Staci Update: Second date success but something’s jamming my radar

I wasn’t really sure I was going to have the opportunity to post a second-date follow-up on Staci. I was really hoping to, but things weren’t moving as I had hoped they would, so I wasn’t sure.

One thing’s for sure, this one is perplexing me. I’m normally very good at reading signals, following cues, and figuring out people (especially sooner than they are ready for me to), but this time is different. This time I’m seemingly getting crossed up, apparently missing signals, reading things wrong, and can’t figure her out. It’s like something is jamming my radar. But it makes for a very interesting challenge.

As I mentioned in the previous post, she was going out of town for the weekend with her friends. Even though I hadn’t heard from her in a few days, I texted her saying I hope she has a good time over the weekend. She responded and we had a small back-and-forth. I closed it by saying she needed to hit me up after she got back so we could set up another time to get together. I didn’t ask, I just said this is what needs to happen. She said ‘OK’. Again, about a week passed and didn’t hear anything from her. Nothing about the weekend, nothing about being back, nothing about following up on another date.

So I gave it one last try. I convinced myself this was the last time I tried with her, if I didn’t hear anything back or even if she brushed me off with quick, meaningless answers. Thursday, I asked her how her weekend trip went. She jumped right back into things like they were normal. We caught up pretty quickly that day and continued talking into Friday.

My read on the situation – again, unclear – but seems to be leaning that she IS interested but wants me to initiate all of the contact (at least for right now). I could totally be wrong, and she could be a serial dater looking to go out with anyone who will pay for it, but isn’t into any sort of relationship.

So Friday, I got the news that my son was going to be spending the night at a friend’s house on Saturday. I know had an open window to see if she wanted to do something. I asked her if she wanted to do something, she said she had a pool party with some friends during the day but wanted to do something that night.

I’ll be completely honest, I was about 50% certain she was going to cancel because she had been out late at a concert the night before and then at the pool all day Saturday. Gladly, that thought was wrong.

We went out for a late dinner and drinks. She looked amazing … again. We had a great time and great conversation over dinner. When the restaurant closed, we want to go somewhere for drinks. We ended up driving to bar about 20 minutes away because there were no bars near the restaurant. We took my car, leaving hers at the restaurant.

We went to a nice bar with a rooftop lounge and found a cozy padded bench in the corner. We watched the baseball highlights that we on the tv and talked baseball and sports. We also talked about 101 other things, sharing lots of things and there was also lots of laughing. An excellent sign.

From the time we left the restaurant, we were holding hands; walking to the car, in the car, sitting at the bar, etc. She would caress my hand or forearm, or even grasp my bicep occasionally. Another excellent sign. It was about 2 a.m. and the bar was about to close, so we headed back to the car.

Back at the restaurant, I parked near her car and escorted to her it. There we lingered and had an excellent goodnight kiss. It seemed to last an hour, and this time it was exponentially more intimate than the first time. It was great! At one point, she told me “you aren’t making this (leaving) easy for me.” I answered; “I’m not trying to make it easy for you.” And the “goodnight kiss” continued.

But there was one signal I couldn’t exactly figure out was; she’d occasional grab my hands and interlock our fingers and put her hands behind her back (with mine still interlocked with hers). For being so early on in the dating process, I tried not to read too much into it. But it seemed very submissive, like she was wanting to be dominated a bit. Like she wanted me to hold her hands behind her back, similarly to pinning a girl’s arms down on the bed during sex or making out.

Finally we parted ways. i was already intending to text her once I got home -thanking her for a great night and letting her know I wanted to see her again, but she beat me to it. She actually texted first – another very good sign. So I texted as soon as I got home, and again early in the afternoon the next day.

And we’ve been talking regularly ever since – even more frequently than we were before.

So now the challenge is finding the next time to be with her. My son leaves to spend the next 6 weeks with his mother this coming weekend, and then 4th of July weekend and my oldest son’s birthday the weekend after that. So finding time might be tricky. So goes the life of dating Mr. Mom.

I’ll be sure to keep you updated, and as always, thanks for reading.

Staci: Hoping making exceptions to the rules pays off

Over time, I have established a pretty standard list of criteria/rules to follow when meeting people online. Some things are your standard dating rules, while others are based on my personal experiences or preferences.

Some of those are ones like: no sex on a first date, she can’t be taller than me, I won’t date a woman my age who has not been married before and/or doesn’t have kids, I won’t even entertain talking to a woman who is only “separated”, and a few more.

But with Staci, I saw enough potential with her that I went against my normal practice and made a few exceptions hoping that it would pay off. We shall see.

First, a little about Staci. She’s a tall (5’11”), very skinny, blonde, who is a little older than me (45), and she works as an investment broker. She’s been divorced for about 4 years and doesn’t have any children, though she did have a stepson who visited while she was married.

