Update: Why do we always have to have “The Talk”?

I told you things would dramatically shift gears once the new school year started. And I haven’t even started my college class schedule yet. Yes, I’m about 40 and I’ll explain how that all works later, but not now. So I figured I owed you guys an update, and today would be as good of a day as any.

Things with Krystal are going well. I can’t say they’re progressing, because this type of relationship isn’t really going anywhere. It’s not like some day in the near future she is going to be someone I’m going to introduce to my family as my girlfriend, or eventually make my fiance or wife. We talk every day (texting or actual phone calls).

Today was about the third time we’ve been together in person. Today was one of those times where it was all about the sex. It went a little quicker than expected, but not because of any shortcomings on my end. She had a little embarrassing condition that she apparently didn’t realize until we had already started. It became such a distraction for her (long before I even realized it) that she started incessantly rambling on about it. It was kind of getting annoying and killing the mood.

She opted to finish things orally so we could bring this “embarrassing” situation to an end. She even nearly snuck out the door while I was cleaning up because she was that embarrassed. We talked about the fact that it was normal, I wasn’t freaked out about it, I would call her and want to see her again.

But something she mentioned after she left has really stuck with me. Basically she’s concerned about me finding and being with someone else while I’m seeing her. As she puts it, she “doesn’t like to share.” This kind of struck me funny. She’s married – happily, as she puts it – and frequents a swingers club, and is looking for friends-with-benefits. All of these indicators point to me being someone who has to be OK with “sharing” and I don’t mind – in this particular situation – because I know what it’s all about. I know what I’ve got myself into, and that’s fine.

However, I don’t understand how that translates to me not being able to see other people. I totally get her feelings that once I start an intimate physical relationship with another girl that she doesn’t want to share. Then again, if I was at the point with a girl where I would be ready to begin an intimate relationship, I would definitely end the relationship with Krystal first. There is no way I would try to start a relationship with a new girlfriend with my swinging side-piece in my back pocket. That’s just not right.

But as soon as I started to question what she meant about the whole “sharing” thing, she shut it down, saying she was just being emotional because she recently changed some medication she was taking and was adjusting to it. Red flag??

Inception occurred.  The thought about having “The Talk” began to grow in my brain like a fertilized egg splitting cells until it becomes an embryo. And when that happens, that’s when you need to have “The Talk.” My philosophy has always been; once you have the thought that you should have “The Talk,” that’s when you should have “The Talk.” Don’t wait for some sign from god, or some major event that pushes you over the edge to talk about whatever it is that’s on your mind. It’s the same advice I tell people when they ask me about having “The Talk.” If you have the conversation early, there is always a chance to remedy the situation before it becomes a point of no return.  And the longer you wait, the more you will push it off and procrastinate until you are faced with a situation where you are backed into a corner and have to fight your way out. That leaves only one outcome, blood, guts and a bad breakup.

I need to get this straightened out now before things get any more involved. And this weekend has been interesting. I’ve had a major family function this weekend and not been as readily available to talk and text. So of course, I get the messages asking if I’m mad at her, if she said something or did something to upset me, and all that business.  She wants to meet tomorrow for coffee as a first attempt to “make up” for the other day.

I’m going to meet her, but I’m not as into it as I would’ve been a few days ago. She has been a little clingy this weekend, which is a bit of a turnoff, regardless of the situation and circumstances. And remember when I said that with my luck, the minute I started things off with Krystal, a relationship-worthy girl would present herself. I’m not saying that has exactly happened, but I have been talking with another girl and things are going well.

I definitely want to start dating this new girl, Lola, but we haven’t got to a point where we’ve actually set a time for a first date. It will most likely be this weekend (if at all). So I definitely need to get things straightened out with Krystal beforehand.

In a normal situation, I’m not even talking to other girls once we’ve been on a few dates and especially after having sex. But this isn’t a normal situation. In this particular situation, I’m a side-piece, and not a paid side-piece, so exclusivity is kind of a foggy no-man’s-land. Hence, the reason for “The Talk.”

Even though I despise “The Talk,” I guess it’s inevitable in every relationship. Just as inevitable as that first time you go into the bathroom after your boyfriend/girlfriend and they didn’t use the air freshener. You know it’s coming one day, you just hope it isn’t that bad when it does.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for reading. And have a great week dating out there!

The Experiment continues, we go swinging for the fences (pt. 2)

OK, just remember you all asked for the sequel to my last post. I really hope I can do this story justice.

I left off after we decided to get together this weekend for some fun, dancing, drinking, and other such shenanigans. Then this story took off like my typical driver shot off the tee at the golf course. I thought I crushed it and it looked pretty – straight, strong and true – then at the apex of its flight, you see the turn signal blinking right before it takes a sharp left hand turn into the rough or the water. Something that looked so promising ends up totally different from I expected. So with that…

I told you Krystal’s husband knew about me and was OK with me, because he has his girls on the side. They’re very open about things like that. So open about it, they are members of the local swingers club.

We were kicking around ideas about what we were going to do Saturday night; everything from a movie to going dancing and all sorts of options in between. But she couldn’t decide.

In the meantime, she’s telling me how she’s been talking to this guy who wants to swing with her and her husband (of course his wife is included in the deal). She doesn’t like this guy, doesn’t want to be with him, and he’s trying to convince them to go to the swingers club Saturday. She’s getting mad because apparently this guy is rather dominant over his wife (and rather abusive as well) and she’s really not digging how he’s talking to her or his wife. So she is totally set against going to the club with them this weekend, or anytime.

Finally, it’s Saturday afternoon and we still haven’t decided on what to do. She is planning on meeting me at my house about 7 p.m. and we’ll figure something out from there. Right at 7 p.m. I get the phone call, “How would you like to go with us to the swingers club?”

