Ariel: Another relationship supernova

Last I updated you all, Ariel wasn’t feeling well on Super Bowl Sunday. Well, she officially cancelled because she just never got around to feeling well enough and didn’t want me to see her running back and forth to the bathroom all night.

Since then, things have been on a steady, consistent decline. Hearing less and less from her each day. Ultimately leading to this morning, when she said she’s spent a lot of time thinking this week and is going to call me tonight (Thursday) so we can talk.

That’s never good.

We had talked on the phone on Monday. She shut down her Facebook and Match accounts. She said she wanted to unplug and disconnect. She assured me it wasn’t to disconnect or distance herself from me. But over the week, it was clear she was drifting away from me. She would never ask about me, never follow-up about things I told her about, and her answers got shorter and shorter. Finally yesterday, I had only received five texts from her all day. Five. That’s it. All day.

She said the reason was so she could focus on painting this mural she had been wanting to work on. She had apparently found her inspiration and wanted to focus on working on that. I totally understood that and was fully supportive.

She’s a great painter. Everything I’ve seen her paint is just beautiful. So of course I wanted to encourage her and be supportive in any way I could. Even if that meant giving her a little space and understand when I don’t hear from her as much. She sent me a picture updating her progress, and it was looking great. I made every effort to not bother her when I knew she was working on it and never questioned, commented or complained about the lack of communication between us. But I would send occasional text every few hours just asking how things were going and how she was doing.

However, one major piece of the conversation – that she tried to downplay – seems to be at the root of all of this. She mentioned her ex-boyfriend reached out to her and she was removing him from her life because. It was a long distance relationship and he treated her terribly. Sounds eerily similar to Staci and her ex-boyfriend drama. But I tried not to let it bother me too much, and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

I just don’t see how things got her from Friday. Nothing (negative) happened between us. No disagreements. No conflict. No drama. Nothing.

She waited until late in the evening to call so she could have the excuse that she needed to go to bed to serve as her backstop.

Basically, it was all about the ex-boyfriend. She needs to take time to figure out what is going on with him and doesn’t think it would be fair to lead me on and drag things out while she figured things out. So our plans for Saturday are cancelled and I don’t know if I will ever hear from her again.

And don’t think – for a second – I was just accepting about all of this and let her off the hook easy. I got my points across. Like, after all she told me about him and how her friends and family don’t like this guy, why would she go back to him; she knew my profile said not to contact me if you’re not over your ex, because I didn’t want to go through this again like I did with Staci; and how I don’t understand how things could go from so very good to over so quickly. None of it makes any sense. But it is what it is and there’s nothing I can do about it.

She insists that she isn’t trying to get back together with him, just wants to figure things out and needs time to do that. She also says that once things get ironed out, assuming she doesn’t get back together with him, that she would reach out to me to possibly see about getting back together. I’m definitely not holding my breath. As you’ll soon see.

So, I guess it’s time to close another chapter and open a new one.

Please stay tuned. I’ve got a pretty good story brewing for you all that I’ll post after this weekend.

And as always, thanks for reading!

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Wanda Update: Days later the “friends” speech, or should I say text

It had been more than a few days since Wanda and I survived the escape room and monsoon. I heard absolutely nothing from her. I didn’t pursue or push the issue. After the feeling I got after the date, I wasn’t surprised I didn’t hear anything.

Then – somewhat out of the blue – I got a lengthy text from her. I had figured she was just like most girls, once there is an extended period of silence and things seem to be on the rocks, she would just fade away and I’d never hear from her again.

To synopsize the text, she basically apologized for not saying anything to me for such a long time, saying how busy she was with all of her events over the weekend and such. She also said she thought about where “We” were over the weekend and decided she just wanted to be friends. She said she still wants to stay in touch and occasional hang out and do stuff together. Lastly she said she’d understand if I just wanted to walk away from it all.