Our email and text conversations were very fulfilling, fun and even flirty. Some nights we’d be up until midnight chatting away. She would text some during the day, would text when she got home in the evening, and when she would go out with her friends to happy hour or something, she wouldeven text me once she got home. It seemed pretty obvious that she was interested in me more than just a simple curiosity or feeler that I get from some of the other dates I’ve met online. This seemed to be mainly why I was willing to skip some of the normal rules I follow when dating women online.

Now let me break this down by explaining some of the exceptions I made to my normal rules. The first was the rule about Not Going to Movies on the First Date. But that is what she wanted to do. She wanted to see Entourage badly, and I really couldn’t say no to her. I was hesitant about seeing a movie on the first date, and she knew that, because I mentioned it would limit our time to be able to talk and get to know each other. Something told me she knew that, and it wasn’t going to be a problem and maybe she wanted to be “alone in the dark” together. Since we were going to one of the newer, fancier theaters that has the super nice recliners and bar inside the theater, we decided to meet at the theater bar about 90 minutes before the movie.

We had a couple of drinks at the bar, talked about many things, including my previous marriages, my kids, her previous marriage, and even sports since we both like baseball and the Stanley Cups Finals and UFC were on the TVs at the bar. We laughed and even flirted a little. She looked incredible. There wasn’t any question about whether I was physically attracted to her.

Once we got into the theater, we took our reserved seats. They were large leather recliners paired together with a raisable center arm to convert into love seat, if you chose to. We ordered some snacks to eat during the movie. During the show, there was definitely a physical tension between us, like we were like magnets too close to each other. So midway through the movie, I made a move. I had debated it for a while, so I just placed my hand on her leg, palm up, looking to hold her hand. She quickly grabbed my hand. Not only did she hold my hand, but she would occasionally stroke one of my fingers with hers, and eventually grasped my hand with both hands. This is clearly not a sign of someone who was just going along with my move in order to avert an awkward moment, she was clearly ok and accepting of it.

After the movie, she wanted to linger there in the seats for a while, talking for a bit longer while still holding hands. It started to get a little awkward, only because we were the only ones in the theater and the theater staff was cleaning around us. So we headed out to the parking lot. We were parked on opposite ends of the lot, so I walked with her to her car. On the way, she grabbed my arm and we walked arm-in-arm for a while, and then we held hands all the way to her car. There we lingered for a while talking. Finally, I just grabbed her and pulled her in for a kiss. Again, there was no sign of awkwardness or resistance. We paused a few times, only to resume again. She even wrapped both of her arms around my neck, drawing me closer. The kissing itself, may not have been the best I’ve ever had, but I chalk that up to the awkwardness of the first kiss.

We said our goodbyes and talked about when we would see each other again. It wouldn’t be the next weekend, because was going out of town for the weekend with her girlfriends. We even talked for a while after we each got home. Everything seemed to go very well. It was seemingly one of the best connections I’ve had in a while.

Now to the second rule I looked past in order to give Staci a chance, and this is the one I’m more concerned about.

As I said earlier, she’s in her mid-forties without kids. Why, exactly, I don’t know. I didn’t ask (yet). But she is always going out with friends, either to happy hour, sporting events, concerts, or whatever else is going on. Since I started talking to her, she’s been home all night, on average, about 1 or 2 times per week. There’s nothing completely wrong with that, she can do whatever she chooses, it is just a matter of compatibility with my schedule. The first time she wanted to hang out was a random weeknight and I had to say ‘no’ because I had my son and no options for someone to watch him on such late notice.

And that is why I have the rule about Not Dating Women Who Don’t Have Children. They don’t fully understand the issues parents empathize with each other. They usually don’t understand the difficulties with having to plan dates, instead of being able to up and go out on a whim. From personal experience, I’ve had many instances where childless women get jealous, impatient, and frustrated having to work around a single father’s schedule. Especially one as sporadic as mine.

We haven’t talked about it yet, but I can see it has the potential to be an issue. And then there’s the issue of the following night.

The next day, things seemed different. Almost like they do when you have a one-night stand – and one of you regrets it the next day. But based on her actions, there was no sign of any hesitation, so I am not sure what it could be exactly. Except for one thing.

She mentioned she was going to a concert that night, and was very vague about her plans that day and evening. We talked much, much, less than normal, but she did still ask about my son’s baseball game. However, unlike other nights out, I didn’t hear from her during the evening or after. I sent a couple quick messages, saying I hope she had fun, etc. I also sent a quick “good morning” text the next morning. Only got a quick “Thank you” response and nothing more after that. So my guess is she was on another date.

Not that it bothers me, I totally get it, I do the same thing – at least the overlapping multiple first dates until you establish a connection with someone. Then I cut off things with the others, or it fizzles out on its own.

And I’ll be completely honest, to me, if I’m overlapping dates, I try to keep things as “normal” with each one as I can – if I am interested in keeping each option open. But if I’m not, I will cut it off and not drag it out knowing it is not going to work. I would just ask the same from them. At least “act normal” until you make up your mind. Because now, I’m more likely to keep my eyes open looking for other options, which could make for very awkward times if she ever decided to actually see where this goes.

