was more important. I kind of tried to brush it off, but she insisted that I was definitely more important.

So, now we wait and see. Either she says “No”, which I am expecting – and I wouldn’t blame her – or she says “Yes” and goes up with me Friday night or drives herself Saturday. Not to put too much weight on it, but that could be a totally redefining moment for the relationship. Going away somewhere for the weekend, even without meeting my parents, is a major step.

We’ll see if we actually take that step or not, but I’m really hoping we do.

Please share your thoughts, questions and opinions here. And as always, thanks for reading!

Staci: Hoping making exceptions to the rules pays off

Over time, I have established a pretty standard list of criteria/rules to follow when meeting people online. Some things are your standard dating rules, while others are based on my personal experiences or preferences.

Some of those are ones like: no sex on a first date, she can’t be taller than me, I won’t date a woman my age who has not been married before and/or doesn’t have kids, I won’t even entertain talking to a woman who is only “separated”, and a few more.

But with Staci, I saw enough potential with her that I went against my normal practice and made a few exceptions hoping that it would pay off. We shall see.

First, a little about Staci. She’s a tall (5’11”), very skinny, blonde, who is a little older than me (45), and she works as an investment broker. She’s been divorced for about 4 years and doesn’t have any children, though she did have a stepson who visited while she was married.

Our email and text conversations were very fulfilling, fun and even flirty. Some nights we’d be up until midnight chatting away. She would text some during the day, would text when she got home in the evening, and when she would go out with her friends to happy hour or something, she wouldeven text me once she got home. It seemed pretty obvious that she was interested in me more than just a simple curiosity or feeler that I get from some of the other dates I’ve met online. This seemed to be mainly why I was willing to skip some of the normal rules I follow when dating women online.

Now let me break this down by explaining some of the exceptions I made to my normal rules. The first was the rule about Not Going to Movies on the First Date. But that is what she wanted to do. She wanted to see Entourage badly, and I really couldn’t say no to her. I was hesitant about seeing a movie on the first date, and she knew that, because I mentioned it would limit our time to be able to talk and get to know each other. Something told me she knew that, and it wasn’t going to be a problem and maybe she wanted to be “alone in the dark” together. Since we were going to one of the newer, fancier theaters that has the super nice recliners and bar inside the theater, we decided to meet at the theater bar about 90 minutes before the movie.

We had a couple of drinks at the bar, talked about many things, including my previous marriages, my kids, her previous marriage, and even sports since we both like baseball and the Stanley Cups Finals and UFC were on the TVs at the bar. We laughed and even flirted a little. She looked incredible. There wasn’t any question about whether I was physically attracted to her.

Once we got into the theater, we took our reserved seats. They were large leather recliners paired together with a raisable center arm to convert into love seat, if you chose to. We ordered some snacks to eat during the movie. During the show, there was definitely a physical tension between us, like we were like magnets too close to each other. So midway through the movie, I made a move. I had debated it for a while, so I just placed my hand on her leg, palm up, looking to hold her hand. She quickly grabbed my hand. Not only did she hold my hand, but she would occasionally stroke one of my fingers with hers, and eventually grasped my hand with both hands. This is clearly not a sign of someone who was just going along with my move in order to avert an awkward moment, she was clearly ok and accepting of it.

After the movie, she wanted to linger there in the seats for a while, talking for a bit longer while still holding hands. It started to get a little awkward, only because we were the only ones in the theater and the theater staff was cleaning around us. So we headed out to the parking lot. We were parked on opposite ends of the lot, so I walked with her to her car. On the way, she grabbed my arm and we walked arm-in-arm for a while, and then we held hands all the way to her car. There we lingered for a while talking. Finally, I just grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss. Again, there was no sign of awkwardness or resistance. We paused a few times, only to resume again. She even wrapped both of her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. The kissing itself, may not have been the best I’ve ever had, but I chalk that up to the awkwardness of the first kiss.

We said our goodbyes and talked about when we would see each other again. It wouldn’t be the next weekend, because was going out of town for the weekend with her girlfriends. We even talked for a while after we each got home. Everything seemed to go very well. It was seemingly one of the best connections I’ve had in a while.

Now to the second rule I looked past in order to give Staci a chance, and this is the one I’m more concerned about.