I replied thanking her for at least saying something and not just ignoring me. I also said I wasn’t sure how the friends thing would work since she is so far away and there hasn’t been a lot of ground built between us to where ti would be a common occurrence for us to hang out. So I said I would just wait to hear from her on the subject.

I’m not really expecting any casual conversations, much less any opportunities for us to hang out and do stuff together “as friends.” But I wasn’t a jerk and shut it down all together, knowing full well nothing will likely come of it.

But don’t worry, I’ll definitely keep you updated if something actually does come of it. But please, I beg you, don’t hold your breath.

The Waiting Game; it’s like playing Chicken blindfolded

First, I must apologize for my extended absence. OK, I really don’t have to apologize, but it’s the polite thing to do. I’ve been focusing on school and midterms, just added a new English Bulldog puppy to the clan (so I’ve been busy with keeping an eye on her 24/7), and my ex-wife was just here visiting my son over the weekend.

Notice what I didn’t say was keeping me busy.

Since we talked last, after Mona cancelled on me the first time, things were going pretty much as they had been previously. I would say “good morning,” we would have a few exchanges during the day, but then it was a coin toss whether I would hear from her at night or not. Sometimes I heard very little, other nights it was a long stream of consciousness that lasted until after midnight.

We had also been planning out our date for Saturday night. It was a rare opportunity for me to be able to go out without having to worry about babysitter options for my son since my ex-wife was in town and he would be spending time with her.

Things went well until Thursday, coincidentally the same day my ex arrived. It was a coincidence because it was never discussed that my ex had arrived or any other details about her or her visit. So it’s not like she was jealous or insecure about her visit.

I heard almost nothing from Mona Thursday and Friday. On Friday, she explained to me that she had lots of family issues going on. Her grandfather was in the hospital with an illness, her ex-mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with cancer, the father of her son’s best friend was told he had an aggressive cancer and he only had about 3 months left to live, and I’m sure I’m missing something.

Anyway, she said she was spending a lot of time dealing with that. I was trying to be the supportive – believing – type, trusting she was telling me the truth and everything would work itself out. Again, I heard virtually nothing from her. I would text to see how she was doing and might get a response hours later.

In the deepest parts of my gut, I had the feeling she was going to flake on me AGAIN. I didn’t bring up plans for Saturday because I didn’t want to seem insensitive to her issues (again, if that was what was really going on). But then Saturday afternoon, right before my son’s baseball game, she said her mother (who was going to be the one watching her kids while we were out) was spending the night at the hospital with her father (Mona’s grandfather). Understandable. But she wouldn’t have another possible babysitter option until maybe 8-9 p.m.

Well, 9 p.m. came and went and she basically just said she was grateful for how patient and understanding I was about the whole situation and that she “owed me”. Again on Sunday, I maintained my routine of starting the day off by saying “good morning” and didn’t hear anything until about 5 p.m. that night. We had a vigorous conversation for about 2 hours after that, but then … nothing. No responses to any messages, and no message saying she was going to bed (which was her norm). Then I heard from her once on Monday. That’s it. Once.

At this point, that gut feeling really started to get out of hand. I understand people have serious issues and busy lives. But when they like someone, want to spend time with some, or whatever; you make time for them or you send just a quick note whenever you have a minute to let them know things are OK.

So, on Tuesday, I initiated “The Waiting Game.” I had tried patience and understanding, and that didn’t seem to get me anywhere. I was beginning to think either I had worked my way into “The Friend Zone” or she was losing interest. So I was going to wait her out to see how long it took to hear from her. If she was really interested, I would eventually hear from her. Especially considering she had talked about getting together this Saturday.

Well, it is now Thursday night, more than 72 hours since my last contact with her. And … not a peep.

Back tracking a little bit, when I was contemplating initiating “The Waiting Game,” I had a feeling that she wasn’t completely honest with me and wanted to see if she was active on Match again. Remember, the last time I was on Match (about 2 weeks ago) she had hidden her profile, which I took as a good sign. Well, when I logged in – preparing to feel real guilty if I saw her profile was still hidden and she hadn’t logged on in weeks – my gut feeling was confirmed, and her profile said she had been active “within 24 hours”.