But don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. Keep checking back for updates. And as always, thanks for reading!

p.s. Oh by the way, even though she really hasn’t been talking with me lately, she’s been checking out my Match profile every day or even several times a day. So, there’s that.


Second date success, but something’s jamming my radar.

Making Strides But The Big Test Could Be Right Around the Corner

She said Yes to the weekend getaway

Weekend road trip was great, despite no sex

Dinner at her place, I’m meeting her best friend

Dinner, meeting her best friend not what I was expecting

Staci, Amy wanted me to go out with their friend tonight – alone

Hot and Heavy but not quite a Homerun yet

Mountain out of Molehill and She cancelled again

A Great Day, A Shot to the Heart, then Sexting

Touching all the bases, but still no home run

I’m pretty freaking devastated right now

She meets him on Tuesday and small test may be coming

The Writing is on the Wall but still playing the waiting game

Tuesday (and Staci) are gone with the wind

Rachel: Lunch date with the child psychologist

I’m going to mix things up from my normal format. I’m going to do more posts – as things happen – instead of waiting for a good stopping point to update you all. And I will add links to the updates to the original post, as well as linkbacks to the original post. For example; at the end of this post, I’ll post links to any follow-on updates.

The other day, I had the pleasure of having a lunch date with another lady I met on Match, Rachel. Rachel is 39, with three girls – two 9-year-old twins and a 4-year-old girl. She works at a local hospital as a child psychologist. She’s tall, blonde and has a very big, sexy smile.

We’ve been talking for a little while, and her schedule with her kids is almost as hectic as mine, due to the fact that her ex-husband does not have a lot of involvement with his daughters (by his choice), so we were trying to come up with a time that worked out for both of us to get together. She was heading out to Washington, D.C. this weekend with her daughters as part of a school trip for her oldest daughters, so I wanted to find a time before she left so we didn’t put off meeting each other any further.

So we decided to meet at a nice quaint restaurant inside near my office. She was working only a part day and said meeting for lunch would be great. To be completely honest, I was totally expecting her to cancel. Not because I thought she would flake on me or anything, I was totally expecting something to happen at the hospital that would keep her there a while longer. She did warn me that might be a possibility.

We both arrived at the restaurant at the same time and recognized each other immediately. You know that can get tricky with these online dates. We had a nice lunch, talking about her trip to DC (since I lived there for a short time, I had a few tips and suggestions), and even managed to get on a stretch where we were talking superhero movies.

We even began talking about getting together after she gets back from DC to have “blue drinks” somewhere. The whole “blue drinks” thing has been a running joke between us, because it’s also a running joke between my brother and I and Rachel and I had talked about it. So she has mentioned several times we should have “blue drinks” together sometime. She has also mentioned several times that she wants to get together to play tennis sometime, since we are both avid tennis players.

I know that sounds like a lot of planning ahead, but I’m glad she’s at least comfortable enough with me to talk about things like that. At least she’s not talking about future things like kids, marriage or moving in.

After an hour or so, we had to wrap it up and say our goodbyes. There weren’t any hugs or kisses this time – being in a crowded place kind of led to that, but I wasn’t also feeling the vibe for that yet. But we had tentatively planned to get together the following weekend after she returned from her trip.

We talked that night, and every day until she left for her trip, as usual. Everything seemed normal and still on track. THe day she left, I mentioned that I’d like to hear how things were going on their trip, but have not heard anything from her. I’m not stressing it or taking it as a bad sign (yet). She’s on a trip with her kids and I’m not reaching out while she’s gone trying to respect her space and time with her kids.

However, anyone who has read this page for any amount of time knows, my opinion is if you’re interested in someone and thinking about them, you should let them know and at least say “Hi.” I’m not about playing games, trying to playing hard to get, none of that. And the ONLY reason I haven’t contacted her on her trip is because it’s family time and I don’t need to try to make it about me or anything.

But she gets back today, and we’ll see if I hear from her tonight or not.

Please stay tuned for more updates on Rachel, and as always, thanks for reading!


Coming soon

Quinn: Real Estate agent with an abrupt closing

I’m beginning to sense a trend with the women I’ve recently dated and the ones with potential in the near future. Let me know when you start to see the pattern (other than how the dates end).

I dusted off my Match profile and soon found Quinn. I had sent a wink and then the next day she showed up in my Daily Matches (Match is a little sneaky and predictable that way), so I clicked that I was interested. (Side note: normally on dating sites I don’t just send an email right away. I usually wait to gauge any potential interest. So I will usually wink and wait to see if I get any type of response back, then I’ll email). About an hour after that, she sent me an email, just saying “You’ve already ‘liked’ me twice, so why haven’t you said anything?”

