Bella: We have all the time in the world

Following our great breakfast date, Bella spent the day working at the salon.

Now here’s the dilemma I have when she’s at work, she’s very busy with all of her regulars who will wait up to an hour just to have her cut their hair. She has almost no time to take a break or even eat lunch most days. And she asks me to send her text messages regularly because she likes to see messages from me while at work, but she rarely, if ever, has time to respond. The problem is that it is difficult to come up with stuff to say throughout the day when she doesn’t respond. It’s like coming up with one-liner after one-liner all day.

I want it to be clever and witty, and I just don’t want to say “I’m thinking about you”, or something lame like that, all day. It’s kind of stressful. But I do my best.

So Friday after she got home from work, I went to her place for a relaxing night of watching movies. She had to get up early to be at work Saturday morning for an 11-hour day at work.

I showed up while she was still getting ready after showering. She left the front door unlocked for me. So I let myself in and began setting up the movie and drinks that I brought for us. Shortly, she joined me downstairs in the kitchen while she made her dinner. We embraced and kissed for nearly the entire time her food was cooking.

Bella is clearly more demonstrative about her interest and affections for me than Ariel ever was. Which, in hindsight, reflects what I should have been reading during my time with Ariel. Bella shows her interest much  more, in how she is with me in person as well as when we’re away. Bella is already starting to use “pet names” like “babe” and “baby”, and actually compliments me. Ariel never complimented me – except once to tell me I smelled good – or ever used any sort of “pet name” or term of endearment.

We spent the evening with her wrapped in my arms, drinking cocktails and watching “The Best of Me” (yes, the same Nicholas Sparks movie Ariel wanted to see) – it was totally Bella’s choice. Of course, there was kissing – lots of kissing. But knowing she had to get up so early for such a long day, along with the fact that I was going to see her again Saturday night, I/we didn’t push the issue even though the sexual tension was very high.

I left a little after midnight as she was heading off to bed.

Saturday, however didn’t go as originally planned. She spent most of the day keeping me updated on the situation with her youngest son’s father. He hadn’t picked up his son all weekend (which starts on Thursday for him) from the father’s parents where her son was currently staying. So she had to pick him up from her ex-in-laws after she got off work.

Our plans weren’t cancelled but seriously altered. I had purchased her a simple rose bouquet for Valentine’s Day – which neither one of us really celebrates. But I definitely wanted to express my appreciation for her. So I just went over to her house for about an hour to give her the flowers and spend a little time with her.

She was already in her pajamas sitting on the couch eating dinner when I arrived. Her son  was already asleep. She was very grateful for her flowers. And we spent the short time I was there snuggling on the couch again, of course kissing again. She snuggled in very close and I stroked her hair, and she actually fell asleep on me twice. So we called the night short so she could go to bed.

The best part was when I was preparing to go and we started kissing again and she jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist as she passionately and intently kissed me. The urge to carry her upstairs like that and take her to bed was difficult to fight. But that would have to wait for another night.

As we walked to the door, she apologized for having to cut the night short, hoped that I wouldn’t be mad at her for altering our plans, and offered to come stop by in between her split-shift at work Monday since I live rather close to her salon. I told her I understood, that these things happen and there was no way I could be mad at her for something like that.

That’s when she said, “Plus, we’ve got all the time in the world to see each other.” That simple comment meant so much, as she clearly meant she plans to see a lot of me and doesn’t plan on going anywhere.

Sunday I drove through bad weather to get my son (nearly a 10-hour day) while she worked nearly the same amount of time and then had to go get her boys. We didn’t talk much during the day, as I was driving in bad weather and she was working. So I asked her to call me once the boys went to bed. The last I heard from her was she was snuggling in bed with the boys watching cartoons. She never did get around to calling. She fell asleep watching cartoons with them.

Then, this morning, she informed me that her oldest son woke up with an ear ache and her youngest had a bad cough. So her mom took her oldest boy to the doctor where he got antibiotics for his ear. She never officially cancelled our time together, but I was pretty clear we weren’t going to see each other today. She decided not to work her afternoon shift so she could get the boys, after going to the gym, and take them home. I held out hope that she might decide to just swing by for a minute to say Hi. But it didn’t happen.

She hung out at her mom’s for a few hours before going home. On her way home, she said she missed me (for the first time). And SHE said it first. Once, again, that simple comment lifted all of the dark clouds that had been building during the day.

As of now, we don’t have any plans for seeing each other this week or weekend – yet. She has Tuesdays off but has her kids all day, so I’m almost certain she will stop by before work Wednesday and will see her Friday night. She has her oldest son Saturday night after work.

But I will definitely keep you all informed what happens next. And please, follow me on Twitter for more live updates, comments and posts. To get post updates, please click the “Follow” button to the right. Or post your comments and questions below.