And over the last few days, she has been active on a daily basis on the site – as I have I, because apparently I need to start the search all over again. Mutherf—-. I apologize. 

So, I’m not holding my breath that I will hear from her about this weekend, or again at all ever, for that matter.

I’m really tempted to fire off one of those “what the hell?” messages, for some sort of attempt at closure. But that’s not generally how I work. Usually, in cases like this, my thought process is: you’re clearly not the right one anyway, so why bother wasting any more time or emotion on you?

I have never had this much trouble finding a relationship before. It’s a damn good thing someone invented porn. (Ha!)

Anyone of you want to go out on a date sometime? Only serious inquiries please. 😉

Thank you all for reading and following me on this ridiculous journey. Stay tuned, it’s gonna get interesting (I hope).

This looks familiar, have I been down this road before?

So, it’s been two weeks of dating Mona (closer to four weeks if you add all the time talking leading up to the first date). Things have been really good. Seen each other a few times, talk/chat dozens of times every day, all that good stuff.

I was supposed to have lunch with her today before I went out of town for the weekend with my son and brother, as well as some other friends, for our annual boys’ football weekend. The reasoning behind it was that I didn’t want two weeks to pass between seeing each other. She has her girls this weekend and has family plans as well. So I figured a little quick get together would be good.

But for some unknown reason, all morning I had this gut instinct that she was going to cancel. I have no idea why, but I did. I didn’t say anything to hear about it or doing anything to alter my normal Friday plan. I dropped my son off at school, read books to his class this morning, and then came home to clean up the house before getting ready to go to lunch.

She was wrapping up the training seminar at her work today that was introducing new products to their line. She said she would be done about noon, so I planned accordingly. About 11 a.m. I started getting ready.

That gut feeling was still lingering. Then about 11:30 a.m., I get this:

Mona: Hi… u r going to be mad at me. 😦

Me: Why?

Mona: But I will make it up to u if u aren’t mad.!
Mona: I won’t make lunch
Mona: But it’s for a good reason!

I told her I wasn’t happy about it, but I wasn’t mad either. I understood and it was fine. Though I didn’t really understand because I still don’t know what the “good reason” was. But anyway … then she said.

Mona: I will make it up to u by going on even more dates with u!!

Playfully I asked for that in a binding contract and asked if those “more dates” are dates she wouldn’t have normally gone on with me. It seems doing saying you will do something you were going to do anyway isn’t really doing anything to “make it up” to someone. Just sayin’.

So after some more back-and-forth, I asked when she wanted to get together again, hoping she would say something like “come over to watch football on Sunday” or ‘how about lunch Monday.” Instead she said “maybe we can shoot for next weekend sometime.”

Duh! I’d already mentioned on our last date that my ex was going to be in town that weekend for his baseball games and she would have him the whole weekend, so I would be free to do whatever she wanted. So again, that’s not anything new, different, or extra.

I know it is different, and it truly does feel different, but there is that part of my psyche that is trying to link this to what happened with Ellen. And to be completely honest, I can’t remember a time ever getting cancelled on ended up well. So maybe I’m lumping all of that baggage on Mona unfairly. But let’s face it, I really don’t want to wait another week to see if she is actually going to follow through with it or not.

I have every indication to think that she will, but there is a part of me that is beginning to question that.

How do you feel when you’ve been cancelled on by someone you’ve been seeing for a little while? Not a first date or someone you are clearly exclusive with, but someone you are just starting out with.

Honestly, I’m a little weirded out. And ladies, here’s how you can tell if you’re guy is interested in just you or has other options out there. If you cancel on him and he doesn’t seem to care, that is generally a pretty good sign he has other girls on stand-by waiting to fill your spot. But if you cancel and he gets upset or seems genuinely wounded, that probably means you’re it on his list and you just torched his plans for the day, evening or whatever.