Playful and forward, I like that! So I responded and we followed up with a few playful email exchanges. We ended up talking for a few days before setting up our first date, a quick just-dinner date at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Quinn is a real estate agent, a very successful one, who has young twin girls. She does well enough to have a live-in nanny and a personal trainer. I don’t have those things, do you? But she only lives a few blocks from me and knows many of the same people I do – though I had never met her before. She’s a tall (5’11”) blonde. So in heels, she doesn’t violate my No. 2 Rule (Can’t be taller than me). What’s Rule No. 1? She can’t weigh more than me. I weigh 190 lbs. Hey, it is what it is.

The date went very well and very fast. We talked and laughed and had a good time. We parted with a hug and talked several times a day for the next few days. But, as we’ve talked about many (many) times, she only seemed to respond if I initiated contact. But it didn’t seem to be a problem.

Less than a week after our first date, we met again for lunch in between her appointments. It also went very well and we had a very good time and time just seemed to fly by. Again, we parted with a hug and communicated the rest of the day and several days after that. She even found me on Facebook and added me as a friend (I was easy to find because we both have several mutual friends).

But I never – ever – heard from her if I didn’t initiate it. And the frequency we talked and the fact we’d been on two dates seemed to suggest we should be past the stage where I have to always initiate contact. As I’ve said numerous times, “ladies, if you’re interested, you are more than welcome to show it by initiating contact.” So that started to bother me a bit.

So, I let a weekend pass without initiating contact. Nothing.

So, on Monday I waited for a while to see if I would hear anything from her, but didn’t. Then I texted her asking about her weekend. She responded and we talked for a couple days. She was asking me about how I felt about my son leaving for the Summer to go to his mom’s. I told her it was hard, but this time (3rd time) probably wouldn’t be as hard as the first time.

That’s when I mentioned that does mean I’m much more flexible with my schedule over the Summer so I would be more available to do things without having to worry about babysitters or stuff like that. And her response was not what I was expecting.

Her response was “I trust you, because I don’t want to find out.” Wow! What?? Huh?!?!

After that, I didn’t respond. And I haven’t heard from her since.

So that’s that. Moving on.

And as always, thanks for reading!

Phoebe: Hello tall nurse

If you want to judge that I’m already dating (what you think might be) so soon after breaking up with Olive, go ahead. I’ll sleep just fine knowing I hung onto a dead relationship for months hoping to see signs of life. But now it’s time to move on and live my life.

The first opportunity I had was with a tall blonde nurse, Phoebe. She is one of the few girls I’ve dated who is actually older than me, and she is also one of the more attractive ones. Did I mention she was tall? She’s 5’11 which is the absolute max for any girl I date. Remember, I don’t date girls taller than me and in heels she’ll be right at my height.

We talked for a few days before setting up a time to actually meet. We opted to meet at a Starbucks located between us on a Saturday morning. There was a little corner blocked off by the counter with two really nice padded high-back chairs. It was a cozy little setting to just sit and talk.

The conversation was very easy and natural, and no awkward silences. Before we knew it, it was time to wrap it up because we both had other plans set for the afternoon. As we said goodbye, she initiated the hug – which was a pleasant surprise – and we both went our ways. Less than 30 minutes later she texted me thanking me for getting together, coincidentally as I was typing a similar text to her. I told her I would like to see her again, if she was interested. And we talked every day for a while via text and even a few phone calls.

She doesn’t have a lot of time to talk – as a nurse – due to the fact that she works for a short-staffed state prison hospital. She works lots of 12-hour days and 60-70 hour weeks. She has two adopted boys from her marriage. I don’t know why she didn’t have kids of her own, I didn’t ask.

She went out of town a while ago and we didn’t talk for a few days. Then after she got back talking was very sporadic, and again, it ended up feeling like she was only talking to me in response to messages I sent her. We’ve talked about this before. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard from her, so at this point I’m guessing talking to me isn’t on her to-do list, so I’m pretty sure that’s where this one ends.

If something changes, I’ll be sure to let you know. Otherwise, stay tuned for more dating adventures or mis-adventures. There are few blips on the radar, so maybe I’ll have something more interesting to post soon.

Thanks for reading!!

Constance: Started so well, then POOF it was over (Rewind)

This Rewind post will be more of a relationship synopsis instead of just a date review.

Constance, as the C name would suggest, is the third attempt at dating this year as I start this single-dad dating thing.

Clearly, since we went out, things on Match worked out well enough for us to see each other in person. So we set up a date a local Mongolian barbecue place that I love. When she showed up, she looked pretty much as advertised in her profile pictures, except she was wearing glasses, but that was nothing to dwell on. She was real tall for girls that I date, she was 5’10” without shoes, so with shoes she was really close to my height (6’2″). But she was dressed very very casual, wearing jeans, tennis shoes and the female equivalent of a t-shirt. It wasn’t as bad as Hermione, but still, I was dressed well for the occasion.