As I said earlier, she’s in her mid-forties without kids. Why, exactly, I don’t know. I didn’t ask (yet). But she is always going out with friends, either to happy hour, sporting events, concerts, or whatever else is going on. Since I started talking to her, she’s been home all night, on average, about 1 or 2 times per week. There’s nothing completely wrong with that, she can do whatever she chooses, it is just a matter of compatibility with my schedule. The first time she wanted to hang out was a random weeknight and I had to say ‘no’ because I had my son and no options for someone to watch him on such late notice.

And that is why I have the rule about Not Dating Women Who Don’t Have Children. They don’t fully understand the issues parents empathize with each other. They usually don’t understand the difficulties with having to plan dates, instead of being able to up and go out on a whim. From personal experience, I’ve had many instances where childless women get jealous, impatient, and frustrated having to work around a single father’s schedule. Especially one as sporadic as mine.

We haven’t talked about it yet, but I can see it has the potential to be an issue. And then there’s the issue of the following night.

The next day, things seemed different. Almost like they do when you have a one-night stand – and one of you regrets it the next day. But based on her actions, there was no sign of any hesitation, so I am not sure what it could be exactly. Except for one thing.

She mentioned she was going to a concert that night, and was very vague about her plans that day and evening. We talked much, much, less than normal, but she did still ask about my son’s baseball game. However, unlike other nights out, I didn’t hear from her during the evening or after. I sent a couple quick messages, saying I hope she had fun, etc. I also sent a quick “good morning” text the next morning. Only got a quick “Thank you” response and nothing more after that. So my guess is she was on another date.

Not that it bothers me, I totally get it, I do the same thing – at least the overlapping multiple first dates until you establish a connection with someone. Then I cut off things with the others, or it fizzles out on its own.

And I’ll be completely honest, to me, if I’m overlapping dates, I try to keep things as “normal” with each one as I can – if I am interested in keeping each option open. But if I’m not, I will cut it off and not drag it out knowing it is not going to work. I would just ask the same from them. At least “act normal” until you make up your mind. Because now, I’m more likely to keep my eyes open looking for other options, which could make for very awkward times if she ever decided to actually see where this goes.

But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. Keep checking back for updates. And as always, thanks for reading!

p.s. Oh by the way, even though she really hasn’t been talking with me lately, she’s been checking out my Match profile every day or even several times a day. So, there’s that.

UPDATES

Second date success, but something’s jamming my radar.

Making Strides But The Big Test Could Be Right Around the Corner

She said Yes to the weekend getaway

Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Dinner at her place, I’m meeting her best friend

Dinner, meeting her best friend not what I was expecting

Staci, Amy wanted me to go out with their friend tonight – alone

Hot and Heavy but not quite a Homerun yet

Mountain out of Molehill and She cancelled again

A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

Touching all the bases, but still no home run

I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

She meets him on Tuesday and small test may be coming

The Writing is on the Wall but still playing the waiting game

Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

Want to ensure your new relationship fails? Post your new undying love online.

I know it has been way too long since we last talked, but life has been crazy. Finished up my semester at school, now only have one left before graduating in December, been struggling trying to find a job so I can pay the bills over the Summer but the job market sucks, been coaching my son’s baseball team this Spring/Summer, and of course things with Olive have been going well (still) – we’ve been officially together almost 6 months now.

I’m no sociologist. I’m no psychologist. My theory has not been scientifically studied (yet). But I feel I had to put my recent thoughts down for you all (or ya’ll, if you’re from the South) because one of my pet peeves reared its ugly head once again, seriously affecting a friend of mine (and someone you’ve already met).

If I’ve said it at 100 times already, at LEAST 100 times, and I know I’ll say it at least 100 times more:

NEVER POST YOUR NEW “UNDYING” LOVE ONLINE!

I hate when I’m on Twitter or Facebook and see my friends gushing about their new “soulmate” they’ve only been seeing a few days or weeks. It is almost exclusively a woman thing, but it did recently bite a male friend of mine in the butt recently.

They rant and rave, and post gooey sweet musings about love, and destiny, and soulmates, and blah blah blah. Ick!! I get especially uncomfortable when they start invoking “God” into their postings like the divine creator chose this person for them – the one they’ve been waiting for all of their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the “honeymoon” feeling, and I have similar thoughts and wonder to myself “Could this be the one?” But that is where I differ from them. I keep it TO MYSELF. I don’t go evangelizing it everyone and anyone who will listen (or in this case read it). I am rational about it, because I have seen this script 100 times (at least), and I just keep things inside and limit my information to the public.