My first reaction is to freak out a bit. Not because it’s a swingers club, because I’ve been to a couple in my day – not what you think, it’s a whole different story, if you really want to know, I’ll tell you offline – but because it’s our first real date, I haven’t personally met her husband yet and even though she says he’s cool with me, I’m going to show up at the swingers club and all that entails and expect everything to be cool? Not so sure. But I play it cool and say I’d meet them there.

She sends me the instructions on how to get there. And trust me when I say this place is a nondescript old warehouse out on the edge of town practically in the middle of nowhere. It’s at the end of a long dirt road that winds through the trees with no lights until you round the corner and see the yellow lights of the parking lot. I seriously was waiting to hear dueling banjos playing on the wind.

Krystal said it was a t-shirt and jeans type of place. I was a little more dressed up than that because the other similar clubs I’ve been to were more fancy types of places – suit or sport coat. When I got there, she was right. Jeans everywhere, and coolers. I had not idea this was a BYOB establishment. OK, my expectations were being shattered left and right.

I met them at the front door. It was Krystal and her husband Ken, and Ken’s co-worker Aaron and his wife Jennifer. This was Aaron and Jennifer’s first time at a club like this. Ken is a bit taller than me and a little bigger. He’s an amateur MMA fighter when he’s not working construction. Aaron is kind of  an average looking Joe – not fat, but not fit either, but his wife Jennifer was hot – way hotter than you would expect to be with him.

I hit it off with everybody right away. I’m just easy like that. Ken was really cool about it all and showed us around the club. We took a booth right off the dance floor, and then he showed us the lounges and the private rooms (do I need to explain what these are for?). So we sat down in the main room at our booth and broke out the drinks. I stuck to the rum & cokes, the other guys had beer, the girls started off with grapefruit & vodka (oh my, talk about gross), but they soon switched to the rum & cokes.

Let me paint a picture for you. It is corset night. Most of the women are wearing some sort of corset or bustier. The average age in this room is easily 40 if not higher. It is definitely an older crowd, most of them in their 50s to 60s. Some women were classy about their attire, while others sported the more risqué “convertible corset” which let the boobs hang out exposed to the world. Others were wearing nearly nothing, and what was there was hanging on for dear life with fishing line, tape or magic. While the guys were in jeans, and regular shirts, nothing fancy or dressy. I might have been the best dressed guy there.

We had a great time. Ken and I were talking like two guys hanging out at a football game together. Aaron was included too, but he was a little distracted worrying about the other guys “vulturing” his wife. His wife was hot, did I mention that? She was clearly in the top 5% of women there. Then again she was only 28, quite possibly the youngest one there.

Most of the night, Ken was the 5th wheel. Krystal was all over me, which became easier to handle as the night went on, and Aaron and Jennifer were hanging onto each other for dear life. Finally Ken’s girl showed up. This isn’t his normal, regular girlfriend. This is another girl he’s been hanging around with recently. Krystal is not a big fan of hers – because she’s cute with a small body and she sees her as competition. It was apparent. So much so, that Krystal hooked him up with the wife I mentioned earlier who was married to the real dominating guy (but he didn’t show up at the club that night). And when I say hooked up, yes I mean they went to one of the rooms and got it on. This girl was NOT attractive at all. By my standards, maybe a 4. I won’t get into details, but I would never hook up with her.

So Krystal thinks things are good, girl # 2 (Sarah) is apparently out of the picture, or so she thought. The night is winding down, the girls have been dancing together, and us guys were just sitting around talking about girls (other ones that were there, too) and drinking and having a merry old time. A little while later, we’re all sitting in the booth, and Krystal slides a condom into my pocket and says for me to follow her.

We make our way to a back room and she puts me down on the couch before shutting and locking the door. Things progress pretty quickly – as you can imagine they have to with other people waiting. But you really don’t want to get completely naked in a place like that because you have no idea what went on in that room right before you. Things were going real good – I mean real good. But then she heard some people talking loudly outside the door and we both heard someone mention Krystal’s name and saying something about hurrying it up. So we decided to wrap things up at that point, but by no means were either of us “finished” but we had been in there a while.

Once we got dressed and opened the door, there standing right in the doorway was Ken and Sarah (girl #2). Let’s just say that didn’t go over very well with Krystal. I tried to defuse the situation, with a light “you two kids have fun” comment. We went back to our booth and waited for a while. We danced and talked. But then she pulled Jennifer aside and they talked for a while, then she finally decided to go stop Ken and Sarah in the room. But they were done by the time she got back there. Cutting to the end, it was a source of contention between them (Ken and Krystal) for the rest of the night that he still ended up hooking up with Sarah. I spent most of the night hanging out with Aaron and Jennifer, even coaxing Jennifer out the dance floor a few times. You thought I was going to say I coaxed her into a back room, didn’t you? I thought about it. Ha!

Overall, the night ended well. Ken was still real cool with me, we all went our separate ways, and the next day I talked to her like everything was cool. She still wants to see me more. Can you blame her? I’m irresistible. And Ken is still cool with me. Apparently I get brought up in conversations at home and he asks when I’m hanging out them next. That part is still real hard for me to get used to. I’ve been the “other guy” before, but the main guy never knew about me, and sometimes I didn’t even know about him. This is way different.

There is so much more I could tell here, but this is already my longest post by far. If you want to know more, just ask me, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know (except real life names and places). And as my luck would have it, no sooner do I go out with her, and my Match and other profiles started blowing up on Sunday. Go figure. It’s just my luck.

Stay tuned for more. Thanks for reading.