So why is this bothering me so much?

I’m pretty sure it’s that old self-defense thing kicking in. There is/was a lot of potential with her, more than I can say I’ve had with any others (except maybe Abigail, but I already said that before), and to be frank, I don’t want to have to go back out there and give it another try with someone else again for a while. I’m getting wore out by this dating thing.

And sometimes I am just a pessimist at heart. I have always had a bad knack of being a pessimist when things get questionable, that way, when things work out, they look so much better, or when they fail, then I was kind of expecting it and it doesn’t hurt so bad.

So help me out here. Is there any reason for concern or am I just being overly pessimistic right now? Let me know what you think. And, as always, thanks for reading.

What the hell just happened? Lola just self-destructed

Just when I thought things couldn’t get much weirder, they do.

Things have been going well with Lola and we were even making anytime we could just to hang out together casually.

But then last night everything literally self-destructed – for no apparent reason.

The downside to spending so much time with Lola, has been my schoolwork has been suffering a little bit and I haven’t been keeping up with it as well as I probably should have. Well this week I have already had a test, and have two papers due. So needless to say, my free time has been a little scarce this week.

But I still managed to chat/talk with her as often as I could; during my breaks before/after my son’s baseball games, etc. I wasn’t talking to her as much as I had in the past, but I definitely wasn’t ignoring her either.

Then last night, after I got home after class and picking up my son, I got a series of three emails from her in real quick succession. It was apparently one big email she must have written on her old Blackberry phone and it broke it up into three parts, because the breaks weren’t what you would expect if she did them on purpose.

It started off talking about how she was going through her emails and enjoyed reading them from when we first started to get to know each other exactly a month ago. Then she started talking about she thinks I’ve changed somehow recently and she wanted to know if I thought if there was any potential in our relationship. She confessed to not knowing how to handle dating a single dad, but she was sure something was different between us. Of course there’s more to it, but I’m not trying to make this super long. You get the idea.

Well, I didn’t immediately respond. First, I was kind of caught off guard by it. Plus, I was busy with getting my schoolwork done, helping my son with his schoolwork, making dinner … all that sort of parental stuff. And I was also trying to think about exactly how to respond. I wanted to make sure to convey that nothing was wrong, I was still interested in her, and that maybe I wasn’t exactly sure how to handle being a single dad who is actively dating, since it’s all still relatively new to me.

But before I could get to formulating my response, I got another email from her.

This one basically said that she was sure she wasn’t going to hear from me again for some reason, she wished things could’ve been different, she enjoyed being together, and stuff like that. Basically, it was a goodbye letter.

I still haven’t responded to her yet. I am not sure what exactly to say at this point. I mean, clearly there are some issues coming out now and maybe I don’t want to try to resolve it. She’s been great and all, but this is just plain weird.

I might still just send her something because I don’t like just leaving things without saying something. And I want to clear the air a bit so she understands better where I am at and what is going on. Then again, maybe that will just be pointless.

Maybe it is just selective memory, but I don’t remember dating being this difficult and crazy before.

Called it quits with Krystal, the swinging has stopped

Dodging bullets like Neo.
Dodging bullets like Neo.

Well, that’s that.

Enough is enough.

The last week or so I’ve felt like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix, as Krystal has been bombarding me with messages about finding time to get together sometime.