It’s kind of like those people who don’t tell anyone about their pregnancies until after the first trimester, just in case something would go wrong early on. I’ve been down that road, and it’s not fun.

Maybe you believe in jinxes, maybe you don’t. But this is one time I won’t risk the jinx. I have yet to see someone professing their love on Facebook and Twitter very early on in the relationship ever work. It has a FAIL rate of 100%. Of course most dating relationships end and don’t last long, but these ones always seem to have a glorious Hindenburg-type of demise.

The reason this came up, was this just happened to a female friend of mine this week. You may remember Ellen. We’ve stayed in touch and remained acquaintances/friends with most of our contact on Facebook, especially since I’ve been dating Olive.

She went on a trip to Colorado with her son, and her new boyfriend was supposed to join them there. It was a calamity of issues from the beginning. The road trip was a little too interesting for her liking, she spent her first two days there extremely sick, her car died so they (her and her son) had to walk everywhere until it got fixed, and on an on. She is very religious so every post has some sort of god-directed focus. Then the other day she posted a serious rant about what a horrible person this guy was because he ended up not going out there and pretty much left them stranded out there in Colorado and she had to try to find another way home because her car is too jacked to make it home.

I don’t know all the details behind it, but it apparently escalated to the point where HE was threatening to file a police report on her for harassment (and actually did) and more. Then of course she thanked god for pointing out what a tool and loser he was now, before it got too much farther down the road.

That is why I hate mentioning of “God” in these types of posts. Because when it implodes in epic fashion, god always gets the blame for things horribly going wrong. I’m a huge god or churchy person, but I hate when people lay their fortunes and failures solely on his shoulders like they had no responsibility in any of it.

I know relationships end every day, some even in glorious and spectacular fashion, but it is practically guaranteed that if you gush about your new love online (Facebook or Twitter) – blogs are OK, but notice I don’t gush too much just in case – it is guaranteed to fail in short and glorious fashion.

Then I have to hear all the posts about what a douche or bitch the other person was and it just gets hard to watch. However, sometimes, when both sides decide to trash each other with comments on each other’s pages, it can get real interesting real fast. Kind of like sitting on the porch of a double-wide watching the neighbors air their business in the middle of the trailer park. That’s reality TV at its best.

So, please, whatever you do, when you’re dating that new someone, feel free to share bits and pieces. But PLEASE don’t go on and on about how this person (you just met a month ago) is the love of your life, the god-sent answer to all of your prayers, and your soulmate. Save it for when you’re inviting me to your wedding a year or two down the road.

Take care and hopefully I talk to you all sooner, rather than later.

Another Dating First: Running into a past date

Hello all! I know my posts have been rare lately, but I promise things will pick up a bit more. Not because I’m expecting a lot of action or anything, because things with Olive are going very well. I’ll just be updating you on all sorts of things going on with me, Olive and everything else. But on with the show …

Saturday night, Olive and I were out on one of our rare “adult-only” dates. Her son was spending the night at a friend’s house and mine was out of town visiting his mother. We went to a Japanese steakhouse we’ve been wanting to go to for a while. We sat down around the hibachi with the other people waiting for the “dinner show” to start. While waiting, Olive noticed that directly on the other side of the table from us was someone she went to high school with. This is a lot more common than you’d think. She runs into people she knows all over the place. The guy was with his wife and kids and they never actually said anything to each other.

After our drinks arrived (sake and beers) and they took our order, Olive departed to the restroom. As I watched her walk away, I noticed someone I thought looked very familiar sitting at the table. After I did a double-take, I notice it was Constance and her kids sitting right next me. Actually, her daughter was sitting right next to me and Constance was next to her.

I don’t know if she recognized me, but neither one of us said anything to the other. It was just odd, because it has been like a year since I dated her and this is the first time I have run into any of the other girls I have dated here.

As you have probably noticed, I just posted the update of when Constance and I first dated. That’s because I’ve had it written and sitting in the draft folder for a while and since I wanted to share this story, I figured I’d better post it to give you all a little background on her.

I hope you’re all staying warm (preferably with someone special).

Come back again, and see me sometime.

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.