The date went really well, conversation was good, we shared some good stories and then went to a bar for some drinks after dinner. She told me about the time she went on a date with a guy from Match who looked nothing like his profile picture, and when she asked him about it he said “you wouldn’t have gone out with me if you knew what I really looked like.” Duh, but falsifying yourself is so much better, right? After that date he went in for the kiss and she dodged the bullet, but then he asked for a ride home because someone dropped him off for the date. She said no and went to her car. Waiting to see what the guy did before she tried to leave, she noticed him cross the parking lot and get into a car and drive off. Creepy!!

Anyways .. moving on. Things went really well and we saw each other a few more times. There really seemed to be a strong connection developing.

Then it all fell apart in (literally) an instant.

I was hanging out at her house after she made me dinner and we were sitting around the kitchen table drinking beers and chatting. That’s when I mentioned – in passing as part of the conversation – that early on after my divorce when I wasn’t seeing anyone I would let me ex-wife stay at the house when she was in town visiting our son. She slept in his room every time and nothing ever happened between us. I was, and still am, NOT attracted to her anymore. She is such an ugly person inside that it doesn’t matter to me what she looks like, I’ll never be able to sleep with her again. Too much baggage and drama with her.

That’s when Constance flipped. She literally snapped. She got all upset and went on about if that was her ex, she wouldn’t be able to resist sleeping with him and that it wasn’t ok for her to be staying there. Keep in mind this all happened long before I met Constance, and there was no chance she would be staying at my house anytime soon. I kept trying to assure her that if she didn’t like it, it wouldn’t happen if we were still dating the next time my ex-wife came into town. That didn’t matter.

The “argument” spilled over into the next day over text messages. I repeatedly tried to make her see that it happened long before her and I knew each other and wouldn’t happen if we were still together the next time she was in town. She kept on going on about how I was obviously choosing my ex-wife over her. What?? How is that? How is something I did months previous, and NOT actively doing, translated into me choosing my ex over her? I said I would totally understand, that if my ex came into town and I let her stay at my house while Constance and I were still dating, her getting all mad at me for that . That would be understandable.

I kept trying to make her realize that she was making a big deal about something that wasn’t real, something that hasn’t actually happened, hoping she would see she was overreacting and let it go. But after about 20 minutes of texting all of this back and forth, she finally said “Don’t ever text me again!”

OK. Done. And I haven’t heard from since.

Things started off so well and then, BAM, she flipped and it was over. It was the strangest “relationship” I’ve had in a long while.

Sorry this update isn’t as detailed as the others. But it has been so long since this all took place, I didn’t want to bog down the story. If I wanted to grade the first date, like I’ve been doing, I would’ve given it an A-/B+, but after things ended it would totally skew my opinion of the whole thing.

Back to your regular programming, citizens.

Fastest Way to a Woman’s Heart: Another Woman

Jealous much?I know I have a lot of women who read this blog, but I’m here to not only share my experiences and entertain, I’m also here to help my fellow men and single fathers through this mess we call dating. So, ladies, if I’m giving away any deep, dark secrets, I hope you understand.

I know this topic seems a little confusing and cryptic, but by the time I’m done explaining, I’m sure it will make sense.

If you’re trying to get a woman, why do you need another woman? If you have one woman, why would you need another woman? Are you trying to pick up women while you’re with your wife or girlfriend? How can another woman help you get a woman?

All good questions, but you’re missing the point. The “second” woman I am referring to is nothing more than a friend. And by that, I mean someone you know, who is female, who has no interest in you sexually and you have no interest in them sexually. You two can hang out and never have to worry about any sexual tension or awkwardness.


It’s easy; women are very jealous, catty, competitive creatures.

If a woman has ANY feelings for you at all, seeing you having a good time with another woman (regardless of her connection to you) will bring those feelings to the surface and amplify them. And – almost every time – she will end up acting on those feelings – sooner rather than later.

For some reason, women have this automatic “that’s MY man!” defensive reaction when they see a guy they have feelings for with another woman, even if that guy is an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or even just a guy at work who has caught her eye. It triggers that mechanism in them that makes them think “he must have something going for him if she likes being with him.” The next response depends on the relationship status. If you are exes, her next response will be along the lines of a “I saw him first” type of reaction, but if you haven’t dated yet, it is more of a “I want whatever she’s having” type of reaction. Either way, she will start paying a lot more attention to you, and may even get aggressive about it by inserting herself into your conversation with this “other woman”. Regardless, she will be very flirty with you. Enjoy it!

Not only have I had numerous women confirm this to me, it was recently demonstrated with my ex high school girlfriend. Plus I have another very interesting story to share that will clearly demonstrate what I mean.

A few years ago, before I met and married my son’s mother, I was living in the Washington, D.C. area. I met this girl, Jeni, on Yahoo! Personals (still my #1 choice of dating sites of all-time). Jeni was a tall, beautiful blonde girl originally from Finland. Ok, not quite Sweden but still Scandinavian, close enough.