After our last talk, I have not really been interested in seeing her again because things were just getting too weird.  First, I found out she wasn’t honest about the situation when we first agreed to get together, and instead of just wanting a friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship – like she said initially – she wanted more of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Well, some guys may be ok with that, but if I’m going to have a “girlfriend” I want a REAL girlfriend, not a married one. I want to be able to introduce her to my parents, friends and go all sorts of places in public without having to make up lies or be afraid of getting caught.  Then she wanted to start coming to my son’s baseball games and come over to the house after he’s asleep. I’m not comfortable with either one of those things and had to do my best to deflect or say “No” without being too rude about it. We’ve been exchanging a few texts the past few days because she wanted to come over Saturday night after my son was asleep. I hadn’t responded to it yet, because I was really planning out my exit strategy. Then finally tonight, I had the perfect opportunity to execute that plan. The conversation went like this: Krystal: Are you not interested anymore? Me: It’s not that I’m not interested anymore. Me: To be honest, it’s because when we started this, I was under the impression things were different than they are. You told me you wanted a FWB and that you were “happily married” and he knew most of everything. Maybe not all. Now, we talk, and it’s apparent you want more of boyfriend, you’re not happily married, and he knows almost nothing about what’s going on. Krystal: OK Me: You’re married, so we can’t be boyfriend/girlfriend. And I’m not going to “play” in those parameters of boyfriend/girlfriend when you can’t really be my girlfriend. If I’m going to have a girlfriend, I want a legitimate one. It’s just a lot to take in and I’m not sure how comfortable with it all I am. I’m sorry about that. Krystal: That’s OK. I understand. However, it seems to easy. So either I will hear from her again tomorrow or this weekend, trying to explain herself and get a second chance, or she’s already found another “player” and really isn’t that broken up about it. Either way, as long as it’s over, that’s all that matters to me now. Especially with two – maybe three – more potential dates looming in the next week or so, on top of things currently going on with Lola. I also heard from “Winky” again today and we’re still feeling things out trying to find a time to get together. Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Speed Dating: Just my random thoughts hitting all sorts of things

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on things to update you all on, but I didn’t want to write a new post for each individual one. So I figured I would knock them all out here.

First, things with Lola have lots of potential. We’ve hung out a few times and have a great time together every time. We haven’t had what I would call our official second date yet, since we have only hung out together for an hour or two just to spend some time together having lunch together or something. No, we haven’t had sex yet. Is that all you people think about?

Speaking of sex; things with Krystal are fading out, and fast. She recently started a new job so I haven’t had the same exposure to her that I normally had. But she is very clingy and a little intrusive. She’s always telling me she misses me, and has even been asking to come to my son’s baseball games and come over after he goes to bed at night. I’ve had to shut her down more times in the past week than I would ever care to.

We also had to have “The Talk: Deuce” because after the initial version of “The Talk” some things started coming out that I wasn’t really cool with. When this whole thing started, I was under the impression this was just going to be a fun FWB thing, and that her husband was cool with it. Well … apparently he doesn’t know about me as much as I was led to believe. She says he is rather naive and clueless and has no idea of what she is doing. She isn’t happy in her marriage and doesn’t leave because of the kids. She told me earlier that she was “happily married and in love with her husband” several times. So, the tapestry is unraveling. And now I’m not as comfortable with this as I once was. This is definitely a different scenario than what I signed up for in the beginning, and I thought I was pretty blunt and honest with her as to what I was looking for. She wants to get together next week after I get back from my long family weekend trip to Texas. I am not really interested and kind of dreading it. Especially with thing going well with Lola and the possibility of another upcoming date (with Miley). I think it’s about time to end this bad MTV reality show I’m living in. I’m not desperate enough to need sex that bad to need to hold on to this arrangement.

And remember, I told you that my luck would change once I started down this Ashley Madison-inspired trail. First Lola comes along right as things with Krystal and I get started, and then Miley, with whom I’ve had only 2 messages with previously, comes jumping back into the picture, after a few weeks of nothing. So I figured I’d at least have a quickie date with her for lunch or something to see how things look. I don’t juggle girls very well, so I’m not really interested in dating multiple girls at the same time, but I guess I can’t also dismiss one without at least checking it out first. You never know what might happen. All the more reason to get rid of my clingy, married, side piece.

Lastly, I am still looking for any feedback or suggestions on what you guys would like to see from me on here. Any additions, topics, whatever. You name it and I’ll consider it.

Thanks for reading and have a great Labor Day weekend.