And as always, thank you for reading!

Introducing Ariel

To say that 2016 has started off poorly, is a grand understatement. January has been pretty much the worst month I can remember in a very long time. Not only the way it started with Zoey, but also many personal issues which you’re not interested in hearing here.

But things are hopefully starting to pick up.

I had been following through with my vow to not get back on Match until February, in order to avoid the Valentine’s Day new-relationship awkwardness. But last weekend I was updating my profile for when I decided to get back into the swing of the online dating game. You’d think I was new to this, because I didn’t realize that editing my profile made it “live” after months of having it hidden. I didn’t realize it until the flood of winks and notifications came in. Most of them completely bogus – thank you Match.

But there were a few “live ones” on there. So I decided to just give it a shot since my profile was public and ladies were checking it out.

That’s where Ariel came in. Her profile was very much what I was looking for. She’s tall enough (my perfect girl is about 5’8″-5’9″ because I’m 6’2″), active enough (she likes to run 5/10Ks and works out almost everyday), likes my kind of music, and even commented on looking good in a ballcap and formal dress. I once had a line almost exactly like that about wanting someone who looks good both in a ballcap and LBD.

So I messaged her. After about two days, we both decided to take the conversation off Match. I originally set up a date for us to get together this weekend (Saturday). But a friend of mine offered to watch my son on my birthday (Thursday) if I wanted to go out and do something for my birthday. So I asked Ariel if she was free and wanted to go out Thursday. She accepted.

A little about Ariel. She has one child, an 18 year old son who is a freshman in college, just like my oldest. She is only six months younger than me and works in the financial department of a very cool non-profit. And has the biggest, most intoxicating smile.

Ariel was mentioned numerous times that she felt very special that I chose to spend my birthday with her, and make that our first date. We met at the restaurant, and she arrived with a gift. I was very surprised she brought me a gift. It wasn’t much, just a gourmet cupcake and a very sweet card. The conversation was great and there was a lot of laughing. Always a good sign.

I walked her to her car, and as you regular readers know, I’m not the best at judging the “first kiss” and often back out instead of face the possible rejection. But tonight was not one of those nights. It seemed very natural and easy. It was just a quick kiss, but there was nothing uncomfortable about it.

As we parted, I reminded her that we were still on for Saturday and she wasn’t getting out of it. She completely agreed.

Friday, we texted a bit in the morning. She told me she was informed that she was just officially offered a job at the non-profit she used to for prior to her current job. She was really looking forward to this opportunity. The weather had been in the 60’s recently and we were discussing how nice it was. So I suggested – half joking – that she skip out on the afternoon at work and we go celebrate the new of her new job. I fully expected her to decline my offer because of work. But she didn’t. She jumped at the invitation.

So, I picked her up at her office and we went to a nearby bar for drinks and appetizers. Again, the conversation was great. No awkward silences or moments, and there was even more laughter. She’s totally tuned into my sense of humor and I don’t have to explain my jokes to her. It is so nice.

As I returned from a bathroom break, I noticed a lounge area with couches and loveseats. When I got back to the table, I mentioned the couches and she said she totally forgot about them and that next time we’ll have to hit the couch area instead. I drove her back to her office, and in the car we kissed goodbye again. This time was a little more intense than the first time.

But before she got out of the car, she commented that Saturday night she promised to be more affectionate. I totally understood because we were saying goodbye in the parking lot of her work. I had not said anything or acted in any adverse way because the thought of something “more” in that situation had never crossed my mind. So I really took that comment as a very good sign.

Saturday night went just as well, if not better. Though I was more nervous Saturday than I was for either of the first two dates, combined. We went to a japanese steakhouse and had wine in the waiting area talking about karaoke because she admitted she was a closet karaoke singer. Then during dinner, we were having a great time “people watching.” There was a younger couple sitting across the hibachi from us who looked like they were having a miserable time. By the end of dinner, we had decided to ask them to join for the rest of the night to get their real story and maybe cheer them up. However, they vanished as soon as the check was paid and we never had the chance.

We went to a nearby big country bar after dinner for drinks. We were talking, laughing, dancing, singing, kissing, holding hands and each other, and lots more “people watching”.

It was probably the best date I’ve been on in a very long time. She parked right next to me in the parking garage because she pulled into the garage right behind me. Normally I would have picked her up, but she lives about 30 minutes North of downtown and I live about 30 minutes South of downtown, so we just met downtown. We walked back hand in hand and when we got to her car, the goodnight kiss was much more intense and lingered for quite a while. Unfortunately, I had to return home to relieve the babysitter even though every ounce of my body wanted to stay there with her all night.

Today, we talked a little this morning and she spends Sundays going to church and spending time with her family (sisters and parents). She was making Mardi Gras King Cakes with her sister. I asked how that was going and jokingly said she needed to make one for me. Again, she enthusiastically agreed to have one for me “the next time she sees me”.