We had been on a few dates when she invited me out to double date with her and her roommate because her (roommate’s) boyfriend, Chad, was in town (he lived in Ohio). I know that description may have seemed obvious to most of you, some of you might have been confused. I met them at their house and we headed to one of the popular college hangout areas near D.C.

In the car, Chad and I sat in the backseat while the girls rode in the front. Things were pretty cool but not real affectionate. It seemed like four friends heading out instead of boyfriends and girlfriends, or any dating type of vibe. When we got to the bar, it was packed but we managed to find a 4-seat high-top table. When we got to the table, as gentlemen do, we waited for the women to take their seats, and the fact that the girls chose to sit on the same side of the table kind of set the tone for the evening. So Chad sat directly across from Chrissy, and I sat directly across from Jeni.

Something just didn’t feel right the whole night. Chad and I talked about it during their trips to the bathroom together (yes, multiple trips). We figured either they were (A) not really interested in us, but that wasn’t really what we thought was going on, or (B) they were playing hard to get or some other game. So I suggested we raise the ante on the night and make things more interesting. Chad agreed.

So, the next time the girls went to the bathroom, I found the closest waitress at the bar. I gave her $40 – money for two drinks and the rest was tip for her if she played along with my plan. She agreed. The plan was when the two girls returned, wait a few minutes, bring two drinks over to the table and say they “are compliments of the girls down there” pointing across the room to the other end of the bar. There were so many people there, it would be impossible to figure out who she was pointing at.

After the girls returned, a few minutes passed before the waitress came to the table. Just as we discussed, she dropped off two drinks and said they were “from the girls over there” pointing to the other end of the bar. Both Jeni and Chrissy raised up out of their seats to see if they could find them. Chrissy then asked her “which girls?” Playing along perfectly, without missing a beat, the waitress said “Two blondes right there … wait … I don’t see them any more,” and walked away.

You could feel the heat coming from the other side of the table. They asked what that was all about. I told them these two girls were walking by and bumped into me almost spilling their drinks. I apologized and the next thing we knew we were just talking. They asked if we were there with anybody and we told them yes. Then they left.

Almost immediately, within a matter of one or two minutes, the entire mood at the table changed. The girls started reaching over and touching our arms and hands. A little while longer, the girls switched things up to where Jeni and I were on the same side together, as were Chad and Chrissy, and holding hands, snuggling and even light kissing was soon to follow. On the way home, I sat in the back with Jeni, as Chad and Chrissy sat in the front.

Once we got back to their house, the girls went upstairs to change while us boys sat downstairs watching SportsCenter. After the girls were completely upstairs out of earshot, Chad turns to me and says “that was the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. I’m gonna tell all the guys at the firehouse this story when I get back home.” Chad and I still keep in touch, to this day, after that.

The girls came back downstairs in short boy shorts and camisoles – like they coordinated it or something – and mixed some drinks for us all. And the next morning they made breakfast for us all – if you follow me.

So again, my advice; always have a girl or two in your group (but not too many) when you go out looking for women. It will stack the deck in your favor, and if you have any game at all, it will usually work very well. More times than not, if there is a girl at the bar who digs you, she will seek out your female companion and ask her questions about you before she makes her move, or she will tell your female friend to have you go over and talk to her.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, just ask. I’m an open book. And as always, thanks for reading.

What the hell just happened? Lola just self-destructed

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much weirder, they do.

Things have been going well with Lola and we were even making anytime we could just to hang out together casually.

But then last night everything literally self-destructed – for no apparent reason.

The downside to spending so much time with Lola, has been my schoolwork has been suffering a little bit and I haven’t been keeping up with it as well as I probably should have. Well this week I have already had a test, and have two papers due. So needless to say, my free time has been a little scarce this week.

But I still managed to chat/talk with her as often as I could; during my breaks before/after my son’s baseball games, etc. I wasn’t talking to her as much as I had in the past, but I definitely wasn’t ignoring her either.

Then last night, after I got home after class and picking up my son, I got a series of three emails from her in real quick succession. It was apparently one big email she must have written on her old Blackberry phone and it broke it up into three parts, because the breaks weren’t what you would expect if she did them on purpose.

It started off talking about how she was going through her emails and enjoyed reading them from when we first started to get to know each other exactly a month ago. Then she started talking about she thinks I’ve changed somehow recently and she wanted to know if I thought if there was any potential in our relationship. She confessed to not knowing how to handle dating a single dad, but she was sure something was different between us. Of course there’s more to it, but I’m not trying to make this super long. You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t immediately respond. First, I was kind of caught off guard by it. Plus, I was busy with getting my schoolwork done, helping my son with his schoolwork, making dinner … all that sort of parental stuff. And I was also trying to think about exactly how to respond. I wanted to make sure to convey that nothing was wrong, I was still interested in her, and that maybe I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle being a single dad who is actively dating, since it’s all still relatively new to me.

But before I could get to formulating my response, I got another email from her.

This one basically said that she was sure she wasn’t going to hear from me again for some reason, she wished things could’ve been different, she enjoyed being together, and stuff like that. Basically, it was a goodbye letter.

I still haven’t responded to her yet. I am not sure what exactly to say at this point. I mean, clearly there are some issues coming out now and maybe I don’t want to try to resolve it. She’s been great and all, but this is just plain weird.

I might still just send her something because I don’t like just leaving things without saying something. And I want to clear the air a bit so she understands better where I am at and what is going on. Then again, maybe that will just be pointless.

Maybe it is just selective memory, but I don’t remember dating being this difficult and crazy before.

Speed Dating: Just my random thoughts hitting all sorts of things

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on things to update you all on, but I didn’t want to write a new post for each individual one. So I figured I would knock them all out here.

First, things with Lola have lots of potential. We’ve hung out a few times and have a great time together every time. We haven’t had what I would call our official second date yet, since we have only hung out together for an hour or two just to spend some time together having lunch together or something. No, we haven’t had sex yet. Is that all you people think about?

Speaking of sex; things with Krystal are fading out, and fast. She recently started a new job so I haven’t had the same exposure to her that I normally had. But she is very clingy and a little intrusive. She’s always telling me she misses me, and has even been asking to come to my son’s baseball games and come over after he goes to bed at night. I’ve had to shut her down more times in the past week than I would ever care to.

We also had to have “The Talk: Deuce” because after the initial version of “The Talk” some things started coming out that I wasn’t really cool with. When this whole thing started, I was under the impression this was just going to be a fun FWB thing, and that her husband was cool with it. Well … apparently he doesn’t know about me as much as I was led to believe. She says he is rather naive and clueless and has no idea of what she is doing. She isn’t happy in her marriage and doesn’t leave because of the kids. She told me earlier that she was “happily married and in love with her husband” several times. So, the tapestry is unraveling. And now I’m not as comfortable with this as I once was. This is definitely a different scenario than what I signed up for in the beginning, and I thought I was pretty blunt and honest with her as to what I was looking for. She wants to get together next week after I get back from my long family weekend trip to Texas. I am not really interested and kind of dreading it. Especially with thing going well with Lola and the possibility of another upcoming date (with Miley). I think it’s about time to end this bad MTV reality show I’m living in. I’m not desperate enough to need sex that bad to need to hold on to this arrangement.

And remember, I told you that my luck would change once I started down this Ashley Madison-inspired trail. First Lola comes along right as things with Krystal and I get started, and then Miley, with whom I’ve had only 2 messages with previously, comes jumping back into the picture, after a few weeks of nothing. So I figured I’d at least have a quickie date with her for lunch or something to see how things look. I don’t juggle girls very well, so I’m not really interested in dating multiple girls at the same time, but I guess I can’t also dismiss one without at least checking it out first. You never know what might happen. All the more reason to get rid of my clingy, married, side piece.

Lastly, I am still looking for any feedback or suggestions on what you guys would like to see from me on here. Any additions, topics, whatever. You name it and I’ll consider it.

Thanks for reading and have a great Labor Day weekend.

Lola: I took a shot and hit the target

Background: Lola is another one of my Match dates. She didn’t send me any messages or winks, but she liked a few of my photos. So I checked out her profile, liked what I read and saw, and decided I’d just send her a note thanking her for admiring my photos and just made some small talk. She responded, and we started talking from there.

She was ending her time on Match after only about 2 months because she was having to block too many guys, hide her profile too often and was even thinking of changing her phone number because of all the creeps she’d been meeting online. This has been a broken record lately, talking with girls who are fed up with sites like Match because the guys are too creepy, inappropriate or over-aggressive.

We’d been emailing back and forth for a few days until her paid account expired, then she gave me her personal email and things were going very well. I took a little extra time before offering up texting and calling each other because I didn’t want to seem like I was just like all the other guys she was talking to. Even though I got a sense that she didn’t think of me that way, I still didn’t want to push my luck.

But I did NOT want to play myself into the FriendZone. So I offered up my phone number and things took off from there. No hesitation on her part to text me, or call me, so things were looking pretty solid.

So after a couple of weeks of talking/chatting, I finally had a free night coming up and we set up a date. She’s a hairdresser and has a unique schedule where she has alternating weekends off, and has Mondays and Tuesdays off. She usually doesn’t have Fridays off, so she took a vacation day so we could go out Friday night.

A little about Lola: She’s tall (5’11”) – which is a weakness of mine, attractive, in her low-40s (just a bit older than me), never been married and doesn’t have any kids of her own. But she’s very much a family person, loves kids and is very involved with her nieces and nephews. I haven’t asked about the “no kids” thing yet because that is kind of a sensitive issue. Maybe she can’t for some reason and I don’t want to broach that subject too soon, especially since having kids is not any sort of priority for either of us (her profile listed that she didn’t want kids but it was ok if her partner had kids).