So everything seems to be starting off well. But I am much more cautious this time around, for better or worse. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, given the way recent dating experiences have gone. Though many of my friends are telling me to not worry about it so much. One big change I’ve made is dialing back the texting. I’ve heard more than one source cite too much texting as being a key problem to developing relationships. So I am trying to make sure I space things out and not send every text that comes to mind. Hopefully it all equates to a better result.

Again, thank you for reading. And if you have any further questions or comments, please let me know.

Until next time …

Next Post: Ariel: I Made Her BFF Cry

Is it wrong to ask for Christmas ideas?

This time last year, I was entering my dating moratorium for the Holidays. If I’m single, my vow is to not start a new relationship between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. It makes for awkward moments. Like what do you do on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day, do you spend it together or will someone get upset if you don’t spend it together? Do you get them a Christmas gift? Is it OK not to get them a Christmas gift? What on earth do you get them for Christmas? And the same goes for my most dreaded holiday – Valentine’s Day.

But since it has been a year since Olive and I first started talking, and almost a year that we’ve been officially dating, I’m in a similar yet completely different predicament.

I’ve been trying to tell you women readers, and any women I talk to about dating, that men are really simple and not that hard to figure out. We like to keep things simple. Problems need solutions. Emotions only cloud things up. Regular sex and attention will keep a man happy and faithful. Simple stuff like that.

So when it comes time for Christmas, men are very simple. If you need an idea for a Christmas gift for someone, ask them. So that’s what I did. I asked Olive for some ideas for Christmas. She gave me this puzzled look, like I asked her her weight or if it was ‘that time of the month.’

She said she shouldn’t have to tell me what she would like, that I should “know” what she would like. That’s all fine and good, and under normal circumstances, that’s how I would operate. But I already tried that. I went over all the possibilities in my head and struck out. Nothing seemed to fit or work. So, Plan B is to just ask. In my opinion, I would much rather get a good gift, with some help, than guess and get it totally wrong. But, that might just be me.

Then she asked me to name some of her favorite things, and I nailed them. She’s a health and fitness nut, she’s addicted to Netflix, and she loves horses. She agreed that I pretty much hit the top 3. But there’s nothing in my price range this year that would work in the health & fitness department this year (and I’m not getting her a gift card to the Vitamin Shoppe or GNC). She’s already got the Netflix thing covered (obviously) and she doesn’t want anything horse related because she tries to avoid being associated as a cowgirl. So … I just had to ask.

It wasn’t until she talked to her coworkers that she finally came around to the idea. The guys at her work echoed what I had already said. They ask their wives and girlfriends because it’s better to ask and get it right then not ask and get it wrong. She she finally acquiesced and gave me some ideas.

By some, I mean two. Way to keep the element of surprise alive. It was pretty much the same scent products from either The Body Shop or Bath & Body Works. Real original. I really like gifts to be something special and meaningful. Maybe it will really mean something to her and she will love using it every day. Or maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

What are your thoughts? Not just on asking for ideas, but giving gifts in a rather new relationship.

‘Til next time … Have a great weekend and stay warm!

Holiday Season means I’m on a Break

ImageIt’s the season for giving, family, friends and loved ones. Not new girlfriends.

Once the Holiday season rolls around, if I am not already involved with a woman, I shut things down for a while, kind of like a cab driver who turns off the “In Service” light to prevent new riders from hailing his cab.

Yes, it is great to share the holidays with that someone special, but it is totally awkward when it is with someone new. You have to worry about gifts, holiday plans, and so much more.

The Holidays are the worst time to have a new flame, because you have too many questions that need to be answered:

– Have we been dating long enough to get her a gift? Or should I just get her one anyway, even though she might not get me one?

– How much do I spend? I don’t want to spend too much or get something like a ring that makes me look desperate or like I’m rushing things. What do I get her? A DVD, CD, flowers, clothes, jewelry, a puppy … what???

– How much time do we spend together over the holidays? Do I bring her to my parents’ house? Do I go to her parents’ house?

– Do we spend Christmas Day together?

Ugh. Too much to deal with.

So, instead of going through all of this, I just choose to enjoy myself with my friends and family, and take a break between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. After Valentine’s Day, I’ll put the “In Service” light back on and actually put effort into dating.

Though, I will admit that it is always nice to have a date for New Year’s Eve. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make it work. I’ve done just fine going out solo (or with friends) on New Year’s Eve.

But this doesn’t mean if a good opportunity presents itself in the next month or so, I won’t pursue it. I will. I am just not actively seeking it right now.

That also doesn’t mean I won’t be posting anything, because I will. We still have a lot to talk about, and who knows what might happen over the Holidays.