I kicked around some new and different ideas for our first date. I thought about taking her to a baseball game just to do something a little non-traditional, otherwise we’d just do the typical dinner and dancing idea (since she mentioned she likes to dress up and guys don’t take her anywhere which requires her to dress up). So I came up with a very non-traditional choice, but wouldn’t tell her what it was, trying to keep things interesting. I let her know what she should wear (casual clothes), but that’s really all I would let on.

The Date: Based on where we were going and our time constraints because I had to drop my son off at his friend’s house, she agreed to drive to me because it would take about 2 hours for me to drive out to get her and come all the way back. Thanks to rush-hour traffic, it took quite a bit longer for her to get to my house than originally planned, but it wasn’t a big deal.

I was so relieved when she finally got out of her car that she looked like her pictures and like she described herself. She was tall, slender and very cute. We were already leaving many of my previous dates in the dust at this point, and we’d barely said “Hello” yet.

We chatted as I drove to our initial date location, but I still didn’t tell her where we were going. As I turned down the street to our destination, I asked her if she had ever fired a gun before. She replied with much more excitement than I expected, “Is that where we’re going?” When I responded affirmatively, she was so excited.

At this point, I figured the rest of the night would go smooth, because I thought this was the “make or break” moment. Either she would hate the idea and the date would suck, or she would love it and the date would go great. Thank goodness it was the latter. I had also read in numerous places that taking a date to a gun range can really get the endorphins flowing.

It worked like a charm. I gave her some instructions on how to hold, aim and fire a handgun. Of course this meant plenty of opportunities to get close and touch her. That really seemed to break the ice so much faster. And we had to get real close to talk to each either, too, since it was so loud inside the range.

I could see the surge rushing through her after she fired off her first shot. I let her fire about 75% of the shots, since I’ve fired countless numbers of rounds in all of my years in the military. I would step in every once in a while to fire a few rounds when she needed a break because her hands and arms were getting tired. I helped with more instruction, gave her advice, and helped spot her shots so she knew where she was hitting the target. For a beginner, she was doing outstanding. She would generally hit the target within a 3-inch radius of where she was aiming and was keeping her shots in tight groups. That is something military and law enforcement practice hard at being able to achieve. She was a natural.

I expected to only be there about an hour, but almost 2 hours later, we decided to head to dinner even though she would’ve stayed longer to fire more since she was having so much fun. We even kept the targets so she could have them as souvenirs and take them home. I even took pictures and video of her so she could have them all to show her friends and family. She really appreciated that and couldn’t wait to show the girls at her salon.

The next stop was a live music spot in my part of town that I had been wanting to check out for a while. It is supposed to be a jazz/blues club, but also has bands that play some rock as well. It is also billed as one of the top local barbecue joints in the area.

We got there after 9 p.m. and found a nice spot up near the front. The place was almost at capacity but there were a few open tables. We ordered a few beers and the barbecue sample combo. The food was outstanding, but still took second place to Lola.

We had such good, easy conversation while we ate and listened to a local 3-piece blues/rock band. We had lots of laughs and never ran out of anything to talk about. I found ways to talk mainly about her and her career, and stuff like that. I am not much about talking about myself. Time flew by. We even managed to find ways to continue to casually touch each other – always a very good sign on a date. The next thing we realized, it was about 11:30 p.m.

As we were getting ready to leave, I apologized for making our first date so loud so we basically had to yell at each other all night just to have a conversation. She laughed it off and we decided to go somewhere much more quiet to talk for a little bit longer. So we headed to my place for another beer or two and talk.

At my place, we cracked open a couple of beers and talked for a little while longer. I had a been a fairly good boy to this point in the night, and decided I need to make my intentions known and made my move for the kiss. After that, everything was glorious. It was great. We made out for a little while – kept our clothes on the whole time (in case you were wondering) – and then sometime after 1 a.m. I suggested it would probably be a good idea if she went home before things got into some dangerous area.

I walked her to her car, gave her directions how to get back to the highway (since I had to walk her in to my place earlier), and we kissed a bit more. As always, I made sure she let me know when she got home. About 2 a.m. she texted me she was home and we exchanged a few more messages before going to bed. Things were looking very promising.

Post date: Like I said, things are looking very promising. We’ve been talking all day and have even planned another “date” for Monday afternoon, since she doesn’t work and I don’t have class.  I want to make sure I see her again this week because next weekend I will be out of town for Labor Day weekend and won’t be able to see her for almost 2 weeks.

Now, I have to figure out what this means with the whole Krystal situation. She was constantly texting me last night during the date, but I was ignoring them because I think it’s rude to keep checking your phone on a date. I have to check to see who it is, in case it is an emergency or something with my son, but if it is someone else, I ignore it and don’t respond. And all that did was make it worse because I was ignoring her. Ugh.

Grade: A

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more!